A Slice of (Cake) Life

by Epic Yarn

Chapter 1

Put that down.

Now.

Pound!

No, don’t fly—come down! Pinkie will be—Pumpkin! What…? How…? Is that chocolate? Dear Celestia, please let that be chocolate.

Bath time. Now. Yes, now. That…chocolate needs to come off. Don't move, the carpet has enough hoof tracks. DON’T LICK YOUR SISTER’S HAIR!

No Pumpkin, don't—PUMPKIN!

Oh, thank Celestia you’re here Pinkie. Pound is on the ceiling and Pumpkin has magicked herself somewhere. She needs a bath and—don’t touch that, it might not be chocolate.

Gesundheit. I’ll get Pumpkin to the bath and then can you finish up after we leave? Carrot isn’t home yet, he had a quick delivery for Fluttershy. He should’ve been home ten minutes ago. Gesundheit, again. Do you think you could grab the soap and start on the carpet? If those hoof prints lead to the kitchen…I hope that’s chocolate. Gesundheit.

Pumpkin! You better be in the bathroom. I’m starting that ba—there you ar—and why are you in my room? That my grandmare’s brooch! Oh, now it’s covered in… It’s okay, Pumpkin. Don’t cry, we’ll clean it up. Don’t pop—

Hm. Of course I had to marry someone with unicorn blood. “Not to worry,” Grandmare said, “it was generations ago,” she said, “barely even there.” Now look—

Pumpkin, I’m running a bath. If you’re not here by the time I count to thr—good. Do you want Apple Cinnamon Bubbles or Candy Cane?

Apple Cinnamon it is.

Pound, come down here for a bath too. Now.

Where’s that bottle? It was just here. Pound, did you—? PUMPKIN, NO! NOT THE WHOLE BOTTLE! Quick, turn off the water. The bubbles—NO, DON’T JUMP!

…

It’s okay. I’ll just wear my other dress.

Carrot is that you?

Yes, I know. Pumpkin dumped the whole bottle in and—

Don’t laugh or I’ll throw these bubbles at you.

I have bubbles in my tail?

And my dress?

You’re sweet, now give me a minute to rinse off and change. We can still make—

What’d you mean?

Pinkie is fine, she—

She is not palpably sick, she’s…sleeping in the kitchen now, isn’t she?

Cinnamon sticks. Okay, it’s fine. We can be a bit late. What about Applejack? She can bring over Apple Bloom and—

Fluttershy? She’s good with—

Twilight and Spike?

Rainbow Dash?

Rarity?

Trixie? No, not Trixie! What about Lyra?

Bon Bon?

Granny Smith?

Zecora?

Big Mac?

You called them all?

Sick? You sure?

Of course, I believe you. It’s just…everyone is sick? That’s—

The Sneezing Wheezing?! Oh dear, that’s—

Contagious, yes. I guess we don’t have a choice. We don’t want the foals catching it. Thank Celestia we got vaccines last
week.

It’s fine.

I said it’s fine.

Just soap in my eyes, is all. I mean, we’ve been planning this for months, just you and I. We haven’t had time together without the foals since…I don’t remember when.

It’s fine. Help me get them to bed. Actually, help Pinkie to bed. Then if you could finish cleaning up the kitchen? Don’t worry, it’s chocolate…I think. Sanitize everything just to be sure.

Okay, Gum Drops One and Two, time to get out…

Now don’t whine, you’re as wrinkly as an old plum. It’s—

Pinkie Pie is sick, Dearie, you—

She can’t. She’s sick.

Mommy will read you stories.

I know it’s not Pinkie Tales, but—

I can so do the silly voices. I do great silly voices!

When Pinkie gets all better she’ll read to you. I promise.

Come here, now, you need a towel. No, don’t shake!

Thank you, Pound. Mommy needed a bath anyway.

Okay, jammy time. Pound do you want stars or horseshoes?

Rainbows? Okay, you get the rainbows.

Pumpkin—

No, you can’t sleep naked.

Because you’ll get cold.

Mommy and Daddy DO NOT sleep naked.

