Damaged
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Damaged · 14k words · 44 13 · 1.4k views
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Yes, it's time for another piece of writing from my strange mind. This time we have a piece featuring cute ponies who have no sexual organs at all (not even an anus)! How do they reproduce? Why, they have prosthetics: rubber, inflatable penises, vulvas, and more!
Nearly every single part of this is inspired by bad anatomy, bad ideas about sex, or bad jokes. From mixing up vulvas and vaginas, to penis placement, and even the purpose of a mare's udder. Thankfully there's two ponies that help Anise and Summer work things out.
I'm not sure whether to laugh, cheer or d'aww. This was the best romantic, sex-ed comedy I've ever seen. Absolutely wonderful.
Also:
If you meant rubber toys, that's fine. If rubbed was intentional though, that is funny as Hell!
8957398 Alas, it wasn't intentional. Fixed it, thanks.
I loved this, it was the perfect blend of fun, with a bit of weird, and a dash of lewd. My only complaint is that Spicy lists both crotch-boobs and chest-boobs when listing possible toys, only to have no idea what they are when they're brought up again later. Aside from that, though, it was a hilarious and cute read!
8957693 Woops. Those were meant to be edited out. Fixed now, thanks! Thanks for the kind words.
This is a great, silly story. I really could imagine this working in a cartoon world. The jokes really nail all the artwork fouls I've seen in clop. The only one it missed was Who Needs Organs.
I do wonder where foals come from though...
8958667 For that knowledge, you'll need an entirely different class only taught by Princess Cadance.
Now I'm imagining a pony playing "unicorn" and a pony playing "anti-unicorn" and headbutting each other into orgasm.
8967682 Okay, that got a laugh.
🦊
...If they don't normally have anuses, what happens to food?
8971339 They are highly efficient sugar processing factories!
That was... a lot less cute than I thought it would be.
Kind of disturbing, even...
Anyway good job.
9149065 I was mostly shooting for silly/cute, perhaps even delving toward absurdist humor. Sorry it missed its mark for you.
9149068
Well, if you were aiming for cute, you might've wanted to tone down the whole total ignorance that the protected ones unwittingly live under, not even aware that one day they'll find themselves unable to speak certain things, or their thoughts suddenly interrupted, without any explanation why. Having to spend six years edging, but unable to orgasm is pretty horrifying too, even if there is suddenly an easy solution. It was kind of... sudden when that shopkeeper started hitting on them. And personally I find the whole "we're sexual because we're married" thing to harbor a little underlying hostility, but that's a larger cultural issue than this story in particular.
9261570 And it makes Party Favor an industrial juggernaut of a pony.
Damn this was hilarious, heartfelt and cute
Twiggles held out on them when they fist awoke though, six years of forced abstinence while married is simply cruel
Hehe, good ol' Spicy, helpful whichever world he's in!
9940793 He is a good bat! 🦇
This is the third of your stories I've read, and while "Research" and "Filigree Lace and Fine Crystal" were great...
Neither of them involved Spicy Hot.
I've just found a new favorite OC! If Terry Pratchett wrote a sex shop owner, I can only assume that was Spicy's father.
He's just... The perfect amount of absurd. I could just about imagine him as a real person, despite the fact he's completely over the top, by Equestria's rather lax standards, no less! Fabulousity, 110%.
I could totally see him popping out of the 'lewd bat bucket' in the cover pic...
"From the makers of 'Party in a Box', it's the 'Lewd Bat Bucket'! Fun times await you, just add one bat!
(Kit with bat included, 15B extra)"
10319109 He actually started, as a character, in Sexy Brain Parasite Story, where he was just a fabulous sex shop owner in Equestria Girls, until the girls started using too much magic and began ponying up more and more, and ponying up everyone around them.
He's been in a few stories now, generally whenever I need an enabling sex shop owner—he will be there.
The beginning reads like a horror story