Chapter 2 - Better the Devil You Know
It was several days since the awards ceremony and the signing of the final peace treaty. From that moment on Equestria and the Changeling Kingdom were at peace. While there was not yet any formal treaty of alliance, the two nations had drawn up a non-aggression pact, just as Celestia previously had done with Dragon Lord Ember. It marked a step in the right direction in any case. For the time being though, the once tyrannical state was drawing in its horns to focus on internal matters, such as reorganisation, disarmament and something akin to denazification.
So I put our former foe out of my mind. In fact, as uncomfortable as that day had been, it had proven to be a major turning point for me. Although, as Luna herself had said, I’ve learnt this lesson more than once. The trick now will be reminding myself not to forget it. And the test of that will come the next time we face a major crisis.
I’ve fallen into the habit of trying to count off important incidents in Equestria, to try and anticipate when we may face the next major threat that requires the Elements of Harmony. It had worked, sort of, prior to Chrysalis’ attack. I knew something would be coming, I just hadn’t spotted it in time.
So now I was trying again. There had been two incidents in Ponyville of late. Firstly, the awards ceremony. Curiously, I don’t think that would be a typical two parter episode. It seemed like it was all over too quickly, even Twilight’s little problem over what to do with Starlight. So I counted that as just one. The second came to me through Granny Smith. I heard over dinner how the poor mare had been temporarily taken over by Starlight’s negative emotions. It all had something to do with the silly mare trying to literally bottle up her emotions when Trixie was ticking her off.
That too seemed like par for the course as far as episodes were concerned, so now I was keeping my eyes peeled for episode number three. Assuming I was right, the magic number would be twenty four. After that, we should see something major happen. I was planning on sending my findings to the princesses. While the show may not be the world, if we could use it to sort of predict when major incidents would occur, it might give us all a heads up.
But I had a few other irons in the fire at the moment. The farm was keeping me fairly busy. Sometimes I wonder how Applejack and Big Mac ever coped with just the two of them working. I’d spent the last couple days shearing the local sheep population. The weather team had promised us, in my Dad’s words, a real Spitfire Summer; hot, humid, with very little rainfall. So the last thing anypony wanted was to see the poor ewes overheat under their thick woolen coats.
I was doing this now. I’d been working through the flock since early morning, trying to get them all done before it got too hot. I’d actually got some experience of doing this back home. In the summer, when I was a teenager, I used to make a bit of scratch by helping one of the local farmers out during lambing and shearing. Of course, those sheep were far less cooperative. In fact, after they’d been done, the poor things used to go and stare at their fleeces as they dried out on the fence, looking awfully forlorn about it.
These sheep in contrast, were a lot more cooperative. Although I still had Winona herd them all into the pen for me. The young collie is very good at her job, and unlike some dogs back home, has never shown any sign of turning on the sheep. She was currently sitting next to me, watching as I gave one young ewe a buzz cut.
I was using a typical trimmer, that was floating in my magic to do the job. The idea was to effectively get the whole fleece to almost peel away in one piece. Of course, some bits had to be just cut off, particularly around the underbelly, which tended to attract flies. The little blighters were making the job even harder than usual, and my tail was swishing about in an effort to keep them off my rear end. Trust me, fly strike is no laughing matter. I was just finishing up one of the hogs; one of last year’s lambs who hadn’t yet had any of her own.
“There we go, little lady,” I was saying as I held her up on her back legs to trim the underbelly. “Almost done and then y’all can be on your way.”
The sheep simply sat in silence. More than a few were uncomfortable with the noise the trimmer made. And I do admit to laughing a little when they’re let go. They look like poor Shaun out of Wallace and Gromit. I was just finishing up when I was joined by Applejack and, curiously, Spike.
“Howdy, sugarcube,” Applejack said as she walked up, the little dragon following close behind.
I quickly set down my tools and, hopping the fence, trotted over to her and nuzzled her affectionately. If nothing else, it made Spike gag, which only made us both laugh.
“Hey, ‘Jack,” I replied, kindly. “Ah thought you were out with Mac checkin up on the Zap Apple trees.”
