Stories for Good Little Fillies and Colts Who Love Their Lives and Do Not Wish to Die

by Fiddlebottoms

Bean Stealing Bears (FiM -- Fluttershy & Applejack & Rarity & Rainbow Dash & others)

“Those are my beans!”

Rainbow Dash and Rarity looked at each other in surprise at Applejack’s distant outburst. The three friends and their miniature sisters and hanger’s on were out camping again. Applejack had stopped to observe something wild apple related and was currently out of sight, making strange noises.

Applejack made another strange sound. It was the sound of her shouting, “Give me back my beans, bear!” And then she whooped.

“That’s the sound Applejack makes when a bear steals her beans and she wants them (the beans) back,” said Applebloom. That sounded like as good an explanation for why Applejack would make that sound as any, so everyone grabbed up themselves and headed toward the sound’s origination.

A bear was indeed in possession of a large sack of dried beans from the dry goods store and Applejack was indeed making further noises at him implying that he had not purchased those beans himself, but had instead stolen them from her.

With six ponies shouting and throwing rocks at him, the bear panicked and fell stone dead of a heart condition caused by eating too much rich pony food as opposed to his natural diet.

"That must have been scary, thinking about having your beans stolen like that," said Scootaloo.

“No. I have seen the face of the bear that will steal my beans,” said Applejack and stared into the distance as one who has seen the face of the bear who would one day steal her beans. She shifted her weight and adjusted her hat and added, “his face will be furry.”

“This one’s face is fairly furry,” said Rarity as she turned over the dead bear's head in her hooves and admired its fairly furried face, nicely sharply toothy mouth.

“No, it will be furry differently.”

“Oh?”

“Yep,” was all Applejack replied and she adjusted her hat.

…

…

…

!?

---

“Well,” Rarity cleared her throat, “we should probably do something about this.”

“Kill all the bears.” Scootaloo nodded sagely and Rainbow Dash agreed. It was the sort of thing she might be good for.

Applejack shook her head at their naivety. “Do you have any idea how many bears there are?”

“Many?”

“Many manies and muchly muches of bears, at least,” said Applejack and stared into the distance as one who has seen a great number of bears on the move. She shifted her weight and adjusted her hat and added, “probably a few severals as well.”

“So what do we do?”

“Let’s blame Fluttershy!” Sweetie Belle shouted. It was her only line and she delivered it with gusto and Rarity was so proud of her.

“Sounds good.”

And so they did.

---

And this is how they did it. What happened was:

Rarity said: “Fluttershy, you have simply got to quit feeding bears!”

And how Fluttershy replied was: “But, bears are my friends!”

But Rainbow Dash got to be the voice of reason for once and say: “No, Fluttershy, bears are wild animals and wild animals need to stay wild.”

“But interfering in ecosystems in a destabilizing and potentially catastrophic way is pretty much the only thing I do,” is how Fluttershy replied to that.

“Catastrophic?” Is a word said by several!

“We destroyed the town with that bunnies thing once,” Fluttershy explained.

“It really wasn’t destroyed,” Applejack clarified.

And some ponies asked: “Wasn’t it?”

“No?” Rarity was confused by the direction the dialogue had taken, although she didn’t necessarily say “no.” Anyone could have said that! This is a problem!

“Look, Fluttershy, darling," Rarity was unsure who had been speaking (other than to know it wasn't Sweetie Belle because she only had one line in this story) and wanted to press through with this in a hurry (too late for that, ma chérie, this sentence has cancer of the parentheticals), "we love you, but feeding bears is illegal. And you … you’re feeding a bear right now.”

“No,” Fluttershy lied as she placed a bean into a bear’s open mouth.

“Stop doing that.”

“I did.” Fluttershy handed a bear a piece of cake and it growled ominously at the ponies.

“No, you haven’t, you’re still feeding bears.”

“No, I mean, I did do the thing you told me not to do. To feed the bears, I did that. And I'm about to do it again.” And Fluttershy threw a wide selection of sweet and salty snacks to the gigantic omnivores.

“Ok, but now stop.”

“But they're so cute with their fairly furried faces and nicely sharply toothy mouths.”

“Please.”

“Fine," Fluttershy pouted, "but you have to start treating the wilds with more respect. I’ve watched you camping--secretly from the bushes where I hide and spy--and you do not take any steps to insure that your food is kept safe from bears or other wildlife.”

“We sleep with our food in our tents and we’ve never had any problems," Rainbow Dash objected because she was chronically irresponsible enough to do that.

“That is not an adequate food protection system and you know it. You should at least hang your food in a bear bag, and depending on the species of bears prevalence and the likelihood of bear and human interaction, you might need to start carrying a bear canister.”

“But bear canisters are awkward and heavy!” Everyone present protested!

“You have to set a good example,” said Fluttershy, “for the children.”

“For the children,” everyone responded in a low chanting voice.

“For us?” Applebloom asked.

“No, not for you,” replied Applejack and stared into the distance as one who is not doing something for her little sister, “for the children.”

“For the children,” everyone responded in a monotone.

Author's Note:

A very good story with very good moral.