Chapter 23
“Did you read it?!” Sweetheart said to Cheerilee, with a wide grin on her face. “I never realized our Princess was so... kinky.”
“Yes, I’ve read it. I think that by now everyone did,” Cheerilee shook her head. “I don’t know how my replacement is going to explain it to the students.”
“Oh, come on, hon. Don’t tell me you still want to leave us! It’s been two weeks since that mob farce. I had thought that after Applejack and Scootaloo told what really happened, and after they locked up those three morons, you would be over it. Is this because no one from the Ponyville was arrested, and you feel unsafe?”
“No... To be honest, after the news spread, I asked Princess Celestia to give them suspended sentences.”
Just as Cheerilee had expected, Sweetheart shot her one of those ’are you out of your mind?!’ glances. Truth be told, she was asking that question to herself. She was either this naive or just soft-hearted. Probably a little of both.
“I know what you’re going to say, but I don’t seek revenge.”
“Revenge? How about justice! Bold Hoof and the others should feel its rod on their flanks!”
“They will don’t worry. I just don’t see the point in sending them to prison, when we can have them do community service for Ponyville for years. And if they try anything funny, they’ll end up in a dungeon in no time. It’s a win-win for me. What would you have me do?”
“I would go with flogging...” This time Cheerilee was the one glancing. “What? It worked well in the past—”
“My God, it’s like the Middle Ages over here!” James interjected joining them. He had a wrapped up package in his right hand. “Taser is the way to go, Sweetheart. Much more effective way of torture... Err, I mean punishment.”
“Hrmph, I’m an earth pony, I prefer simple things, thank you very much! Besides, I doubt your techno mumbo-jumbo could beat a good old vice on the nads!”
“You would be surprised!”
“Really?” She shot him an inquisitive, yet evil glance. “Would you like to make a little test?”
“My, my, the two of you should get together,” Cheerilee said, shaking her head. “Oh, by the way, James. It’s good you remembered to visit your friend at least on his last day in the hospital.”
“Hey! I didn’t visit him in the last couple of days because I was busy, honest!”
“Doing what?”
“Traveling all over Equestria it would seem,” Celestia said, joining the group. “From the Crystal Empire to Manehattan.”
“What? Is it illegal to travel or something? And by the way, didn’t we agree you won’t be spying on me anymore?”
“I do not need to spy on you, mister. You are one of only three humans in Equestria, when you go somewhere, the word goes around.”
“Hrmph! Your ponies should keep their nose out of my business and do something constructive for a change like... read that book of yours!”
His words and smirking face forced her to break eye contact. But when she glanced at the two nearby ponies instead, the expression on their faces jabbed her even harder.
“Why do I have the feeling they already read it...”
“Of course we did, and... Wow!” Sweetheart grinned in delight. “If ten years ago I knew you diplomatic types have so much fun, I would change my profession!”
“Miss, it was a thousand years ago. I no longer organize... those things. They cost others and me, too much.”
“By that, you mean that having a harem is cheaper in the long run?” James said with a smirk. But it quickly faded once her eyes reached his. “O-K, I didn’t say anything...”
“Well, for what it’s worth, Princess, it’s good to know that under all that regalia there’s a normal pony, instead of that stick in the mud we took you for.”
“Um... Thank you. I think...”
“Well, I gotta go, my shift starts in a few minutes,” Sweetheart said, just as they reached the hospital entrance. “See you later, Cheerilee. And your Highness? If you ever organize another orgy, count me in!”
Sweetheart winked and got inside before Celestia could say anything.
“Count me in too,” James said with another smirk, but this time got no reaction. “Oh, come on! What did you expect after publishing that thing?”
“Anything, but that. Then again, other reactions were baffling as well. Some ponies think it was a joke, that I am just pulling their hoof. Others think it was so long ago, it is ancient history. Heck, I even heard that some believe my sister is behind all this. And out of ponies that believe those events took place, I had heard both words of sympathy for my ‘bravery,’ as well as words of revulsion, for hiding the truth for so long. But to be honest, I expected more backlash,” Only then she realized Cheerilee was doing everything not to look her in the eye. A perfect opportunity for some unbiased opinion. “What do you think, Cheerilee?”
“Me? I...” She bit her lip and shook her head. “I really don’t think I have the right to judge your actions.”
Celestia smiled. “Cheerilee, out of all ponies, you had shown both compassion and firmness when it was necessary. And when it comes to John, you have been the most objective, non-judgmental person, out of all in Ponyville. If you could do that one more time, and tell me what you think, I would really appreciate it.”
