• Published 23rd May 2018
  • 9,140 Views, 31 Comments

The Good Monster - Yellowtail

One day, everything changed for me when some abomination of an animal called Discord shows up, tells us we’ll be on an adventure. and chucks me and my friend into another dimension.

  • ...

Chapter 1: Arena Battle Royal (Reset)

Author's Note:

Wow! One reset? Everything’s much smoother now!

(Warning! This chapter is rewritten! The following chapters are not yet done! Some bits of story will not make sense!)

Chapter 1: Arena Battle Royal

I slowly wake up, grumbling about the cold concrete beneath me. However, as I grumble, I hear distorted muttering. I shut up, and listen close, but it also stops. That’s weird. I slowly open my eyes, and try to sit up, only to find black tentacles all around me. Now, there are very few things I’d do to react. I could calmly look around for the source of the tentacles, deciding how to get it off me. The other way, is me screaming. If you think I’m going to react to tentacles all around me with calmness and dignity, you’re on some shit. I scream in panic, and as I scream, a distorted voice screams along with me. “What the fuck!?” Dave yells.

“DAVE FUCKING HELP!!! I DON’T WANNA BE IN A HENTAI!!!” I yell. It’s here, that I finally notice, that the distorted voice is repeating what I say... Wait. “Wait- hold on-“ I try to move my arm, but a bunch of tentacles move instead. “Holy shit- I AM THE HENTAI!!!” I scream with even more panic.

“MAX!!! Will you stop joking and tell me what the fuck you’re doing!?” Dave yells. I try to calm down, taking deep breaths.

“Right, right uh-“ I look at the mass of tendrils that I control. It seems my entire body is made of tendrils. “What’s my face look like?” I ask. Dave, shuddering, looks away as soon as he sees my face.

“Uh, two eyeballs in a shitload of tentacles,” he says.

“Okay, okay,” I say, calming down a bit more. “How the fuck do I turn back?!” I ask.

“I don’t know!” Dave yells back.

“Uh- fuck it, let me try concentrating,” I say. I shut my eyes tightly, and think about how I looked before. Red unzipped hoodie, grey shirt, jeans, and loafers. I repeat this like a mantra until finally Dave breaks the silence.

“Woah,” he says. I open my eyes and look at myself.

“Holy shit it worked,” I say, amazed that it had done so.

“It was like... I don’t know how to describe it,” he says. “It’s... I guess it’s a little off putting.”

“That was terrifying,” I say, taking another deep breath. “I mean, I guess I can control it, but...”

“...Yeah,” Dave says.

“What were you two yelling about?” A guard says, coming up to our cell. I look over and hold up my hand.

“This,” I say, before thinking of the tendrils. Just like that, my hand splits up into five tendrils, which elongate to go up to the guard’s face. He screams and stumbles back before turning tail and running. I snicker and retract the black appendages, turning it back into my hand. “I could get used to this,” I quietly say.

“That’s freaky,” Dave notes. I nod.

“True dat, true dat,” I say, laying back down.

“... What else do you think you can do?” I hear my friend ask.

“No clue, but I’ll worry about it later,” I say. I hold my hand up to my face, trying to look at my skin closely. It’s weird, it’s like it’s kinda skin, but also... not. I hum in interest before putting it down. I mean, I can sort of control it, so it must mean it won’t necessarily hurt me. I grimace as I hear Dave sigh. Five bucks says he’ll call this place boring.

“... You know, when I was thrown in here, I thought it’d be ass. It’s worse than ass, it’s boring,” he says. I scoff.

“Better than torture,” I remark.

“This is torture,” he replies.

“True,” I say.

A bit of time passes before a marching of hooves echo in the corridor. “Looks like we got visitors,” I say. Two guards come up, unlocking the door and pulling it open. Princess Celestia walks through, and here I notice she has a tattoo of a sun on her rump. “Hey Celestia,” I say.

“You will regard her with respect!” A guard barks. Before Celestia says anything Dave sighs.

