twilight goes back in time to save Equestria. By doing so, she accidentaly teleports the corpses of the mane six with her. They went back to the time where they met Chrysalis, because that's where it all went downhill. But her spell didn't only bring her back in time, it also replaced two creatures, switching from roles. If Chrysalis was now a good guy, who was the bad guy?
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Its a good first attempt that you should continue. I would give the chapter a C or low B if I had to grade it as is though. You have various spelling mistakes, grammar could be a bit better, some phrases are a bit weird, etc. All in all, a solid good attempt and idea to hash out. Keep on being creative!
Like 8929607 said, don't stop writing this story if it doesn't get the praise you were hoping for.
But to add to it as a person that only read the description/title page, time travel is a tricky subject for even experienced writers to do in a way that doesn't have people scratching their heads and you've already added another twist with a role reversal. If, IF writing this story has some rough spots and you feel you took on more than you could handle, push through it and finish as best you can anyway. Then, use your experience with it to help you better understand what level you should write at that pushes your skill without overwhelming you. (speaking as an author that had a few flops from dreaming too big before starting on FIMfiction.)
But if you want to prove me wrong and show you have what it takes to weave a time travel story right, by all means, do so.
How do I know this story won't die after only one chapter?
8929709
I just saw your blog post and I didn't know you were both that young and originally not a native English speaker. Good work for your age! Definitely keep being creative and hash out any ideas you have!
Some good, free resources to check your writing are: Paper Rater, Grammer Check, and Proofread Bot. These three may help.
8930236
I didn't say I wasn't a native English speaker. Nor have I made a blog on FIMfiction to my working memory. Did you accidentally respond to my comment when trying to comment to the author directly?
8930309
yes... lol
I’m interested to see where this is going
8929607
Thanks :D
8929709
Well, I don't know if I can do it, but, can't hurt to try :3.