Hoofin' It
“Mmmmm...”
A low moan slipped past Twilight’s lips as she laid in bed, eyes closed, her body sinking into the bed as if it were made of marshmallow. Waves of bliss coursed through every limb as she rolled over, letting her legs splay out as she attempted a new arrangement. Another pulse of pure pleasure enveloped her.
How come she had never tried this before? It just felt so good. A stray hoof slipped down over her hind legs as she shifted about in the mattress, limbs jerking out at odd angles. Spike had told her that it was important to a comfortable position.
Of course, it had all been Spike’s idea. She tolerated this sort of thing when Spike did it, as it was a part of being a healthy, growing dragon. But when he actually suggested that Twilight Sparkle, of all ponies, try it...
“Come on, Twilight, I do it all the time!”
“Yeah, don’t remind me. You’re lucky I let you do it as much as you do.”
“And look how happy I am!” Spike gave Twilight a dirty smirk. “Just try it! Trust me, it feels great!”
“No! I’m not reducing myself to...” she shuddered at the thought.
“Haven’t you ever tried it before?”
“No! It’s a waste of time! Imagine everything I could be doing instead!” Twilight stomped a hoof down.
A coy grin lit up Spike’s features. “Yeah, but...” His voice dropped to a sultry whisper. “It feels so good. And if you’ve never done it before, then it’s going to feel even better...”
Twilight snorted and shook her head. “No! No way!”
Spike shrugged. “Well, suit yourself. I’m going to go upstairs,” he finished with a wink.
“Wait, at 3 in the afternoon?!”
“Yep!”
“Ugh. You’re awful.”
Now, she couldn’t believe she had never tried it before. She would definitely have to work this into her schedule and research how to make it feel even better.
Fluttershy hummed to herself as she skipped down the path towards the library. Stopping at the door, she gave it three light knocks. “Twilight?”
No response. She knocked again. “Twilight? Are you in there? I mean, I hate to come bother you like this, but you said you would go to lunch with me, and it’s already three...”
Fluttershy leaned closer, pressing her ear against the wood as a low moaning sound reached her. “Twilight? Are you okay in there? You don’t sound like you’re feeling well.” She raised a hoof to the doorknob.
“Oh... hey, Fluttershy.” Twilight’s voice came in a low murmur. “I’m doing fine... no need come in here...”
Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. Twilight certainly didn’t sound like she was doing fine. “Are you sure? I mean, it’s okay if you missed our lunch date because you’re sick.”
“The lunch date, right. Yeah, I’m sick, no doubt about it!” the voice seemed to perk up, and Fluttershy could hear a nervous chuckle accompanying the words. “In fact, I’m way too sick for anypony to come inside! I have... Equestrian flu! That’s it, the Equestrian flu.”
Fluttershy paused, hoof still on the doorknob. “Equestrian flu? What’s that? If you don’t mind me asking, I mean.”
“Really bad flu! Nopony knows where it came from! I was... um... handling a beaker of the strain, and I accidentally inhaled some! Silly me, forgetting to wear my nose plugs!”
Fluttershy blinked. “Um, no offense, but you don’t really sound that sick. If you didn’t want to go to lunch, that’s fine. We can always go some other day.”
No response came. Fluttershy stood there awkwardly for several minutes, still smiling as ponies passed by on the path behind her.
“Sheesh, that pony likes trees way too much...” Berry Punch muttered, shaking her head.
After an eternity, Fluttershy said, “Well, I think I’m going to go then. I hope you get better soon.”
As she turned to leave, another sultry moan came from inside the library. Fluttershy lifted a hoof to stifle a gasp, her eyes widening in realization. She took a shaky step away from the door, mouth hung in the shape of an ‘o.’ “Oh... oh my. Oh my.”
She turned and galloped from the tree.
Rarity’s tea clattered to the table, a small amount of the liquid sloshing out onto the polished wooden surface. “Oh, dear. What exactly do you think you caught Twilight in the middle of, again?”
Fluttershy ran to the boutique as fast she she could after the incident, arriving to find Rarity and Rainbow Dash enjoying a simple lunch of sandwiches and orange juice.
