This story is a sequel to the dragon's den dream
two weeks after being offered the contract, spike decided to accept it and return home to meet his birth-parents; not just for him but so that he may protect all of his friends. unfortunately neither twilight nor the others see it that way and will be willing to go through tartarus and back to retrieve their friend. worse still, spike's new noble dragon friends would do the same to ensure that he arrives at the vlemm enclave. And when certain members of royalty get involved not just from equestria, but the other kingdoms as well. Then there will be enough chaos in the land to make discord shed tears of joy.
cover by bluewolfartista
Chapters (17)
So, when I look at the title of a story and see that it isn't capitalized at all, I'm expecting one of two things. Either A) the story is written by a 12 year old with a tenuous (at best) grasp on the English language, or B) the story is a troll story. I have to go with neither at this point.
I can tell you really want to tell this story, but you're held back by complete lack of understanding as to how to present your work. It is unprofessional, messy, and disastrous to read. I look forward to seeing how you improve, but until then, perhaps read over this story again? Learn which words you should and shouldn't capitalize, learn some basic sentence structure, and try again.
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as much as criticism like this hurts, especially with a story I feel fairly passionate about, I must take it into account and alter my work accordingly if I am to become a better writer. Looking back through it I did notice several spelling errors and more than a few disorganized sentences (this is probably why it got so many dislikes.) so I'll go back through, do some editing, and resubmit the chapter after I've made the improvements. thank you for bringing this to my attention.
Despite the errors mention, this is quite a good start. So when does the next chapter come?
8919974
not sure, I have it already written but if the first chapter is anything to go by I'm gonna need to do a lot of editing.
8920146
Take your time.
I have to say great story so far. I am really into this at the moment. I like how you didn't make it the same thing I see so often where Spike leaves because the girls are jerks. No the girls care about him and they respect him but this is something he feel he has to do for them and himself and I think that makes it far more enjoyable honestly. I hope this sin't rushed since there there is so many interesting things that can be touched on in this story. His training, his family, what it really means to be apart of the Royal family, so many interesting and great aspects that I can't wait to learn more about this new world you have built. I do wonder where does the Dragonlord fall into all of this as well? I mean are Ember and her family like another division of the Royal family or are they just a fully separate dragon clan all together. I think honestly i Spike can find himself a nice dragoness as well well would be great. Anyway I can't wait to see what is next for this story.
If there is one thing I could say, it's would be to tone down your descriptions a bit. We know they are well trained so we don't need to be told it all the time. Also, it takes a lot longer to get bored of names than descriptions, so you can say "Rainbow Dash" quite a bit more than you do before using descriptions like "Saphria's enemy" or "the pegasus."
Edit: also, the mane six' reactions were a bit extreme, a bit of crying is ok, but they are all determined by nature.
Beyond that this has been pretty good so far, keep up the good work!
This is interesting for sure. I think this will make things alot worse than they know. With Dash being beaten as she was. This Saphria is cocky but she is just lucky all she got was Dash on her own, if AJ or even worse Twilight would have been there than she would be eating dirt. But the biggest thing she did in her cocky attitude is make it seem like they all are the bad guys. She made it look like they took Spike as some dragon extremest thing or something. Which will cause the next time they run into any of them they will attack first and talk second and with someone as powerful as Twilight and Starlight who are SUPER powerful, with Twilight on a higher scale but still Starlight was able to go toe to toe with the young Alicorn, is something very dangerous. Not to mention it will ruin alot of trust Spike has in the group or at the least in Saphria. If he find out she beat up one of his good friends instead of letting him talk down the situation and she left her somewhere where she could be attacked, killed, or even worse and she can't do anything about it. He will be furious for sure. And they will have to work even harder to get him to trust the again. Twilight and the girls as well seeing the attackers are Dragons if they lose track of them will go to Ember for help in finding them or figuring out if they were the ones to come and get Spike. Which will lead to Ember looking for these rouge dragons that took her FIRST FRIEND. And she will use all the Badland Dragon's to do it. And it seems the Badland dragon's don't fallow under Spike's family rule so long story short Saphria in her hot headed nature and needed to beat someone she felt she was better than could have very well have caused a war between the dragons and maybe even the ponies as well where they are on the disadvantage side with it being two against one.
