Flim and Flam arrive in Canterlot a few days after Ponyville chases them off of Sweet Apple Acres.
With hopes that this will be a more successful venture, they await a crowd to tease their bits from.
However, Canterlot is not a cider drinking town. How will the brothers resolve this matter?
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Edited by EverfreePonyThank you so much!
Want to discuss the story? Follow me to the Scoundrel’s Settlement on Discord...
Wrote this a while ago as part of a profile for an RP, but it was fun so I thought I'd share in between other projects.
I have a few more around the place, so if they're good enough, I'll share!
Chapters (1)
how am i the only one that want to see Flim and Flam and Capper try to out-con each other
Normally, I give my thoughts on the fic and then point out mistakes in grammar. This time, though, I'm gonna reverse the order so I don't have to keep track of the mistakes.
Also, people don't get a notification that you've replied to them if you don't actually hit the reply button.
No need to state twice that his name is Flim.
Always need to have a comma before a coordinating conjunction that separates two independent clauses. So, "too, but we"
You seem to make this mistake repeatedly.
"jewelry"
Missed a space.
Someone unsure of what they're going to say probably wouldn't use "an." I would suggest "'a steal, a...' '...An item ponies actually want?'"
Why the single quote marks?
I think that these should be separate paragraphs.
By these errors so near the beginning, I'd say this needs to be looked through and edited. I'll stop making corrections at this point so that I can just read the story. If you want more help editing, please do let me know. The story itself isn't too bad so far, though up to here it seems a lot like the episode it's based off of. But I'll keep reading and see if it gets better. It's certainly not a bad story as of right now.
Very good detail to throw in there. That surprised me.
But, in literature, numbers 100 and lower are generally expressed in words.Bah, it's a pony fanfiction. Heck if I care.Again, splendid display. Really shows connection between Flim and his brother.
Just stepping in for a (hopefully) last tip. When a character speaks for multiple paragraphs, the the quote belongs at the beginning of subsequent paragraphs and not at the ends until the character as finished speaking completely. Let me know if I need to clarify.
This seems out of place for somepony to ask, especially an archaic pony such as Luna. At least, that's my opinion.
Okay... that seems severely out of character to me: not only did Luna issue an order that doesn't fit a ruler of Equestria, but the guards go along with it.
Ah.
Alright then.
*cough* fret *cough*
Hm. Well, I've finished, and I'll now give my final thoughts.
To begin with, it needs editing, as said before. Really, there are many mistakes that need to be fixed. To someone without a tight hold on grammar, there probably won't be much to distract when reading, but for those of us that do... well, like I said... it needs work. I've never scored a fic, so I may just as well start here.
Grammar: 5/10 - not unreadable, but distracting to moi
The story itself is good. It isn't too rushed; there isn't any real conflict in logic (aside from maybe Luna not realizing Flim and Flam stole the gems); and the twists are good. Now, I don't think it's a great story, and that's because Flim and Flam get off scot-free, something that conflicts with the general theme of justice. You could argue that them being reformed and on a better path at the end is justice enough, but I'd say not. Their malicious intentions may be gone, but they still committed a crime and thus should have something to answer for. One thing that I think this story would really benefit from is a scene at the end where Luna talks shortly with the two thieves. As long as there has been some form of interrogation, the crime has at least been acknowledged.
Story: 8/10 - Good and original, but improvable
Characterization is on point if not for the end, where they reform - but that's story-specific. Everypony is able to reform, and today? Today, these two have reformed. The kiss with Flim and Flam
although cute and sorta hot to imagineseems a bit out of character, as does the nuzzling. These ponies are not portrayed in the show as being so affectionate.Still cute though.Characterization: 9/10 - Near perfect, with some slips
So, overall, it's a nice little fic. I wouldn't write home about it, but it wasn't a waste of time reading. Far from it.
Now make a shipfic of these two.Overall tally: 22/30 - Probably not something I'd reread (favorite, that is), but a good read nonetheless
Sidenote: Vocabulary is impressive and leaves an impact, always seeming to fit the moment, as well as Flim's perspective.