“Well...” Fluttershy gulped, taking a dainty bite of her sandwich to delay her response. “Um, please don’t make me say it again.”
Rarity levitated a cloth in front of her and wiped up the tea spill. “Darling, you were mumbling the first time. If you expect us to help with this problem, you have to annunciate.”
“Um, it isn’t my problem exactly...” Fluttershy’s gaze darted around the room, before setting upon the table. “I went to Twilight’s to see why she was late for our lunch date... and she was... I think...”
Rainbow Dash took a loud gulp of sandwich, before rolling her eyes. “Come on, spit it out, Fluttershy! We don’t have all day!”
Fluttershy shrunk back, hiding behind her mane, like a tortoise retreating into its shell.
“Rainbow!” Rarity shot her a glare. “There is no need to be impatient. We are in no hurry. Ignore her, Fluttershy. Now, what happened at Twilight’s?”
Fluttershy pulled her head up and gulped. “Well, she said she was sick, although she didn’t really sound that way. She sounded like she was... well... pleasuring herself.”
Rarity stared down at her chair. The only sound in the room was Rainbow chomping on her sandwich.
“Ah. I was hoping I hadn’t heard you correctly...” Rarity sighed and shook her head. “Now, are you absolutely positive she was—erm—pleasuring herself?”
“Waim, pleasrin hersf?” Dash said in between chews. “Wazat?”
Rarity recoiled, dodging bits of food that flew out of Rainbow’s mouth. “Please, enlighten me why I invited you over for lunch again?”
Dash shrugged and swallowed. “Hey, don’t ask me. And what do you mean, Twilight was ‘pleasuring herself?’ What, you mean you caught her reading?”
Fluttershy ducked down so far that just her mane appeared above the table. “Well, no, it means...” She trailed off into a low squeak.
“Geez, what’s the big deal?” Rainbow Dash said, ducking down and snickering at Fluttershy as she quivered in her seat.
“Fluttershy, you don’t need to say anything. I can do my best to explain.” Rarity paused. “Well, Rainbow... first off, I would rather not talk about it. Are you absolutely sure you don’t know what it means?”
“Seriously, I don’t!”
“And do you really need to know?” Rarity said with an exasperated sigh, putting a hoof to her forehead.
Rainbow snickered again and pointed at Fluttershy, who still looked like she was hiding from a leaf that had fallen on her head. “Heck yeah! I mean, if it’s got Fluttershy shaking like a foal, then it’s gotta be good!” She rubbed her hooves together, as if it were the morning of Hearth’s Warming Day.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Fine. If you insist, I suppose. Well then... how do I put this exactly...” she chewed on her lip, fiddling with the table cloth. “When you’re alone, are you ever struck by these... erm, urges?”
“Urges? What?” Rainbow cocked her head. “You mean, urges to sleep? All the time! I don’t even need to be alone to do that!”
Rarity paused, blushing as she stared down at the table. “Well, no, that isn’t it. What I mean is... do you ever get urges to... you know...”
Rainbow scowled. “Geez, first Fluttershy, now you? Come on, what’s so embarrassing about this whole ‘pleasuring yourself’ thing?”
At this point, Rarity’s cheeks had turned scarlet. Her gaze still locked to the table, she slowly lifted a hoof and pointed it down between her legs.
“Huh?” Rainbow blinked. She also pointed a hoof downwards, lowering it so it touched the space between her thighs. “Wait... you mean...” Her eyes widened, and a goofy grin spread across her face. She tumbled off her chair, clutching her sides and rolling on the ground as her wails of laughter rang throughout the room. “I don’t believe it! You’re telling me you caught Twilight hoofin’ it?”
“H-hoofin’ it?” Fluttershy squeaked, her eyes rolling back as she fainted, slumping down in her chair.
Rarity sighed and put a hoof to her forehead. “I should have known that a pony such as yourself would not grasp subtle hints. And look what you’ve done to poor Fluttershy!”
“Bahahaha! That’s hilarious!” Tears streamed down Rainbow’s face as she continued to descend into hysterics. “Twilight, laying in bed, ‘pleasuring herself’! That’s way better than a boring old lunch date! I wonder if it’s her first time?”
