• Member Since 15th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen 28 minutes ago

Comma Typer


I like to read pony fiction and am interested to write some of my own, but more importantly, I'm a Christian, believing in the Savior and Lord Jesus Christ.

T
Source

It all began with changelings—mysterious creatures from the Badlands who could shapeshift into anything and anyone.

When they took over Canterlot, they shocked many not with the swiftness of their attack but with how many in Equestrian society had been replaced long ago with changelings, their true identities revealed when it was too late.

In the year or so that followed, Equestria pulled back full tilt, desperate for a safe place to hide. However, no matter how the ponies tried to conceal themselves from their foes, they would always succumb to the changelings—whether by brute force from without or by covert infiltration from within.

And now, the most formidable outpost of the resistance against Changeling Queen Chrysalis—Camp Ponyville—was reported fallen, vanquished by an iron hoof. To those still alive, the changeling armies became only more unstoppable than ever before, shaking Equestria to the very core.

Or, rather, what's left of Equestria.

With this piece of news, everyone on all sides were left thinking about their next steps.

Chapters (43)
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Comments ( 24 )

Already heading into action. Quite an opening!

Well, this is certainly interesting, can't wait to see where it goes.

Going somewhere?

Something tells me that Thorax is not liking this.

I'm definitely intrigued, but I have to say these unnecessary sentence fragments all over the place are really distracting and could use an editing. Writing style is one thing, but they're honestly too much. Definitely keeping an eye on this one regardless, I'm excited to see where it can go.

8934486
Yeah, it turns out the number one critique I get is the sentence fragments. It is a thing I want to get going because it could help with speeding up the pace, but if I'm still overdoing it, then that means I've got to tone it down even further. Thank you for the feedback; at least I know what to do next. :twilightsheepish:

Anyway, it's good that you enjoy this story. To be honest, I purposefully put my own stories in a low light to see if there could be any room for improvement, so to see more people like this fic is unexpected. :twilightsmile:

8934558
To be honest I constantly undersell myself too. I don't actually write, but I'm in a couple group projects with a lot of idea spitballing. I think I'm getting better, but it's still annoying to deal with. Anyway, in my opinion your work has very definite promise, so I hope you can both work around brain crap eventually and get some more readers, because this deserves to be seen.

And thank YOU for writing!

This is going absolutely nowhere.

8947190
I can see where you're coming from. At this point, nothing much has happened. Has Thorax infiltrated Appleloosa yet? How long will the pony population there get wise to it—if they're not already paranoid enough like Banknote, the cashier? As much as I want to play up the suspense here, I do struggle with very slow pacing. I could promise that the action begins to ramp up in the next few chapters or so, but even doing that would spoil any surprise I might have by then.

And, actually, I like and appreciate your comment. I wish there were more of them in my stories to tell me if I'm doing well or bad in the story. :twilightsmile:

8947833

Theres nothing wrong with suspense, but this isn't a story (yet?). Its a bunch of random vignettes about life in a "Chrysalis won"-universe. Which would be fine if they could stand on their own as standalone stories in a "Chrysalis won"-universe, but thats obviously not what you're going for.

And I try not leave long comments cause I don't play nice with bad stories and people love to use the delete button.

8947866
Technically, A War is also a bunch of random vignettes, but I tried to place in some kind of overarching thread in there somehow. Well, I'm just betting on something decent here.

And, don't you worry about commenting here. I don't see why you would delete constructive feedback, honestly. I listen to your criticism and try to learn from it, you get listened to and get rewarded for giving that kind of criticism—everyone wins. :pinkiesmile:

8947899

A War is a bunch of random vignettes. But A War is also a long series of long periods of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror.

In a fictional story; boredom is fine, if the moments are worth the wait. The longer the wait, the greater the expectation of the moment.

And if you want a good story about civilians in a war, you should try This War of Mine.

I loved "A War" and I'm enjoying this fic a lot now too. Keep up the good work!

1) Maybe I'm misunderstanding something about the tagging rules, but from what I've read so-far this seems overdue for a "dark" tag.

2) I know that it's folly to ask this while a story is still being written, but do you have a good sense of how long it will be? This story is interesting, but also kinda miserable (tone wise not quality wise). I'm not saying that the story needs to be "lighter" or "happier", that seems to contradict what you are going for, but I feel like I'd personally enjoy reading it near completion versus chapter-by-chapter. Maybe a rough percentage guess?

1. Perhaps my understanding of the Dark tag is also skewed. I've read some eschatological thrillers(?) before and, compared to this fic, it's lighter than them. I don't think I'll add the tag, but it's a good point you've raised.

2. While things are subject to change, I'd say it's 45 to 50 percent complete. If you want to read it near its completion from how it's looking so far, then I'd suggest you resume reading within the last week of July/first week of August.

9001934
I'm pretty sure this needs the dark tag, from the first three chapters alone it becomes apparent that it needs the dark tag. They're talking about recycling ponies, if that doesn't count then I'd really like to know what you think qualifies as "dark".

9020657

I'm pretty sure this needs the dark tag, from the first three chapters alone it becomes apparent that it needs the dark tag. They're talking about recycling ponies, if that doesn't count then I'd really like to know what you think qualifies as "dark".

Yeah, I'm agreeing with the Dark tag this time. When you put it as "recycling ponies", it really does deserve it after all. Actually, after a while, it dawned on me that I might be dishonest by letting new readers think that, for lack of a better term, it's a "typical" story when recycling ponies is a thing.

Thanks for the recommendation. I appreciate it. :twilightsmile:

And so, we've reached the end... :applecry: ...of yet another great story! :pinkiehappy: A pleasant read!

9043268
At least it was good for you. Personally, I think this story is akin to low-hanging fruit, but, as they say, sometimes a creative's harshest critic is himself, so I don't know. :applejackunsure:

Thank you for reading. :twilightsmile:

9043276
Hey, don't beat yourself down. That's what happened to me once when I wrote Twilight Turns Into a Puppy. I didn't like the fic, but other users did. Their motivation has helped me to rewrite it someday, perhaps after my second Armada story. Believe in yourself. God bless. :raritywink:

I enjoyed this story. I'll be honest and say that I enjoyed "A War" much more and thought it was better but I quite liked this too. Strangely despite this focusing on far less characters and less individual stories it felt like A War had a much tighter narrative while this was more disjointed. Still, I was drawn in and invested the whole way through, I enjoy your story style and am very much looking forward to any future stories you might write like this one and A War.

9043401
I wouldn't call it beating myself down, but that's how I roll. When you see your own fics as lackluster and always in need of improvement no matter what the ratings say, you'll be more likely to see the mistakes and correct them.

That aside, thanks for your encouragement. :pinkiesmile:

9043648
There's a reason why A War is like that. There, the P.O.V. usually changes to a character either nearby or being talked/thought about; I only did "hard" switches, so to speak, when I found no other way to get to the next part of the story without sounding contrived. Here in Changing Ways, I mellowed down and changed P.O.V.'s casually.

Really, the key to holding loads of characters together is by stringing them along one string. That's what happened in A War. This story had multiple strings that sometimes overlapped, but, overall, it looks clunky compared to A War. I hope I'll use the former P.O.V. style more often, really.

Anyway, thank you for your time. :twilightsmile:

9048655
What do you mean by that?

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