Cheerilee stayed quiet with eyes fixed into the ground, thinking. But after a moment of silence, her mind was made up. After a long sigh, she glanced the Princess in the eyes and began.
“Over the last thousand years, you have led Equestria into the age of stability and prosperity. You were always there when we needed you, always ready to make sure Equestria thrives. And thanks to that, you earned a lot of respect, but... Your past and present actions will cost you some of that respect.”
“Do you believe I should step down?”
“What?!” James couldn’t believe his ears. “Are you fucking nuts?!”
“Please, let Cheerilee answer the question,” Celestia said, but instead of a response, silence filled the air, getting more awkward every second. “Cheerilee?”
“Before I answer, tell me, why did you hide the truth all these years? Even after your sister returned? You must have known that some ponies were still afraid of her because of the past, yet you said nothing. Why?!”
Celestia fixed her eyes onto the ground. This wasn’t the first time she heard that question, but Cheerilee’s teacher’s tone and firm expression made her feel like a filly being scolded. And rightfully so.
“When they let me out of the hospital, I wanted to come clean, to tell the whole world the real story behind Nightmare Moon, but I could not. By then, the rumors about our inability to use the Elements of Harmony were spreading like wildfire. The peace treaties I signed just months before, were being threatened. Equestria was being threatened. My advisors informed me that my confession would divide ponies and give our enemies the advantage. I had to make a choice, to tell everything and risk more lives, or to go with the official story, and try to salvage what I can, and save Equestria from possible wars. As much as it hurt, I chose the latter. Maybe it was a mistake, I do not know.”
Cheerilee’s anger subsided a little, leaving her with a feeling of guilt instead. The more she thought about it, the more sense Celestia’s explanation made. But some jigsaw puzzles were still missing.
“But you had literally a thousand years to come clean. Why didn’t you?”
“Cheerilee, it took tens of years to wrap up all the foreign threats. This was not the peaceful Equestria you know today. Without the Elements, we were struggling to keep the peace, and it was not always successful. Equestria needed a strong leader it could rely on, and I was it.”
“And when Princess Luna came back? You could have told the story then.”
“Yes, I could have, but after Luna saw what we were able to achieve in her absence, she asked me not to. I should not have listened to her back then, but I was afraid and ashamed, just like anypony would be,” Celestia smiled bitterly. “I know that some ponies still think of me as an infallible goddess, but the truth is that I’m just a mare, with my own fears. I guess, I just gave into them...”
As she processed the information, Cheerilee’s eyes hit the ground again. But with years of teaching behind her back, it didn’t take her too long to reach the verdict. She sighed once more and glanced Celestia in the eyes.
“The way you describe things, you faced a situation with no good solution. And while I think you made mistakes, I don’t think you should step down.”
“Thank you,” Celestia smiled, and sighed in relief. “You have no idea how badly I needed to hear that.”
“You’re welcome, your Highness, but I do have a few more questions if you’re willing to answer,” Cheerilee said and got a nod of confirmation. “After what happened to doctor Marbles, were you ever charged with anything?”
“Believe it or not, but I wanted to be punished, but since I was classified as insane at the time, I was not guilty of anything. I had to continue my therapy, of course. Ironically, my new doctors said that my remorse was a good thing, that it was a sign that the therapy was working,” she shook her head. “The knowledge of what I did to him was so hard to bear that there were times when I wished my treatment did not work. After I got out, I even tried to apologize to his wife, but she said I should go to Tartarus. I cannot say I blame her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I deserved it, Cheerilee. I made sure, she was taken care of financially, but that does not absolve me,” Celestia exhaled again, but this time it was a sigh of guilt. “You know... Being a princess is a much dirtier job than ponies think. During my reign, there were numerous times I had to take a life. But Marbles was the only, truly innocent being I killed...”
Celestia’s voice trailed off, leaving her with an agonized expression. At that moment, she wasn’t the fearless leader everyone took her for, but someone begging for a hug of reassurance. And Cheerilee did just that, putting her hoof on Celestia’s shoulder.
“You need to let it go, you know?” James said, mimicking what Cheerilee did. “Or, perhaps find his relatives, and apologize?”
“I...” Celestia cocked her head. “You know, I did not think of that, but maybe you are right.”
“I also think that would be a good idea, your Highness,” Cheerilee said. “I’m sure they would be willing to forgive you after all this time.”
“Hmm, I will look into it. Thank you—”
Just then, the hospital door opened, revealing John with doctor Stables right behind him.
***
“Whoa, what a welcoming committee,” John said, slowly limping their way. “You guys really didn’t have to come.”
“But we wanted to,” Cheerilee said with a smile. “How do you feel?”