“Why do you guys have to yell so loud?” He asks. “I mean, damn, we’re in an echoey shithole, why do you need to yell?” The guard starts to say something, but Celestia shushes him.

“Please, I wish to move this along. As crude as their respect is, if there’s anything to go by from what their previous guard said, they’re much too dangerous to upset while I am right in front of them,” she says. The guard looks like he wants to argue, but he closes his mouth and sends a glare my way. I hold up a hand and flip him off. “I’m not going to ask what that means,” Celestia comments. “But I will ask you this, why are you here?” Dave sighs, sitting up.

“Don’t know. Some sort of ‘game’ according to... what was his name Max?” Dave asks. I look up in thought.

“Uh... Discord, I think,” I say. Celestia hums, looking down in thought.

“... Storm,” she says, making one guard salute. “Go to the library, ask a local academic, Moon Dancer, to look into this ‘Discord’,” she says. The guard salutes again and runs off. Celestia turns to me.

“What did this creature look like?” She asks.

“Like a piece of abstract art in animal form,” I say. Dave laughs.

“Yeah, that’s a good way to describe him. He specifically had a goat head, a feathery body, a talon, a lion paw-“

“It sounds like he’s a draconequus,” Celestia interrupts. “They went extinct thousands of years ago.”

“Oh? What killed them?” I ask.

“We... don’t know,” she replies. “There was one in existence, but he disappeared around a thousand years ago.”

“Are they immortal, or did this guy time travel?” I ask. Dave looks at me funny. “Hey, the fucker ripped us from our world and placed us in this one, turning me into...” I stop and look at my hands. “... Whatever I am... Now, I’ve got a question for you guys.” Celestia nods. “Where are we?” I ask.

“This is Canterlot, the capital of Equestria,” she answers. I nod.

“Cool,” I say. Celestia waits for me to ask something else, but notices that I’m done.

“... Don’t you want to know anything else?” She asks. I shake my head.

“Nah, I’m good. Dave?” I ask. He gives a thumbs up. “There you go.”

“...There was something I wanted to ask about,” Celestia starts. “What exactly are you two?” I give a short hollow laugh.

“Dave’s human. Me, no clue,” I say. “I’d need to see what all I can do in a fight. I have a feeling I’ll figure it out then.”

“Oh I’d love to take you on,” a guard mutters. I snap my attention to that guard, and he freezes up.

“And if you did, I guarantee you wouldn’t last,” I warn. “Maybe you should put more weight into the fact that I’m not human like David.” The guard shudders and leans back a bit before shaking his head.

“I-I bet I can take you!” He says with false bravado.

“Please,” Celestia says, like an annoyed mother. “Just, stand down.” The guard looks at me again, and I swear I can see him shiver a little before straightening up.

“... Tell you what,” I say, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Why don’t we make this interesting? We want to test our powers-“

We?” Dave asks.

“-and your guards want to charge at us like target practice,” I say, gesturing to them. “I have full confidence that we can take them, and I’m sure they want to fight us. So, let’s do just that.” Celestia looks at me with confusion.

“And why would I do that?” She asks, a hint of concern in her voice.

“Because I hate it when someone looks down on me,” I say. “And your guards will keep being aggressive unless we show them that we’re tougher. Call it a show of competence more than a show of force.” Celestia looks at me, trying to see if I’m serious. After a moment, she looks at the nearest guard to her left.

“Do you wish to fight them?” She asks.

“I would gladly fight them with my fellow soldiers,” he says. Another guard shoots him a glare, but sighs.

“As would I,” he says, almost reluctantly. Celestia looks between us.

“... Can I just say, that I don’t really wanna fight anyone?” Dave asks. I look at him, with a smile on my face.

“Trust me,” I say. He starts to object, but sighs.

“If I die, I’m haunting your ass,” he says.

“Oh, no one has to die,” I say. “Just seriously injured or knocked out. Neutralizing, not extermination,” I clarify. Dave shakes his head.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” he says. “Regardless, I trust you. Just don’t make me regret it.” I wave him off as Celestia and the guards look between us.

