Chapter 29
Sunset looked at the castle through the telescope spell, a lens of distorted air hanging in front of her.
“You were right. All the guards are…” She waffled a bit before settling on a word. “Monochrome, and they’re acting strangely. Some of them are patrolling, but the rest are just milling around and a few are sleeping or crying.”
“That’s what I was worried about,” Nightmare Moon sighed. “Come away from the edge lest they spot you.”
Sunset dropped the spell and carefully took a few steps back, the cloud under her hooves making it like walking on a too-soft mattress.
“If you fall through, I’ll catch you,” Cadance assured her.
“You won’t fall, though,” Midnight said. “It’s a very stable spell. It should last for a full day.”
“So why are they gray?” Sunset asked, sitting down and flailing for a moment as she started to fall backwards until Celestia steadied her.
“Discord had a way of changing ponies,” Celestia explained. “He would reach inside them with his magic and twist them around.”
“It was sometimes like an infection,” Nightmare Moon added. “A pony would seem normal, if somewhat ill-tempered - which was hardly unusual considering the world was dissolving into chaos - and they would slowly become one of his puppets. The sure sign of his influence was the color of their coat and mane. As his discordant magic infected them, they would become gray and pale.”
“Clover the Clever thought it was because the magic of harmony was drained from them. A cutie mark is a sign of harmony magic and achieving a kind of epiphany about yourself, and is represented by colorful images. Discord’s infection is about a denial of that magic and losing yourself, and all the color drains from you.”
“Oh right, the old thamochromelanin theory,” Sunset muttered.
“Never disproven,” Celestia reminded her.
“That town where you summoned me,” Nightmare Moon interrupted. “Hollow Shades? Do you remember how all the ponies were grey or otherwise pale?”
“And they were a little different from the rest of Equestria,” Cadance put in.
“I thought they were nice,” Twilight muttered.
“I worry that something similar might have happened to them,” Nightmare Moon admitted. “It may well be my fault. They turned their devotion into a religion, and that can do strange things to otherwise sensible ponies.”
“We’ll investigate it after we deal with this,” Celestia said. “Thoughts on our approach? You were always better at this than I was.”
“I haven’t had time to study the castle,” Nightmare Moon said. She waved her hoof, and a replica of the castle rose up out of the cloud they were using to observe Canterlot without being spotted. “Let’s begin with the most obvious route. We could go through the front doors.”
“The guards aren’t in any real shape to stop us, but they’d get in the way,” Sunset said. “We might have to really hurt some of them to get through, and it would give Discord plenty of warning we were on the way.”
“Unfortunate,” Nightmare Moon muttered.
“I’d like to avoid any plan where we would hurt innocent ponies.” Cadance sat next to Sunset. “They’re victims, not enemies.”
“Any plan where we would have a serious confrontation with the Royal Guard is problematic,” Twilight said. “If I were Discord, I’d use them as living shields. Attacks from us that would stun him are too dangerous to use with them around, and he can delay us indefinitely by using spells that endanger them and force us to waste time saving them.”
Nightmare Moon raised an eyebrow.
“I read a lot of military theory books growing up.” Twilight blushed.
“What about back doors?” Midnight asked. “The castle is like a maze. There have to be tons of secret passages.”
“And with the guards disorganized we can slip in easily!” Twilight agreed.
“I doubt that Discord will have left them undefended,” Nightmare Moon said. “He is no fool, despite how he acts.”
“When I had the castle built, Canterlot had a significant mining operation,” Celestia said. “The entire mountain is honeycombed with caves - it’s more like a geode the size of a mountain than anything else.”
“I never knew that,” Sunset muttered.
“The mines were shut down centuries ago. At this point, they’re little more than a footnote in the city’s history. Discord likely has no idea they exist, and he’s unlikely to stumble on them.”
“Can we get close to the castle?” Nightmare Moon asked.
“The lowest foundations of the castle connect directly to them,” Celestia said. “Not only can we get close to the castle, but the construction will make it obvious.”
“Obvious, you said,” Sunset grumbled and swung the cone of light she was projecting across the cavern. Crystals reflected the light at crazy angles, and corridors, only some of them actually traversable, went off in every direction. Left, right, forward, back, up, down, and in crazy spirals that quickly erased any sense of where they actually were inside the mountain.
“You could wander down here for weeks and never get anywhere,” Cadance agreed.
“Admittedly I never explored these caverns myself,” Celestia said, the echoes of her quiet voice lingering for long seconds in the darkness.
“And if we use scrying spells, he will notice us at once,” Nightmare Moon grumbled.
“Disc--” Twilight started to say, before Nightmare Moon’s hoof covered her mouth.