“Still pretty stiff, but I’ll manage.”
“At this rate, you’re going to be fully recovered at the end of the next week!” Stables shook his head, still in disbelief. “Two weeks from critical condition to... this. This nano-technology is amazing!”
“Let’s not forget the new arm, doc,” James said. “Still feels weird?”
John glanced at his left arm, clenching its hand. This wasn’t the primitive metallic contraption he had earlier, this one looked and felt real, with skin, hair, and heat – the whole nine yards. If he didn’t know it, he would have never guessed it was artificial.
“It still feels a bit off, but I think I won’t notice any difference soon... Hell, it really is an amazing piece of work. Thanks, man.”
“It really does look the same as your right one, John,” Cheerilee said.
“That’s because the outer layer is real skin that we grew using his own cells. Of course, that’s only for esthetics. Inside is a real beast! Hyperflex nano-polymer tritanium composite powered directly by Equestria’s magic. It has enough force to punch through concrete or break necks with a simple snap!”
“Fascinating, but... I’m just glad to have two arms again. How about Scootaloo, any progress?”
“Some, but we need to do a lot more research. Kleiner thinks we may be able to fix her, but it needs time. And we need to get her parent’s consent first. Speaking of the devil,” James pointed at the quickly approaching CMCs and Rainbow Dash.
***
“Darn it, are we too late?” Sweetie Belle said.
“Nah, I just got out,” John said. “How are you doing, Scootaloo?”
“Better... I’m trying to earn the bits and return what I stole. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Rainbow Dash are helping me, but... It will take forever.”
“So I heard... And you don’t have those thoughts anymore, right?”
“N-no, I’m fine. This was so stupid now that I think about it...”
“Those thoughts usually are, trust me, I know. Anyway, I’m glad you’re all right, Scootaloo,” John turned to James. “Did you bring it?”
“I’m still not sure about this, man. Isn’t it like rewarding a thief?”
“No. It’s to aid in the rehabilitation, bring it in.”
With a grunt of annoyance, James began unwrapping the package he had with himself.
“Now look, Scootaloo. I like what you’re doing, that’s why I asked James to get you something...”
“This to be exact!” James said, ripping off the final wrapping.
When it happened, Scootaloo eyes shot wide. For a moment, she kept staring, frozen like a statue.
“A scoter?”
“Not a scooter, the scooter! Look at that beaut!” James’ tone was even more enthusiastic then Scootaloo’s glance. “Made of tritanium polymer, almost fifty percent lighter than anything you can get in Equestria! And see that button? You can extend the damn thing so that all three of you can easily fit in. And the shock absorbers I added are so good, it can easily take the weight of Celestia’s big butt without breaking a sweat!” In his overenthusiastic state, James failed to notice that Celestia’s eyes were screaming ‘rip and tear!’ “So, what do you say, Scootaloo? Wanna try the damn thing out?”
Everyone expected a quick, enthusiastic answer, but Scootaloo just kept staring and shaking her head.
“What? You don’t like it? It’s the color, isn’t it? I knew I should have gone with black.”
“No, no, it’s just... Why?” Scootaloo shook her head once more. “After what I did? I don’t deserve this.”
“Scootaloo, during one of her visits, Apple Bloom told me about your plan to return stolen goods and make things right. And I kept hearing good things about you,” John said. “Consider this to be an incentive to keep up the good work.”
“I don’t know...”
“But I do. Take it, and make good use of it. I know it can help you with your paperboy’s job.”
Scootaloo glanced between her friends, John and Cheerilee, looking for signs of disapproval, but there were none. On the contrary, everyone’s expression was like a scream that she got their blessing.
“I don’t know what to say. T-thank you.”
“Just watch it, Scoot,” James said, handing her the scooter. “This thing is made from way better materials, then anything you can get in Equestria. It can go fast, and I mean FAST!”
“Really?!” Rainbow Dash said, eying the contraption. “You should try it out!”
“Just don’t kill yourself doing it, OK?”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. Thanks again!”
“Oh, I almost forgot,” James pulled out a pen-shaped object. “That’s for you, Apple Bloom. The next time you get beaten by bees, just press it against your flank and—”
“You mean like this?” Apple Bloom said and immediately hissed from the pain. “Ouch!”
“Great, you just injected yourself with adrenaline. Lucky for you there are five doses in there, so you’re still good.”
“My... heart is pounding.”
“That’s normal, it will pass in a few minutes. The bottom line is if you get beaten by bees ever again, use it. It can save your life. Clip it to your bow, or something.”
“Portable epinephrine… This is amazing!” Stables interjected.