“Don’t worry, it won’t be too bad. Worse case is our asses get handed to us,” I say. He sighs, laying back down.

“Very well then, I’ll start preparing the event,” Celestia says. She turns to me. “Is there anything either of you need?”

“Get this man a sword,” I say. She nods and turns to the guards.

“They are allowed to roam free. Provide them with directions to the Canterlot Arena,” she says. They all salute, running off to fulfill their duties. Celestia walks out with them. Dave sits up again, suddenly.

“Wait, we can leave the shitty cell?” He asks out loud. I shrug and yawn.

“I’m going back to sleep. Come wake me when you guys are ready to-“

“Oh no motherfucker, you’re helping me shape up,” David says, hopping off his bed. He marches to me, grabs the hood of my hoodie, and slowly drags me off the bed.

“Ow,” I say, putting up no resistance as he grunts to drag me out.

“Fuckin’- can you get up!?” He yells. I hum in thought.

“... Eh, sure,” I relent. I get up, putting my hands in my hoodie’s pockets before following him out the dungeon.

David and I walk through the streets, with two guard-ponies watching our every move. “Damn, look at all this gold,” I say.

“Yeah, makes you wonder where they get it from,” Dave notes.

“That’s confidential,” one guard behind us says.

“And no one fucking asked you,” I remark. We’re walking down a street, along the sidewalk. Various well-dressed horses- er, ponies, as I had learned, are a little iffy upon spotting my friend and I. Some ponies would try to blatantly and obnoxiously look away, and some ponies would hurry along. I frown, getting deja vu from these actions. They’re just like people back home.

“... You alright Max?” Dave asks.

“We’re in another world, magic exists, I’m missing two entire essays for that bullshit they call a class, and I’m still poor as fuck from all of this. I’m having a blast,” I say dryly. He laughs.

“Yeah, maybe we should consider staying here. We don’t have to pay taxes,” he says.

“Actually, if we stayed, I think the laws would be amended so that you would pay taxes,” I remark. He furrows his brow.

“And why won’t they tax you?” He asks me.

“Because one, we dunno what the fuck I am. And two, if I am what I think I am, then they can’t tax me as it would be legally confusing,” I say. After seeing how my body can transform, I have a feeling that I’m like the virus from Prototype.

“...What?” Dave asks. I start to open my mouth, ready to spill out a literal billboard’s worth of information I’ve got stirring in my head, but shut it as I realize it’d lose the humor.

“... Nevermind,” I say. Dave looks around, specifically at the ponies.

“You know... in an odd way... they all look like cartoons,” he mentions. The guards behind us give him a confused look.

“Yeah... now that you say it, they do kinda look cartoony,” I say. Before this conversation continues, I feel a sudden tug on my jeans. I stop and look down to see a small pony, probably a child, looking up at me.

“What are you?” He asks. “Momma says you’re a monster.” I blink in surprise.

“... Well, I mean... She’s not entirely wrong, but...” I look at Dave, confused. He shrugs. I roll my eyes. Real helpful Dave.

“Well, I don’t think you look like a monster!” The child says. I look down and give it a confused smile.

“Uh, thanks, I guess?” With that, the child smiles and runs off. “... Kids are weird,” I note, continuing our walk to the arena. The guard glance at each other, before continuing with us.

At the arena, we can see many ponies coming in. Celestia didn’t tell us this part, but I’m not gonna complain. More ponies watching means more ponies know not to mess with us. Many of the ponies we can see don’t look as rich as the passerbys we saw. The arena’s audience has access to benches and stairs, almost like a football stadium. The seat are above some high walls made of some kinda white stone. David stretches as he yawns. “I can’t believe that in one day, we’re already fighting aliens,” he says.

“Aliens?” I ask.

“Well, we’re obviously in a different world. Different world, different planet, thus-“ He stops to gesture to a guard right next to us. “Aliens.” The guard looks slightly perturbed by this epiphany.

“Damn. Aliens were much lower tech than I thought,” I remark.

