• Member Since 17th Nov, 2017
  • offline last seen Yesterday


The name is Agustin Juarez, I am a 16-year-old dud who loves MLP! Not much to say right now.😂 looking forward to talking to anyone and I want to know how you are you liking my stories?



*Post each Chapter every 4-7 days*

My life was alright... I mean, it is my last year in High School so I can travel the world later on. But, I don't know... I just have this certain feeling that I am part of something big. And when I followed my heart into the woods, I come across something deep within it. But when I reached over to retrieve it, I found myself going through a portal. Moments later, I wake up to find myself... A pony? I have teleported to a land called Equestria where it is inhabited by ponies. But danger lurks around every corner and it is my true destiny to defend my new home.

Chapters (0)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 83 )

ladies man while I can honestly wish you the best of luck I won't be reading this because I have a personal vendetta about stories with odd number elements of harmony

There is no seventh element in Equestria other than what is canon in the mirror world of MLP...
2 earth ponies
2 unicorns
2 pegasus.

They're called the elements of harmony, an even number of two of each pony race, there doesn't need to be a seventh when the elements worked just fine without a seventh...


I will not become the 7th element of harmony, just be a part of the Mane 6 and their journey.

so he's a honorary element then?

The seventh is arguably Spike. Though I’ve heard some add in both Sunset and Starlight.


Basically... I'm just there for a ride...

While the Mane 6 like to use the elements to save the world... I like to use my strength and power to stop the enemies.

Basically me too...

I am not representing the 7th element of harmony... Just a part of the Mane 6

well its not the most original story idea out their I would probably have to put it top ten used ideas but as long as he doesn't fall into many of the very commen traps like not having any weakness or always gets one or more of the mane six to fall in love with them then it will defenatly be worth reading


No no... I can assure this won't be some story that will go as the show has shown us. My OC will have flaws and will only have one who will fall in love. But my story will intentionally shift a different way from the show, like the Grand Galloping Gala, Queen Chrysalis appearance, Discords return, or Tirek's return. They will all be different from the show.

But why add yourself to the mane six? That is one the most overused tropes. Next to human in Equestria and displaced at least.

I know I know... It is, but hey... It's my story and I'm going with it.

Seconded. This trope has been done to death on every foreseeable level.

Also, cliche checklist:

>High School
>Official/Unofficial member of Mane 6
>Embedded video serving for sound effects rather than simply writing it into the plot
>Martial arts/some kind of "power"
>*chicken noise* or other sound effects simply dropped in, rather than described. AKA telling rather than showing
>Overuse of "said"
>Strong pool of magic
>Shoehorned-in, unnecessary conversation with girls

EDIT: forgot something.
>No explanation behind how or why the protagonist is transported to Equestria
>Misused tags

Anyways, that's just a bit of constructive criticism. I'll just hope that you don't take this the wrong way.

Unless it's an ego element. I know it makes no sense, but if there was a 7th element, it wouldn't be located in Equestria, nor would it be bound together with the other 6, it would become its own element, created by something anonymous, that only one can wield or wear.

That's the case with my MLP story, which has a 7th ego element, called the Element of Peace and Patience, very unstable, with no known location, and can only be used by someone or somepony with enough power and strength to control it.

It's also tagged second person yet it's in first person.

Whoops. Missed that one. I wasn't looking at the tags. Yeah, second person inserts the reader into the story as the protagonist, using pronouns such as "You" rather than "I" or "They".


No, I won't be mad or anything... I get it though... But this is my first story, it will be crappy in the beginning parts, but, later on, I will improve the storytelling and the plot.

Sorry for the bad story I know😂


Thank you for that...

Sorry for this... I know it's bad

It may be an overused trope, but as long as there are people who still like it and the story is well written, it'll stay. I mean really, there are human-turned-pony stories that follows the original mlp plot but the main character's interaction has little to no impact, yet its gotten alot of likes.

EDIT: I'm going to give this story a chance.

Hm, there are clichés, yes, but I can forgive them to an extent. When you are an upstarting writer, you like to try out what can work and try to build off of it, so I'm not gonna critize that, we all have to start somewhere and I'm sure if you have motivation, you will fix issues like that in later stories.