“Ah was,” Applejack explained. “But Spike here came along lookin for ya. Says he’s got somethin’ from Twi for ya.”
That peaked my interest. Twilight occasionally sends me articles or spells she’s working on to see if I can lend a hoof. From the mouth of babes and all that. She also knew about my interest in dark magic, and at present thinks that I’m responsible enough not to go crazy using it and corrupt myself.
As a rule, I’m looking to understand these darker spells and develop a counter spell to them. I can’t do too much; I’m certainly not gifted as Twilight is, in fact quite a few of the more advanced spells are beyond my ability. But I’m pretty good when it comes to theoretical application. Magic after all, is just as much an art as it is a science. In any case, I’ve been able a couple times to help reverse some ancient spell that’s been rattling around in the Canterlot archives.
Walking around Applejack, I went over to talk to Spike. I get on well enough with the little dragon, although I don’t see him as often as I’d like. Try as I might, I’ve never been able to get into Dungeons and Dragons, never mind Equestria’s version of it. That’s more Big Mac’s cup of tea. The young dragon, and saviour of the Crystal Empire, I might add, smiled at me as he passed me a scroll.
“Twilight asked me to give this to you, Blade Star,” he said, using my chosen name, rather than my nickname. “She said it’s some kind of psychic projection spell, and that it might be linked to Nightmare Moon.” My eyebrows went up at that.
Nightmare Moon was a touchy subject with me. I never liked to think of Princess Luna in such a light. I still remember seeing the look of horror on her face when she transformed in that dark cocoon. Taking the spell in my magic, I opened it up and took a look.
“Well, let’s see what we got here,” I said, undoing the ribbon that sealed it.
It was impressive to say the least, and judging by the dialect, quite old too. I could see why Twilight thought it was linked to Nightmare Moon. From what I could make out, this spell allowed the caster to project a physical manifestation of various parts of their psyche. Nightmare Moon was the manifestation of Luna’ jealousy.
Of course, it was a lot safer than that. This would just be a projection. It would have no real magic of its own, nor would it be taking over your body. It would be like meeting a particular part of your personality. Theoretically, I could bring out various parts of my personality with this spell. It would certainly be good for a therapist or counsellor. You could have your patient talk to their neuroses.
“Well, this is interesting,” I commented as I finished examining the spell.
“Twilight figured you’d be interested in it,” Spike said in agreement. “She and Starlight want to try using it tomorrow if you’re okay with it.”
Ah yes, I only had to take a cursory glance at the various glyphs to know that this spell was quite a way beyond my own meagre powers. I’m not a weakling by any stretch of the imagination, certainly not when I utilise what dark magic I can. But I’m not about to go and try raising the sun. I had no intention of ending up like the ancient Unicorn Council, with my magic entirely depleted.
“Yeah, sure, Spike. Ah’d be happy to help them out,” I said. “Heck, maybe Ah can bring them back to the farm and help ease up the workload this week.” Applejack snorted.
“Oh no you don’t, Bones,” she said firmly. “Ya know how Ah feel ‘bout you usin’ magic.”
Applejack, being an earth pony, does much prefer to use her own tribe’s magic to get things done. She’s not some mad conservative; more than once I’ve brought my magic in to help make a tight deadline, but she does prefer to do things the earth pony way.
And let’s be honest, this was technically one of Twilight’s experiments. The ratio of experiment to near world ending disaster was a tad high. Even more so when you threw one Starlight Glimmer into the mix. So I could hardly blame AJ for being a little concerned.
“Don’t worry, AJ,” I reassured her. “Ah was only kidding. Twi and Starlight can manifest a couple parts of my personality, and then send ‘em back where they came from.”
The next day, I headed down into Ponyville after breakfast. Applejack decided to tag along with me. Every now and then I’d lend a hoof to Twilight when she was working on some project or another, and she’d do the same for me, helping me with the practical side of complex spells. But for the most part, as it sort of left AJ as a third wheel, she usually stayed away from such things. As much as she loved me, she herself freely admitted that half the time, she had no idea what I was on about when it came to magic. Then again, there are times when I’d be stumped on the farm without her or Mac to help me.
