I Have a Rock!

by Chemtest

Rock Rolled’ (I’m sorry, I just suck at comeing up with rock puns)

After a while, Discord snaps up, “Oh, yes, I almost forgot! Silly me.” He takes out a long scroll, “I, Discord, have been sent to Princess Twilight Sparkle... ugh, who wrote this script?” He looks at a random wall, “I mean, really? This is what you want? From me, Discord, Lord of Chaos!? A paragraph of titles and extra nonsense?! I have seen better writing done by Clive, and he can barely pick up a pen!” He drags a claw down his face, “You know what? No, I’m not doing that. I am going to say what I am supposed to say, to Tartarus with that!”

Everyone is looking at him strangely, exept Maud and I. Twilight finally speaks up, “Are you okay, Discord?”

He looks back at the paper, “At this point, I don’t even know. Why don’t I just look at the script? That what you want, me just reading off this paper?” He looks at the paper in its whole, “Although I do like the color and the Rick Roll pun. But that’s beside the point! According to this, I’m supposed to be fine!? Well, guess what? What if I wasn’t!? Nobody who writes these things ever asks me if I’m doing good, it’s always someone else held by the script! Why do I never get asked if I’m fine?”

Suddenly, a blinding light flashes through the room. Only Clive, Clyde, Maud, Pinkie, and Discord could see the being within. The being peeks his head out, “Hey, Discord, you good? I’ve actually been worried, but I had to help Subcord with Hitler and all that. Are you feeling good, need a break?”

Discord throws the paper down, “It’s just been hard in home. Grandadcord just died last week, and Mothercord is broke. I’ve had to help pay my family’s bills, and I’m still reeling from student loans. Being imprisoned for one thousand years made the debt really build up. Sheo has been busy being turned into his orderly version, and Larson hardly ever visits! I’m struggling to make ends meet in the Homecord. I could always retire here, but then everycord wouldn’t respect me.”

The being nods, and snaps his fingers, “You just have to ask me, Discord, I’m always ready to help. I’ve just made you a millionaire, and I don’t need anything back. Now, let’s just go along with the script. The thing is nearing its end anyway, then you can have a moments rest. After you read the script, there are only like, two more pages.”

Discord smiles, “Thank you, Chem, it’s just been really hard. Clive and Clyde here are my first break. You know how to keep somecord loyal.”

The being smiles, and nods back, ”Just make sure your there when we watch the Reunification. We’ll have a fun time watching the events, and you can meet with the other Discords. I’ll hopefully see you then, Discord, just keep safe.”

Discord gives a claw up, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’ll be there with everycord else.”

And with that, everyone can see again. Twilight looks directly at Discord, “What the buck was that, Discord!?”

Pinkie, Discord, Maud, and I all say at the same time, “Our creator, obviously.”

Discord snaps his finger, sending the paper flying away, “Well, let’s get back on track! Basically, Queen Chrysalis is going to invade again. That’s all I was here for.” He snaps, and holds Marbles in his grasp, “I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to go, but I think Marbles here still wants to play. Maybe smash into some Changeling face!”

I raise a hand, “What’s a Changeling?”

Discord snaps, and makes an illusion of a black bug pony, “They can shapeshift into anything, and I mean anything. They fight with horde tactics, underneath their Queen.”

I hold my hand up still, “Do they bleed green.”

Twilight nods slowly, “Yes... why?”

I point to an empty chair, “Rainbow Dash’s body is gone, and their is green blood in its place.”

Twilight gasps, “They got Rainbow!?”

Fluttershy puts her head down a bit, “That would explain why she attacked you.”

Twilight looks around, “We have to prepare! Call the Princesses!” She runs into another room.

“Hold on, I got this.” I hold Clive up, “Clive, what was the Changeling’s last thoughts before leaving?”

”Oh shit! We gotta invade now, they caught on!”

“Thank you, Clive.” I look up, “We have no time to prepare. They are invading.”

Fluttershy gasps, “How could you tell?”

I look out the window, “Well, Clive told me. And, look out the window.”

She looks out, and sees Changelings swarming the streets. And general chaos and running ponies outside.

Maud walks up next to me, “What will we ever do?”

I look at Clive, and know we’re thinking the same thing. Clive jumps into my hand, and I look outside, “I am going to show them the power of ZedF, and of Clive.”

Maud holds onto my leg when I try to move, “Don’t, it’s suicide.”

I look at her, “Clive and I can easily beat them. Lesson one: never underestimate the ZedF clan. We will be stupid enough to win everything.”

She looks at me with her same expression and voice, “You have a choice. Live, or hope not to die. Even with ZedF, can you succeed?”

I look out the door, “By the powers granted to me by Papa Womble, Cousin Cyanide, Uncle Edberg, and Cousin Phoenix, and Clive. I shall come back alive.”

“Be safe.”

I look back at Maud before I exit, “ZedF don’t do safe. And I do as my family does.”

I open the door, and step out.

Author's Note:

Yeah, the end is approaching, but don’t worry. Clyde and Clive will have an important role in another story.

Comments

[Roman Torchwick]

[AnormalUnicornPony]

Lol... Crack fics....

[Magnus Orion]

Beautiful...

[Shattered_Moon]

Absolutely zero fucks given! (ZedF in a shellnut)

[Gizmo Gear]

This cannot be read with a sane face. Or a sane mind. Not that anyone has either......I have a sane mind though.

[Emperor Draxgaroth]

“Be safe.”

I look back at Maud before I exit, “ZedF don’t do safe. And I do as my family does.”

would have been better if he had said: “ZedF don’t do safe... we give zero fucks"