• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 10th, 2019


Captain Cutie on duty!


Sunset Shimmer has long accepted the reality that is her new life at Beanis Inc.

But never again will she know a Beanis-less existence.

As prophesied.

Praise be to the Beanis Cinematic Universe.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 31 )

Nothing more annoying than a joke that is no longer funny...

Excellent. Now the Beanis has a death count for OCs and not just Sunsets and Twilights!

I feel sorry for Sunset, but at the same time it's goddamn hilarious.

agreed... this concept has hit rock bottom and continued to dig...
the number of beanis fics


Not for long... Fire main weapon

Commence primary reactor ignition
Charging superlaser

5 seconds later

Target destroyed sir
Good! Death star test 9 sucessfull

I think you mean "ascending", brother.

Praise the Great Bean

Pardon me, brother, I misspoke.

Praise the Beany One

It wasn't even funny anyway.


Aaaaaaaaand I'm officially done with this series.

Evangelism, except when it's the bad guys trying to recruit, is a no-no.

Have a nice dream. I'll see you in Hell.

Hell doesn't exist, my dude. It's only a concept forced upon us by the false religions like Rastafarianism, Scientology, and Atheism/Evolutionismists. You see, a polyebolist like myself only accepts the one true Ebola and her daughter, bean-chan as our salvation when she came down, formed herself into a penis, and thrust herself into the womb of evil to pay for all our sins by showering her brie salvation goo all over the evil entity known as corn.

If you would like to learn more, please visit ebolasalvation.org. We have all the answers you seek.



What a bellend.

Oversaturated and Beanis verses could potentially mix to create something special.

This is not it.

Another one bi te st h e d u s t

I gave this a fair shake.

Honestly, it amused. Sunset's being completely done with this and the bizarre cult and supernatural shenanigans tickled my funny bone and the writing itself was fairly solid.

“It’s the first Beanis we ever made. It’s seen a lot of use, and nobody has ever bothered to clean it, so don’t touch it. Or look at it,” She paused. “Actually, you probably shouldn’t even be in the same room with—aaandyou’re touching it. That’s great.”

I mean, seriously... That's some good, fiber-rich comedy right there. :rainbowlaugh:

Have an upvote.

its spreading oh god

GODDAMMIT SYEEKOH!!! :rainbowlaugh:

This is done good comedy right here. Have a like, good sir, you've earned it :twilightsmile:

Sunset needs to run, not only run but swap dimensions and run even further. Move to Yakyakistan and take up the life of a hermit. Hide under a fake brown fur coat. Avoid that prophecy like the plague!

And yea, the Divine Bacon Horse said unto the Great Bean, "The fact that you exist says a horrifying amount about my life."

"Nope." Ditzy Doo walked into the gym storage closet containing the local office of the Equestrian Space-Time Administration Bureau with a haunted look on her face, her eyes shocked into alignment. "Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope."
Lyra Heartstrings, agent of ETSAB, looked from her newspaper. "So. How was your first look at universe Two-Three-Upsilon?"
"There is a giant fucking bean on top of that universe. And I mean that in every conceivable sense of the phrase. What the actual crap?"
"First rule of probability space, Ditzy. Everything that can happen does. Everything."
"Can we nuke the site from orbit?"
"There are at least five things wrong with that question."
"I know. I still think it's the best option."


Instead of arguing the point I'm just gonna tell you that the final line there was
an Umineko reference. Also, if I get another reply like that I'm blocking you.


Clearly Ditzy hasn't accepted the Great Bean into her heart.

I understand, my dude. Not everyone is ready for the brie salvation goo. If you ever change your mind, we'll keep some warm for you because nothing is worse for the body or soul than cold brie salvation goo all over your back.

~Ebola saves, corn destroys.


Perhaps if I had just dedicated more of my existence to the Great Bean's magnificence I could have produced something better.

Excuse me while I flog myself.


*sigh* :facehoof:

Let the record show that I warned you.

Okay. This was funny the first few fics that did this universe. And made sense because this fandom loves making characters stupider than they really are.

But this is taking it too far. Which might explain why it's getting so many downvotes. Mine included.

And yes I read the story before I said that.


We haven't gone far enough, baby.

While not my favorite Beanis installment, it was enough to updoot. However, because of how some of the acts mentioned are described, as is the use of the beanis, I'd suggest a sex tag along with your teen rating.

just enough for a beam of pure sunlight to stream down onto his joyous, tear-stained face

Is it a sign that I misread this as a bean of pure sunlight?

held in one of her gloved hands which she kept at arm’s length

I know how she feels. I keep my hands and arm's length too.

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