This time however, she decided to come with me. In her own words, she wanted to see just what was going on inside that head of mine. It would be an interesting experience. Our personalities are made up of dozens and dozens of different voices, all talking together at once. Some say go left, some say go right, some say turn back, and a couple say jump up and down and do handstands. It would be nice to listen to each one of their own, particularly those quieter voices that we seldom hear or pay attention to.
The two of us chatted together as we walked. AJ was planning to take a camping trip with Apple Bloom and the other Crusaders, along with Rarity and RD, in a few weeks. I considered coming along with them, but I know how important it is for AJ to spend time with her little sister. That filly is getting older every day, and foalhood is a precious thing.
Before too long, we reached town and soon found ourselves at the steps of Twilight’s glittering castle once again. Trotting up the stairs, with Applejack at my heels, I found the front door open. I frowned at that. You’d have thought that, having recently been the victim of a home invasion and kidnapping, Twilight and Spike might have become a bit more security conscious. I filed that thought away for later.
Walking through the map room, which was currently empty as the map had disappeared back into the floor, we made our way into the library, where Twilight and Starlight were waiting for me.
“Mornin’, Twilight. Hey, Starlight,” I said, touching the brim of my hat as I did so. That’s one of the many habits I’ve picked up here.
Applejack gave me my hat for Hearth’s Warming a few years ago. It’s similar to hers, only a a few shades darker. It also now sports a small eagle feather on the right side, a gift from Luna as a result of some shenanigans during the Summer Sun Celebration.
The two mares were eager to make a start in examining the spell in practice. The three of us chatted and drew up a plan. From what I could make out, the spell would create a physical manifestation of a part of my personality; a particular facet that is. Twilight wanted to try two; one positive and one negative aspect. That would give her and Starlight a chance to examine the spell’s effects more closely. Once we were done talking with each one, Twilight would simply reverse the spell and return them to me again. All in all, it shouldn’t take more than an hour.
Applejack meanwhile agreed to help out Starlight. The one concern Twilight had, was meeting the negative aspect of my personality, whatever that might be. Annoyingly, the spell could only select a general vibe. You couldn’t say, bring out a pony’s happiness on command; it was somewhat luck of the draw. Potentially, that meant we might get a really nasty part of me, unfettered by its normal restraints.
To offset that risk, I and the negative part would be contained within a shield, generated by Starlight. Given that she’s more powerful than me, it would be difficult, if not impossible, for my darker half to override the spell. And of course, based on what I’d read, he wouldn’t have too much magic to call on anyway, simply a fraction of what I possessed. If push came to shove though, AJ could bring her brute strength into play and hold him down until Twilight reversed the spell.
With all the necessary safeguards in place, and all parties ready to play their role, we set to work. I stood in the middle of the map room, with Twilight opposite me. Starlight and AJ meanwhile, were off to her side.
“Okay, Blade Star,” Twilight said, having checked over the spell one more time. “Are you ready for this?”
“Ready as Ah’ll ever be, Twilight,” I replied with a nod of my head.
Pointing her horn directly at me, the alicorn grimaced for a moment, before her horn glowed its usual magenta and shot out a beam of the same colour.
The spell hit me square in the chest, although there was no real impact behind it. For a moment, I saw my cutie mark glow brightly. Then, literally by magic, my form seemed to duplicate, and a moment later, there was another pony standing beside me.
At first glance, he didn’t seem too different to me. He was a unicorn, with a grey coat and dark blue mane. But there were a few noticeable differences. For one thing, he was taller than me, being around Shining Armor’s size. He was strongly built, muscular, with a handsome face. A far cry from myself.
Silence held sway for a moment as now five of us looked around. This new pony soon turned and spotted me and smiled broadly.
“Hey, it’s the king!” he exclaimed in a strongly marked American accent, before embracing me in a strong hug. “Mr. Beautiful!” He turned to the girls
“Ladies, do you know you are standing in the presence of one of the most incredible stallions in Equestria? I swear to Celestia, if I wasn’t straight, I’d be hooking up with him as we speak. I mean, is he totally perfect or what?”