“Ugh! Must we talk about this any further?” Rarity grimaced, placing her hooves over her ears.
“Must be, if she kept doing it while Fluttershy was there! If it is, then she’s going to explmmpph!-”
“Enough!” Rarity levitated a napkin and stuffed it into Rainbow’s mouth. “I am not interested in speculating what Twilight does behind closed doors.”
“Pah!” Rainbow spat out the napkin, taking several tries as the stubborn material clung to the roof of her mouth. “Well, now we can add ‘hoofin it’ to the list!”
Rarity whipped her head around and shot Rainbow a glare that could have tamed a manticore. “Are you done yet?”
Dash’s grin faded under Rarity’s cold gaze, and her roils of laughter ceased. “Y-yeah. Sorry. But come on! Isn’t that just priceless?”
“Well...” Rarity glanced at Fluttershy, still slumped over in her chair. “Okay, fine. It’s a bit funny.” She put a hoof to her mouth, stifling a snicker. “But most importantly, I’m concerned. Twilight has never displayed this sort of behavior before. And now she’s doing it at three in the afternoon?”
Rainbow gave a sly grin. “That’s assuming she hasn’t finished yet.”
“Rainbow! I told you, stop—” Rarity exploded into a fit of giggles. “Oh, curse you! Why must crude humor be so amusing to you?” she managed to get out between laughs. “But honestly, I’m worried. It isn’t like Twilight to skip on social engagements.”
“You’re totally right!” Rainbow took to the air, placing her hooves on her hips and striking a dramatic pose. “As her friends, it’s our duty to go check on her to make sure she doesn’t become addicted!”
“You aren’t seriously considering...”
“Come on! Let’s go listen in on her! And besides, you don’t want Twilight turning into some hoofin’ fiend, do you?” Her grin faded, and she gulped. “Didn’t your mom ever tell you about what happens to hoofin’ fiends? They turn into these weird hermits! They might look like shut-ins, but they're walking time bombs ready to blow!” She threw her forelegs in the air, flaring her wings out.
“Ugh... well, I wouldn’t use that exact term, and I do believe you’re exaggerating just a bit...” Rarity sighed, then allowed a grin to cross her lips. “But perhaps we should go check on her. Of course, we’ll have to listen in to make sure she’s actually—engaging herself, as one might say.”
Rainbow bolted for the door, the smirk on her face threatening to tear her cheeks off. “Oh, man. This is gonna be priceless! But what should we do about Fluttershy?”
Rarity glanced over at Fluttershy, who had slid down her chair, now slumped on the ground, forelegs splayed out to one side. “I don’t think bringing her along would be the best idea.”
“Wait, hold on!” Dash hovered over towards Fluttershy’s unconscious form, before lifting one of her limp hooves and placing it on the ground between her legs. “Hehe, that’ll definitely cause her to faint again!”
“Oh, dear Celestia, you’re awful.” Rarity averted her gaze from the suggestive sight. “Let’s just go, okay?”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash crept up to the front door of the library in such a discrete manner that not a single puff of dust kicked up under their hooves. Several steps later, they stopped in front of the door and craned their heads against it, placing their ears against the wood.
“Heh... so do you think she’s still going at it?” Rainbow Dash whispered.
“Shh! I can’t hear with you talking!”
“Oh come on, I was being really quiet.”
Rarity gave Rainbow another hush, before turning her attention towards any sound that might confirm their suspicions. The ticking of a clock inside reached their ears, along with the rustle of leaves in the wind.
“I don’t hear anything, do you?”
Rarity paused, leaning further against the door. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Maybe she’s finished? But wouldn’t we hear her scribbling some notes, or doing some experiment or something?”
“Well, I know that I certainly am exhausted after I finish up, personally.”
Rainbow had to slam a hoof into her mouth to keep from exploding into laughter. The clock inside continued to tick, and her grin faded with each passing moment.
“Eh, this is boring. Maybe Fluttershy was wrong?” Dash murmured. “I mean, Fluttershy didn’t really say what she heard, and she didn’t say she went inside.”
