Starlight Shunts the Entire Store into Another Dimension
“HOW DOES THIS HELP US GET THE LAST ITEM?!” Trixie cried, her voice a chaotic mix of emotions. Emotions such as frustration, pure-bewilderment, and perhaps just a dab of fear as she looked at the shifting, dome-shaped maelstrom of unworldly energies unraveling before her eyes. Deep within this maelstrom, the foul, ghostly bellows of an ethereal goat echoed out of this void, piercing the ears of those unfortunate enough to stand too close to the shifting void a supermarket had stood mere moments ago. A supermarket Trixie, her friend Vinyl Scratch, and her BFFaPiIC (Best Friend Forever and Partner in Incidental Crime) Starlight Glimmer had also been in moments ago before Starlight had teleported them all out.
But now, these three unicorns and their wares were the only recent occupants of the store who weren’t in another plane of existence.
“Duuuuude! It’s full of stars!” Vinyl uttered, her glasses lifted so she could stare with heavily dilated pupils from inside a pool of unopened and opened pills, cough syrup, and mouthwash bottles; all of which were contained in yet another grocery cart the mares had collected. “And also moons, four-leaf clovers, and balloons!” she added as she stared at a box of cereal she shook playfully in front of her face in a lilac glow.
Correction: Starlight, Trixie, and Vinyl were the only three former occupants who weren’t physically in another plane of existence.
Starlight smirked at Trixie and shook her head. “Trixie, Trixie, Trixie… There are basic tricks that even ancient unicorn wizards have understood in these situations.”
Trixie narrowed her eyes. “Trixie is unsure if you’re being serious or hoping she starts hate-snogging you. Please elaborate with far less smug. I’m finding it increasingly hard to control my emotions and my—Twilight’s—ice cream is still melting.”
“If you’re stuck with a problem you can’t solve, shove it into another dimension until a solution arrives or you forget about it!” Starlight exclaimed, then shook her head. “Twilight can’t get upset if we left off an item due to unforeseen—but natural—weather phenomena!” Starlight continued as she tapped the side of her head in a ‘think, think’ manner, her smug smile remaining.
Trixie threw her forehooves up in the air. “Things disappearing into unpredicted TEARS in reality is NOT natural, Starlight! Furthermore, it pretty much never happened in Equestria until you showed up!”
“Correlation does not equal causation, Trixie.”
Trixie narrowed her eyes. “Stop using smart words to justify being stupid! Trixie knows you are LITERALLY the cause for all of these!”
Starlight gave Trixie an incredulous look. “That’s patently false! Discord has created some of them! Remember that time he was really mad at trees for getting in the way of his kites?”
“That was you!”
“Uh… right… right…” Starlight thought for a moment. “Okay, remember that time he was really mad at tubas?”
Trixie pursed her lips in annoyance. “Also you!”
Starlight forced a very symmetrical smile. “…Bunnies?”
Trixie groaned. “Okay, yes… THAT was Discord… he messed up a fair amount of my magic tricks with that little tantrum, but most the other times where you!”
“Okay, you got me,” Starlight admitted. “The important thing is I have plausible deniability!”
Trixie frowned heavily. “Only in that there is one other entity who maybe would have done this!”
“Two!” Starlight clarified. “Star Swirl the Bearded is back, and who’s to say he didn’t get mad that the store was out of ‘beard glaze’ and shunt it to another dimension out of frustration?”
Trixie rolled his eyes. “As if such an accomplished wizard would throw a tantrum like that.”
Starlight snickered. “Now who’s trying to sound smart to justify saying stupid things?”
Trixie frowned slightly. “No, no, you’re right… I would probably shunt an entire store into another dimension if I was able and in a mood.”
Starlight’s smirk replied. “In a mood like somepony ate the last piece of pizza ‘in a mood’?!”
“Trixie already stated she didn’t want to talk about that moment!” Trixie sighed. “Plus, that wasn’t my fault… I had already licked the last piece to claim it as my own! Tempest should have known better than to eat it without asking if it had been licked or maybe to politely ask why she was being roughly smooched before getting violent!”