Silence made a quick return, followed by blushing all around, particularly me. Still, this...odd stallion showed no signs of slowing up.
“Well, what’s the matter, big man?” he asked me. “C’mon, I wanna hear that brilliant voice of yours.”
I did my best to get my blushing under control. It was presently showing even through my coat. Clearing my throat, I turned back to the larger stallion and took a stab at who he was.
“Ah’m guessin’ your my...confidence?” I asked. He grinned almost manically at that, before turning back to Twilight and the others.
“Gosh darn it, I just love that soft southern accent. It’s no wonder ya got three sexy fillies droolin’ all over ya, slick.”
That was more than enough for Twilight Sparkle. Like me, she’s not exactly comfortable with such topics of conversation. She shook herself out of her stupor and snarled at...well, let’s just call him Confidence for the sake of convenience.
“Hey!” she barked sharply. “We are not drooling! We’re observing an experiment!” Confidence was quick to shoot back however.
“Well, I know for a fact that cute little piece of tail isn’t.” He pointed at Applejack, who also didn’t take kindly to him. “I have all of Blade Star’s memories, and I know for a fact that that dame’s crazy about him. Why, just last week Bones was…”
I quickly cast a spell to zip his mouth shut. I knew exactly what he was going to say, and there was no way I was letting AJ, never mind Starlight and Twilight hear it. There’s a reason other parts of my personality keep a lid on this guy. Although to be fair, it was nice to get some praise. It might be an idea to chat with Confidence later on, alone. Celestia knows my self-confidence could sometimes use a boost.
“Okay, Ah think we’ve heard enough of that for the time bein’ friend,” I said hastily, causing AJ to giggle. “As interestin’ as it’s been meetin’ ya, Ah think it’s time y’all went back inside my head.”
I turned to the little alicorn, who was also struggling to hold back giggles along with her former pupil. Still, she was kind enough to oblige. Bringing her magic to life again, I watched as Confidence faded and seemed to fade back into me, before disappearing completely.
“Well, that went well enough, Ah s’pose,” I commented.
“It sure did, Blade Star,” Twilight agreed. “The projection was stable and successfully brought out your self-confidence.”
“It was interesting to see that one aspect of your personality,” Starlight commented. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so brash. Normally you’re pretty reserved.” I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, and now ya can see why,” I replied. “Damn idiot, makin’ a fool outta me.” AJ now jumped in.
“Hey’ don’t be like that, sugarcube,” she said encouragingly. “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with havin’ a bit of confidence. Why, if it weren’t for confidence, you’d never have gotten past my big brother when he took you on that walk around the farm.”
That was true, without confidence, we had no bravery, no trust in ourselves. We wouldn’t do anything for fear of failure. But like I said before, all things in moderation. I think you’ll find that I’m more than happy with my somewhat reserved personality. Still, I smiled at AJ. Celestia knows a lot of my confidence comes from her. Whatever problems I might have, I still managed to win her heart. Even back home, as much as I disliked it when a girl flirted with me, it was still a nice boost to my confidence.
“How about we get onto the next part, Twilight?” i suggested. I was rather hoping that my meeting with the negative personality would be just as brief. The alicorn however, shook her head.
“That spell is quite tricky to master, Blade Star,” she explained. “And it needs a lot of magic to work. I think maybe we should take a break first.”
And so, we all broke off for a cup of tea.
After chatting over tea, we all got back to it. Twilight had got her magic back up to full strength and she was now prepared to continue with the experiment. We all headed back into the map room and took our previous positions, with Twilight opposite me, and Starlight off to one side with Applejack.
Twilight turned to her pupil. Starlight quickly brought her magic into play and created a shield that encased myself and a large part of the library. It was the same aqua colour as her magic, and after a few testing taps, I was certain that it was solid enough.