However, your dialogue is a bit bland. The characters (especially the humans) just sorta said stuff with no real emotion, I understand sometimes people don't do much else to say things, but there seems to be an underreaction to everything.

For example, nobody questions much more about Auggie when he disappeared except for a simple "where is he?" statement. It also seems like Augustine acted like falling down a dark hole was no big deal. I don't know about you, but if I fell into something, I would at least try to let people know I fell or something. I also would've freaked out a lot more if I were turned into a pony, even if I were a hardcore brony or something, which Auggie most definitely isn't close to, as you made it clear that MLP is probably not a show in the human verse.

The story does not show as much as it tells, which is a problem. Sure, we know what's going on, but we can't exactly visualize or know what Auggie is going through.

The ponies also really should've been more confused and more in character with the source material. Fluttershy was more realistic as you continued to write, but I'm not so sure she would greet Auggie so vigilantly. I may be wrong though, I haven't watched the show in some time. Princess Celestial, although she is the most powerful allicorn, would not usually be aware of someone like Auggie just appearing into the world. Tirek and other villians are distinguished with immense power, whereas Auggie is a simple unicorn who just appeared in Equestria. I do not believe she is quite all-knowing as you portray her.

If Auggie had more emotion and reacted normally while he described the helplessness and confusion he felt when arriving, we'doff to a great start, but such an intro as yours will not hook readers into reading the rest of your story.

I, however, will continue to read it, because I think you have potential to make this into a good story if you flesh out the characters more.

Thank you for this...

I will take this into consideration and make some changes

Wow, a writer who doesn't try backhanded comments at criticism? Looks like I made the right decision when I decided I'd read the rest of it as it comes out. :D


Hey man every story will have people who will criticize it, I'm not going to let comments like those bring me down... They show me what might be wrong or what I can change...

You'd usually be correct, although many people are not fit to criticize certain things. I have a personal vendetta against stuff like clop-fics, so if I review those type of stories, it wouldn't necessarily help anyone. :rainbowlaugh: I've learned that I'm just wasting my time when I do that, as it's mostly a problem with the genre rather than the writer themselves.

You need to read this, though I claim no words having been written by me.

So I’m going to come right out of the gate by being brutally honest:

Your first story is going to suck.

And by that, I mean it will be absolutely terrible no matter how hard you try.

The reason for this isn’t that you’re a terrible writer or that your ideas are trash (though I’m not excluding those possibilities), I’m just saying that, as a matter of fact, you don’t yet have the experience necessary to determine what is good writing and what is absolutely terrible writing. You haven’t yet experimented enough to find your own style, and you haven’t been through the fire and flames of public critique from which you should learn.

My first story was absolutely atrocious. I can’t believe I even thought it was a good idea at the time (because I definitely did). Sure I was eventually able to bring myself to kill it and attempt a massive rewrite, but some noobishness still lingers within the OC descriptions and overdone prose. I’ve since abandoned the project, but I may come back to it and completely redo it (again). I still like the idea, but canon has since obliterated any and all hope of making it fit the way I wanted it to, so I may have to trash it completely and start again. So even my first story sucked.

Now I don’t want you to get discouraged by this statement of objectively undeniable fact. What I do want is for you to understand what it’s going to really take for you to become a good writer and for you to have success in the fiction world:

Work, and lots of it.

This doesn’t mean the process can’t be fun, because it totally can, especially if that’s all you intend to do when writing.

Having fun is, in fact, my first tip: Don’t be too serious about writing. If you are, then you risk being so emotionally invested in your very first not-as-great-as-you-think fiction story that the critique and downvotes will deliver crushing blows to your hopes, dreams, and ego. I don’t want that to happen to you as it did to me (and many other hopeful writers). So don’t stress so much about everything. Messing up and experimenting are part of the process, and if you get some downvotes or critical commentary because of it, don’t take them personally. You’re learning, be forgiving of yourself and of the people who may not know that you’re a beginning writer.

And don’t get defensive. First time writers usually make the mistake of loving their first ideas as precious babies that must be protected and defended, rather than the proving of the waters that they really are.

Take every comment and criticism into consideration. While some will be massively opinionated, others are full of helpful tips and hints regarding what your audience wants to read. So don’t be defensive. If someone doesn’t like your story, deleting their comments or trying to explain something “they should have understood” won’t convince them otherwise. Accept their criticisms and try to learn from them. (A good rule of thumb is “If you have to explain it, you haven’t done your job as a storyteller and something needs to be fixed.”)