“Not really, just some simple tech from Earth.”
“It may be simple for you, but we don’t have anything like that over here. That technology could help a lot of ponies if you could manufacture it on a larger scale.”
“Yeah, doc here is right, boss. You have the entire knowledge from Earth inside that empty head of yours, why not use it for good?”
“Hey! I’m a soldier, not a walking database!”
“Oh, come on, man! With our tech, Kleiner and you could advance Equestria’s medical research by decades. Just think about it! You could help people instead of killing them!”
“B-but… genocide is more fun...” A forest of eyes glanced at him, gnawing him to the core. “Ugh, fine! I think about it, you happy now? And you, Apple Bloom just carry that thing with you when going to the Everfree, OK?”
“Fine...” Apple Bloom neither sounded nor looked too enthusiastic.
“Still the same thing going on the farm, huh?” John said, and she nodded in silence. “I need to talk with Applejack, do you know where I can find her?”
“She should be packing our stand by now.”
“Oh, come on, man! I just got back from the trip. Let’s go to Twilight’s castle and get a drink!”
“In a few minutes, boss. I need to talk with Applejack first, and I need you with me.”
“Why? Need a bodyguard?”
“No, something else,” John turned to the rest of the crowd. “Thanks for the visit guys, I’ll see you later, OK?”
“I am afraid I have to get back to Canterlot, I await a message from Miser Mane,” Celestia shook her head. “Equestria postal service can be such a headache sometimes. I should have gotten his response days ago.”
“Huh... that explains a lot,” James mumbled to himself.
“What do you mean?”
“Uh, nothing, never mind. All right, John, follow me, I know the way. See you later, guys…”
***
Applejack glanced at the sun and sighed. It was time to pack, to get back home, and to get some rest. But ever since she told the truth, the farm turned from being a save heaven into a dark and spooky place. The eerie silence was the hardest. It was an endless supply of gasoline to the fire of her guilt. She thought it couldn’t get any worse.
“Applejack...” John’s voice proved her wrong.
“H-hey...” She said, not looking up. “I see you’re out. Good...”
“Yeah, I should be fine. How are you holding up?”
“Me? I’m just great! Can’t you tell?!”
“Whoa, hold on. I didn’t come here to gloat if that’s what you think.”
With her eyes squinted from anger, she snorted and shot him a heated glance, but her fire quickly died. Instead of a smirk of triumph she had expected, there was an expression of concern. He was telling the truth.
“I’m sorry, I...”
“They still won’t talk with you, huh?” Applejack cocked her head. “Yeah, Apple Bloom told me. As you probably know, Cheerilee and she has been visiting me a lot during the past two weeks.”
“Then you probably know everything. Ever since I told them, both Granny and Mac barely talk with me. And I still have no news from Princess Celestia…” She let out a tired sigh. “This uncertainty is unbearable for all of us.”
“Well, Celestia just told us that she is awaiting response herself, so maybe you’ll have it soon. Oh, by the way, thanks for the pies. Hospital food was barely edible.”
“Well, they were the least I could do after the whole fiasco.”
“They were great, kind of reminded me of home... Anyway, I came here to ask you something. Do I understand correctly that if you could deliver the goods, then the contract would be fulfilled and you would keep the farm?”
“Yes, but I can’t do it. Miser Mane wants more zap apples than we harvest each year.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you can only harvest one-third of them? And the harvesting day is tomorrow?” Applejack nodded. “Can’t you just get some help?”
“Zap apples are called like that because they zap out of the ground and because if you’re not careful, they can literally zap you with lightning.”
“I thought, you ponies are immune to lightning.”
“Well, a single bolt won’t kill us, but it still hurts. Even unicorns can’t easily get these apples safety off the trees. It’s hard to find help for such work. Besides, with all the trouble we had recently, I can’t afford to hire anyone.”
“But, hypothetically, if you could get help, would that solve your problem?”
“Why are you asking her that, man?” James said. “It’s not like you can help if that’s on your mind. You know what happened last time you got zapped.”
“I know, that’s why I have someone else in mind.”
“Hrmph, like who? Who would be crazy enough to...” John’s smirking face was like a punch to the gut. He had to be kidding! “No way! You got to be shitting me!”
“Him?!” Applejack shook her head.
“Don’t worry, Jackie, I’m not about to help bitch like you anyway!”
“Good! Cause I don’t want your help!”
“Would the two of you stop for a moment and… Hey! Guys?!”
John tried to get their attention, but the ongoing ruckus was like some impenetrable barrier, absorbing his words. Two adults were shouting and spitting at each other, like a pair of spoiled brats. The view made him facepalm.