…

New rule. You aren’t allowed to magically pop into Mommy and Daddy’s room. EVER.

Your daddy and I were…playing a game.

A mare and stallion game.

No, foals can’t play.

No more questions time for bed. Get. the. star. jammies. on.

Yes, you can have the butterfly ones instead.

…or the diamonds.

Just pick something, Pumpkin.

Star pajamas. Perfect. Let me help—

Okay, okay. You do it.

Pound, come down now. It’s story time. Now, Pound. Pumpkin, stop horsing around. Don’t you pop away. It’s bed time.

Pinkie Pie isn’t putting you to bed tonight. I am.

Pinkie’s sick, remember?

You’ll get sick too if she reads to you.

Crib. Now.

How about The Pony and The Princess?

No. No more questions tonight.

Ask tomorrow.

Ask Daddy. Tomorrow.

Shh, now. Once there was a blue foal…

No, I don’t know.

The pony is blue because it’s a blue pony.

Yes, little girls are real. Now…

I don’t care what Truth Finder says. Do you think little girls are real?

Then they’re real. If you believe then that’s all that matters. Good night, my little sugar cubes. Night-night, don’t let the zap bugs bite.

No no no no, zap bugs aren’t real. Just something pony’s say.

It means, “go to sleep.”

Look, no zap bugs.

I promise, there’s no zap bugs in the crib. They don’t like blankets.

See? No bugs. Goodnight.

Yes, you can have water.

No, no snacks. It’s bedtime.

We’ll talk about it tomorrow.

It’s bedtime now. Night-night, don’t let the za— Goodnight, Gumdrops. Love you to the moon and back.

Princess Luna won’t let you have bad dreams.

Because that’s her job.

Because she’s the princess of the moon.

Enough questions now. Good. Night.

Goodnight.

Goodnight I’m closing the door.

…

Praise Luna, I’d never thought they go to bed. Tomorrow I’m going to the castle to ask Princess Twilight for a spell. Did you know Pumpkin teleported into our room the other night?

Not that night. The other night.

Yes. That one.

I know.

I know. We’re the worst parents, aren’t we? I know I lost my patience tonight. It’s just…no one ever told me how many questions they’d ask. Remember when we were worried when they weren’t saying anything? Crunchy Granola wouldn’t stop going on and on about Amber Shine speaking in full sentences all the while asking why Pumpkin and Pound barely said anything? Do you think it would be bad to ask Twilight to whip up a silencing spell? It need only last a few hours. How’s Pinkie, now? She in bed?

Was it…chocolate?

Praise Celestia!

What’s that?

But…the kitchen is that way.

Okay, my eyes are closed, but I need to wash Grandmare’s brooch and—

No, I’m not peeking.

What’s that smell? Is that…hay burgers and alfalfa fries? Can I open my eyes yet?

…

Oh, Carrot. The candles. The flowers. Are those oat filled chocolates? You lit the fire, didn’t you? An indoor picnic. Just like our first date. You remembered. That was…what? Ten years ago from…today!

I didn’t forget, I just…. Our life is busy now, isn’t it? Ten years ago we never made it to the concert because of the rain. Now we’re missing our reservation. Is that…dandelion wine? I haven’t had that since before the foals came. This is just perfect. I love you…so very much.

Comments

[Level Dasher]

Wow. That was great! This sounds exactly like what I hear parents say it's like raising kids. Can I assume it's from personal experience?
May I also point out, I love that short description. Yes, I know what it's from.

[Epic Yarn]

8948659
Yeah, I didn’t have to dig too deeply to make the story true to life. Life with kids is crazy, but it can be really fun. Thanks for reading

[Xepher]

The bit about the chocolate still gets me!

[Hap]

Intriguing format, and well executed!

[Epic Yarn]

8950474
Thank you

[Titanium Dragon]

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Now Reviews #114.

My review can be found here.

[Georg]

So I was thinking. How long should we wait before we try again?

[Epic Yarn]

8952686
Hahaha. I’m not sure Mrs. Cake wants to answer that. However, Mr. Cake did bring her dandelion wine…

[Ruirik]

A sensible chuckle was had.

