Ditsy has an opportunity to earn a few more bits for Dinky's school fund by making an early-morning delivery of a dangerous cargo. One shot story that occurs before : To Sleep, Perchance to Dream
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 14th Jul, 2012
- online
Georg
Nothing special here, move along, nothing to see, just ignore the lump under the sheet and the red stuff...
Georg
Joined 14th Jul, 2012 ·
Online
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Only in Equestria would soft drinks constitute a life-threatening hazard.....
Aww... poor Derpy
(Yes, she's Derpy in my head. I see what you did there, but nonetheless.)
Georg, at the moment this apears to have the 'Dinky' tag. I think you ment the 'Derpy'/'Ditsy' tag? It should be in the same group, just over at the left end.
(Also, you should be able to linkify that with the [url= ] block. Same way as posting a link in the comments.)
998017 Thank you! I swear I looked all over for Ditsy's tag and could not find it. And I updated the URL (I'm used to embedding HTML, never did BBS code before. My Geek Cred is severely lowered by this )
Is the last speaker supposed to be Shining Armour? No, because he doesn't have a brother. Blueblood? Also no brother. I'm out of guesses.
I don't know why this story hasn't got more green thumbs. The poem at the start may be off-putting, as it gives the impression at first that the entire story will be in verse. Each part is very well-written, but I think there's some kind of structural problem. There's something about the ending I can't quite put my finger on... maybe it's that the entire story is un-intentional, meaning the only protagonist (character who sets things in motion) is nature and blind chance. But Jack London's story To Build a Fire is also like that. I can't tell what the ending is supposed to accomplish. Maybe it's missing closure - we don't think we know what's going to happen next, we don't feel like anyone's life has changed. Maybe it lacks a psychological component - Derpy overcomes a physical threat, but one that has no special significance to her and doesn't require any character growth or psychological struggle.
This is going to bug me for a while. I'm going to re-read To Build a Fire and see if I can figure out what the difference is between these stories. ADDED: Back. The key difference seems to be that the man dies in To Build a Fire, and that it's his own fault for having the arrogance to travel without a companion. The arrogance is the psychological component; this story hasn't got one.
After thinking it over some more, here's my thoughts:
- The opening poem is nice, but doesn't connect to the story.
- The closing section is long, confusing, misdirecting the reader to trying to figure out who is speaking, and doesn't contribute to the story.
- In To build a fire, the man is the protagonist, because he knows the cold is dangerous and decides to take it on anyway. He starts the contest, and he continues it midway thru the story when he has the chance to wait out the cold (sounds like a bad idea to me, but the author thought it was a good idea), and presses on. In this story, Derpy isn't the protagonist, because she doesn't enter into anything knowingly. She's just doing her job when bad things happen, and she reacts to them.
- To build a fire is about the man's arrogance. He's very competent, but still arrogant, and this is highlighted many times in the story, including by contrasting his smarts to the dog's wisdom. The story is about him learning this, but too late. This story doesn't have a character arc or a psychological component.
It still deserves more attention than it got.
1017166 High Flight is what I consider to be the very core of the joy of flight, the feeling you get when making the perfect turn, or breaking through the clouds and climbing into the sunshine when there is nothing but clouds and grey rain on the ground. I was just going to put in one or two lines, but really the whole thing deserved to be there. Pegasi embody that feeling of joy you get while flying, and Ditsy is the embodiment of sacrifice for the ones she loves. It all just...fit.
Spoiler: The second voice at the end is the older brother to Ditsy's deceased husband, i.e. former brother-in-law. He's the main character in Two Unicorns Walk Into a Village and has a very tiny non-speaking role in To Sleep, Perchance To Dream "To Sleep" is done with the exception of editing and should be totally out by mid-month. If you don't sniffle at least once reading those two, either you don't have a heart or I *really* need to do more work.
1018453
>High Flight is what I consider to be the very core of the joy of flight, the feeling you get when making the perfect turn, or breaking through the clouds and climbing into the sunshine when there is nothing but clouds and grey rain on the ground.
Yes, but that's not what this story is about.
1018453 I agree with him about poem being a bit disorienting. Maybe set them off with italics or something in future?
K, offset the poem in italics, corrected a *horrible* grammar error in the first portion.
You have my attention
I like stories with what I think of as 'small' heroism- that which is done not in the public eye but for reasons of duty, morality, or charity. This story makes me think of the verse,
Or the much shorter words of the USAF Pararescue: "That Others May Live"
I also really like stories that show Derpy as having a strong character, rather than as a comedic figure. Thankfully, they've become much more common over time, but I really liked this one, though it's sad. Now I need to dig back into To Sleep... and try to continue- I last looked at it before the second chapter was published.
Very nice short, and I like the foreshadowing at the end.
This gets a five derp rating.
2912858
I see your 5 derps and raise you 6
This was truly inspiring. As I read, I was in awe of Ditsy's moral strength while passing over the city. She decided to struggle to exit the city while losing altitude. Instead of trying to save her own life the main thing running through her mind was not trying to survive but to try and minimize the casualties she was going to inevitably going to cause.
Ditsy's courage and determination in avoiding the pedestrians and not dropping her dangerous cargo when it could've been so much easier was incredible. Thank you for making something so amazing. Definitely earned a like and favorite from me.