So when does the next chapter come?
Well this was interesting to say the least. I think Connor got off lucky to be honest. If Twilight and Starlight wanted to put him down I get the feeling he would be sleeping in that dirt he is so fond of. Not to mention Pinkie is a major threat when she wants to be. I think for sure Twilight will contact the princesses and Ember about all of this. This is a dragon matter on top of Spike, not to mention the princesses will want to know if something happen to Spike. Twilight wouldn't overlook, once she have gotten back to the castle and had a chance to breath, that he DID mention noble dragons and seem to disrespect Ember's whole tribe. Hell she will best chance contact the crystal empire and the changlings as well. This fight has shown that these dragons are more than the ones they have come across before and they need to be ready for the worst. Twilight will also not slip that this dragon DID say he was taking Spike to meet his parents. Twilight knows Spike the best. All his fears and issues, and she would know that if anything could get Spike to leave it is the idea of him meeting his birth parents. I noticed she was one of the ones not saying she knew what was best for Spike. She was more than likely thinking of all he said. If this is a chance for Spike to meet his parents she wouldn't take that away. But she would make sure he is safe as he does it and it is on the up and up and that it is HIS decision to do it. Which I honestly think the noble dragons wont try to do too much if the girls end up there. Twilight is still royalty, the girls as still the heroes of Equestria and if they fuck with them it will literally be them against almost the whole world and even Noble dragons, who are in a rough spot as it is, can't win against that. But the biggest thing is that it was Connor himself who let out SOOOO much information for them to be able to find them. Honestly this team seem so green behind the fins for this mission with mistake after mistake they are making. Hell when Spike hear these dragon's got into ANOTHER fight with the girls and could have hurt them his trust in this team will be even less.
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to answer your queries:
1. the noble dragons are actually very powerful beings, having incredible strength and durability from their dragon physiology as well as their magic auras; while the average noble dragon couldn't beat twilight in combat, they most certainly could keep up with her.
2. ember is going to be involved in some way in the future, but she'll only end up doing more harm than good.
3. plenty of other ponies have screwed with the mane 6 and gotten away with it, it isn't unreasonable to assume this would be a different case.
4. lastly, I know that connor revealing so much info may seem sloppy at first; but the next chapter will cover why all of what he said is basically useless to the mane 6 in their search.
This is so awesome! (In my opinion) I cant wait to read more!
I will be waiting for the next chapter.
Can' t wait to see what the next chapter brings.
lol, prince of equestia.
prince of the noble dragons conclave.
next is what.
i say spike got a very big family.
but the problem is that princess celestia never mention how she got hold of spike's egg.
i hope a compromise will occur soon when discord is being released and all hell break loose.
also you'll soon find out how the noble dragons put the 'blitz' in 'Baltimare blitz'
Their going to bomb the place? Or make a sudden attack??
Keep up the the good work
The suspence cant wait for next chapter.
Oh boy, not only is Twilight going to face Starlight's I TOLD YA SO mockery, now's she'll probably have to face the PRINCESSES wrath for botching things up and letting bystanders get caught in the crossfire.
this chapter is practically like
1) hide & seek
2) thieves vs cops
3) playing catching
lol.....lol.....lol.
i wouldn't be surprise if the airship got engine problems and forced to land near a griffin town.
then later, unable to use the airship anymore, they all go by foot and somehow ember learns about what happen to spike and joins in the chase.
it will be very interesting to see changelings as well getting involved. especially thorax or chrysalis.
I wonder what Spike thinks he'll do if he successfully escapes?
