• Member Since 26th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 18th, 2022

DeltaFlame


T

(Part 1 of the Grimdark Trilogy) Echo the changeling, after the loss in Canterlot, decides that he's sick of being one of the Queen's expendable soldiers, so he leaves his old life behind and ends up back in Canterlot, desperate to live a normal life amongst ponies. However, he soon meets a stunning white and pink mare and their fates intertwine, thrusting them both into a mission to save Equestria from a familiar (and much more powerful) evil.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 29 )

Erm still i don't know why its alternative universe, and damn short these chapters are.

This is my first real fanfic, I should probably add more detail. It feels much longer writing it than when reading it. :p It's an alternate universe because it will eventually cross over into a nonexistent MLP storyline that would never happen. Either that or I don't know the FiMFiction definition of an alternate universe. :applejackunsure:

For being your first fan fiction, this is a decent story.
Is it spectacular? No. Is it anything brand new? Probably not. But despite a few nitpicks, I rather enjoyed it.
I must ask however, how did Echo's plan to disguise himself as Blueblood work? Didn't the real prince enter the palace earlier? Didn't the guards find it odd that there are two Bluebloods?
Anyway, I also think Echo's love for Fleur was a little sporadic, especially for a changeling.
And I have to admit, while it is weird that there are literally clopfics in the library, it does make a funny scene.
So far, it's an okay story. Nothing great, but nothing awful. Keep on going.

Thumbs up!

Note: There are a few mistypings. I strongly suggest you correct them.

1009582

Thanks, I value the input! :pinkiehappy: The plan worked because Echo waited a while before going in after Blueblood, and the guards can only keep track of so many ponies passing through. Echo's attraction to Fleur was "love at first sight", and he gets away from her simply because he was shy and wanted to avoid confrontation. In our world there are "romance" (sex) novels, so I figured that clopfics were the pony equivilant. There are typos in here probably because I wrote this story on an iPod and I have big thumbs. :p But thanks for pointing that out, I'll look back and try to fix any grammar/spelling issues, and I'm willing to change parts of the story if there's a way to have it make more sense. Thanks again for your help, I appreciate it! :twilightsmile: I'm always open to suggestions for improvement!

Nice to see you still around.
And after reading this chapter, I can safely say that the best way to describe this story is that it's silly. An enjoyable kind of silly. Both Echo and Fleur seem a bit shallow, but it's still amusing.
And the pacing, is a tad fast. Honestly, this kind of pace would work better in the cartoon rather than a written story. But that's not a bad thing in most cases, and maybe that's the style you're going for.
Also...Ultimelement? That's just weird. But I won't judge that until the rest of the story.
Keep on writing!

>>TJgamer

Sometimes it can feel a bit hard to go into deep poetic detail, especially as a new writer. :derpytongue2: I want to make this story funny in a sense, but I plan on bringing it down to a more serious tone in the upcoming chapter, with action and violence. As for "Ultimelement", all will be explained eventually. :trollestia:

My pacing is still fast, but hopefully I will improve on that as I write my second fanfic (sequel to this one). :applejackunsure:

This story arc is over.
And I think the overall consensus still remains. It is ridiculously silly. :rainbowwild:
It's cliched, shallow, and also very odd.
But...I am still glad I read it. It's a probably a guilty pleasure to me. And I honestly am looking forward to the next story.
Plus that ending with Fleur and Echo..... :rainbowlaugh:

I will try as hard as I can not to make the next one silly, because that was never really my intent.... but I'm glad you liked it anyway. :applejackunsure:

great story a little rushed as you said but i liked it :twilightsmile:

I am surprised he eats bugs since he practically is one. That caught me off guard, but it is always good to explore new story directions.

There is certainly not a lack of weird in this story and (screaming* I like iiiiiiiit!)

Thanks for the good reviews, please recommend it to your friends if you can! :twilightsmile:

Aw, thanks! :pinkiehappy: please spread the word to your friends! The story shall continue soon..... :rainbowkiss:

1246680, I think he is going the flutter pony way of thought, in that changelings are a type of pony. And horses can eat meat in real life.

You call THIS violence?!
If you could see into my mind, you would die from grimdark overdose...

I didn't really mean for it to be grimdark, I just gave it a 'dark' tag to warn about the eeeeviiilll. :rainbowwild: The sequels to this will be even darker.

OK, my main problem is that Echo asked a random pony (who has a heart thats cold as steel by the name) if she could teach him to read and she instantly said yes. She has somewhere to go, and while they are nice, they still go with their plans first.

Yes, your pacing is fast, but this is fairly decent for your first story and I can actually believe this is your first story.

Following it, but that ultielement stuff is bull.

Is Princess Papillon from that one comic on DA?

Also, Nightmare Fuel.:rainbowlaugh:

2439247
Yes; I thought Nightmare Fuel would be a good name for it because I know the nightmare fuel is the term for "really disturbing fan art" and Nightmare Fuel also seems like it could be a tangible (physical) thing.

2439266 As soon as I saw Princess Papillon, I immediately played "Hellfire" from Hunchback of Notre Dame.

This was so bad, and too short to be so bad that it is good.

Sorry, but I gotta dislike this.

1349959 im thinkin the same (but I missed it beacause I skip a lot of stories)

I haven't read past this and I love this story

3959398 even though it was short and (apparently to other people cliché) it was the first one he or she made and honestly the cliché thing doesn't sound good to me because everything is influenced by something (great stories are based of other stories great moments). if I sound dumb or rude im sorry. (basically im not saying screw your opinion im just disagreeing on you disliking it. but it is obviously YOUR opinion NOT mine so I cant judge you but just disagree.) (sorry for being the typical guy stating he disagrees

>sees this from 6 years ago
Oh NOOOOOOOOOO

This was a much different me from a much different time....

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