Rarity tapped a hoof against her chin. “I suppose that is true.”
“Ugh. Stupid Fluttershy!” Rainbow groaned. “I thought we were going to catch Twilight with her hoof in—”
“Mmmm...”
Two pairs of ears shot up as a blissful moan sounded from within the library. Rainbow and Rarity looked at each other, devilish smirks creeping across their faces.
“Oh man, she is! This is priceless!” Dash whispered.
“Hush! I think I she’s saying something!”
Their ears stood on full alert as they continued to listen.
“Hehehe, this is so wrong... mmmm, but so good... I can’t wait to tell Princess Celestia I tried this...”
Rarity stuck a hoof in Rainbow’s gaping mouth.
“But what time is it, though? Three-thirty? I should probably finish up soon, then. Oh, but another half-hour can’t hurt....”
The two stood frozen in front of the door, their jaws unhinged.
“D—Did she just—” Rainbow started.
Rarity stared at the ground. “Yes, I do believe she did.”
“—say all that stuff? Like, aloud?”
“Yes.”
“Um... should we, I don’t know, knock?” Rainbow said with a shrug.
Rarity shook her head. “As amusing as this is, walking in on Twilight during her, um, session might be a little over the top.”
“Yeah, but you heard her!” Rainbow hissed. “She’s gonna get addicted if we don’t do something!”
“Hey, what are you guys doing?”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash whipped their heads around to see Spike standing in front of them, cocking his head.
“Oh, hey Spike! Heh, what are you doing?” Rainbow chuckled, exchanging a nervous glance with Rarity.
Spike shrugged. “Not much, really. Twilight just sent me to town to return a book she borrowed from Cheerilee. Is she home? Are you guys locked out?”
“No, she’s definitely not home!” Rarity’s smile was completely plastered onto her face. “We just checked, in fact!”
Another loud moan came from inside.
“Huh? Was that Twilight?” Spike took a step towards the library, then stopped as Rarity and Rainbow zipped in front of the door.
“Well, erm, yes, but she’s—sick! Really sick!” Rainbow said, nervously glancing back at the door. “She was puking her guts out when we got here! And she—she doesn’t want anypony to know she’s home in case they walk in and catch it!”
“Really?” Spike scratched his head. “But she was fine when I left.”
Rainbow’s gaze darted towards the ground as Spike gave her a flat stare. “Oh, well, um...”
Rarity stepped forward, as if Rainbow were a fallen hero who required defending. “Yes, well, it hit her like a freight train! We were just waiting for you to get back! Twilight wanted us to let you know that she wants you to go into town to fetch some soup for her!” The last time Rarity found herself in such a situation was when Sweetie Belle caught her lovingly caressing the silk for one of her dresses.
“Wait, what?” Spike’s look of befuddlement fell to an unamused frown. “We keep lots of soup mix at home. Seriously, what’s going on you guys?” He took another step forward, crossing his arms and scowling.
“Erm...”
“Well...”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash stared at the ground, kicking at the dirt.
“Seriously? You guys are weird.” Spike shoved his way between them and opened the door.
“No!”
The panicked shout sent a flock of birds scattering from their nests. Spike stomped inside and slammed the door.
Rainbow and Rarity stood anchored to the spot, unsure whether or not to bolt away before Spike’s innocence was forever shattered. However, as the moments passed, they found their bodies gravitating towards the door, Rarity pressing one curious ear against the wood, and Rainbow Dash bearing a grin worthy of the demons of Tartarus.
“Hey, Twilight?”
The two voyeuristic ponies kept their ears glued to the door, fully expecting Spike to run screaming from the library at any moment.
“Mmm, oh hey, Spike.”
“Having fun?”
Rainbow’s jaw fell so hard, she would likely need to visit Nurse Redheart again at some point in the near future. Rarity swooned, and only just managed to prevent herself from fainting.
“Yeah. I’m glad I decided to do this. I should probably finish up, though.” The voice was accompanied by the sound of the bed squeaking on its springs, which only just reached their ears. “And I think it would be a great idea if we tried this at the same time tomorrow!”