“Will you stop referring to us like we came from space?” The guard asks.

“No,” I say in a silly voice. I turn to Dave. “Alright, let’s get you warmed up.”

“What about you?” He asks. I smirk, and hold up a hand.

“Watch,” I say. I concentrate, and my hand slowly morphs into a blade. It’s not particularly big, about the size of my forearm. “Combine that, with my strength and regeneration, I think I’ll be fine against sword and spears.” The guard scoffs.

“You’re not up against regular guard,” he says cryptically. I groan.

“Why do you fucks butt into our conversation?” I ask.

“Just trying to be helpful,” the guard says bitterly.

“Max, chill,” David says. “I know you want to fight, but let’s not fight before the actual fight, okay?” I sigh, nodding. He nods back and takes out his sword. It’s a wooden double edged sword. It’s a bit shorter than I thought it’d be. Then again, ponies aren’t like humans, so it’d only make sense.

“Alright, I’ll entrust you with learning how to use a sword, do you still remember your sword lessons?” I ask.

“Max, you know I’m like Sokka, but a decent artist,” he says. I chuckle, nodding.

“Good. I think I’d know how to use your magic, so let’s try practicing that,” I say. “There’s probably a limit, so pay attention to anything that might tell you that, okay?” He nods. He holds out his tattooed hand, which is free, and his eyes glow. In a blink, he’s gone. I look over to see he’s moved about... I think that’s thirty feet at least. Okay, he can teleport really far. He turns to me, raising his sword.

“That makes me sick,” he announces.

“Eh, when you’re fighting for your life, I’m sure it won’t cross your mind,” I say.

“Hi!” A new voice jumps in. I jump back a bit, look behind me to find a pink pony looking up at me excitedly.

“... Hi?” I reply.

“My name’s Pinkie Pie! I’m from Ponyville, have you ever seen Ponyville? You look really interesting, how come I’ve never seen you guys before- oh! Want a ‘New Creature Discovered’ party!?” The pink mare rambles, in a speed I can kind of understand..

“W-what?” I ask dumbly. Pinkie gasps.

“Have you never heard of a party!? Oh! Oh! I’ll throw your first party! I can’t wait- let me go tell my friends!” She says excitedly. In a flash, she’s gone. I simply blink. I turn to David, who’s just as confused as I am.

“... Don’t look at me, I barely understood her either,” he says. I look around, and notice that Pinkie’s on the other side of the arena, with the audience.

“How the fuck-“ I stop and try to squint to see if that’s really her.

“THEY SAID YES!!!” Pinkie’s voice yells in excitement next to me. I scream and jump back a bit. I stop and look at where she just was, only to find that she’s not there, but...

“... What?” I ask again.

“Ma’am, I know you’re the element of laughter,” the guard next to us starts. “But please use caution. They’re-“

“They’re my new friends!” Pinkie says, wrapping me in a waist-high hug.

“Woah woah woah, no. Not friends, I just met you,” I say, prying off the pink mass of fluff.

“We’ll be bestest of best friends!” Pinkie declares. I look at David, deadpanned, before looking back at Pinkie.

“I doubt it,” I say.

“I Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie says before bouncing away. I sigh.

“She’s a bit... too friendly,” I note.

“Yeah, that was weird,” Dave says.

“Attention, ladies and gentle colts,” Celestia says, drawing our attention. We gaze up at the sky, where Celestia hovers in place with her wings. “Today, my Royal Guards shall face two new creatures in a sparring match. No one is to be seriously injured-“

“No promises,” I say quietly to myself.

“-and the fight is to be fair. Without further ado, I present, Max and David,” Celestia announces, pointing to us with a hoof. The crowd’s quiet, as all attention turns to us. I hold up a peace sign, while Dave waves nervously.

“This was a bad idea,” Dave notes.

“Eeeeeh, it’ll work out,” I say.

“They shall be sparring with highly ranked Royal Guards. They are officers, and know not to fight well,” she says. “Without any further delay, may the sparring commence!” I smile and crack my knuckles.