“Even saying his name is dangerous, this close to the castle,” she warned. “Names have power. I’m sure as a foal you would hide under your blankets with a child’s belief that if they cannot see the monsters, the monsters cannot see them? This is unfortunately similar.”
Midnight made an arrow pointing back the way they came with a piece of chalk.
“We should head generally South,” she declared. “The castle is on the South face of the mountain, so if we go South and keep heading upwards as much as possible, we’ll eventually find something.”
“And which way is South?” Twilight asked.
“Normally I can tell,” Cadance said, looking around. “It’s sort of a pegasus thing, but for some reason it’s not working.”
“Compasses don’t work down here either,” Celestia said. “There are magnetic minerals in the walls. However, East is that way.” She inclined her head, pointing with her horn.
“Sun thing?” Sunset asked.
Celestia nodded.
“You sure that’s still reliable with Discord playing ping-pong with the sky?”
“I…” Celestia hesitated. “Probably.”
“We could split up,” Sunset suggested, only to be met with a barrage of ‘no’s and a few sharp glares.
“That’s a rookie mistake, Mom!” Midnight protested. “Do you know what happens when ponies split up? They fall into pit traps!”
“It’s not always pit traps,” Twilight added. “Sometimes it’s falling blocks.”
“The worst is disappearing blocks over a bottomless pit.”
“Especially if there are invisible blocks just where you want to jump so you hit your head and fall in.”
Midnight and Twilight nodded in mutual agreement. That had been the day the knew they’d pushed Shining Armor a little too far as an adversarial Game Master.
“I wish I could say that was unlikely,” Nightmare Moon muttered, her head lowered. The ceiling wasn’t quite that low but talk of invisible blocks was making her very aware of bumping into anything. She would never admit it, but she was used to being rather shorter.
“Pits are a very real possibility,” Celestia agreed. “Even if our adversary isn’t aware we’re here, this is a mine that has gone untended for many years. Don’t blindly trust anything to carry your weight.”
Celestia took a step forward, still looking back at the others and not watching her hooves. Her weight, which was somewhat more than the public records would indicate, came down in just the wrong spot. A crack opened up and the floor started to shake. Support beams cracked.
Celestia only had a moment to act, shoving Twilight out of the way.
"Feathers," the Princess swore, just as a dozen tons of rock slammed into her from above.
Sunset coughed and sneezed, spitting up almost jet-black mucus from all the rock and coal dust in the air. She cast a quick spell to clear out the clouds of debris and found herself looking at a wall of rock, pebbles still trickling down the sloped face.
“Did everypony get out?” She yelled.
“I’m okay!” Midnight called, and Sunset felt herself relax a little.
“I made sure Twilight got to safety,” Celestia yelled, her voice muffled. “I’ll need some time to free myself without causing further damage to the mine, but I am in no real danger.”
“Is Cadance with you?” Sunset asked.
“Don’t-” Cadance was cut off by a sneeze. “Don’t worry! I’m just-” she sneezed three more times in rapid succession. “Trying to catch my breath!”
“I’m fine too, though none of you asked,” Nightmare Moon growled.
“It would take more than rocks to make me worry after you, sister,” Celestia said, her voice strained.
“I think I can teleport to you,” Midnight shouted.
“Don’t!” Sunset snapped.
“It’s too dangerous,” Celestia agreed. “Without a clear picture of your destination, you could do serious harm to yourself. Using that sort of magic will almost certainly attract our enemy’s attention, as well.”
“Do you think this cave-in was his doing?” Nightmare Moon asked.
“No, it was too nearly lethal for that.”
“We don’t have time to clear a path.”
“I am painfully aware of how much rock fell,” Celestia agreed, with sarcasm poorly hiding the strain she was under. “It appears that despite the risk of pit traps, we will have to split up. It’s likely these tunnels all connect somewhere. Try to get to the castle, or at least aboveground.”
“So now we trust blindly in luck?”
“Just like the old days, sister,” Celestia said. “I’ll wait a few minutes before I start shifting the stone, just in case it causes further damage. I’d suggest you all spread out before then.”
Midnight stepped quietly through the darkness, a wan light from her horn only illuminating a few steps ahead of her. She slowly let it brighten and sighed in annoyance as a million more motes of pink light shone around her.
“It’s like a hall of mirrors,” she whispered, lowering the light level again. She’d get less lost just watching her hooves than trusting her eyes in here.
Just as things plunged into darkness, she spotted something in the corner of her eye that didn’t belong.
“Hello?” She called out, wincing as it echoed. Alone in the dark, it felt wrong to make much noise.
She thought she heard a whisper.
Midnight trotted over, trying not to make any noise, a somewhat futile effort on the hard stone.