“Uh… dudes, where’s my store?” Vinyl asked as she raised her sunglasses and stared at the dome of shifting colors. “And why is it all Lucky Charms over there?”
Starlight chuckled. “The store had a… mishap! It’s just a little temporarily displaced, dimensionally speaking.” She swatted at the air. “You know these things happen.”
Vinyl scrunched her lips. “What… like with the tubas?”
Starlight grimaced.
Trixie raised an eyebrow. “You’re more familiar than that then the incident with the trees?”
“Pffft… Who cares about trees!” Vinyl said.
“Heeeeey, what the actual eff?!” a female’s voice called out, or more accurately, pondered in a vexed tone.
“Crap! It’s Tree Hugger!” Vinyl dove into the mess of bottles and boxes in her cart. “For Kids! Hide me!”
Trixie glanced at the cart. “You are hidden… So long as no one thinks ‘jackpot’ when they see a shopping cart full of cough syrup, antihistamines, and malt liquor.”
“Welp, then I’m screwed!” Vinyl exclaimed.
“Why does everyone remember the trees… and the tubas for that matter?!” Starlight lamented. “Won’t somepony please think of the bunnies disappearing!”
“Ohhh… Good idea!” Vinyl exclaimed. “Hey, Trix! Make this Silly Rabbit disappear!”
Trixie sighed. “The GRRRRRRRRREAT and POWERFUL TRRRRRRIXIE requires a sheet from her lovely assistant.” She looked at Starlight expectantly.
Rolling her eyes, Starlight’s horn glowed an electric blue as a blanket which resembled a much larger version of Trixie’s cape fell over the shopping cart.
Trixie smiled. “And now Trixie just says the magic words!” Trixie reared back and waved her hooves about. “AbbracaKeepYourHoovesAndHornInTheCartAtAllTimes!”
“Wait, what the e—”
Trixie’s horn burst with lilac energy cutting off Vinyl. With another glow of her horn, she removed the blanket revealing a pile of wood roughly the shape and dimension of the cart. “Ta-da!”
Starlight smiled. “Wow, you’re getting better with teleportation. Where’d you send the cart?”
“Oh, Twilight’s study,” Trixie said dismissively.
“WHAT?!” Starlight exclaimed. “What the actual eff, Trixie?”
Trixie put on a manic grin. “Honestly? Trixie thrives on conflict! Without a constant stream of ponies stressing out around me, I feel empty. And knowing I’ve helped cause the stress gives Trixie life!”
Starlight growled in irritation.
Trixie rotated a forehoof upwards as her voice shifted to a ‘matter of factual’ tone. “And she knows you love her too much to be angry at her for too long.”
“… I hate that you’re right.”
Trixie smirked and lowered her eyelids as she looked back at Starlight. “I thrive on hatred as well, you’re only encouraging Trixie.”
“… I despise you so much right now…” Starlight said in a simmering tone.
“I love you, too,” Trixie said as she leaned forward and gave Starlight a light smooch on the lips.
Before Starlight could formulate a proper response, of which she had a VERY wide range of options to choose from, Tree Hugger’s voice sounded out again. “Whoa… that weird portal thing is throwing off my vibe…”
Starlight and Trixie turned as the light green earth pony mare trotted up. She wore a yellow bandana with a design of daisies over her mop of reddish burnt orange dreadlocks as well as a slightly glazed over look on her lilac-colored eyes. Trotting up to the other two ponies, Tree Hugger sat on her flank with its red, heart-shaped tree cutie mark and stared at the violently swirling mass of colors as if she was half-hypnotized by what she saw. Which, truthfully, wasn’t all that different from her default expression.
“And by that, I mean brutally prison-shanking my vibe to death,” she added.
Starlight just groaned. “Look, we’re kind of in the middle of something,” — She made a little ‘shoo, shoo’ motion with her forehooves — “so if you can just be on your way…”
Tree Hugger frowned heavily at the store. “But I had things to get from that store! I’d probably even remember which things if I had a chance to see them!”
