• Member Since 22nd May, 2018
  • offline last seen 32 minutes ago

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I like that My Little Pony is a family show. I want to stay true to that in my stories.

E
Source

After Learning that Fluttershy hasn't been sleeping well, Discord takes it up with Luna.

When he discovers why her nightmares are so hard for Luna to dispel, he decides to fight them himself.

However, an enchantment he discovered on a recent travel is slowly taking hold of him, taking away his magic. And now that its loose, Equestria faces the consequences of an ancient magical feud.

To properly get rid of the spell, and find a cure for Fluttershy's nightmares, the Main 6 and Discord are in for an adventure.

Meanwhile, an old enemy is pulling strings behind the scenes, and things could not have fallen better in their favor.

There's no shipping. Just a bunch of good friends.

I'm including my own illustrations for fun (Warning in advance: They might make you cringe. I'm still very new to drawing ponies. Discord is especially presenting a challenge!).

(P.S. The 'My Little Pony' characters belong to Hasbro. I own nothing.)

Constructive criticism is welcome.

Enjoy!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 40 )

Very great story hope to see more chapters

Thanks! :)

So far you have a good concept and setup, I hope you're able to write more chapters. Also, I can only imagined how ticked Discord will be when he finds out that his dear friend Fluttershy is being used by a parasite. Tantabus beware! Anyway, good work and good luck with your work.

8973829
Cheers. More is definitely coming. Can't hold it back! :applejackconfused:

The night sky was the perfect cover. And the hoof-sized shadow stayed to it as it rippled through the wind, looking over the castle grounds of Canterlot.

Since 'And' is a conjunction, the preceding period should be a coma. Apparently. Just learned it myself.

Since the elements of harmony turned her from her ways as Nightmare Moon, she had made many friends. And as much as she wanted to keep in touch with them, royal duties during the day prevented that. But now was one of the best times to visit her friends, not as the moon princess, but simply as Luna.

Capitalize the 'e' and 'h' to make it "Elements of Harmony". The EoH are always capitalized (for reasons unknown to me).

Optional: capitalize the 'm' and 'p' to make it "Moon Princess". Strictly speaking, this isn't a necessity, but rather a choice of style/respect for the highest position in the government. If it was used as in place of writing "Princess Luna" – i.e. as a replacement of the actual name – it must be capitalized, but it this case it's used to refer to her job, and not to Princess Luna herself, so it doesn't have to be capitalized.
tl;dr – your choice

"And how is 'her highness'?" smirked Luna, stepping out from the shadows.

Capitalize the two 'h's to make it 'Her Highness". Titles like that are always capitalized.

I like to separate my corrections and opinions from each other other, so I hope you don't mind that I'm leaving two comments. With that out of the way, to the matter at hand!

I think this story can go places. Even though it's your first, it's pretty good and I want to see where it leads. A interesting and original premise, too! Into my tracking list this goes. :twilightsmile:
I rate stories in my mind by their entertainment value, not technical things like plot complexity and such, so while I don't know how it'll stand against the traditional critic, in my mind this is good enough for the average reader looking for fun.

Well, that's what I think of this, I'll tag along and see how it goes, offer corrections when I can. Until next time, good luck, and my best wishes! :pinkiehappy:

P.S. Although this comment might sound a bit stiff/rigid, I'm usually more relaxed. At least, I try to be. Don't know why I'm mentioning this, maybe to get better first impressions? Anyway, I tried to make it more friendly using emojis, so there you go, don't know why I wrote this postscript. Well, I await your next update. :twilightsheepish:

8973862
Thanks for taking "Constructive Criticism is Welcome" seriously. :) All good points and I'll do my best to apply those in future chapters.

8973879
You're welcome, always happy to help! I see that you're new to Fimfiction (at least, your account is), so if you need any help or want to ask any questions, please feel absolutely free to ask me. In fact, I encourage it. Questions like "what stories do you recommend I read?" are perfectly fine, too. :pinkiehappy:

8973865
Don't sweat it. I really appreciate it and I look forward to your help in future. And you're correct: This is pretty much a 'just for fun' story. I'm happy to hear your input. Thank you :)

Oh yeah...before I forget, can everyone see the illustration okay? I'm worried it didn't upload correctly.

