Walk, don't run. Unless you're late for the bus.
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"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me."
If you squint hard enough, that sort of sounds like a green light to insult your friends and establish dominance.
Dash is really good at squinting.
Inspired and edited by PeerImagination, preread by Aragon.
Original art by Braeburned.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Sixteen thousand words long? How you guys can shove a full novella into a single document and call it a 'chapter' is beyond me.
9105224
It's easy.
You shove a novella into a single document and call it a chapter.
That's also the only way you can do a one-shot on Fimfiction.
I did it. I read it. Huzzah.
9105246
Touche.
Well...that was fun...and crazy, insane you could say.
But still pretty fun.
9105678
Well, now that I think about it, I could have broken down this story into each scene so that it'd be a little easier for most people to digest. By doing so, I could have posted each chapter on every second day, so I could stay in the Recently Updated section for longer, and maximise the amount of views I'd get.
But then I remember that I'm doing this for the love, not for the views, so I have to maintain artistic integrity.
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9105224
By my approximation, Robert Jordan's prologue in Lord of Chaos is 21k words, more or less, long even when I lowball it. It happens.
9108214
That's the prologue, not an actual chapter, and Robert Jordan was infamous for it. Tor only allowed him to pull off that much because he'd already had five bestsellers before Lord of Chaos shipped.
9108543
*shrugs*
Spitfire entered. And it all went downhill from there in my mind. From the time she came in til the end, everything is a total confusing blur. Again......
WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT??!!!!!
I did not realize this was one of your stories. It was a fun one I read some time back. Have a follow.
9197893
Danke!
I shall take this follow and add it to my collection.
I'm not sure what to make of this story. The characterization was on point, with the exception of the actual rap battle and the scene with Mayor Mare. The plot is absurd, but the writing style treats the situation seriously at times. I suppose it works on some level, to treat a frivolous competition as Serious Business.
But the ending doesn't quite work for me. It came out of nowhere, unless there was some foreshadowing that I didn't pick up on. Worse, it makes no sense. The mayor's plan all along was to use a rap battle to demolish the Friendship Castle because it was hurting tourism? There are a few problems with this scheme, setting aside the ridiculous instrument of destruction. First, you'd think that rampaging bugbears and magical mishaps caused by the citizens would hurt tourism more than a crystal castle. Sure, the castle clashes with the rest of the town's architecture, but at least it's memorable. It's a landmark - something that would attract tourists, if only so they could tell their friends they went to the ugly castle. Second, couldn't the mayor have at least run her plan by Twilight before she demolished her home? If she had talked it over with Twilight, they might have found a way to magically alter its appearance. Third, wouldn't the Tree of Harmony be pissed that its castle was destroyed, and the Cutie Map within? I haven't seen the season finale yet, but I've seen some of the things that the Tree has gotten up to this season.
Having said all that . . . I'm glad that RD and AJ resolved their differences and put their competition to rest. That was a long time coming.
Also, Spitfire's verses were as illuminating as they were cruel. A common criticism of AJ, at least for the first few seasons, was her lack of dreams and ambition.* But if you tell someone to their face that they have no dreams, it's not insulting. If it's true that they have no dreams, they won't care, and if it's not true, they'll be annoyed at worst. But if you acknowledge someone's dreams and then crush them to pieces, as Spitfire did with RD, it's far more devastating.
*For some reason no one ever criticized Pinkie or Fluttershy for their lack of ambition, but that's irrelevant.
9199487
Yeah, this was done on a whim. Started off on the premise of Spitfire interrupting a rap battle, because she's a master, and kind of escalated from there into 16k. I won't claim that it's perfect, but this is my sense of humour.
As for the foreshadowing of Spitfire's arrival, there are three lines of note:
In hindsight, I'm not sure if this is enough to foreshadow the coming events, so that may be my fault.
In any case, I'm just glad this story is still being read, and by a lore enthusiast, no less.
Only one more of your stories left, and boy was this one a doozy! The characters seemed on point the entire time, and the humor was right up my alley as well. The rap battle was silly at first, and then literally blew up in their faces
I imagined Mayor Mare as Evil Morty, monologuing at the end as well. Definitely a fantastic one shot, cheers!
Shame, we never will know who placed a bet on a third party winning.
Also, this:
I fucking died. I'm at work, reading this, and I legit laughed out loud, and my co-workers are looking at me like there's something wrong.
God-damnit it took me all the way until that line to realise the pun in Spit-Fire
loved everything but the part with mayor mare and twilight. it felt left field and brings the story to a abrupt halt for no reason.
As much as I, ahem, don't like Twilight's castle, the way the story gets rid of it is not entirely convincing.
Not that I doubt the might of rap (Celestia forbid), but some things have shattered my suspension of disbelief here and there.
1. Spitfire's arrival is not expected. As you've said Freglz, you did foreshadow this but I missed it entirely. And judging from the comments, I'm not alone in this.
2. Rapping doesn't really work in written form.
Maybe it's just me but I can barely catch the rhythm here and there. Barbs are mostly on point but it looks like more of a poetic contest than a real battle. Mind you I'm not a rap enthusiast myself, but I've noticed most of the texts barely leave a notch when you read them, not hear them, and I'm talking about real-life texts here, not just the ones from the story.
Probably the only rapping that does work is the one made by Zecora, even if her backstory in its current form is not exactly convincing. But I guess her rapping working is due to her talking in rhymes all the time. You're so used to it, you can easily read the lines in her voice.
3. As far as I understand, Pinkie failed with her bets, but the consequences were ignored. Looks like Chekhov's gun that wasn't actually used.
That being said, I literally adore what you've made with Mayor Mare. She's so bland in the show, it's high time someone did something impressive with her. Quiet Vault-Tec-like psychopath unexpectedly hits the right spot. Well done indeed (even if her explanation has logical problems mentioned earlier in the comments).
Wait, was that about a Sombra resurrection contest?
And given that this was Still Way, Rarity lighting her horn was the only warning Dash got before the neck snap.
I do love the sheer quantity of noodle incidents in this story so far.
Huh. I usually see Limestone associated with heavy metal... unless this is actually Marble.
Fascinating backstory for Zecora. Shaky rhythm, but fascinating backstory.
Again? That's the third time this month!
I have never before seen a more succinct yet comprehensive condemnation of someone's actions.
"Yes. For you."
"Twilight—"
"Oh, I'll happily help the hospital, the foals, the town... But I won't be the only one making sacrifices. Unless you want your electorate to know who decided they were acceptable collateral damage."
... Ah well, I can dream. I'd probably be angrier about Twilight's acquiescence if this story was meant to be taken seriously. Literally pointing out how the character should be able to think her way out of the predicament doesn't help make it feel believable. And, you know, the Cutie Map never stopped being a thing.
I legitimately hope that's the case, if only to see the look on the mayor's face.
Music in written fiction does suffer from the lack of music, but these rhymes flowed fairly well. Spitfire was a surprise, but one that made sense in hindsight. All told, this was a lot of fun. Thank you for it.
Drinking cider and flying fast will never end well.
So, uh, this is a thing.
It exists.
Well done.
The spitfire reveal is a conclusion i never knew i needed 😍