Just to be clear, these first tips aren’t about writing mistakes. They’re about emotional mistakes, and I want to prepare you beforehand by letting you know that your story already sucks, even though you haven’t written it yet. Accept that, and be willing to learn from it, and you’ll be all the happier and better for it.

So to reiterate: Don’t take it too seriously. Have fun with it. Experiment, then learn from your mistakes (because we all make them from time to time). :twilightsmile:

In fact, the silly and fun ideas are usually the ones that get picked up and read now days, mostly because srs biznus can get super tiring. But that’s a different topic.

“But Piercing! How do I make sure my first stories don’t suck so much?”

Good question! I will now dedicate the rest of this lecture to answering it. It’ll be a bit long, but if you manage to get to the end and take my advice, you can avoid writing something you’ll later massively regret.

I’m breaking it up into a few sections:
1 - How Not to Be a Noob (some things to avoid doing in your first fic if you want people to take your work seriously)
2 - Publishing Your Story (when, where, and how to publish your story)
3 - What Now? (some tips about how to handle what comes next, and what to do when you’re done) (Hint: You’re not actually done)
4 - Resources (useful references and things that you absolutely MUST read before beginning your first story)

I know this looks like a lot, but trust me, I wish I knew these things when I started writing. So I’m giving them to you now so you can avoid making the same mistakes that I and many others have made.

Now let’s get started!

How Not to Be a Noob

There’s no other way to put it. Your first story idea probably falls into one of these absolutely forbidden tropes.

The reason they are forbidden isn’t simply because they’re poorly written or bad ideas (though they are those things), but they are forbidden because the fandom has seen these kinds of fics so often that they come off as annoying and noobish beyond all reason. Just about every experienced reader dislikes them because they are massive signs of being a noob.

If you decide to venture forth and write a story that fits any of these tropes, prepare for downvotes and satirical comments. Some people may ask whether or not you’re serious. Perhaps most importantly, your fic will be ignored completely and utterly.

So, don’t do these things… ever. At least not while you’re still a beginner. Successfully doing any of these things in a new, competent, and high-quality way is excruciatingly difficult for even the most experienced of writers. I don’t dare venture into most of these areas myself for fear of crucifiction (spelling intentional).

Anyway, I think that warning is clear enough. On to listing the atrocities of noobish writing:

1 • The Angsty/OP/Self-insert/Mary Sue OC - This is above and beyond the most hated offender of the bunch. If your OC is angsty (“I hate my life”, “my soul is blacker than space”, terrible/awkward at everything they do, etc.), overpowered (alicorns, impossibly/abnormally skilled, and the like), a self-insert (wish-fulfillment, human in equestria, and such), or a Mary Sue (any combination of the previous categories), your story is essentially doomed to a life of downvotes and mockery. And if the story is obviously a self-insert (the protagonist has your username) then the downvotes and mockery will be even worse.

And whoever your OC is, even if they manage not to fit the above description, the story absolutely should NOT be all about your OC. Sure they can be the main protagonist, but do NOT make the story about them. I hope that made sense.

Avoid this category like the plague unless you have years of experience and are certain you know what you’re getting into. Trust me on this one; it isn’t worth it.

2 • Bad Grammar, Spelling, Punctuation, and more... - Seriously, if you don’t know how to properly punctuate things like dialogue, or how to put a comprehensible sentence together, you should probably go and study up on that first. Writing your story in understandable English is just as important as having a good story to write. Here is a link that I highly recommend. I talk more about it in the references section.

3 • Overdone OC descriptions - This happens a lot. It’s a bit difficult to describe, so instead I’ll give you some examples:

Hi, I’m Mahogany Dreams. I have a carmel coat with dark brown hair and teal eyes-...

Okay, that’s enough examples.

In all seriousness though, no one cares what your OC looks like unless it’s important to the story, and to be honest, it usually isn’t. When you describe your OC visually (especially in the first person), it gives the impression that the story is all about your OC being a special little snowflake who the story must entirely focus on lest they cease to exist.

And please for the sake of all that is sacred and worship-worthy (and your mental health), do NOT make your OC black and/or red or any combination. Scars are acceptable, but don’t make them an important part of their personality.