Standing among the crystals was a huge, ornate mirror, easily as tall as Celestia. The silver surface gleamed unnaturally, like it was reflecting light that just wasn’t there.
“I thought you could use a little reminder of where you came from,” Discord whispered.
Midnight spun around, looking for him, lighting up the cavern and seeing a thousand reflected copies doing the same.
She saw her face and wondered if it was a trick of the light or if she really did look that afraid.
“Where are you?” She demanded.
“Oh, around,” Discord said. Midnight thought she saw something in the reflections, far away, a ghost in mirrors reflecting mirrors.
“I’m warning you, if you--”
“I”m not here to stop you,” Discord said, his voice soothing. "I have a soft spot for foals. And luckily for you, for children of all kinds. Otherwise I would have left you in Tartarus.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Your teacher has been keeping secrets from you for years. It’s a bad habit of hers. I wouldn't trust her if I were you. Why don’t you--” now the voice sounded like it was close, speaking from three inches behind the back of her head. “--turn around?”
Midnight spun, facing the mirror again.
What was reflected wasn’t a pony. It was one of the odd bipeds she’d seen off and on in her nightmares. It was familiar, somehow, in the same way that things in a dream sometimes just made sense, like they were labeled. She reached out, and it moved to match her as well as their differing anatomies would allow. Just as they touched, the surface of the mirror split, a jagged crack splitting the surface and the silver finish tarnishing.
Midnight fell back in alarm.
The mirror was gone. It had just been an illusion. She was just facing a crystal, the same as the thousands of others around her.
The crack running down the surface was really there, though.
“Alone again?”
Cadance paused but didn’t panic. There wasn’t much point in panic when you knew you couldn’t really do anything.
“I don’t suppose you know the way out?” Cadance asked.
A shadow slid across the wall, curling into a crude shadow-puppet of a draconequuis, which for a human would require not only both hands but some additional help from a porcupine and an octopus to get right. A pony using their hooves wouldn't even be able to start.
“I have to admit I didn’t expect that,” Discord said.
“It never hurts to try asking nicely.”
“Well now I’d feel like a heel if I didn’t help, and I look awful in pumps.” The shadow turned into an arrow pointing to the right. “Go that way.”
“Thank you,” Cadance said, with a slight curtsey as she followed his direction.
“And you’re even trusting my advice! I’m not sure if you’re brave or foolish.”
“Sunset says they’re the same thing, and you only get to label it after it’s over.”
“She’s a smart pony. It’s too bad she won’t last very long.”
Cadance’s steps slowed.
“It's sad, what happens to our little mortal friends,” Discord said, the shadow swooping along the edge of the light Cadance was creating like a sea serpent swimming in a sea of darkness. “You like her, for some bizarre reason.”
“She’s passionate.”
“I’m not here to criticize your taste in mares. I don’t think I want to try winning that argument against the Princess of Love. Shall we say I concede that point to your expertise?”
“If you like.”
“You should ask your Aunt Tia about all the special friends she’s had over the centuries. Most of them lasted a few decades, and then…” he shrugged. “Maybe she can give you a few tips on how to cope.”
“Stop it.” Cadance folded her ears back, trying to block his words out.
“I’m just trying to help.”
Nightmare Moon stalked through the darkness, stopping in the center of a cavern lined with stalactites like jagged teeth. She narrowed her eyes and slowly turned her head, looking into the pitch-black gloom.
She snapped to the side and fired a blast that tore a jagged crater into the rock, the cavern vibrating under her hooves.
“That would have really hurt if your aim had been better,” Discord admitted.
Nightmare Moon hissed and jumped to the side, flapping to give herself some distance despite the low ceiling.
“So, you come to face me in single combat,” Nightmare Moon crowed, landing with her hooves spread to absorb the recoil as she fired again, the beam hitting Discord and passing through him harmlessly. His image blurred and faded for a moment, ghostlike.
“Not exactly,” Discord said. “I’d explain the details but you’ve never been the type to care much about learning for the sake of learning.”
“I don’t need details to tell this is a distraction,” Nightmare Moon declared, turning her back on him and walking away.
“The only exit is the other way,” Discord offered helpfully.
Nightmare Moon turned and walked towards the exit, her cheeks red.
“Have you given any thought to what you’ll do after you beat me?” Discord asked. “I’m just curious.” He got in front of her again, holding a camera and microphone. “Just a little soundbite, one season-opener villain to another? It'd look great in the commercials during the hiatus.”
“That’s no concern of yours,” Nightmare Moon closed her eyes and stepped through him, not even feeling the chill of walking through a ghost.