“Hey, what’s going on here?!” Rainbow Dash said, landing next to John.
“I asked James to help Applejack, and now... The two grown-up kids are having an argument.”
“Him, helping Applejack? Ha! That’ll never happen!”
“It better, because that may be the only chance to save the farm,” Dash cocked her head in confusion. “I don’t have time to explain, nor do we have time for this. Cover your ears, this is gonna be loud.” John inhaled greedily until his lungs were ready to burst, and aimed at the arguing figures. “SHUT UP!”
His wild scream made Rainbow cringe despite pressing her hooves on her ears. James and Applejack got the message too, glancing at John with a mix of dread and confusion.
“I swear, the two of you are acting worse than a bunch of toddlers!”
“She started it!”
“Actually, you did! But I don’t care,” he turned to Applejack. “No offense, but you’re acting like a stubborn idiot again! Remember what happened the last time?”
“It’s not that simple—”
“AJ, we all know you don’t like each other, but if he can help you save the farm, then you need to put your pride away for a moment,” Rainbow said, but seeing Applejack opening her mouth to counter, added an atom bomb. “It’s not just about you, you know.”
Her harsh, but true words forced Applejack’s mouth shut, leaving the cowpony with a blank stare. John’s agreeing nod only added to her agony. It was a painful shot, but judging by the look on her face, she got the point.
John turned to James. “And you, stop acting like an asshole!”
“Asshole?!” Unlike Applejack, James wasn’t about to go down without a fight. “John, she treated me like crap from day one!”
“Applejack’s interactions with me were a big FUBAR from the start too, so what? You want to hold the grudge forever?”
“Yes, please. Besides, you don’t know all the facts, that problem is... irrelevant.”
“Irrelevant?!” Applejack snorted. “This is my family’s future, you’re talking about!”
“That’s not what I—”
“See? This is exactly why I don’t want his help. He cares about nothing!”
“You would be surprised...”
“If you mean anything other than drinking and messing around with those Caterlot brothel girls, then yeah, I would be...”
“Hey! Now you’re pushing it, AJ! He saved our flanks, you know.”
“Whoa, Dash defending me?” James shook his head. “That feels... odd. What’s next? Hanging out together? Saving Equestria together? Or maybe some aggressive cuddling together, if you know what I mean…”
Rainbow arched her eyebrow, clearly not impressed. “I take that back. You’re an ass!”
“Of course he’s an ass, but that’s not the point,” John said, turning to James. “Will you help?”
“John, that matter... it, I… I don’t—”
“OK, let me make this simpler – you help, we drink, you don’t help, we don’t drink. How about now?”
“Ha! Good one, John,” he said, but the expression on John’s face wasn’t that of a joker. “Oh, come on! You can’t be serious!”
“Unlike you, I don’t need vodka to be happy. So, do we have a deal?”
James eyes kept darting between smirking John and worried Applejack for a good five seconds. After that came the groan of annoyance, quickly followed by a hiss. This was a shot below the belt!
“You son of a bitch! I hate you!” His words only made John’s smirk widened. “Fine, but if I’m helping, I demand a few concessions!”
“Such us?”
“One, I want a few kilos of those zap apples so I can see what I can make out of them. And two, after the harvest, we drink. And I mean everyone.”
Applejack cocked her head. “Everyone?”
“All of us! Me, John, Big Mac, You, Apple Bloom—”
“She’s twelve years old!”
“So? My dad always said, ‘son, it’s never too early to start!’” His comment got him glances screaming ‘that explains so much...’ “Ugh, fine, I can excuse Apple Bloom, and maybe Granny, but the rest of us shall drink until we puke! And then... we shall drink some more!”
“Hey! Can I help too?” Rainbow Dash said, grinning. “And then get some cider?”
“Cider? We’re gonna be drinking real booze here, Dash!” Rainbow’s face twisted into a yuck expression, but James knew how to convince her. “Ah, I see... But you know what, I understand. My booze is only for the brave. I doubt your soft pegasus body could handle it anyway… Besides, Spitfire let you off the hook or what?”
“We have a break for a few days, and I can handle anything, mister!” Rainbow Dash said, gritting her teeth.
James smiled. Like stealing candy from a baby. “We shall see about that, Dash... That is if Applejack agrees.”
But Applejack just kept quiet, staring at the ground. She wasn’t very fond of drinking even their hard cider, not to mention Gastovski’s high power booze. Her gut felt wrong about it, but Dash was right. This wasn’t only about her anymore, it was about the future of her entire family. She needed all the help she could get, even if that meant swallowing her pride and getting drunk.
