- Member Since 30th Apr, 2018
- offline last seen May 23rd, 2022
BrightestMidnight
Just a pony writer doing some stuff that's a bit more, risque.
BrightestMidnight
Joined 30th Apr, 2018 ·
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Will this story have any m/f sex scenes, implied or otherwise, where the woman does most or all of the work?
of
8974546 Oops.
8974459 Not sure yet.
Hey there! A quick writing tip, if you permit me:
When characters address one another in dialogue, put a comma before the name. That makes it much easier for the readers and helps avoid misunderstandings! For example, there's a big difference between
and
Hm... it's a little quick, but I like the character interactions. Too much shipping early on, eh. The only real problem I had was when Sunset changed her mind to go investigate, Twilight assured her that it was probably nothing. Hadn't Sunset been reassuring Twilight before that?
Wow, that was something.
Just a minor nitpick, if I may:
I believe you meant "unrecognizable", it makes more sense in this context.
Otherwise, we seem off to a promising start. Can't wait to see what happens next.
8975374 Wow, that was embarrassing, I fixed it.
8975020 I wanted to get the ships out of the way to focus on the story itself. I actually am addressing the Sunset issue in chapter 2, the short version is that its a side effect of the magic that's at play here.
perhaps have that in italics.
You should consider italicizing those, to make it less confusing..
8988571 I meant to put those in quotes, whoops.
Hoof
Did you use pandemic as a basis for the this story, but setting it in the EQG world, as I’m seeing some similarities here. Not that that’s a bad thing, just wondering.
9020281 I admit I have read it and it may have inspired it a bit, but that's it really.
The retroactive shenanigans would have to do a crapload of work here. I think the best evidence would be "the oldest pony families in Canterlot" likely, at this point, being the ONLY ones.
And I suppose there's nothing odd about the fact that Rarity and Applejack proposed to each other yesterday, as did Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, and Big Macintosh and Mary Sue, and Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer?
I mean admittedly that sort of thing is pretty much par for the course for these kinds of fics. It's probably totally normal in that world for everyone to fall in love all at once because of their implied romantic backstories, while suddenly being a pony is strange, and alarming. I bet there's even a thriving industry on bulk sales of engagement rings.
Pity this story died
Can you please write more of this? It's really good.
When will the next chapter be? I am really enjoying this.