“How rude,” Discord huffed. “Your sister has plenty of plans. I just assumed you had a few too. At least a plan for how to avoid another vacation to the moon.”
“Idiot. I’m wielding one of the Elements. She couldn’t use them against me no matter what she was planning!”
“Last time you two fought you had half of them, in theory, and she still got them to work for her. Do you really think she’s done nothing in the last thousand years but plan a welcome back party for her estranged sister?” Discord chuckled.
“Silence!” NIghtmare Moon ordered, firing another blast. But his image wasn’t even there, and the spell hit nothing but the dark.
Twilight followed the path as it spiraled upwards. After what felt like an hour, it finally opened up into a huge, dripping space.
“If there’s water here, maybe I’m near the surface,” Twilight muttered. She checked the books in her saddlebags again, hoping that a book on cave formation would appear on its own if she spent enough time underground. No such luck yet.
Twilight wasn’t looking and almost tripped and fell on her face when her hoof hit the steel rail.
“This is perfect!” Twilight grinned and followed them further uphill. It had taken a long time, but now she had a sign that she was going the right way. They’d have to lead outside eventually.
Someone clapped behind her.
“Good work!” Discord said. His image had appeared on a wooden sign that had gone half-rotten in the damp space. He stopped and took out a feather duster, cleaning cobwebs and dust from inside.
“I’m warning you, I have-”
“One of the Elements,” Discord shrugged. “Well, one of them on average, anyway. Which one is it again?”
“That’s- it’s not important!” Twilight glared.
“Even if you did know, just one on its own isn’t much good, and what you have is more like half of two.”
“One and half of two is the same thing!”
“Ah, so half an oatmeal cookie and half a chocolate chip cookie are the same as one whole cookie? Most bakers would disagree.”
“What do you want?”
“I thought about sending you to Tartarus again, but that seems a little mean, especially since everything that’s happened isn’t your fault.” Discord’s wood-cut image gave a crooked smile. “You’ve come under some bad influences lately, after all. I mean, summoning Nightmare Moon? What would your mother think?”
“It was a good idea!”
“Equestria has a strict one-apocalypse-at-a-time limit, young lady, and you’re going to have to pay a stiff fine. I might be willing to waive it, though. If you do a little favor for me.”
“I’m not going to help you with anything. You threw me into Tartarus!”
“And I apologized! I promise next time I have to imprison someone, I’ll do it in a boardgame. Everyone loves Candy Land. Except for diabetics, I suppose, but that problem would sort itself out pretty quickly unless they found the Insulin Archipelago.”
“I should just--”
“I’m not even really here, so let’s not get ahead of ourselves with thoughts of solving problems with brute force. That’s more your rival’s thing, anyway. You’re the smart one, aren’t you? Think your way out of the problem.”
“You wouldn’t be bothering with talking if you could just stop me here.”
Discord raised a talon.
“Unless it was more fun this way,” he corrected.
“Fine. Either you can’t or won’t stop me right now. And you aren’t a very good distraction. But you went out of your way to point out that I’m sharing an Element. You wanted to try and drive a wedge between me and Midnight.”
Discord clapped, amused.
“Close. I wanted to point out that things would be better for you if she wasn’t here. You’d have a whole destiny instead of having to share with somepony else. And it would be better for her. She’s got a family, a real one, back where she came from.”
“Are you actually going to tell me where she's from?” Twilight blinked.
“It’s not something a Princess would tell you.” Discord said, a black robe appearing around his distorted form. “Maybe you should be asking her why she never tried to send her back?”
The wooden sign burst into multicolored flames on its own, the image vanishing among the embers.
In the flare of light, Twilight spotted a door down a passage that could only lead outside, and ran towards it, away from the flames and implications.
“Okay, that was step one,” Sunset said to herself. She looked up at the huge blocks and archways. “Find the castle undercroft and foundations.”
She couldn’t see any doors. She couldn’t see stairs, either, and they’d be even more useful.
“I wonder if self-levitation would be noticed,” she muttered. She’d have just shrugged and teleported if the wards on the castle weren’t preventing it. She hadn’t been allowed to put in any backdoors to the protection, either.
“I doubt it,” Discord said. “I’m not very observant.”
“Yeah, otherwise--”
Sunset stopped and looked to the left.
“Horseapples.”
“Language!” Discord gasped. “What would your daughter think if she heard you talking like that?”
“She’d wonder why I wasn’t just blasting you into atoms.”
“You know, I’m not sure if I am made of atoms. I don’t like to look too closely. Self-reflection has never been one of my virtues. We have that in common.”
“I’ve done plenty of reflecting.” Sunset started charging up her horn, then let it bleed out slowly without casting a spell. “You’re just trying to rile me up.”