Only introduce the things we need to know when we need to know them. That’s a super simple rule of thumb that I think works not just for OC descriptions, but for everything else in writing as well.

When it comes to an OC, the most we really need is a name, a race (not so much), and a gender, all of which can be covered with simple dialogue and actions instead of direct statements.

4 • “Hi, I’m new to Equestria!” - Any stories about being suddenly transformed into a pony, encountering the mane six for the first time only to get caught up in their adventures, or any other similar premises are heavily frowned upon. This type of story falls under the “self-insert” category described above. It’s because of these kinds of stories that Human in Equestria stories are the most disliked category on fimfic. It very rarely works out, especially if it’s your first story.

5 • Shipping an OC With Any of the Mane Cast - Just don’t do it. It comes off instantly as being a self-insert. In fact, as a beginner, you should avoid most shipping unless you’re confident you understand how romance really works and your story isn’t focused on shipping at all.

But if you really want to try it, I highly recommend reading a few lectures specifically regarding characters and shipping before you even put down the first word.

Seriously, romance is hard to write, especially for a beginner.

6 • Biting Off More Than You Can Chew - Very frequently, new writers like to attempt a grand entrance with a tolkienesque epic or some other huge and unmanageable tome of fiction. Certainly war and intricate adventure/suspense stories are fun and all, but they aren’t good for your first story unless you’re absolutely committed to going over it multiple times with teams of editors, proofreaders, and pre-readers to make sure you polish it up properly. The problem with these stories isn’t that they are bad, but that they feel forced and overdone to the point that the writer eventually abandons the project altogether.

Don’t start with that. Let the idea fester and grow some more while you gain a bit more experience writing shorter and more manageable stories. Otherwise, you risk wasting a good idea with inexperienced writing.

One-shots and other short stories can make for good practice. If you’re a beginner and want to improve, that’s a quick way to do it.

7 • Etc. - Those are really the biggest offenders when it comes to beginners writing stories. If you fall into one of these tropes, you will likely get called out with votes and comments, then you’ll get all angry and sad and defensive, and probably lose confidence in your ability to write, etc. etc…

Don’t let that happen to you.

For all general purposes, I highly, highly recommend reading plenty of other stories before you venture off on your own. You can learn a lot by reading plenty of good (and bad) examples. Find some of your favorite stories with your favorite styles and think about and learn why you loved them so much. What was it that interested you? What was boring? What was annoying? What mistakes do you want to avoid when writing your story?

Reading a lot is a wonderful method of honing your own writing. It can inspire and motivate you while educating you. So read. Read a lot. And learn from what you love and what you hate.

I know I’m using the phrase “I highly recommend” a lot, but I don’t want you to think I don’t mean it. I mean it every single time I say it. So please, for your sake, take my advice into consideration and avoid falling into any of the above tropes.

Publishing Your Story

So, you’re writing your story, and you want to publish it? Slow down young fledgling, I want to show you some publishing strategies that you may want to consider.

There are three general methods:
1 - Write and update when I feel like it.
2 - Write and update on a regular schedule.
3 - Don’t publish anything until it’s completely done.

Take some time to think about how you want to release your stories. Each has their advantages and disadvantages.

The first is generally what most writers end up doing even though they want to do the second. Writing on a consistent and regular schedule is extremely difficult, especially if your writing depends on having inspiration.

The third is a nice way of doing it, though you don’t get the instant feedback that tells you whether or not your story is taking a bad track. It does, however, allow you to ignore the feedback until publishing time (but as a beginner, feedback is good) and without the feedback bothering you, you can generally stay motivated to finish it on your own time in whatever way you want.

So before publishing anything, give those publishing strategies some consideration.

As for where to publish your story, start with just fimfiction and other similar sites that don’t require any form of quality control. It’ll give you decent enough exposure to gauge a reaction to the story without you having to go through the hoops of a pre-reading team.

As a beginner, I advise against submitting your story to EqD. They have a large number of fics coming in all the time, and the pre-readers are blunt and straightforward. They can shoot your story out of the sky and throw it in a blender without even blinking. And you can cry all you want, but that won’t make them love your story.