“Let’s get crackin’,” I say, walking out. David follows behind me, still nervous.

“Uh, Max, will we be alright?” He asks. I nod.

“You’ve got this Dave, don’t worry,” I say. He sighs, readying his sword. When we get to the center of the arena, I see eight guards start surrounding us. David turns his back to me as four of the guards circle around. I face four in front of me, smirking. The guards each have a wooden sword or spear. I concentrate, turning both my arms into two long black tendrils, wriggling and squirming. The guards are put off by this, even backing up a bit. David rolls his wrist with his sword, feeling the weight of it as he does so. The guards in front of him give a determined glare, holding up their wooden weapons with either a hoof or mouth. I give a laugh as I stare at the closest guard in front of me. “Come on, try me,” I taunt with a bit of distortion in my voice.

Suddenly, a guard to my left charges at me, yelling. I swing my right arm, and extend the tendril’s reach. It wraps around the guard’s spear. I attempt to yank it out of his grip, but he actually holds on, being dragged through the air and thrown off to the side. Not the reaction I expected, but that’s okay. I hear hoofsteps charging up quickly. I whirl my left arm around, using my tendrils to knock away the guard that thought he could sneak up. I give a laugh. “This is easier than I thought!” I declare. This makes the other two guards mad, causing them to charge at me with wooden swords. I whipped my right arm, but the guard actually side steps and jabs the sword down on my tendril. To my surprise, it pierces, going into the ground. I hiss in pain, trying to pull my arm back. However, the stupid sword’s actually holding up, trapping my arm. “Well, this is embarrassing,” I mutter. I feel a wack against the side of my head, making me look over at the other guard who took advantage of my surprise. “That tickles,” I say, using my free arm to wrap around his barrel and lift him up. He gives a scream and uses his sword to try and slice my arm. He succeeds, and as he falls to the floor, I hiss in more pain. It seems that my tendrils are softer than my main body. Interesting.

David, not paying attention to the battle ensuing behind him, teleports behind one guard and wacks him upside the head with his sword. The guard swivels around and their swords clash, giving a wooden thud as they try to keep slashing. Suddenly, he sees another guard charging behind him with a spear. He quickly teleports to the other side of the guard, just in time for the wooden spear to hit the guard. Dave whirls around and slams the sword into the guard’s head. This knocks him out, sending the pony to the floor. David laughs a little as he sees he’s still fine. However, his small victory is short lived when another guard hits his back with a sword, causing him to yell in pain before teleporting to a distance. He doubles over as nausea starts to really effect him. He looks at his tattoo, and realizes something’s different. Half of the tattoo is glowing. Game logic: it must be his magic gauge. He groans once more as the nausea still makes him double over. He looks up and quickly side steps just in time before a wooden spear tries to hit him. However, he was too slow for when the guard pulls back and quickly jabs at him again, striking David in the guts. The wooden spears are blunt, but it makes little difference as the pain is still there. As David doubles over yet again, the guard takes the spear, pulling it back like a bat, and wacks David. David goes down, and starts to get up.

“You won’t last another minute, human. Concede,” the guard says as three others come up. David looks off to the side to see that I’m busy with my own problems.

I look at the guard who sliced off my left arm, and frown. “That wasn’t very nice,” I remark, making what’s left of my arm extend and reconnect with the tendril on the ground. The guard steels himself, picking up his sword with a hoof. I don’t know how that works, but I’m not in the mood to think about it right now.

“And you’re not too pretty, but I guess we all make mistakes,” the guard, barks.

“Ooo, good one,” I say, chuckling. “But I think-“ I feel a spear slam into my legs, knocking me to my knees. I look over to see the guard I threw earlier. He points his spear at my face.

“You’re trapped, you’re done,” he says. I simply smile, thinking of something.

