• Member Since 30th Apr, 2018
  • offline last seen May 23rd, 2022

BrightestMidnight


Just a pony writer doing some stuff that's a bit more, risque.

Comments ( 18 )

Will this story have any m/f sex scenes, implied or otherwise, where the woman does most or all of the work?

"Big Mac, I wouldn't ask this if you if I didn't think you'd make a great father," Sugar Belle said with a smile as she looked back at the stallion. "I love you and I want to bear your foal..."

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Hey there! A quick writing tip, if you permit me:

When characters address one another in dialogue, put a comma before the name. That makes it much easier for the readers and helps avoid misunderstandings! For example, there's a big difference between

"I want to come inside Rainbow Dash!"

and

"I want to come inside, Rainbow Dash!"

Hm... it's a little quick, but I like the character interactions. Too much shipping early on, eh. The only real problem I had was when Sunset changed her mind to go investigate, Twilight assured her that it was probably nothing. Hadn't Sunset been reassuring Twilight before that?

Wow, that was something. :raritystarry:

Just a minor nitpick, if I may:

The pair was now almost completely indistinguishable from their human selves,

I believe you meant "unrecognizable", it makes more sense in this context.

Otherwise, we seem off to a promising start. Can't wait to see what happens next.

8975374 Wow, that was embarrassing, I fixed it.

8975020 I wanted to get the ships out of the way to focus on the story itself. I actually am addressing the Sunset issue in chapter 2, the short version is that its a side effect of the magic that's at play here.

"Dear Princess Twilight, I know its been awhile since I wrote to you but we've got something of a problem over here. It might be nothing, but Twilight in this world has been picking up strange readings that seems to be coming from Equestrian magic. I know you don't really know much about what's going on, but if you can give us any advice that would be great, I'll let you know if we learn anything new."

perhaps have that in italics.

"Do you know what kind of magic you're dealing with yet?"

"I think we're looking at some sort of advanced transformation magic. It turned Rarity and Applejack into some sort of, mix of humans and ponies and no one seems to find it strange but me. I don't know what's going on here, do you have any suggestions?"

"Sorry Sunset, I've read stories about that powerful of Transformation magic but it requires some sort of magical item to concentrate it. I'm going to have to look into some things before I can give you a definitive answer. But what I can tell you is that its dangerous, I can't even promise you that it'll be possible to reverse the transformations. If someone is turning people into ponies, then you're going to have to be very careful."

"Thank you anyway, let me know if you find anything. Do you know why the mental changes don't seem to affect me?" Twilight answered quickly:

"It might be because you're from Equestria, if you were born a pony then there's no reason why the mental changes would affect you maybe. There's also a chance that it might not just apply to you, but I can't make any promises. For now, just be careful and keep an eye out for whoever might be causing these changes."

You should consider italicizing those, to make it less confusing..

8988571 I meant to put those in quotes, whoops.

"I'm looking for any information on either transformation magic or a stallion named Silver Hooves," Twilight said without looking back down at Starlight. "he was apparently some great user of transformation magic some 1000 years ago, but I don't know a whole lot about him."

Hoof

Did you use pandemic as a basis for the this story, but setting it in the EQG world, as I’m seeing some similarities here. Not that that’s a bad thing, just wondering.

9020281 I admit I have read it and it may have inspired it a bit, but that's it really.

The retroactive shenanigans would have to do a crapload of work here. I think the best evidence would be "the oldest pony families in Canterlot" likely, at this point, being the ONLY ones.

And I suppose there's nothing odd about the fact that Rarity and Applejack proposed to each other yesterday, as did Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, and Big Macintosh and Mary Sue, and Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer?

I mean admittedly that sort of thing is pretty much par for the course for these kinds of fics. It's probably totally normal in that world for everyone to fall in love all at once because of their implied romantic backstories, while suddenly being a pony is strange, and alarming. I bet there's even a thriving industry on bulk sales of engagement rings.

Can you please write more of this? It's really good.

When will the next chapter be? I am really enjoying this.

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