“Since they barely talk with me lately, I don’t know if I can persuade the rest of my family, but I’ll try.”
“I’ll help you!” Rainbow said. “When they hear it can get the farm out of trouble, they’ll agree.”
“I hope you’re right. But I have a question, to you, John,” Applejack shook her head. “W-why?”
“Isn’t it obvious, Jackie? He’s a friend of Apple Bloom.”
“That’s part of the reason, but...” John sighed. “During the past two weeks, I heard about stuff happening in this town, and I know things weren’t exactly pretty.”
“Jesus, not you too...” James said. “Cheerilee already asked Celestia for community service instead of prison for those assholes that beat the crap out of the two of you. What else do you want?”
“Look, we’re leaving soon. If I would ever want to come back here, I want to be remembered as the guy who tried fixing things, that’s all.”
“Wow, and I thought Fluttershy is too soft-hearted…” Dash said with a chuckle.
“When it comes to that, Fluttershy and John are evenly matched. Damn it, if she weren’t on that damn trip, then I bet that whole snafu would get resolved much faster,” James turned to Applejack. “Does that answer your question?”
“I think so…” Applejack let out a guilty sigh. “I wish we would have had a better start, John.”
“Me too. But maybe this can be the first step.”
“Ugh... And before you take another step, could we finally go to Twilight’s and get something to drink?!” John rolled his eyes but nodded. “Remember, Dash, tomorrow we’re working dusk till dawn, literally. So don’t be late!”
“I won’t! And I let you know whether we convinced AJ’s family.”
“All right, see you later, Dash, and you tomorrow, Applejack,” John said. “Now, lead the way, boss...”
***
“Fuck! That hurts!”
“Ha! Have enough?”
“Fuck you, Dash!” James shouted, getting back on his feet. His armor still sparkling with the residue of the recent lightning strike. “My pile is still bigger than yours!”
“Not for long!”
“This isn’t a competition, guys!”
“Of course it is, John! And no way in hell, am I gonna let Dash win this! Come on, Big Mac, let’s roll!”
Big Mac let out a tired groan and grabbed two empty baskets. With the sun almost touching the horizon, it was close to dusk, and the harvest would be over. Just a few more minutes of this madness. With Rainbow Dash picking trees with the speed of sound, Applejack didn’t have it much better either, just running with one full basket after another.
“Holy hell, what have I done...” John shook his head and chuckled. “Come on, Apple Bloom, let’s not fall behind!”
“Um, we already have.”
“I know, I know. But let’s keep going anyway. But watch out not to fall down!”
“Don’t worry, I’ve done it for years. Although, I must say the harvest never looked like this.”
John cocked his head once again, glancing at the two ‘teams’ in the distance. Rainbow Dash and James were still shouting at their ground support to speed things up. The faces of Applejack and Big Mac were already screaming bloody revenge.
“They’re both gonna get it, don’t they?” Apple Bloom answered with a light giggle. “Cocky bastards. I can’t believe Rainbow Dash isn’t James’ best friend—”
Multiple flashes filled the air, interrupting him. With his mouth opened, John watched as all the still hanging apples began disappearing right in front of his eyes. A few seconds later, all that was left were a bunch of dead-looking trees... and cursing James.
“God fucking damn it!”
“Hey, language, man!”
“Fuck you!” James grumbled, getting off the tree. “Shit, that damn lightning hurts. So, what’s the score?”
“No one was really counting, boss, but by the look of the piles, I would say it’s a tie.”
“A tie? Goddamnit...” James glanced at John’s heap of apples and smiled. “Well, at least we beat you guys.”
“Yeah, team toxic masculinity beats a child and a cripple. You must be so proud, boss.”
“Touche...”
“I got a better question. Did we get enough apples to solve the problem?” Applejack didn’t answer, eying the harvested fruits instead and shaking her head. “Damn, I’m sorry, Applejack.”
“F-for what?” Applejack turned, with confusion on her face. “I wasn’t shaking my head because it’s not enough. I did it because... I don’t believe it.”
“So, are we good?”
“Good? John, if I count this right, we harvested almost twice as many apples as the last time!”
“So it did work?!”
“Are we gonna keep the farm?” Apple Bloom said. “And you’re not going to jail?”
“I... I think so. But I will have to contact Legal Beagle. For now, let’s just put those apples in the storage.”
***
And so they did. What was a mound of zap apples, turned into a small pile just when the sun hid beyond the hills, painting the sky with gold and purple. Just when they were to take the last baskets, someone appeared on the horizon.
“Legal Beagle? What are you doing here, and so late too?” Applejack said, trotting his way. “Don’t tell me that vermin wants more apples?!”