“Guilty as charged.” Discord grinned. “I could turn the castle foundations to jelly but it’s more amusing to trick someone else into causing property damage than doing it myself.”
“No thanks,” Sunset said. “I do enough of that on my own.”
“Well, we don’t always get what we want,” Discord conceded. “You didn’t get wings, for example. Even trying to follow the straight and narrow, giving up your ambition, helping to raise the next generation, none of it was enough for Tia to trust you with the secret.”
Sunset’s look brought to mind a basilisk, because meeting it was almost certain death.
“It’s not my fault,” Discord said, raising his talons defensively. “I’ve never done anything to hurt you. At worst I gave you and your beau a little vacation.”
“You made me the villain!”
“You enjoyed it, admit it. Solving problems with violence is definitely your forte, little miss monster slayer.”
“What’s your point?”
“Well, I’ve already done the forbidden knowledge gag with another horse today, so I’ll just give you a loaner.”
“A what?”
Discord plucked the wings from his back and popped them onto Sunset’s sides.
“Don't say I never gave you anything,” Discord said, folding his talons.
Sunset flapped the mismatched wings cautiously, rising into the air. She looked up at the castle’s underbelly, then back to Discord.
He winked and vanished, but the wings remained.
“You look like you could use some help,” Discord said.
The weight of the rocks above Celestia lessened, and she managed to wiggle out of the pile pinning her down.
“Thank you,” she said, brushing herself off.
“You sounded almost genuine when you said that,” Discord noted. He snapped his talons, and her coat was left spotlessly white.
“That’s because I meant it,” Celestia said. She looked at Discord. “You were always my friend, Discord. I didn’t turn you to stone because I wanted to. I did it because I had to protect Equestria.”
“Ah yes, the same justification you used to put your sister in time-out.” Discord gestured down the sole passage available to them. “After you.”
Celestia started walking. She didn’t have much choice in where to go. “I was hoping we would have a chance to talk.”
“As I recall, your first reaction to my waking up was to try and disintegrate me with magic. That’s considered very rude in some cultures. All of them, actually.” Discord twisted through the air next to her like a swirl of smoke.
“I was worried for those closest to me. I apologize for being so rude.”
“Since it didn’t work, I suppose I can forgive you,” Discord grinned. “I’m a little disappointed. You came here with a plan to kill me, your oldest friend.”
“If you surrender, we can end this without fighting. We don’t even have to use harsh words. We can just sit down and talk this out like the old friends we are.”
“I doubt your sister will allow it,” Discord shrugged. “Besides, there was one thing I wanted to talk to you about because it worries me.”
“Oh?”
“That dream I trapped you in. Part of it wasn’t my doing, and I’m not sure it was dear Luna’s, either. She didn’t even try to interfere until she’d already had her fun.”
“You’re talking about the vision,” Celestia said, stopping. The path forked.
“So that’s what one of your visions is like?” Discord rubbed his chin. “Interesting. And you saw that someone was going to betray you. Don’t they always come true?”
“Unfortunately,” Celestia agreed, quietly.
“Ah well, I’ll let you figure it out. I’ll make sure we get the good china out for you and the other royalty attending today.”
Discord vanished in a flash, and Celestia tried to decide which way to go. After a moment, a second flash sparked above her head, and a tiny scrap of paper fluttered down in front of her. She grabbed it with her magic and read the rough hoofwriting.
“Try going right, and pick up dessert for the party,” Celestia read. She sighed and trotted down the right path.
Invaders had never actually attacked Canterlot Palace. Situated almost at the center of the nation, it was far from the front lines of any combat. One would need a fleet of airships, powerful teleportation magic, or a dereliction of duty among the EUP forces that hadn’t been seen in centuries (specifically, since the time of High General Eggs Benedict, who tried to sell the Wonderbolts to Griffonstone).
The Royal Guard mostly helped civilians who got lost in the palace or needed to get lost because they were somewhere they weren’t supposed to be. If push came to shove and they had to fight an organized resistance, they’d probably fold faster than a pony with a laundry cutie mark.
They hadn’t fared much better against disorganized resistance.
“Shining Armor would be ashamed,” Twilight muttered, as she walked through the front doors. She could see two soldiers wrestling, and two other soldiers in the bushes doing something that she also thought was wrestling at first but quickly realized it wasn’t and looked away, her cheeks burning.
“I hope he’s okay,” she said, more quietly, trotting quickly away from the groaning ponies, following an ache in her horn.
Midnight fed Spike another ruby.
"You're sure she's okay?" Spike asked.
Midnight nodded. "Yeah. We had to split up, but she's almost got as much experience in dungeoneering as I do. It's probably just taking her longer to get here because she's busy trying to draw an accurate map. Did I ever tell you that story?"
