• Member Since 14th Nov, 2017
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

One of Nine


I’m a noob writer who goes by the seat of their pants, making a general plot line, but nothing incredibly detailed. I’ll be working on these things and focusing more on the central plot.

T

I stood over the cold and smoldering corpses of my fallen brothers and sister. Their hollow eyes glaring up at me, eyes that once held ambition, passion, and a dedication to their duties. I now stood over their mangled bodies, as the last of my kind.

Author’s note: I do plan to come back to this story at some point in the future, please be patient

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 35 )

Great work keep it up

It wasn't until the"Toa of light" that I realized this was a bionicle story.

i am intrigued:moustache:, looking forward the next chapter.

One chapter and then abandoned, figures.

9185250
Not really, just been more focused on college and my other story.

9185645
I think I'm way too used to stories being abandoned.

9185794
There’s a lot of abandoned stories out there. It’s a shame, really.

Ok a lot of this is a bit what the hell. Some context of what it crossed over with would help

9267261
Confusing how?
Valkaan was actually myself MOC. I’d never fully come up with a back story for him, so l hope to explain that in the next few chapters.
The other Makuta are ones that are newly made or old ones that also never had a backstory.

9267275
Its a crossover but i have have no idea with what

When I saw “Power Scream? I thought

And I’m really excited to see what comes next

I hate to sound like a killjoy or something but could you give an actual description in the description box please? What we got there is a teaser not a description. While I have nothing against teasers this tells me nothing, even the tags don't give me much of anything. I don't even get a hint on what this is a crossover WITH. Please give us something to work with. In fact I seem to have gotten a better idea on what to expect by the fact that I found this story in the Badass Twilight group than what I can get from the description box.

Okay? I dont understand why you did this the way yiu did, but it was good for the most part. Also why dont they make bodies resembing the ponies? Like make a Twilight shaped body and color to hold her with extendable finger so she can pick things up, a horn for her to use her powers that she now has to use and for alicorn twilight robotic wings. And like make a Applejack shaped body with the finger things as well as pistons attatched to each limb for her to do her apple bucking. Both modes with some sorta main and tail like structures and cutie marks attached to flanks of design. This way they can be themselves and still be changed until an antidote is created or found.

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9400584
i don’t see what this has to do with badass twilight

9401963
There is a group here on fimfiction called Badass Twilight = Total Domination and the author One of Nine apparently added this story to that group. That's all I know.

9401963
I added it prematurely. Haven't gotten to the badass part yet.

9400584
Sorry, still new, still learning.

9402064
I know about the group that’s how I got to this story

9402143
ah, ok. I see the start of it now in the 3rd chapter.

Please add a page break or double ENTER between paragraphs, I attempted to bookmark my place near the end and bookmarked the last third of the chapter...

9186061
Some abandoned sine 2013.

Cue Funeral March.

Ok, this story confuses the hell out of me mostly because I have no idea what this crossover even is but it is interesting none the less.
I feel like twilight and aj's transformation was a little too sudden and everyone else just accepted that after their initial shock.
That being said I like this story and eagerly await the next update.
Also, you might want to get an editor to look at this story over as I found a lot of mistakes with spelling and grammar but nothing that can't be fixed easily.
Last thing, the pacing of this story is way too fast for my liking but it's up to you to whether or not to slow it down or not.
So, all in all, there is a lot of room for improvement but it's still a good story for what it is and I would love to see it continue.

the story is still confusing but also entertaining can't wait to see what happens next.
Please update again soon.
Also first comment!:yay:

9848181
What do u find confusing about this story?

9848532
all the Bionicle stuff which isn't that surprising considering I have no knowledge on that particular thing what so ever.
which makes me wonder is the aforementioned knowledge needed to understand and enjoy the story?

As a Bionicle fan I really look forward to seeing more of your stories and if you ever want to discuss ideas feel free to send me a note

This makuta is acting a little like a toa.

Author’s note: I do plan to come back to this story at some point in the future, please be patient

So do you have any idea on when you will return?

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