Truth be told, I was a little nervous about this myself. Confidence had been loud and brash, but those were little problems and would pale in comparison to a negative aspect of my personality. There were many parts of my personality that I didn’t like, my occasional cowardice, my fear, my anger, my vengeful side. We all have those little voices in the back of our minds, only most of us rarely listen to them. Now I’d have no choice but to hear what he had to say.
Twilight teleported inside Starlight’s shield in order to use the spell again. As before, the spell hit me square in the chest, and as soon as it began to take effect, Twilight teleported away again, reappearing next to Starlight.
However, this time, the spell behaved a little bit differently. Instead of a ghost like image coming from me and taking form nearby, my shadow, which was cast along the floor by the lights above, suddenly separated from me. I watched with some concern as it moved toward the far wall; the edge of Starlight’s shield. From there it stood upright, as it were, showing my own silhouette. And then, in an unsettling display, a pony stepped out of that shadow.
He looked remarkably like me. There was no difference in stature or size this time around. But it was clear from just a glance that he wasn’t me. He stood taller, looking more confident and intimidating. And his eyes, despite being the same as mine, somehow looked colder, harder. Everything about him just looked a little older, a little more experienced. With a steady hoofsteps, he walked over to me, staring at me the entire time. He finally stopped when we were virtually nose to nose. He stared at me for a few moments. I can honestly say the only time I’ve been so frightened is when I confronted Chrysalis.
“Well, have you nothing to say to me?” he asked with a sneering look.
He didn’t sound like me, either accent. He was definitely me, but compared to my full self, he sounded more aristocratic, suave; your classic British villain; composed on the outside, but God only knows what on the inside. Summoning up my courage, I looked him in the eye. I was reminded of that old maxim of Nietzsche's; ‘Stare too long into the abyss, and the abyss stares back into you’.
“Who are you?” I asked. My voice was quiet, subdued, frightened, and lacking its usual twang. He smiled down at me.
“Oh, I have many names,” he replied slowly, with a glint in his eye. “Perhaps you remember your scripture? ‘And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And behold,” He gestured to himself. “An ashen horse. And his name was Death. And Hell followed with him.”
“You’re not him,” I replied, uneasily. “And you’re misquoting too. Who are you really?” The other pony frowned and began to pace around me again. I tried to tell myself that it was just a scare tactic, but I couldn’t stop the feeling of fear I felt from just being near him.
“I am you,” he said, grinning again. “And you are me. And that frightens you, doesn’t it?” I said nothing, partly because I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, and partly because I was too scared to say a peep. After a few moments of silence, he got bored.
“Very well, then,” he went on after a moment of me standing there in silence. He walked over to the edge of the shield and tapped it with a hoof. It reverberated at his touch, but nothing more. There was no way he could break through it.
“Impressive, Starlight,” he said, looking at her. “But if I may demonstrate a slight flaw in your design.”
With that, his form suddenly turned black, to shadow. Like the vile King Sombra, he literally became shadow. Flatting down onto the floor, he effortlessly slid under the spell and rematerialised a moment later outside it. We all stood there in shock.
Well, not for long. Both mares quickly charged up their magic, while AJ took a fighting stance. Our visitor however, held up a hoof.
“Please, do not worry yourselves,” he said in a calm voice. “I mean you no harm. I can assure you, if I did, you’d be dead already.” Quite the boaster, I thought to myself.
Starlight deactivated her shield, freeing me as well. I quickly placed myself between him and my friends.
“How did you do that?” I asked. “Even Ah couldn’t pull off somethin like that. You’re supposed to have barely any magic.” The stallion smiled at me, with a hint of pity.
“Yes you could,” he replied, unruffled. “As I said before, we’re one and the same. You know the spell. You simply choose not to use it. You hold yourself back. That spell isn’t beyond your abilities, colt. You’re just too fearful.”
“Dark magic is inherently corruptive,” I replied. “Using it for too long would turn me evil, like Sombra or Tirek. That’s why Twilight and I agreed to stop studyin’ it outside of finding counterspells.”
“Evil is a rather strong word,” my darker half replied, effortlessly sidestepping around me and placing himself between me and my friends. “I’d argue that you are simply exercising your will to power. Is that so wrong? How can it be, when it involves the rejection of such restraints like morality?”