Spike shook his head.
"Shining Armor was running a game for her, me, and Cadance, and a big part of the adventure was this maze." Midnight's horn lit up, a simple illusion spell drawing lines in the air so Spike would have some pictures to look at. "Twilight was sure there were secret doors and rooms, and she didn't want to miss any treasure, so she started drawing a map. I figured it would be good so we wouldn't get lost."
"I like treasure," Spike said.
Midnight patted his head. "We all like treasure. Now, Shiny isn't using a grid map because he wants it to be more like a maze, and that means we shouldn't see it at all times. The problem is, he misses it when we make a turn and starts describing the wrong part of the maze."
"Uh-oh," Spike mumbled, sucking on the gemstone.
"We wandered around for hours because Twilight was sure there was a hidden room because her measurements didn't add up. She got so frustrated when she found out what happened that she filed a formal complaint with his superior officer!"
Spike giggled.
"He didn't really get in trouble but they made him retake cartography and orienteering."
"My map was perfect," Twilight declared, as she opened the door.
"Scrying sensor?" Midnight asked.
"No, I just listened at the door. I didn't want to walk into a trap." She stepped in and hugged Spike. "Thanks for taking care of him."
"I was worried about you," Spike mumbled.
"I knew you'd show up here sooner or later," Midnight said. "I wasn't gonna wait in the throne room."
"Have you seen anypony else?"
"Just the staff," Midnight shivered. "The maids are painting murals on the walls. Most of them are abstract, but some look an awful lot like Discord turning six ponies into stone."
"Let me guess, six very familiar ponies."
"It's a pretty good likeness, except for Nightmare Moon. She's really short for some reason."
Twilight let Spike go. "I need you to stay here until we fix this, okay? I know it's scary but it'll be over soon."
Spike nodded.
"There you are!" hissed one of the empty suits of armor lined up near the throne room.
Twilight and Midnight stopped, horns glowing.
The visor raised. Cadance looked out at them.
"...Why are you...?" Twilight started.
"I needed somewhere to hide where I could see ponies coming and going," she explained. "It's actually pretty comfortable."
"Have you seen Sunset or Princess Celestia?" Midnight moved closer so they could whisper.
"Or Nightmare Moon," Twilight added.
"You two are the first I've seen," Cadance said. "I was starting to think I was going to have to--"
"HEAR YE, HEAR YE!" A pony stepped out of the throne room. "The Emperor of Chaos, Lord of Entropy, Master of the Air Guitar, Three-Time World Heavyweight Chapeeeeen DISCORD humbly requests all ponies bearing Elements of Harmony entre vous por favor."
Twilight, Cadance, and Midnight shared a look.
The crier sighed. "That means you three jerks."
"Can you help me out of the armor?" Cadance whispered. "I'm stuck."
“Wonderful.”
Discord lounged in the throne, looking down at the three ponies in front of him.
“The three least-qualified ponies,” he mumbled after hearing the narration. “The Twins and the Princess of Hugs.”
“Hey!” Twilight and Midnight said, at the same time.
Discord shrugged and snapped his fingers. A book appeared in the air in front of them, flipping open to an image of Discord sitting on the throne and looking bored along with a long list of statistics.
“I’m just way outside the appropriate CR for your level,” Discord explained. “Why just look at that THAC0! You’d be better off trying to wrestle a dragon or two.”
The book slammed shut and vanished.
“Where is everypony else?” Discord asked. “I had a strict guest list, you know.”
A door burst open, and Sunset stomped into the room.
“I had a feeling the Element of Surprise wasn’t going to show up as an eleventh-hour addition to the six we already have,” she said. “I’ve been trying to find my way out of the castle wine cellars for an hour!”
“I hope you picked up a nice bottle or two while you were there.” Discord chuckled. “I don’t think you’d be quite so sour if you had a few glasses.”
Sunset stormed toward him. He motioned with his talon, and someone tapped Sunset on the shoulder.
“I’m going to need these back,” Discord said, from where he was also standing behind her. He plucked the mismatched wings from her back. “They were only on loan, after all.”
The second Discord vanished along with the wings he’d given her.
“So where are my two favorite horses?” Discord asked. “Don’t tell me they started fighting without me!”
“I was slightly delayed,” Celestia said, her voice echoing in the throne room several seconds before she teleported in. A three-tiered cake floated at her side. “You did ask me to bring dessert, after all.”
“This is why you’re one of my favorite ponies!” Discord laughed. “You have excellent manners.”
“How did she do the voice thing?” Cadance whispered.
