Rumble has always been an introvert. He spends most of his time at home, living with his older brother, doing whatever he feels interested in, be it comic books or video games. He and Thunderlane aren't the closest of siblings, and he was okay with that because he would rather just be alone. But then a day came where his trust of his brother would be permanently shattered. He will have to decide whether to tell somepony and risk Thunderlane's wrath, or keep quite and continue to live with him. After class the next day, he has a private talk with his teacher, hoping subtly will prove itself.
Chapters (1)
Well, this could certainly use a little more editing here and there, but is otherwise shaping up to be alright. Next time, I'd suggest slowing down a little and focus on emotional details. Tweaking reactions also wouldn't hurt you. Saying that Rumble cried for 'about thirty seconds' isn't as good as saying he teared up, or that he was having difficulty speaking. I did a blog that had some similar discussion on the topic you might find helpful, since I can't think of any other suggested material off the top of my head. Remember to try and do some research, depending on how deep you go into this, if you're unfamiliar and inexperienced with the topic, and happy writing! I'll be keeping track of this one.
8995022
Thanks for the great feedback. I feel like I'm much better at writing comedy than drama for that exact reason. When I reread my own story, I can totally see what you mean.
8995037
Well, practice makes perfect, so keep practicing!
This seems OOC for Thunderlane, but it's well written! I'm going to follow it as it progresses. For now, take a like!
Usually, i don't read stories like this, let alone track them. But you have my attention.
I usually read romance and thought that i should jus try something new i was not disappointed
i hope she goes to twilight and twilight summons FIRE
9012073
This isn't the first story I've read with Thunderlane as a rapist.
This isn't the first story I've read with Thunderlane having sexual contact with Rumble.
This IS the first story I've read where it's both at the same time.
Yeah, best not let Rainbow Dash hear about this until the other Wonderbolts do...
Update?
9284294
I'll definitely get to updating this story as well as a bunch of other at some point. Maybe not immediately as many of my story are kind of experimental when it comes to throwing ideas at the wall and it will take a while. What I'm probably going to do is go on a massive writing spree once I'm finished Red Dead Redemption 2.
Well. That was dark. A little fast paced though you could have used a little more build up. But a good (if SLIGHTLY disturbing) read.