8973902
I can see the illustration perfectly fine. I think it's a very good illustration; at any rate, it's better than what I can draw. I think. I might be able to draw it if I had something to work off and a lot of time, but not one 100% as charming as yours. Besides, few authors bother with such a thing, so you should be proud of yourself. :twilightsmile:

P.S. No worries about any cringe, and that's good, since I'm very prone to cringing (I read your "Warning in advance").

P.S.S. Warning in advance: If I get into the mood, I often don't want to not write a reply, so you may or may not have a lot of comments from me in the future. Hope that's alright with you, wouldn't want to be annoying.

8973917
That is perfectly fine with me. Not annoying at all. And thank you so much for the support. I'm still working out some of the controls here, so I may be asking for your help in future.
Oh good! The illustration is up! I was afraid it would only show up as a link or something. That's very kind of you. And you've accurately described how I'm learning to draw the characters. :) It's pretty hard to get them right without a picture of them in front of me and it always takes a fair chunk of time.

8973841
In that case, I look forward to what you come up with! ^.^

8974068
Glad to hear.
P.S. I recently read your 'Mother's Day'. Good job. :)

Yeah! An update! I think you did a good job with Discord, not to mention poor Fluttershy. I hope the next chapter comes out soon, also, I wonder if Luna now knows about the tantabus and is keeping it a secret. Good luck with the writing!

Absolutely loved the second chapter and I only bet it's going to get better has it keeps going trust me I know my stories are getting better as they keep going.

8987521
I'm glad you liked it. :)

:pinkiecrazy:
HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I've just lost the list of corrections which I worked on for over 2 hours.

Kill me now. :raritydespair:

pre00.deviantart.net/6ca0/th/pre/i/2013/167/0/1/crazy_twilight_by_sakatagintoki117-d5gmr3g.png

oh!! this is really well written, i love your writing style !! plus its nice to see another person using british english spelling haha

your art is really nice honestly!! youve cleaned it up really well, i find cleaning traditional art up hard and ive been drawing seriously now for around 7-8 years, so i, really should have some more practice with it than i do,, oops,

this is really interesting and really good so far! good job and good luck with future chapters!

9041017
Aww! Thank you! :)
Always a pleasure to meet someone who speaks my language :D
Judging by your profile picture, I'd say you're pretty fantastic, yourself!

Very good so far. can't wait to see more! And your drawings are very good. Better than what I can do.

9041581
That's very kind of you. Thank you!

This is a pretty good chapter, and I'm glad it's longer. I can't wait for the next chapter to come out soon. Please update soon! Also, good illustration.

Next Chapter Pleeeaaase!!!

9042096
Thank you! :twilightsmile: I shall do my best.

9042280
Ha ha ha! I'll do my best.

I'm really loving how you're writing these characters. Like, a lot. Furthermore, if things are going as I think they are, Tantabus is very clever. Making Flutters nightmares be about her friend will put a strain on their friendship, or at least make Discord feel guilty. Either way, it preps Discord to be a potential source of negative emotions to be consumed. Can Tantabus form new nightmares, or only ones that are based on a preexisting fear? If it's the latter, I wonder what made Fluttershy concerned about Discord's reformed status?

Again, loving this. Cant wait to see Discord get his chaotic butt kicked.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I wish you the best of your life :heart:

9061896
I know. And I'm sorry. But thank you.

I'm sure you have a good reason for this, but it's still sad news. Do you plan on continuing this story on another platform? If your problem has something to do with the site and not the fandom, Archiveyourown is a wonderful place for fanfiction.

9061923
Thank you for understanding. And thanks for letting me know. But no. I won't be continuing this story on any platform.

Just wandering, does anyone know how long it takes for FIM fiction to confirm the deletion of an account?

9061991
Sorry, no idea, but i'd guess it'd take a day or so. When I posted a story, it took a while to upload it; i wouldn't be surprised if it took a bit of time to delete an account as well

That's a shame. Don't suppose you could find someone to continue the story?

9062083
I don't really know. Whoever wants to, I guess.

9062428
You could ask around, make an open request. You never know, you might get more than a few takers.

9062448
hmm...true...I did have a somewhat planned outline for how the story would go, but it would be interesting to see what direction this story would take in another person's hands. Like an alternate universe. I might put that offer up actually. Thank you.

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