“She always uses a scrying sensor to check before she pops in,” Sunset hissed back. “She says it’s for safety but really it’s because she likes to make a big showy entrance. It’s easy to throw your voice through the sensor, and since she’s been watching, she gets to look like she’s all-knowing and all-seeing.”
“You really take the magic out of sorcery when you explain it away like that,” Discord sighed. “Unless I miss my guess little Luna shouldn’t be far behind. She always was a fan of the dramatic entrance and--”
The floor of the throne room exploded, Nightmare Moon tearing through the marble.
“I have come to end your reign and--”
Nightmare Moon frowned and looked around.
“Am I truly the last one here?”
Celestia and Sunset both shrugged, the gestures almost mirror images.
Nightmare Moon swore in a language that had died centuries ago. Celestia gasped, ears burning red.
Discord yawned and waved a talon, the broken floor turning to pudding and flowing back into place before becoming stone again, the tiles in random shapes and sizes instead of the neat rows they’d been before.
“Now, let me explain your plan,” Discord said. “Because I know it better than you do.”
“I’d be very curious to hear your interpretation,” Celestia said, with what seemed like a genuine smile.
“You’re going to try to get in formation and fire about 1.21 jiggahugs of harmony at me, either turning me to stone or banishing me to chaos or whatever they feel like doing at the time. I admit I was really worried about your plan. But then, wouldn’t you know it, everything came together!”
“Came together for us, you mean,” Nightmare Moon said. “Perhaps you should begin begging for mercy?”
“No wonder Laughter woke up for you, Luna,” Discord retorted, with a grin. “That was an excellent joke. Timing needs work, and you were cuter when you weren’t in this goth phase, but, the judges seem impressed.” He motioned to the left, where three more Discords were holding up a 9, and 8.3, and a picture of a peanut.
“Keep smiling, then,” Nightmare Moon said. “Strike a pose if you want. Ponies will be looking at you in the statue garden for the next few centuries.”
“The thing is, dear old Tia always had prophetic dreams.”
“I know,” Nightmare Moon frowned. “I know better than you do about them.”
“And you know what she dreamed up in that delightful little recollection we shared? She saw that one of her friends would betray her!” Discord grinned. “And I won’t be going back to the statue garden. She already knows I’m going to stay free, and the best thing about prophecy is that it’s going to come true!”
“You told him?” Nightmare Moon turned to Celestia.
“I’m sorry,” Celestia whispered.
“Wonderful,” Nightmare Moon muttered. “So what is it, you're going to try and send me back to the moon?”
“That’s the best part!” Discord crowed. “It could be any of you! One of you ponies is going to be getting a face full of rainbows and it's not me!”
“You know, Discord, I’ve been thinking a lot about that dream myself,” Celestia said. “A few years ago, I would have stopped and spent days agonizing over what it meant, how to prepare for any betrayal, how to mitigate my losses…”
“And you learned to just wing it?” Discord guessed.
“No. I learned from my dearest Sunset that you can’t just sit on your flank and wait for things to come to you. You have to get ahead of the game and make the first move. I'll just use the Elements on myself after we deal with you.”
Discord paused in the middle of coming up with a pun, one talon in the air and his expression shifting from amusement to disbelief.
“You can’t be serious! You can’t just volunteer! That totally defeats any kind of dramatic tension! Besides, I’m going to stay free when this is over!”
“Girls, if you would?” Celestia asked. Nightmare Moon ushered the others into ranks, the shorter ponies in front of the two sisters.
Their Elements gleamed, starting to glow from within.
“If you’re going to be difficult, then I’ll just send you all right back to Tartarus until you appreciate fondue waterfalls and pretzel fish!” He grabbed at the air and pulled down, unzipping a portal. On the other side, the gloomy mountain peaks that Twilight and Midnight had escaped not long ago.
“For what it’s worth, Discord, I’m sorry,” Celestia said. “You really were my friend.”
Discord grabbed at the air, and space distorted around the ponies. Frustratingly, they refused to be drawn into the portal he’d ripped open. The light from the Elements grew stronger, the distortion being brute-forced back into something vaguely Euclidean, or at least as close as Equestria usually was.
A blue fireball crashed against a light swirling in all the colors of the rainbow starting to shine sourcelessly around the six ponies. It was swiftly followed by a giant golden chair, which bounced away like a rubber ball hitting an aura of pure harmony magic (it’s a very specific type of bounce).
“This isn’t fair!” Discord yelled.
“Well, you know what they say,” Sunset yelled. “Fairness isn’t magic!”
A tidal wave of rainbow-colored magic washed over Discord. The mismatched tyrant screamed as the magic of Harmony violently beat peace and friendship into him like a thousand ponies with clubs yelling at him to stop resisting.