Rarity stared at the door in utter shock, one eye twitching. Snapping her jaw shut, she stomped forward and kicked the door open before marching inside. “Twilight! I simply cannot believe you would say such an inappropriate thing to Spike!”
Rainbow bolted in after Rarity, hovering in front of the door. “Yeah! I mean, it’s fine if you want to enjoy yourself on your own, but come on! Spike’s just a kid!”
“Wait, huh?” Twilight stepped into view at the top of the stairs, scowling down at the two afternoon intruders. The state of her mane would have made Pinkie Pie proud. “What are you two talking about? And why did you guys just burst into my house?”
Rainbow zipped up in front of Twilight and pointed an accusing hoof at her. “Don’t you act innocent! You were trying to seduce Spike!”
“Ew! Rainbow Dash! Gross!” Twilight scrunched up her face in disgust.
“Yeah, Rainbow!” Spike hopped down onto the top step and stuck a claw in his mouth, gagging. “What gives? I was just waking Twilight up!”
Rarity stepped forward, trotting up the steps and scowling. “Twilight, we are not making baseless accusations. We heard everything you said to Spike!”
“Why were you two spying on me?” Twilight shot back. “Look, I’m sorry I missed Fluttershy’s lunch date, but I was, um...” Her cheeks reddened, and her ears fell flat on her head.
“Aha! So you admit it!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, crossing her forelegs and beaming victoriously.
Twilight turned her head away and stared at the ground, her face resembling a tomato in terms of hue.
“Now, there...” Rarity’s accusing demeanor vanished, and she put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all enjoy ourselves from time to time. You simply got a bit carried away.”
“I-it’s not?” Twilight lifted her head, the beginnings of a smile forming at her lips.
“Of course not, dear! Just next time, try to find a more suitable time for it.”
Twilight paused, glancing back at her bed as her smile widened. “Yeah, sorry. I guess I got a bit carried away. It’s just, I’ve been a bit stressed out as of late, and Spike thought sleeping in would be a good way for me to unwind, and I’d never tried it before, and it just felt so relaxing that I didn’t want to get up for anything...”
Rarity gave an understanding nod. “It’s completely all right. Just next time—wait, sleeping in?”
Twilight’s smile dampened, and she cocked her head. “Well, yeah. What did you think I was doing?”
Rainbow’s wings snapped shut, and she tumbled to the ground, yelping as she crashed down the stairs and slammed into the wall. Rarity dashed down the steps after her, grateful for this distraction.
“Um... girls? Is everything okay?”
Rainbow Dash stumbled to her hooves, slipping and banging her head against the wall before she managed to stand on all fours. “Y—yeah! Just a wing cramp! Better go get that taken care of!”
“Ah, yes, and I do believe I set my dryer for far too long! Hahaha, silly me!” Rarity laughed, backing towards the door.
They both turned and bolted out of the library.
Twilight and Spike stood at the top of the stairs, blinking at the plume of smoke their friends had left behind.
“Hey, Twilight? What does ‘seduce’ mean?”
“Well, that was certainly... misleading.” Rarity mumbled as she and Dash made their way back towards the boutique.
Rainbow folded her forelegs and scowled, hovering next to Rarity. “Seriously! What kind of pony moans while she’s sleeping in? It’s like she wanted us to think she was hoofin’ it!”
“I highly doubt she would use that exact term.” Rarity sighed. “But let’s not talk about it anymore, shall we?”
Dash smirked as they approached the entrance. “Yeah, time to see if Fluttershy is still out of it!” She put a hoof on the doorknob and stifled a snicker.
“Mmm... Oh, oh my. Ooohhhhhh....”
Rainbow froze, jumping back from the door as the blood drained from her face. She slowly turned to face Rarity, mouth completely agape.
“Is that—Fluttershy?”
Rarity managed to pick her jaw off the ground and creep towards the door, pressing an ear against it. Another sultry moan reached her ears.
“I... do believe it is.”
“Um...” Rainbow dropped her voice to a whisper. “Do you think she’s a—”
“Mmmm...” The erratic sound of flapping wings accompanied the groan.