While EqD does get you views, it only gets you views because your story deserves them. It’s not there for you to get more people to judge your story. The only people there who will end up doing that is the pre-readers, and trust me, you don’t want them to be your very first encounter with critical responses. You gotta warm up to that level of unforgiving scrupulousness.

So stick with Fimfic and other low barrier of entry sites for now.

When should you publish it?

That’s entirely up to you. I’m aware that some attempts have been made to look at the statistics of site traffic to maximize viewership, but when you have to submit your story to the Fimfic moderators for review first, the timing of release really depends on when they get around to skimming your work, and that can take a few hours.

The good target time, I’d say, is about noon to early afternoon United State time on any day that isn’t Friday. That’s when there is (supposedly) a high ratio of site visitors to new fics being published, and your fic has a high likelihood of being seen and read.

Views aren’t just good for making a fic look good, but they’re also good because you’re more likely to get a useable amount of feedback from which you can learn and grow.

Remember, your first story is going to suck horrifically, which makes it the perfect opportunity to learn what you need to improve on.

What Now?

Well now, you keep going. Read comments, learn from them, write more stories, finish some one-shots, read a ton of other writers’ works, and don’t be afraid to experiment.

Check out more of the lectures here in the School for New Writers. DEFINITELY check out the resources below. And when you’re done with those, start exploring other things.

The most important thing, though, is to not get discouraged. As I said, don’t take it too seriously. Have fun with it. Experiment, and learn from your mistakes (because we all make them from time to time). :twilightsmile:

Now! Resources! These are super important! Check ‘em out!

Writing Resources

First and foremost, is The Writing Guide. It is a fantastic resources that is always at your fingertips in the link at the top of the page (under FAQ):

In all honesty, this is the one resource I keep recommending to everyone. It includes all sorts of wonderful tips. Everything from grammar and punctuation to basic style and plot design is covered in it. Please, for the love of all things holy in this world, read it.

Read it all the way through, don’t skip a single section, and take to heart every bit of advice that you can.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve come across the same massive mistakes over and over again, all of which could have been avoided if they had just followed the advice of The Writing Guide.

Seriously, I cannotrecommend itenough.

Click here to check it out and be thoroughly educated in the ways of not sucking horribly at putting words in sentences and paragraphs.

I highly recommend everything regarding grammar and punctuation. That stuff is, like, super important. I also highly recommend the section on Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, a common pitfall for the amateur author.

I just recommend all of it.Read all of it.Do it.

Phew! Now that I’ve got that out of the way here are a few SFNW lectures that I frequently recommend (and yes, some of them are mine):

• How to Create a Story
• Building Round and Realistic Main Characters
• Showing vs Telling For the Millionth Time
• A Tool for All Authors: Do it Wrong On Purpose
• Teamwork Makes the Dream Work! Introduction to Writer’s Team
• Writer’s Block: The Solution(s)
• It Feels Rapey (How NOT to Write Romance)

I would recommend more, but I think keeping it to the basics is a good idea.

I hope this has been useful and instructive. I may update this every once in a while as I find better advice, or better ways to word the advice I’ve already given.

Anyway, this lecture is waaaaay longer than I intended it to be. Then again, learning to write takes waaaaay longer than you probably expected.

It’s a lot of work, but if you approach it right, it can be a ton of fun, and eventually, you may write a super successful story if you so choose.

That’s all for today. Thanks for reading, and good luck!

Chocolate Scented Paper,

[Copied from the lecture records of the School for New Writers, posted with permission]

Very, very rushed.

Unknown Forest

Of course, he ended in Everfree. Like thousand OC before him. Obviously, Equestria doesn't have any other places where interdimensional travelers could appear.

"I believe I can answer that," a motherly tone said from above.

What the hell is Celestia doing here? She a leader of a presumably multimillion nation who most likely has lots of things to do. Why is she here again?

I and the goddess of the Sun.

No, she's not. As far as I remember she never ever called that by anyone.

especially those who have a strong pool of magic

Ugh... Of course, our hero has a "strong pool of magic". Because how could he not?
We can't really have a hero with average or belove average pool of magic, isn't? That would be a blasphemy or something.
And unless this OC an absolute monster who easily dwarf Twilight or Glim-Glam in terms of magic I doubt that Celestia would give any fucks about him.