Starlight groaned. “Trixie, I tried asking politely… What’s the step in between that and disintegrating a pony to make them go away?”
Tree Hugger cringed. “My vibe? Also, now on fire as it bleeds out…”
Trixie frowned heavily. “Honestly, Trixie is a tad worried you skipped a few steps.”
Starlight let out a heavy sigh. “Well, I know I’m not allowed to use mind control anymore, and Twilight lectured me for using a sleep spell on Tempest’s pet when it was annoying me.”
“Grubber! His name is Grubber!” Trixie exclaimed. “We’ve been over this!”
“Okay, okay!” Starlight snapped. “Sorry! I’m just under a lot of stress right now. Thanks to you!” Starlight added coldly.
Trixie giggled. “Yeah…” she murmured wistfully.
“Sounds like you need something to help you chillax,” Tree Hugger mused. She reached up into her bandana. “I’ve got just the thi—”
“Seriously!” Starlight snapped. “Stop talking! My horn is starting to feel twitchy!”
“Harsh toke…” Tree Hugger replied dejectedly as she returned her forehoof to the ground.
Trixie shook her head. “I can’t help but feel you passed up a rather golden, or green in this case, opportunity for yourself, Starlight.”
“Well, she won’t leave us alone!” Starlight whined as she motioned to Tree Hugger.
Trixie grinned. “You mean leaf us alone!”
Starlight let out an anguished groan. “Enough with the trees already!”
Trixie sighed and shook her head. “Nevermind… Perhaps another day when you’re likely to be a little less paranoid… Let me try something,” Trixie said. She looked over at Tree Hugger “If I give you half a box of individually wrapped snack foods, will you stop talking to us?” Trixie asked.
A smile finally inched its way onto Tree Hugger’s face. “How’d you know individually wrapped snack foods where the ones that speak to my soul?”
“Lucky guess…” Trixie said as she pulled out a rectangular box from one of the carts, opened it, and pulled out five golden yellow oblong sponge-cakes wrapped in plastic and laid them in a pile at Tree Hugger’s hooves.
“Thanks, bra!” Tree Hugger exclaimed as she fell on one of the cakes with both forelegs and ripped at the plastic with her teeth.
“Better?” Trixie asked Starlight.
Starlight smiled. “Yes! Much! I can finally think straight.” She frowned. “A thought occurs that I’m pretty hosed here.”
Trixie nodded. “Yes, that does seem to be the long, short, and everything in between of it.”
Starlight sighed and hung her head. “Well, this is it… I guess I have to face the facts, and admit I made a mistake… Hopefully, Twilight will at least recognize I’ve learned enough about friendship to see when I’m in over my head and when it’s time to come clean.”
Trixie smiled and nodded. “Why Starlight, that sounds very responsible of you!”
Starlight smiled. “Doesn’t it?” she replied as she pulled out the various items she and Trixie had collected in their carts and began to trot in the direction of Twilight’s castle. “I mean… that’s gotta be at least partial friendship credit!”
Trixie trotted after Starlight. “But would you be saying that if I hadn’t forced your hoof here?”
“I’m still mad at you!” Starlight snapped.
Trixie clenched her eyes shut and smiled wide as she suddenly shivered from horn to hooves. “Good!” she replied as she resumed following Starlight.
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Friendship with Trixie: 15 points
Ruining store with Trixie: -84 points
Angry make-up sex with Trixie: 69 points
Confessing today’s sins to Twilight: pointless
Not everything has to count toward a goal. But for those big accomplishments, there’s Mastercard.
thumbs.gfycat.com/SimplisticCaringIlladopsis-size_restricted.gif
You know you need to reevaluate your life when both Trixie and Discord are better metrics for normalcy.
Excuse me?
...
I believe that.
That answer your question, Vinyl?
You are amazing.
Trixie is best pony.
Doesn't sound too different from your usual state.
You are a frightening individual.
So, Inconvenient Trixie is canon in this ‘verse?