“Oh, you fool, who said I was trapped?” I ask. As he looks at me in confusion, I start concentrating on my right arm. It takes a lot of focus, but I manage to split it in half, making it a forked tendril. I retract them, and use the speed of it to wrap around the spear, and jab it backwards, hitting the guard’s chest, which surprises and stuns him. I shove the spear away, and whip my arm back to knock away the guard. He flies quite a few feet before landing and rolling on the ground. I turn my attention to the guard who had stabbed my arm into the ground. “You’re next,” I say, shooting out my two tendrils towards him. Suddenly, the other guard that sliced my left arm, charges past and use his speed to slice off my right tendrils. “Oh for fuck’s sake,” I say as the arms fall to the ground. I send him a glare as he skids to a stop, facing me. “You’re certainly a pest,” I remark.

“You’re attacks are easy to stop,” he says. I hum, and reconnect my tendrils, retracting them. I get up and give a wide smile. Let’s try something different, shall we? I concentrate, and my arms slowly turn into enlarged black fists. I pull them up and slam the ground, causing it to shake.

“Heheh, this’ll be fun,” I say.

As the ground shakes from my slam, the guards around David stumble from the sudden movement. David uses this chance to teleport into the air and try something. He doesn’t know if this’ll work, but it’s something that’ll give him an advantage of some sort. He hopes, anyway. His eyes glow for a second before teleporting. When he appears in the air, he realizes he was unprepared for the nausea in addition to the falling. He yells as he falls, and grunts when he lands on the back of a guard. “Ow,” he groans, holding tight as the guard starts bucking his legs.

“Get him off me!” He yells, jumping to try and knock off David. David feels his grip loosen a bit, but he holds on in the seemingly vain hope that something good will happen. Luckily, something did happen! The guard with a spear tries to jab David off, but since the guard he’s riding is constantly moving, he actually knocks out the guard instead by jabbing him in his head. David rolls off as the pony falls, groaning. Nausea’s a real bitch. David unsteadily, but quickly, gets up. He holds out his sword as he faces off two remaining guards. One has a sword, and the other has a spear. He looks back to see how his friend is holding up.

I use my fist to taunt the two guards in front of me. “Come on! It’s been a hot minute, and I’m still in the same spot! Make me move a bit, entertain me!” I yell. I look back to look at Dave and freeze as I see he has bruises and a lot of dirt. In fact, he actually looks really sick. The fuck happened to him!? I look back at the two guards in front of me and glare. “Great, I’ve been having too much fun, I need to take care of you two quickly,” I say. The talkative guard huffs and readies his sword.

“You won’t-“ he’s interrupted as I run up and slam his side with a fist, causing him to fly into a wall. I use the momentum of my swing to keep swinging, and slam the fist into the other guard. He flies into a wall as well. Definitely knocked out. I turn my attention back to Dave’s situation and run over.

“Hold on buddy, I’m coming!” I yell.

“Finally! What took you so long to notice!?” Dave yells, keeping his eyes on the two guards. One guard jabs at him with his spear, but David barely manages to sidestep in time. He holds his sword up to block the other guard’s sword. He uses this chance to throw his aggressor’s balance off by ducking away to the left. The guard’s swing continues and falls to the ground, surprised by the sudden change in stance. Before he could pull it up, David wacks his the top of his head. The other guard attempts to jab at Dave again, but my friend twirls in time for the spear to barely miss him. Dave backs up, though unsteadily, and tries not to throw up. “I hate magic,” he mutters. I run up beside him, taking on a fight stance with my comically large fists.

“Sorry, had a bit too much fun,” I say. He looks me up and down.

“What the hell!? I’m over here sick and bruised, but you look like you’re fucking fine!” Dave yells angrily.

“My arms got cut off, and my pride’s hurt, does that count?” I ask.

“Fuck no!” Dave responds. Suddenly, I feel a sword pierce my back, making me stumble forward. Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

“God dammit-“ I whirl around to see a bruised guard. The pest. “How the fuck are you conscious!?” I ask.

“The same reason I’m gonna take you down,” he yells. I deadpan at him and convert a fist into a tendril.

“So, got any more swords?” I ask. The guard blinks and suddenly realizes that the sword in my back is still lodged in there.

