How I met MLP: Equestria and Canterlot High Trouble

Absolutely Disgusting12,190 stories ·605 members

How I met MLP: Equestria and Canterlot High Trouble

This story is about how I met MLP for the first time in my entire life and somehow it's not the same anymore. It's been taken over by King Sombra, and Queen Chrysalis, and now I with the newly acquired Gem of Imagination from the creators, I have to save Equestria from total disaster.

The Gem of Imagination is a magical item that was given to me as a special request. it was designed to create anything that wielder can think of, to swords, elements, etc. The creators are called the Imaginators, they are what people see as a vision or thought, not a real thing.

Note: This story contains a lot of writing, so I won't be able to finish it so early, it's about 17 pages long so please bare with me. Please give me comments on my first chapter and tell me what to fix.

Chapters (3)

How I met MLP Part 1 · 16th May 2018 · 1,563 words
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How I Met MLP Part 2 · 31st Aug 2018 · 1,701 words
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How I Met MLP part 3 · 28th Nov 2018 · 1,410 words
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Comments ( 2 )

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PickleRickInAPickle

PickleRickInAPickle #1 · May 20th, 2018 · 4 · · How I met MLP Part 1 ·

Alright, so definitely needs revision:

Pacing is going by way too fast.
I have no idea what the 'gem of imagination' is. Unless it's something that was in the show recently (in which case, that's on me), then I have no idea what your magical maguffin does other than what the protagonist/plot needs.
You wrote "Clearly the changeling guard had the better fighting skills." Get rid of this or change the entire fight because something that has magic and wings didn't land a single punch on your overpowered character.
So apparently this is Darkville - home of the enslaved ponies and human ponies alike. That's nice and interesting. Do you think we can see more of that instead of what a sign and a gem tell us? The story clearly states that there are ponies watching your one-sided fight, so your character is close enough (if not already in) the town.
Why just the one changeling guard? Why not call for backup with a screech or the hive-mind? Why not have some of the ponies in the crowd reveal themselves to be changelings - that only reveal themselves when needed in order to invoke fear and mistrust in the citizens of Darkville.

SuperDescendant101