"You can remain here with either Fluttershy or Applejack... Your choice,"

What? She knows pretty much a zero about him! Maybe he a serial killer or rapist? And she allows him near critical and very important persons? I don't even mention that she doesn't even ask for Fluttershy and Applejack permission to settle him in their houses.

"I must go now, it was nice knowing you Augustine Juarez, I hope we'll meet again soon."

Okay, what the hell just happening here? Celestia waltz in, said a couple of words and then leave?

said which made her blush so much her face turned red.

"O-Oh... Um... I-I... I like you too," Fluttershy said but it was very silent, even I couldn't hear it.

Um... Sorry, what? They know each other for how long? Half an hour at best?

You know, I could use an extra hoof with bucking the apple trees... What do ya say?

Do you need some help on your farm? Hire some random dude that you know for about half an hour! It's totally safe and sane!

I'm just not used to walking around with so many ponies nearby. It makes me nervous..."

She isn't okay with Ponyville denizens but totally fine with some dude that she sees first time in her entire life? Totally make sense! Keep in mind that we talking about Fluttershy who at this point afraid of her own shadow.

I looked around to see which way should I go, but as soon as I made a left turn, a cyan pegasus crashed into me.

Rise hands who not expect this? Jeez, no hands?

It only took me at least 30 seconds to organize the library and put it the way it was when I walked in. I was so happy to finally get the hang of this magic business, it felt easy to use.

Unicorns spend years learning magic? Forget about them, they just untalented losers! All of them!
No, really? You have magic for about twenty-four hours and you already able to pull shit like this?

"W-Who is that?" I stuttered as I pointed to a stallion next to a tree.

I really, really hope that this is isn't a "love at the first sight" or some other bull like that.

A magic beam hits her right on her face as she staggered back a bit. She looks down to see my horn ignited as I gave her a smirk.

Yes, who needs this stupid magic schools?

Okay, sorry, but it's bad. Full of cliches and wish-fulfillment of worst sorts.


I know i know... It's bad, thank you for that... I see that now and make improvements.

"Might introduce them to me?" I said.

This is incorrect, he should have said, “Mind introducing them to me?”

Sorry, maybe I overly blunt but... Your fic incredibly rushed and world revolving around your character. Also, your OC become overpowered pretty fast. From "I don't know anything about magic" straight into mass TK manipulation that very few ponies show us (Rarity and Twilight IIRC) and then into shooting NMM with Beams of DOOM.


I know😂 I'm gunna make my oc less powerful... Only when time is dire, he then shows his true power, but if not, it's all supressed and he's a bit weak... I know i rushed it and made my oc overpowered, but i will try and make adjustments on him later on the story.

And hey it's alright for the corrections and mistakes you show me... Any advice I will take


Only when time is dire, he then shows his true power, but if not, it's all supressed and he's a bit weak

I've said before that children attempting to write military fiction or sex is painful to see, but I never before saw them try at blue collar work.

You're a good person, I can tell. And it's not like you know how this kind of stuff will be received. You just get this idea, and you think it sounds great, then you push it out and... well, it's not a great idea. Even if the delivery is impeccable, the idea just... isn't.

The biggest compliment I can pay to you as an author is that you take criticism of the story in stride. This is a phenomenally good trait. You have no idea how many authors I've come across on this site who can't stand valid criticism of their overpowered Mary Sue self-insert alicorn OC. You can, and that's the difference between you and someone destined to wallow in the mediocrity of their first story. You are capable of being someone who will improve, make some great ideas, and impress all of us.

I've followed you because I want to see the next awesome idea you make. You hold promise as an author who's got potential. I don't often do editing gigs, but if you make a story with a good premise, I will endeavor to edit it for you. Anyone who can take this much flak on their very first story and not go crazy and start deleting comments and verbally lashing out at even well-meaning users deserves to shine and kick ass.

Just... don't go near Displaced. Please, please don't touch that genre with a 10-foot pole.

There's a difference between being displaced and the Displaced. Your story is not a Displaced as it lacks the elements; you need to mention the void, the multiverse, the merchant / a being of higher power that was the one who turned your character into a Displaced, plus I highly doubt you plan to meet other Displaced or have this guy make a token in order to cross into the other multiverses.

No no... I've made mistakes, I forgot why I joined that group, but this story is not a displaced

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!