Trixie is half Changeling now. Another fun chapter, great job!
This explains so much...
In any case, the spell's called Star Swirl's Universal Solution for a reason. After all, booting it out of the universe does count as a solution! Now to see how Twilight reacts to this transcendent failure...
"Stop using smart words to justify being stupid"... there's a phrase I'll have to hang on to. You put it quite succinctly.
Also, just to point it out:
A yellow banana? Either this is redundant (since bananas are usually assumed to be yellow unless otherwise specified) or a hilarious spelling error. I'd like to see Tree Hugger wearing a banana, in place of (or in addition to) her usual bandana.
9026048
whoops! Fixed. Thanks !
Really hoping “smeet pichies” is the name of a new brand of cereal or something. I think that would send Starlight into a supernova of rage.
Starlight and Trixie remind me of these two women at the Dominos I used to work at. They are absolutely awful to everyone but me (perk of being a hot guy). I think they're getting fired soon.
9028258
Or it's supposed to be "sweet peaches". And Starlight was raping reality for no reason ... again.
9053349
Also highly likely.
What are the other parts of this Continuity? And is there an unofficial sequel to "Luna the Butcher" that has Tempest and Luna hanging out?
9053667
I think pretty much anything I've written with Tempest would qualify (minus my Star Wars fic). Technically, this would make sense as part of the MAD verse, though the group gets into enough trouble without Sunset around.
9053718
Lol. I need to search your stories again then to see that continuity.
And yeah, anything involving Trixie and Starlight is bound to end up with some form of insanity going on. Add in Sunset, or heck even Celestia (Sunset Light) and you got a recipe for Armageddon. Although a part of me is interested in what'd happen if Starlight and Trixie ended up spending time with Celestia for the day (you know, "get to know my student's friendship student" type of thing. Like Twilight pretty much C-blocked her on the first time around in No Second Prances.)
9053718
So searched. You only have "Merch Madness"; "Luna the Butcher"; and "A Simple Errand". For that continuity actually posted.
You might have more in GDocs or what not, but sadly we don't really see the continuity. Since we never see them together; we have one awesome Tempest fic. Where she's tricked into selling her image for war profits.
We have Best Princess and Tempest fic. That so needs a sequel, cause I can't grow bored reading that comedy gold.
And we have this. Which alludes to a continuity, and sounds like it'd be a cool one ... but we don't actually see any interaction between Tempest, Trix, and Starlight. Nor more Tempest and Luna. Or Tempest and Luna getting back at the other princesses for trolling Tempest into getting nightmares XD.
9053993
Tempest is also in Viva La CMC
9053299
Check out The Dazzlings Are Insane.
9054380
Oh! That one! I thought I missed out on additional goodness in a different fic of theirs. I love that compliation of stories and arcs.
9054118
Ah! Cool. I'll have to give that a look. Any planned, or in development fics with Starlight, Trixie, and Tempest? Or more Luna and Tempest?
9054762
I have a fic I wanna write based off a chapter of Ponyville Public Access (I forgot, they're all in that as well in a later chapter). Should be fun if I get around to it.
9055843
I'm not sure if the sword could actually do that or if that's just fanon.
Oh, and don't forget how the author once claimed that anyone who thinks his story is suspiciously like Wheel of Time isn't old enough to read his work. And when he misspelled something and wrote 'yeard' instead of 'beard' he claimed it was a mark of distinction and suspiciously like his own beard, I think.
Your continuity could be called "Why we HATE Tuesday's"
Which stories did you write with Tempest? I tried looking for them, but the search came up with nothing.
Also:
Is that a story you already did, is it one you will do, or will it remain a noodle incident?
9083912
Noodle Incident. Tempest stories I can recall are Luna the Butcher, Merch Madness, Viva La CMC & Button, as well as a Pony Public Access Chapter
9086137
All right, cool.
I looked it up, and “Smeet Pichies” is an Old Draconic slang for “Send a department store to an uncharted dimension.”
More please
The black goat sings.
Ah the starswirl method
Did she just orgasm.