“No, Applejack. In fact, for once I bring excellent news. Look!”
Smiling, he gave her some paper and lightened the air with his horn. Applejack read it, shot him a glance, and read it again, and again. She was reading but not believing.
“Is this...”
“Yes! The contract has been revoked! Congratulations, Applejack!”
“But how…” Applejack shook her head, still not believing it. “Is this... Is this final?”
“Yes, it is! Or rather, it will be as soon as you and Granny sign it.”
“Sign it, huh?” James interjected as he and John joined her. “I think you should read the damn thing first. What if they want you to give up a kidney or something.”
“Your friend has a very… interesting sense of humor. However, his advice is valid. You should definitely read it first. That said, I can guarantee there are no loopholes this time. I’ll be staying in the hotel until tomorrow’s afternoon. Please, deliver the papers so we can finalize...” Legal’s voice trailed off, as his eyes locked onto something. “Is… that the Princess?”
He motioned at the chariot landing nearby, and indeed Celestia was in it. As soon as it hit the ground, she approached them, with an irked expression.
“You know, dropping by after the job is finished, is kind of a dick move,” James said, but instead of a sarcastic return he had expected, he got nothing. “You, OK?”
“No, I am not, and I can see Miser Mane is working fast.”
“Pardon me?”
“Well, why else would you be here, Mr. Beagle, then to exercise the damn contract?” Everyone just shot her a confusing glance. She continued. “I finally got the reply from Miser Mane, and he blatantly refused my request to settle this matter in a civilized manner!”
“What? But, then why—” Applejack said, but Celestia kept going.
“And, to rub some salt into the wound, that... buffoon’s reply was full of innuendos, about how he may be persuaded to change his mind if we ’discuss’ the matter in a more private setting... of my bedchambers!”
“Ah, he must have read your book, and just wanted some personal attention.”
“Oh, believe me, if I still were who I was a thousand years ago, I would gladly give him what he wanted, and then some! After one night, he would not be able to walk straight ever again!” Celestia said with an angry snort, but her anger turned into a wicked smirk when James’ eyes began darting between her horn and her face. “Yes, it is exactly what you think!” His only reaction was to firmly place his butt against the nearby tree.
“Excuse me, your Highness, but that makes no sense,” Legal said. “I came here because Miser Mane revoked the contract.”
“What?” Celestia added her expression to the confused stares of others. “How can that be?”
“You said, that the message got delayed, right?” John said.
“Yes, the date was from three days ago. Legal, when did he change his mind?”
“He called for me today and sent me here. Although, I must say that something was weird about him.”
“Weird?”
“Let me put it this way. I have been working for him for a few years now, and I have never seen him so stressed. It was almost as if he was... afraid. I thought it was your doing, your Highness.”
“Oh, believe me, I had an urge to just go in there and show him how I dealt with his kind in the past. But I did not give in to the temptation.”
“This is the first time I’ve seen him backing away from a contract where he could take over some property for next to nothing. I thought he was afraid of no one, but in this case, someone must have scared him.”
“Nice!” John smiled. “You got some powerful friends or family we don’t know about, Applejack?”
“No. I don’t know anyone who would be able to scare someone like him. Maybe Princess Luna did it?”
Celestia shook her head. “I do not believe so, ponies like Miser Mane only fear those who like acting directly and are not afraid to break the rules...”
Celestia’s voiced trailed off as her eyes began wandering towards one person who would be capable of something like that. John, Applejack, and Legal quickly followed suit.
“What?” James said, looking at the forest of eyes around him. “Why is everyone looking at me as if I went there and stuck a sandpaper dildo up his ass?”
“That was... oddly specific,” Celestia said.
James said nothing, but his lips curled into an unnatural smirk. The awkward silence spilled all over the field and stayed in the air for some time. Everyone kept darting their eyes from left to right, fighting the images from invading their minds, and revulsion from filling their faces. John was the only exception, smirking, and nodding in satisfaction.
“Well, I... I better get back to the hotel,” Legal said, finally breaking the silence. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Applejack. Your Highness,” he nodded and trotted away, still shaking his head. As soon as his silhouette disappeared, Celestia began.
“What were you doing in Canterlot for the past few days?”
“Visiting someone.”
“Who?”
“Girls from ’Under the Velvet Horseshoe,’ they were lonely.”
“You have been in the brothel for two days?”
“They were… very lonely.”
“I see. Let me inquire you about something else. Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to deal with Miser Mane, what would you do?”