“... Buck,” he says. I grab him with a tendril, and whirl around, throwing her right at the other guards. They barely had enough time to react before they all collide, falling to the ground. I give a chuckle.

“Heheh, pest,” I say. David breathes heavily next to me, making me turn my attention towards him. “Hey, you good?” I ask worriedly. He drops his sword and sits down, panting. Finally, he lays down.

“That was... fucking...” he barely speaks loudly, causing me to grow even more concerned.

“Oh shit- David!?” I yell, kneeling. “Shit, fuck, dammit- I need medical attention!” I yell out to the crowd. The crowd is silent, but I can see Celestia and another winged-unicorn flying down. This one is a deep blue, it’s flowing starry hair.

“Allow me,” Celestia says. Her horn glows, and David starts glowing a golden color. I lean back a bit, watching nervously as my friend’s bruises start fading. His clothes have holes and rips, which show more serious bruising. However, I can see them fade as well.

“Holy shit,” I say, watching in awe as magic heals him. When all the bruises are gone, David coughs and opens his eyes slowly.

“Max,” he says. I lean down and hug him, shaking a bit.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I say. “I-I thought, maybe I could-“

“Max,” David interrupts. “Let’s not do that again, okay?” I nod, not letting go. What the fuck was I thinking!? I should’ve kept him in range, I could’ve- fuck it all. When I finally let go of Dave, he starts getting up. I looks at my hands, my clothes. They’ve regenerated. There’s no wound or even a bruise. I grimace as I realize I should’ve provided support for David. Sure, he’s got magic, but he’s not like me. I sigh. “Hey, fucker,” Dave says. I look up and see him s holding a hand out for me. “Get up, we just fucking won,” he says, smiling. I look at his hand nervously, before grabbing it and pulling myself up. We look around and notice how the ponies in the stands look at us nervously. I look at David, smirk and hold my arms up.

“Are you not entertained!?” I yell. Suddenly, the ponies go into an uproar, stomping their hooves and cheering. David looks at me incredulously.

“Really? Gladiator?” He asks. I sigh.

“Well, what else am I supposed to say? ‘Did you enjoy the beat down we gave your soldiers?’” I ask. He snickers, and we turn our attention to Celestia and blue mystery girl.

“So, what’s next?” Dave asks. Celestia smiles.

“Now, we talk,” she simply says. The blue horse looks at Celestia nervously before returning her attention back to us, or rather, me. She stares at me for a moment, before shuddering.

“Let us make haste,” she says. I look on with confusion as she hurriedly leaves.

“What’s her problem?” I ask. David shrugs, and follows Celestia and tall horse two, electric boogaloo. I hum in curiosity and follow behind David. “I’m hungry as fuck,” I comment.

We arrive at Canterlot’s castle. I didn’t much care to look at it the first time, as I was ready to go fight something, but now I can see it in it’s entirety. It’s huge, with white towers decorated with royal purple and golden colors. The stone walls are towering, and are guarded by pegasi and unicorn guards. I let out a whistle. “This looks like you’re compensating,” I say. David nudges me. “What? It does! You’ve seen Shrek!” I say. The group ignores my insightful wisdom and presses inward back into the castle. As we walk, I suddenly smell various scents. Various, delicious, scents. “Is that... waffles?” I ask suddenly. Everyone stops and turns to me, confused.

“Um, what?” Celestia asks.

“I swear I smell fresh waffles,” I say.

“Erm, we uh, we have a cafeteria around that serves waffles, but how did-“

“Y’all, I’mma go eat, fuck this noise,” I say. Just like that, I start walking off in the direction I can smell those waffles. Wait, I mentioned Shrek earlier... and now I smell waffles... Is it a prophecy?... No of course not. As I walk, I hear the group I just left run up to me.

“Max, you can’t just-“

“I can and will, I’m really hungry,” I say. David starts to argue, but his stomach growls.

“See! You need food too!” I declare.

“Max, there will be time for food, but please-“ I cut Celestia off by looking at her.