Rarity cleared her throat and stepped back from the door. “Let us hope she is simply enjoying her nap.”
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Hee. Re-reading it from the start, the ending is obviously what was going on. Well played.
HaHa! I love it!
I actually expected this to involve a massage or something.
lolwut
I knew it was going to turn out to be a big misunderstanding. Good job!
Hehehe... Nice.
Love it.
Oh, that was awesome!
Dear Celestia, help me. I have reduced myself to writing cheap humor fics.
Bwahahahahahaha! This was priceless!
oh you!
"Having fun?" <--- best line ever
MY SIDES
That was absolutely, positively,
ponysquare.com/file/pic/photo/2012/03/e7ee9dae1c449a7d2aab8c557dad708e_500.jpg
That... was beautiful.
and...
dat ending...
I predict that this will get featured
986841
Let us hope!
986907
Good Luck, I really loved this story. It made me laugh harder at a fanfic than I have in a LOOONG time.
It's gonna take me awhile to clean the dirt out of my mind, but that was freaking hilarious
“Well, yeah. What did you think I was doing?” oh Twilight trust me when I say you don't want to know.
Damn, I was sure she was eating Ice Cream. Fyi, adult humor falls under the mature tag now.
987651
Only if it's explicit.
69 thumbs up achieved
This is a pretty cool fic right here.
I award you 1 point and may the unloved hate.
987682 I suppose dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png
Read the first 4 lines. Shes sleeping in. Isn't she.
Edit: whoo! Got it in one! But oh my, Flutters! She seems to be enjoying her nap almost indecently!
987682
Or it's suggested strongly enough - but that's up for the mods to decide.
What I think Cicero is doing when he's alone in a room making akward chuckling noises 0_o...
from the discription i thought this was a clop-fic i was wrong but it was still very enjoyable
Well.........that was, um, interesting.
Don't think I'll be reading one like this after
9 pints of Guinness again.
Still, got me laughing, a little to loud in the
pub though.
I knew right from the start.
She's not fapping, she's napping!
I was expecting a massage.
I was thinking ''Who in the hoof ,moans while sleeping?!''
I started yawning ,and layed down and streched and letted out a big moan ,when I had the story out of my mind.
I remembered this fic,and face-hoofed.
Edit :I knew this would happen!!It should be rated Mature ,so people don't know that it wasn't clop.
987682
This story did give me the same felling of Twilight's First Time ...Hehe...That was actualy one of the first fics Iv'e ever read....Hehe..
Congruats on getting featured ,by the way!
987651 Poor Broniestories...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i think that described my reaction at this fic
I bet they were actually doing that though.
More dirty mindtricking story. Always keep up the good work, and please do more mindtricking story.
lolz
Right, this will blow your mind...
What if she was subconciously hoofing it while she was asleep?
Yup, cracked the fuck up at that one.
I have to say that this "clop-fic" was simply amazing. i couldnt help but emit a chuckle or two when i read was she was REALLY doing
This surpassed my expectations, and i hope to sample more of your amazing work in the future. keep up the good work
I expected yoga. :/
988479 Is that... A SKYRIM REFERENCE?!?!!?
Sweet Celestia... my sides hurt
"I can't wait to tell Princess Celestia I tried this
Absolute best line.
I caught myself thinking "Hmm, I wonder if the princess does it often!"
In all honesty, I had to read it twice. Or thrice. The lack of oxygen to my brain is making it difficult to remember.
This was absolutely hilarious. It somewhat reminds me of Friendly Uncle's work (Estrus, in particular), and I absolutely love it. Especially the ending... both the end of Twilight and the final bit after that.
Pure comic genius.
I lost my shit when Spike went in, and when she said she was sleeping in, I gave myself the world's hardest facepalm.
Hilarious I loved it that was so funny. BTW out of curiosity was Fluttershy "Hoofing it"
lol
I normally don't click things in the featured box too often, but I am very glad that I did here. This had me on the floor laughing. That touch at the end was amazing. Great work!
And a side note, no errors!
This is very good! Very good indeed.
So predictable. So very predictable.
THIS IS SO FUCKING BRILLIANT!
its great!