Picture this say he escapes, he meets his parents, he trains for years, comes back a new dragon and what does he find.
A number of consecutive and possible consequences
The mane six refuse to forgive him for abandoning them.
They have all given up their dreams out of sadness.
Equestria has fallen because of the mane 6's inability to accept Spikes disappearance.
Twilight has given up on friendship.
And many other scenarios
The best bet is that they conversate with him and come to acceptance that Spike is ready to find his own direction in life.
But this is just lone speculation you continue the story how you intend to.
Great chapter so far I think I’ve seen that code before just can’t remember think it’s in a game, but can’t wait for the next chapter!!
This is interesting and it is finally touching on something that I have been really wanting to be touched on. And that is all the other races and kingdoms tied to Spike. I really REALLY hope you don't nerf the Dragonland dragons in favor of the royal dragons. I think their difference is that while the Royal dragons focused more on using their magic, the Dragonland dragons put more in physical. So they can outpower and more durable than a royal dragon. Not to mention the changlings are far FAR more sensitive to magic than all the other species so they would be great counters to the noble dragons even more so that they can drain that magic. The Noble dragons have been able to get ahead so much because of they came out of nowhere and tend to get the drop on everyone when thing happen. But that advantage is going away and fast as we have seen. And due to all of this, the piss poor way this mission was handled the noble dragons will find them in the cross hairs of four different parties, Equestria, Crystal Kingdom, Changlings, and the Dragonlands. They are strong sure but that much crashing down on them even they can't handle that. And honestly to be real and if Celestia and Luna are real rulers this has gone beyond just Spike at this point. These dragons came into their lands, ran a black op mission, attacked national heroes, caused mass damage and riots in one of their cities, and stressed tension between Equestria and their allies. The nobles and Spike can't just talk their way out of this that is for sure. And lets be honest..... The nobles might be strong.....But against the goddess of the Sun, goddess of the Moon, and the Lord of Chaos .... they are fucked, and that is just from Equestria, not counting the Goddess of Love, the Dragonlord, and the Changling hives.
have prince shining armor get involved as well.
Okay I sort of now want to castrate Cobalt with a rusty spoon slowly assuming it wasn't just a trick.
9120856
If spike finds out what cobalt did I’m sure he’ll have a few choice words for him can’t wait for the next chapter!!
This fic is getting better with each update. Looking foward for the next chapter 😊
Well this is interesting. So now a teenage dragon has more power than Luna? I mean it is fun and all but you have nerffed the princesses super hard in this. Like Luna said she have been doing this for thousands of years and should have more power and experience than Cobalt. But he handled her and not to mention SUPER disrespected her. I am sorry but the leaders of the dragons I just see HAVING to flip on these CHILDREN who keep making the situation worse and worse. I mean what Colbat has done. Really has done here is a clear and define act of war. He has attacked the leader of another country and even held hits citizens hostage. Like I said before this has gone way past Spike now and has become a much bigger thing due to how these foolish, and honestly written very OP, teenagers have acted. Because with this becoming now a war, a real conflict it wont be just a four way war now. NO NO, if Equestria goes to war..... All their allies will join them. That is over 6 countries all coming down on the Noble dragon's head. And lets face the facts here they now DO deserve it. The ponies didn't start or escalate the conflict it was the noble dragons who did
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first of all just because Cobalt is the SIZE of a teenage dragon doesn't make him a teenage dragon, noble dragon growth works a bit differently from regular dragon growth due to the absence of greed; cobalt is actually several hundred years old and spent most of that time honing his aura.
secondly, his power is limited to the dream realm; yes he is as strong as Luna in the dream since he can draw from the naturally occurring darkness that creates nightmares but in the real world he is A LOT weaker since he can't draw extra power from that same darkness outside of the dream realm.
lastly, don't forget that the noble dragons still have spike as leverage. equestria couldn't start a war out of fear of having him in the crossfire. further more no pony actually knows where the vlemm enclave is and therefore have no idea where to attack.