8934773
... I fluffing love that idea.
Would you mind if I had a look at where that idea might go or will you be? I’m happy to hear your input, or help you write it or co-write it
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Thanks! :D glad you enjoyed! n3n
HOW AM I THIS MUCH OF A N00B HERE?!?!
I just deleted some praise
I'm not just sad. I'm FLUTTERSHY SAD!!!
8936829
Hi!
Thank you for taking the time to write this, it's massively appreciated, I will correct what I can, and if I cannot do that then I will take it as a learning for next time.
I do have a few points of interest first;
I might have done this because I thought I was being funny. I see that it is just confusing.
Yes I do. I will fix this in my future work! (I'll do a bit more research into this too)
This is not so much an error, as a British perspective on the word. I do recognize these differences though and I often wonder if I should concentrate on my American spellings since the demographic is higher.
I do not think you do, but I will fix it and if it is still wrong, please let me know.
I did give Fake Luna and her guard several odd behaviors (American English doesn't have a U in behavior, right?) to hint at the fact that this character is not who she claims to be. Again, I appreciate that at that point in the story, it is more confusing than it is encouraging to the reader to look deeper.
Please insert a soundbite of Homer crying out "you hear me? No Comeuppance!"
This is a brilliant point. I will investigate this if I write any more FlimFlam Fiction, but for this story I feel like I had given the FF bros enough of a punishment by whacking them over the head, chaining them up and leaving them to the mercy of the Night Princess.
You can never punish your darlings enough. If I get a moment of inspiration then I will add a final scene, otherwise I am going to hang on to the idea of exploring this in the future.
Will I explore a Flim-Flam romance within that? Dot-dot-dot...This may have come about because at the time this was written, I was in a MLP:FIM role-playing group. One of my characters was Flim, and I was a little enamored with the person playing Flam.
Side note - the story itself was not acted out. In fact, Flam went AWOL shortly after offering to be that pony.
Thank you! In English Literature, I had to write a lot. One of the items that got the most praise was a script that I wrote.
I do feel I am at my best when I am writing in a character's voice, which leaves my descriptive writing needing work.
I want to do this though, so I will keep trying.
Twenty-two out of thirty is still something I feel proud of. I recognize there are areas needing work, I hope it shows that I am going to do more to improve on those points.
I am looking for an editor for my writing. I would not expect that person to do it for free so I'd need to talk to them to see how interested they are, what they expect and need.
If you think you have the desire, patience and the time to do that, let me know and I would be glad to talk to you more about it.
I will not be upset if that is "not your cup of tea."
Lastly, at risk of repeating myself; thank you so much for taking the time to read this. It means the world to me to just have somebody read my work and feel something from it. I don't get much of that.
I look forward to reading more from you as well, I will always leave a note or two if I do.
Always good things,
Duskhoof
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It's no problem. I try to review the fics I read.
And, about the editing position, I may be able to see what I can do. I might not. Don't quote me on it, but I'll get back to you if I can and decide to take it.
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Thank you for considering it.
It’s 2.30am in England, I should be sleeping so that I’m well rested for work tomorrow. However, the 2nd Flim-Flam idea has grown legs now. I have the barest bones of an idea as to what I might do with it.
The Flim Flam brothers aren't my favorite characters in the show but your story actually made me glad things worked out for them in the end.
) This makes me think that this story could be used in the comics...mainly because I want to see Luna's pet opossum mess around with the brothers.
Though I'll admit I cheered when they got bamboozled by the rather silly changelings(Royalty selling cider?
9121352
Glad you enjoyed that one :D it was a bit fun and silly to write but entertaining!
👀💦Oh, I remember this!
9220726
Haha! Yeah, it's an oldie but... well, it's an oldie :P
Interesting story with plenty of plot twists and a good laugh here are there. I just wonder, when exactly did Flam manage to set such an elaborate plan into motion?
Well, this is a rather peculiar statement. I wonder, how did the Flim Flam brothers get to know Twilight’s doll?