• Member Since 15th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen 22 minutes ago

Comma Typer


I like to read pony fiction and am interested to write some of my own, but more importantly, I'm a Christian, believing in the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

T
Source

It all began with changelings—mysterious creatures from the Badlands who could shapeshift into anything and anyone.

When they took over Canterlot, they shocked many not with the swiftness of their attack but with how many in Equestrian society had been replaced long ago with changelings, their true identities revealed when it was too late.

In the year or so that followed, Equestria pulled back full tilt, desperate for a safe place to hide. However, no matter how the ponies tried to conceal themselves from their foes, they would always succumb to the changelings—whether by brute force from without or by covert infiltration from within.

And now, the most formidable outpost of the resistance against Changeling Queen Chrysalis—Camp Ponyville—was reported fallen, vanquished by an iron hoof. To those still alive, the changeling armies became only more unstoppable than ever before, shaking Equestria to the very core.

Or, rather, what's left of Equestria.

With this piece of news, everyone on all sides were left thinking about their next steps.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 13 )

Already heading into action. Quite an opening!

Well, this is certainly interesting, can't wait to see where it goes.

Going somewhere?

Something tells me that Thorax is not liking this.

I'm definitely intrigued, but I have to say these unnecessary sentence fragments all over the place are really distracting and could use an editing. Writing style is one thing, but they're honestly too much. Definitely keeping an eye on this one regardless, I'm excited to see where it can go.

8934486
Yeah, it turns out the number one critique I get is the sentence fragments. It is a thing I want to get going because it could help with speeding up the pace, but if I'm still overdoing it, then that means I've got to tone it down even further. Thank you for the feedback; at least I know what to do next. :twilightsheepish:

Anyway, it's good that you enjoy this story. To be honest, I purposefully put my own stories in a low light to see if there could be any room for improvement, so to see more people like this fic is unexpected. :twilightsmile:

8934558
To be honest I constantly undersell myself too. I don't actually write, but I'm in a couple group projects with a lot of idea spitballing. I think I'm getting better, but it's still annoying to deal with. Anyway, in my opinion your work has very definite promise, so I hope you can both work around brain crap eventually and get some more readers, because this deserves to be seen.

And thank YOU for writing!

This is going absolutely nowhere.

8947190
I can see where you're coming from. At this point, nothing much has happened. Has Thorax infiltrated Appleloosa yet? How long will the pony population there get wise to it—if they're not already paranoid enough like Banknote, the cashier? As much as I want to play up the suspense here, I do struggle with very slow pacing. I could promise that the action begins to ramp up in the next few chapters or so, but even doing that would spoil any surprise I might have by then.

And, actually, I like and appreciate your comment. I wish there were more of them in my stories to tell me if I'm doing well or bad in the story. :twilightsmile:

8947833

Theres nothing wrong with suspense, but this isn't a story (yet?). Its a bunch of random vignettes about life in a "Chrysalis won"-universe. Which would be fine if they could stand on their own as standalone stories in a "Chrysalis won"-universe, but thats obviously not what you're going for.

And I try not leave long comments cause I don't play nice with bad stories and people love to use the delete button.

8947866
Technically, A War is also a bunch of random vignettes, but I tried to place in some kind of overarching thread in there somehow. Well, I'm just betting on something decent here.

And, don't you worry about commenting here. I don't see why you would delete constructive feedback, honestly. I listen to your criticism and try to learn from it, you get listened to and get rewarded for giving that kind of criticism—everyone wins. :pinkiesmile:

8947899

A War is a bunch of random vignettes. But A War is also a long series of long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror.

In a fictional story; boredom is fine, if the moments are worth the wait. The longer the wait, the greater the expectation of the moment.

And if you want a good story about civilians in a war, you should try This War of Mine.

I loved "A War" and I'm enjoying this fic a lot now too. Keep up the good work!

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