“If Ah abandoned my morals, my ethics,,” I replied. “Ah wouldn’t be me anymore.”
“You might be someone better,” he countered with an unsettling smile. “You could be me.”
“Ah’d never be you,” I replied, squaring up to him for the first time, and looking him in the eye. “You’re just a shadow, passing thoughts. If Ah acted on them Ah’d find myself in a hole mighty quick. We all would.”
“Or, you might be in a position to do away with any villain that dares threaten this realm. Surely you’d agree that killing Chrysalis before the wedding was a better outcome than what happened.”
I thought about that for a moment. True, with Chrysalis dead, Cadence would have been found safe and sound and the attack would never have happened. But Twilight and her friends would never learn an important lesson. We’d never see Shining and Cadence call on the power of love. As painful as that experience was, everypony involved was better for it. More to the point, I’d be guilty of cold blooded murder.
“No, it wouldn’t be better,” I countered, surprising him. “It would be wrong.”
“La shay' sahihun. Kula shay' musamuwhun,” he countered, switching into arabic.
“Er...what?” Twilight asked, looking up from her notes. Like Starlight and AJ, she had no idea what my darker half had just said.
“Nothing is true. Everything is permitted,” I translated, before turning back to him. “But you should remember the most important part of that phrase. The Creed does not command a man to be free; it commands him to be wise.”
“And stopping a foe from being a threat is not wise?” my dark half asked. “I know you don’t think that. After all, you were the one who went and created FOXDIE.”
That shook me up, because he was right. I’d created FOXDIE for precisely that purpose. My darker half smiled, knowing that he’d gotten to me. I did my best to think of a counter argument.
“Eventually Ah’d start to fall,” I argued. “Ah don’t wanna find myself as another threat to Equestria.”
To my surprise, that seemed to rattle him. For a brief moment, his face took on a surprised, even hurt look, before his normal demeanour reasserted itself.
“I may be your darker half,” he replied, with a hint of anger in his voice. “But I would never harm this nation. I am not evil. I have no desire for power or glory, simply knowledge, and understanding.”
“But you’ll do whatever it takes to get that knowledge,” I countered.
“And I will do whatever it takes to protect Equestria.” He turned to look at Applejack. Walking over to her, he placed a hoof on her cheek. “And those I care for.”
It was strange. You’d have thought a darker part of me would be self-interested and power hungry. But here he was, showing love and affection. I reminded myself though, that this pony had been quite happy when I’d let Chrysalis fall to her death. He held Applejack’s gaze for a moment before letting her go and turning back to me.
“Well,” my darker half said, snapping me out of my reprieve. “It has been pleasant to have form at last and to walk among you, but I think it’s high time that I take my leave. If you should ever need me, you know where to find me.” Meaningfully, he tapped the side of his head.
He was able to deactivate the spell himself, much to our surprise. I watched as he walked over to the far wall, stepped into the shadow he cast, which then reattached itself to me.
We all stood silent for a few moments. He had been, without any doubt, the most unnerving pony I’d ever met. Not only in his manner, but the knowledge that he was a part of me, sitting inside my head, encouraging me down darker paths. The whole experience left me vividly recalling bad memories of things I’d done. But could I just lay the blame at his hooves? Was it him alone, or did I play a part?
Where did I end and he begin?
Was there even a difference, or was he just me without inhibitions?
Would that be me if I ever pushed my studies in dark magic too far, able to justify any atrocity by Machiavellian reason?
In any case, Twilight had what she needed. We all agreed that while the positive projection made for fascinating study, the negative projections ought to be sealed off and deadlocked to prevent its use. However, I requested to be allowed occasional access as part of my studies into countering dark magic. If nothing else, I’ll know that, the moment he starts agreeing with me, I’ve gone too far.
As AJ and I left the castle to head home, I couldn’t help but feel that he was there beside me. Though I suppose he was even closer than that really. When we got back to the farm, I found myself staring into the mirror in my room.
And I stared back.
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Missed a great opportunity for a Persona reference there.