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Yea but that still give Cobalt a completely broken and unbeatable thing. If he is the strongest and untouchable in the dream realm than he wins as we saw. He can just do this whenever he want since it seems Luna can't touch him if his cocky and kinda of a dick attitude was anything to go by. And even if he is that old he is still younger than Luna who has to fight nightmares every night to protect the dreams of her ponies. And even with them.havung Spike that doesn't change a thing, what your 'noble' dragons have done is a act of terrorism on a huge scale. They have made a enemy of 7 Nations and is now seen as a violent threat to the innocent. Those are just facts by what they have done since showing themselves. And even if the Noble dragon leaders never wanted this. That it has to be shown that these kids fucked up on a monsterously. They were suppose to get Spike out covertly but now they have done all if this and threatened a world leader and all their people. And yea they dont know where they are, but that was because no one knew they were around so they didn't look for them. But now they have the element of magice, two goddess, a Lord if chaos, countless other leaders and their followers, the greatest magic user in history..... They won't be able to stay hidden long. They stayed hidden because they didn't draw attention to themselves these kids ruined that and now their people are more or less at war with the world and it is their fault. And what do yo think Spike will do once he finds out any of this. Because he was a coward in how he handled this, because he was immature and thought sneaking away would be for the best these chains of events are going down. Celestia and Luna now CAN'T let this go. Your OC made this far too high of stakes and did the dumbest mistake by far in the story and now he and his people will have to deal with the fallout
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you raise some very good points but there is one thing:
remember discord and all he's done? equestria forgave him for that
trixie took an entire town hostage and the worst that happened to her was being humiliated.
then there was king aspen from the mlp comics, who basically used his forest magic to invade equestria. they apologized to him in the aftermath
also in the comics when sombra was purged of the umbrum, they basically forgave and forgot everything he did.
there have been numerous villains throughout the series who have done horrible things in equestria and they got off with little more than a slap on the wrist.
plus all of the noble dragon's actions thus far were less out of spite and malice and more out of desperation to complete their mission and secure the future of their clan. Furthermore they have consistently played on the defensive, never firing the first shot
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Well the difference is with discord is that they couldn't really do anything to stop him. He is stronger than Celestia and Luna. And not to mention he was hit with the elements purging him of his worse evil. That is like a more of a confirmation that he has gone good. Trixie yea took over a small town, but was possessed by a amulet and even than she didn't cause major damage to people and property. And many of those other cases yea they forgive... After they have gotten rid of the threat. It is easy to 'fogive' when the thing that did it is gone for all they know. But this is different. This is a force coming in and attacking doing all kinds of arm. And I am not talking about the other issues. Those I can see forgiven. but this is different. What he did was cruel and it is a constant threat to their people. He attacked all the ponies of Equestria and is using it as blackmail against a political leader. He hurt mare, stallion, ad foal alike for his own selfish need. And just because they feel they are doing it for a good reason doesn't make it true. Anyone that does a terrorist attack feel justified in doing it. And you can claim self defense when yo kick in someone else's door and fuck with their life . They fired the first shot with how they handled the situation in the first place and their growing hostel actions are making it worse. Look this won't get anywhere we both just have different views on how justified their actions are and the fallout from them.
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you know what, I feel like this is just going to evolve into a pointless debate that gets more hostile the longer it goes on.
so how about we just agree to disagree, it's my fanfic and my take on the characters; I'll write it my way and you can just keep telling me what you think of it
I just want to get one point across: the noble dragons aren't evil, they're more like chaotic neutral
Wait a minute I heard the things cobalt was saying from the undertale the musical in your best nightmare am I right
Could I say something?
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yes indeed, I actually explained that in the author's note
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just like discord huh.........lol.
i'm just only going to say this
i hopefully that you include cadence and shining armor in your story.
this is my own opinion. you can disregard it totally.
poor luna.
i wonder if there is a dragon who can match celestia........lol.