[Amber Spark]

Oh good god, this was too fantastic. For all of you people who don't have kids, THIS IS HAVING KIDS.

Seriously, this is like... every night for us right now. You know, save for the flying/teleporting thing (thank God). I immediately sent it to my wife and she enjoyed it thoroughly... you know, after she went through the flashbacks.

Though the dialogue written as standard narrative text threw me at the beginning, I really enjoyed it after I got used to it. I love the entire one-sided conversation she had with everyone, allowing the reader to insert the best response in there from Mrs. Cake's reactions.

...this is far less coherent than it should be, but it's early, so I hope you'll forgive me. Anyway, I loved it. Freaking loved it. Especially the end, for the simple fact that when you're married... you really need to take the dates you can and find the special moments even in the mundane.

[Epic Yarn]

8956666
So glad you liked it. And yes, this is very true to life. I didn’t have to reach far to pull out Mrs. Cake’s words.

You’re very right about making special moments out fo the mundane. It’s essential fuel for marriage. I’m pretty sure BlazzingInferno and I have had more dates in our living room than we have anywhere else, but it’s what keeps us going.

Thanks for reading :)

[Amber Spark]

8956771

I’m pretty sure BlazzingInferno and I have had more dates in our living room than we have anywhere else, but it’s what keeps us going.

I need to take a few pages from your book for that. Now, just to find some daffodil wine (Painted, my wife, was curious what that tasted like and now I am too).

[Epic Yarn]

8956848
No idea what that tastes like, either. I just figure Mrs. Cake really needs some

[Amber Spark]

8956887
After her day? She deserves a few bottles. ^^

[PresentPerfect]

Very nice story. :) Also serves as birth control.

[OleGrayMane]

Dear Celestia, please let that be chocolate.

... 👍🏻

[FanOfMostEverything]

A delightful tale of first-person desperation and adoration. Love is weird.

[AlexTFish]

That was hilarious and true-to-life and very sweet and delightful.

[forbloodysummer]

This was something very special

Thanks for writing!

[NaiadSagaIotaOar]

This was such a happy thing in a really wonderful way And the narration style seems very simple, but I can't think of any other stories that do somethint like it, and I'm not certain it'd work as well elsewhere.

Lovely read, thanks for sharing it

[MythrilMoth]

This is amazing.

[Striving for Harmony]

Sending this one along to friends, with my highest recommendation.

[Olden Bronie]

8995389
Ain't that the truth!

[Olden Bronie]

It's been a long time since my kids and even my granddaughters were small but you got the chaos and love down perfectly! This was a delightful read and will be in my favorites folder and recommended to so many of my friends. Thank you for making me laugh today.

[Just_Me123]

Oh wow, voice of experience here, so much hit square on the head, just beautiful. This is a wonderful, funny, story, thank you.

[Frankie2]

This was a very sweet story.

[Adda le Blue]

The best couple in the world struggling with the best job in the world. Such a relatable story! Well done.

[Ri2]

8952686
Mrs. Cake was arrested the next day for homicide. She claimed, "No court will convict me!" She was right, by an amazing coincidence, everyone on the jury was a recent parent.

[artofwar77]

This is your first pony story?
A fine job.

Thank you for sharing it here.

[Ice Star]

Short, sweet, silly, and tons of fun. You've got style.

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

I am in awe of the way you are able to convey so much in the sentences here. I perfectly understood Mrs. Cake's new-parent desperation in her dealing with ALL this insanity around her.

And that ending was just wonderful.

[SWEETOLEBOB18]

Kids. You spend the first year and a half trying to get them to walk and talk -and the next 17 trying to get them to sit down and shut up.

There is a reason that they are called "the terrible twos "

[MixMassBasher]

This was very sweet.

I know it’s not Pinkie Tales,

And nice nod to Pinkie Tales

[jegego]

I'm truly impressed by your ability to encapsulate so much within your sentences here. I could easily grasp Mrs. Cake's struggle as a new parent, dealing with all the chaos around her, and that conclusion was simply delightful.
#kake