“Sunset,” Celestia said. “No one has ever said that.”
“I know, but it felt like we needed some kind of snappy line.”
“You should workshop that one a little more,” Midnight suggested.
“I just assumed you had lines ready. For when you’re hunting monsters.” Cadance added. “You’ve probably had to say something clever dozens or hundreds of times.”
“No, most of the time I’m the only living pony for miles around,” Sunset said. “I don’t have anypony to be clever at. It’s usually more of a primal scream type of situation.”
“Oh, I heard that’s very good for relieving stress,” Cadance said, nodding with approval.
“Shouldn’t we be making sure Discord isn’t about to turn us into ice sculptures?” Twilight muttered. “In case you haven’t noticed there isn’t a fancy new statue decorating the castle.”
“Words of wisdom,” Nightmare Moon said. She craned her neck, looking around the throne room.
“He could be almost anything,” Midnight whispered. “Look for anything out of place.”
“What about that?" Someone asked.
The assembled ponies spun around to look.
"Who's got two thumbs and can't get caught by the same trick twice?" Discord asked.
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A tidal wave of rainbow-colored magic washed over Discord. The mismatched tyrant screamed as the magic of Harmony violently beat peace and friendship into him like a thousand ponies with clubs yelling at him to stop resisting.
If I had to choose just one part that made this story worth reading, this would be it.
Hmmm... the situation is tricky than I thought. Now would be the grand time for Nightmare Moon to show off her battle tactician talent.
I'm getting some prequel feelings here
Well, it isn't Discord. He doesn't have two thumbs.
I only regret that I have but one like to give to this story.
So...did it completely and utterly fail, or did the Elements actually force Discord to be good?
I'm leaning towards the former. After all, it's pretty clear a good chunk of the ponies here have grudges, resentments, and mistrusts running pretty darn deep. And most of it is Celestia's fault.
So, they didn't get him laughing so he didn't get caught. Woops.
Ok, is Luna going to be blasted out of being Nightmare, or is Sunset going to get her wings like Two did in cannon by being blown up by the elements, or will Midnight be turned back into SciTwi? Those are the three that getting blasted makes the most sense.
smart move discord, he can learn from his mistkaes
oh man I was unprepared for this much laughter
He does have two thumbs. At least if he turned into his human version to screw with midnight.
I'm kinda hoping this will end up with Sunset ascending by need of more power to fight Discord. But I don't think that's what's going to happen.
I like this version of him though. Much less insane, more relatable in his Chaotic way.
9036867
He’s Discord. Can’t he have as many thumbs as he wants, as long as it’s funny?
Because the structure here really seems to be that he can actually control exactly what his magic does as long as it’s funny.
Its time for the final battle, also Discord was savage on the guilt trips!
I support jiggahugs as a unit of friendship.
Hmm. Curious. Did he drive enough of a wedge between them to withstand a lessened onslaught, or is he just cheating?
(Also, CR and THAC0 in the same entry? He truly is a being of chaos!)
Oh. My.
Insert much LOLing here.
(Seriously, I love Sunset, Twilight and Sci-Twi in general, and am really enjoying this story overall. And that part literally made me LOL.
)
Until next time...
Anon e Mouse Jr.
That last line reminded me of this Volkswagen commercial:
I'm only surprised in that he's only got two thumbs.
I love how you write Discord. There's just so much to comment on that, if I were to do my usual "quote, then comment", I'd be quoting most of the chapter.
Brawny Buck says: "I call it a friendship beating."
I've heard of pounding some sense into you, but jeez!
Don't you know, you never split the party?
Ah yes, prequel memes
Very well done on Discord trying to break the Elements apart by playing on the fears, desires, and lies going on through them. Each one was unique and plays into them well, allowing themselves to take a good look at themselves. Sometimes we don't see the worst in ourselves no matter how much we stare right at it until someone points it out in a new light. Can't wait to see what happens next chapter!
... Discord!
This was a very in character way to end the chapter, really enjoyed it!
That was great. You do the best descriptions.
That one was particularly good.
He would use THAC0, means he is truly evil. (granted one of my favorite games, Planescape Torment, uses it)
Oh.
Oh my GOD.
Twilight has already memorized the entire page and knows how to defeat Discord with a ten-foot pole.
Either that, or the O&O stuff was character-building fluff, with no foreshadowing whatsoever.
I'm disappointed that this isn't the title drop
But also not
"There's a chapter left, you can't beat me yet!"
GTFO Discord, we need to move on to the truth about Midnight being revealed.
Oh silicosis, fun.
Someone’s played mario maker, I see.
Ah he actually used his brain.
I'm wondering: physical entropy or informational? They are kinda opposite.