^_^
I hate cobalt already
using every pony as sleepless hostages acting like a psychopath I think he may be the only dragon of the Vlemn that actually cruel.
Hopefully he gets chewed out for it later.
Sorry about that this was a pretty sad chapter
Dragonpony... i have to agree with what Colbat did. She would not listen and he gave her many chances to have a discussion, But she refused. And had no choice but to use his powers to make her give up. Harsh... but necessary.
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Do not overestimate them.
Bty will spike fall in love with Ember?
9100261
Do not overestimate the dragons.
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That kind of thinking tho is how situations become more and more violent. And let's be frank here he is a teenage dragon who has lived barely 1/10 of the time Luna have been alive. She has defended her country and the dreams of her people for a long time. And now her nephew has been kidnapped and one of the creatures that did it is commanding her to do what he says. Who in their right mind would listen to that. And you say it had to be done? Hurting thousands of innocents even children is okay if it gets what you want done? Sorry can't agree with that. Fighting her, even tho still feel that was a rigged fight lol, fine that is between them . But when you bring in civilians who have nothing to do with it than you make it 10000 time worse and it goes so far beyond what it was before. Not to mention he is holding them hostage and threatened to do it all again. You can side with his actions but I personally just can't
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Fine. But she had a choice. And colbat had no choice but to do that. He had to protect his dragons from being revealed and keep their location a secret. I would do the same thing.
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Auuuu that too bad, Don't mess with the nobels, but noooooo, luna just had to push her luck.
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Given what Cobalt was threatening would have caused all in Equestria to slowly go insane and die from lack of sleep effectively committing genocide all to keep Luna from finding spike needless to say I don't have a very high opinion of him at the moment.
Well this was something for sure. it is funny how they talk about Spike being more mature and older than he looks but he seem to not act like it one bit. I mean honestly they told him to his face that they are going to change everything he is to fit their desires, this meeting that was SUPPOSE to be him meeting and learning about his parents has become so much worse. I mean when someone say the are going to reshape you mentally that is a HUGE red flag right there. That sounds ALOT like brain washing but he just grin like a dumbass and takes everything they are saying. Starlights little speech to Ember and Thorax to be frank made me laugh. I mean she was making some points when she was talking about Spike making some calls on his own, even tho it sounded like a weak case to me with HOW he went about it, but when she started to come the the noble dragon's defense that was when it just got silly. I mean, 'oh they seem like they would die for one another isn't that a good thing?' how in the world is she able to even make that claim. She knows nothing about these things besides the VERY bad impression they have made. So how can she speak on 'how they seem' and if that is a good thing or not. Hell that extremist behavior should worry her since her friends are on the opposite side of that which mean they very well might end up very hurt or worse by these dragon. Than there is the OP mess that is Cobalt. I mean oh he is so insanely powerful that they literally said he could end the world. But he doesn't because he is such a good guy, and the teaching of the noble dragons are soooo good lol. But what I don't want to get back into beating that dead horse again. I wonder how the next thing is going to be. I mean lets see, they are about to go against the Dragonlord someone who is getting a massive power boost from a ancient artifact, the changling king who has the powerlevel of or at minimum close Alicorn and the Alicorn of friendship and magic who is the greatest mage in the kingdom history...... so I am betting all three of them will be beaten easily by a baby noble dragon in three seconds as he mock them and best chance steal the element of magic and the Scepter from Ember.
oh my.
will ember lose the scepter.......lol.
there are so many solutions and ways to win the "gauntlet of fire".
plus, because all those dragons who are bigger than spike will ignore him because their thinking is this
1) he is so small
2) he is just only a baby
.......etc.
so when he win the gauntlet of fire, every single dragon except garble was so impressed that they respect spike in the end.
^_^
thank you mate. love to help you more.
OH BOY, how exactly is SPIKE going to react when he see's that EMBER & THORAX are in with TWILIGHT as well?