“Look, I haven’t eaten in almost a day. David’s used to that, he’s like a monk. I, on the other hand, am normal in the sense that I have cravings and hungers. So, I’m finding those damn waffles with, or without you,” I say. I continue my walk.

“But- you don’t know where the cafeteria is,” the blue horse says.

“I can smell it,” I say.

“Max, you’re terrible with directions,” David says.

“And you’re terrible at making rational decisions,” I counter, not stopping.

“Says that one who’s worse at decisions,” Dave says in annoyance. I simply ignore him.

Finally, after a few minutes of walking, I find myself in a large room. The floor has a checkered set of tiles, the walls have a calming blue color painted, and there’s a small line around a buffet table. Score. “How did he-“ Celestia starts, before noticing that I haven’t stopped walking towards the line. I stop at the back, stretching my arms. I finally notice how quiet it’s gotten in the room. I look around and see a lot of eyes staring at me.

“... Yo,” I say. Every pony in the room keeps their stare, until a loud gasp sounds out. A familiar gasp. “Oh Jesus why,” I say as I look over, and see a pink mare.

“Mr Tentacle!” She says excitedly. I blink.

“Wait- no, my name’s- why are you here?” I ask. Pinkie giggles.

“Well, Princess Celestia wanted us to talk about something super duper important, so my friend and I decided to just eat here! I’m coming back for the cinnamon rolls!” She says, licking her lips.

“... Uh huh,” I say. David snickers, walking over.

“Oh look, it’s Max’s new friend,” he says.

“No, not friend-“

“I knew we’d be great friends!” Pinkie says excitedly. “No one’s better at making friends that yours truly after all!” As she says this, she jumps up, and pats me on the head. However, the moment her hoof touched my frizzy, messy brown hair, she freezes in mid air. Her eyes widen.

“How the fuck are you doing that?” I ask. She ignores me, and suddenly vanishes. At the same time, I feel something heavy latch onto my head.

“Oh my gosh! Your hair is so soft!” She says. I yell and try to grab the pink menace.

“Oh shi- get off my head!” I yell. She only giggles as she somehow nimbly dodges all my attempts to grab her.

“No! You’re too fluffy!” She says.

“I swear to Jesus- Dave, help!” I say with genuine panic. However, my fears and troubles only humor him as he witnesses these events.

“I dunno man, she looks so happy-“

“I swear to God Dave, Celestia won’t be able to heal you if-“ I’m interrupted by a pink hoof reaching down and tapping my nose.

“Boop!” Pinkie says. I feel my eye twitch. Did she just... BOOP me?! What is she, five!? I morph my hand into a mass of tendrils and send them all to grab her. However, like a fucking ninja, she just drops from my head, grabs onto my shoulders. “Wee! This is fun!” She says.

“Max, come on,” Dave says, laughing. “You can’t tell me you can’t catch a single pony.” I growl and twist around, trying to shake her off. However, she just laughs.

“God dammit, Dave!” I call. He shrugs. Finally, I use both my hand as a bunch of tendrils, trying to grab the pink crackhead and placing her on the ground. I finally succeed, and she giggles as she’s placed down. “Please refrain from climbing on me,” I say. She sticks her tongue out. “I really don’t like it.” She looks at me for a moment before smiling.

“Okie dokie,” she says. I highly doubt she’s actually going to stop, but at least I can grab her. I let go, and brace for the menace to latch onto me again. To my surprise, she doesn’t. I blink and look down to see her looking up at me. “Thanks for letting me ride you!” She says cheerfully. The fuck- she got on without permission! I start to retort, but sigh. Well, to be fair, she’s pretty childish. I don’t think she can really help it. I remember when I was young, I always had to be doing something. I turn around, and tense up, just waiting for her to jump back on.

“Uh, sure, whatever,” I say. David snickers and waits in line with us. I look around and notice how everyone’s calmed down a bit, even going back to chatting. Interesting. I look back at the pink mare behind me, bouncing in place. Maybe that little scene helped me... I sigh internally. I guess I can try to pay her back later. I go back to waiting, ready to finally eat something today...