“Hypothetically, you say? Hmm...” James smiled and began tapping his chin. “Hypothetically, I would go to his manor, and place some of the spying tech around, so that he would not be able to fart without me knowing. Then, I would go through the house, room by room looking for any incriminating documents, making copies on the way.”
“That is all? You would not try putting any... objects inside his body?”
“Nope. I’m not the one with the horn fetish.” His smirking face made her nibble on her inner lip. “Of course, if I knew someone that was hurt by Miser Mane, like... oh, I don’t know, one of the brothel girls that he almost beat to death—”
“What?!” Celestia’s expression tensed up. “I was not aware of anything like that!”
“Not surprising since she didn’t press charges,” Celestia arched her eyebrow. “Oh, come on. One of the richest ponies in Equestria vs. a prostitute. Who would believe her? We’re talking hypothetically, of course.”
“Of course...”
“Where was I? Ah, so if I knew such a girl, and she would want to take an act of justified revenge, then I could provide her with some recording equipment and some GHB.”
“GHB?”
“Celestia, you don’t wanna know,” John shook his head, but the smile didn’t leave his face. “Fuck me...”
“Fuck him, to be more precise. Now, if that girl would give some embarrassing recordings to some anonymous party, that would then mail them to Mr. Miser Mane, asking him, very, very politely if he could cancel a dozen of unfair contracts, including Applejack’s, then I wouldn’t cry over it. Nor would I care if Mr. anonymous would ask him to donate some of that dirty money to a few orphanages.”
“Interesting coincidence, I just heard that Manehattan orphanage got a sizable donation yesterday,” Celestia said, arching her eyebrow.
“Well, you know what they say, coincidences happen all the time.”
“Tell me, hypothetically, what would stop Miser Mane from coming after that girl now?”
“GHB would. He would wake up in his bed, with an aching backside and next to an envelope of incriminating photos, with no memory about what had happened.”
Celestia’s face remained stoic, but she nodded. This might not have been a green light that she approved of anything, but it wasn’t a scolding either. Besides, it was all hypothetical, of course.
“I don’t understand,” Applejack said. “Why? Why would you help me?”
“We were talking hypothetically, Applejack—”
“Cut it, mister. You did it, and we all know it, but I don’t understand why? Did you ask him to do it, John?”
“No, but to be honest, I was kind of hoping he would,” John smiled. “Getting a little soft-hearted with age?”
“Fuck you, John. As for you, Applejack. Assuming I did it, and you still have to ask why then you’ll never understand.”
“Hey, guys!” Rainbow Dash shouted in the distance. “Are you gonna help, or what?”
“In a minute, Rainbow!” Applejack shouted back. “OK, I don’t know why you helped me, and I’m not sure how to feel about your... approach, but, thank you. But if you knew about it, why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I still claim it was a hypothetical scenario,” faces of Applejack, Celestia and John were shouting bullshit. His own smirk was no better. “OK, how about that you kind of made me? I mean, John said he won’t drink if I won’t help! But, it’s an ill wind, as they say, because now...”
He grabbed his bottle, shaking it in front of Applejack’s face. “Oh nelly...” She said and bit her lip. “Well, I guess a deal’s a deal.”
“Exactly! Come on, let’s get the last of those apples to storage and let’s get wasted!” With a grin, he turned to Celestia. “Of course you’re invited to, but we all know you don’t drink.”
“Hmm, I guess one drink could not hurt...”
“Really?!”
“A single drink, nothing more.”
“We shall see! Come on!”
***
Rainbow Dash stared at her drink, or rather at the puff of smoke it was letting off. She tapped it gently with her wing, spilling some in the process, only to hear a hissing sound as the crystal liquid began reacting with the wooden table below. This must have been poison.
“What did you put in this thing?” Rainbow said. “Acid?”
“Only a little, for the taste,” James said. “You’re not scared, are you?”
“No! It’s just, how do I know it’s not poison?”
“It’s pure ethanol, of course, it’s poison, but so is every alcohol,” Dash just shook her head, still not convinced. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, look!” Before she knew what was happening, James grabbed her glass and drank it in one gulp. “Uh, hot stuff. Come on, Dash, your turn!” He poured her another shot and smiled.
Rainbow’s eyes were moving between the drink and James’ smirking face. Applejack was also looking at her, with a mix of fear and curiosity. Well, how bad could Gastovski’s stuff be?
“Hrmph! Here it goes!” Dash grabbed the glass, poured it down her throat, and placed it back on the table with a bang. All in one second flat. “Ha! No problem at...”
“What was that, Dashie?” James smirk widened. “You didn’t finish, could you repeat that?”
She didn’t hear his words because her mind was being consumed by the heat coming from the liquid she just drank. What started as a gentle warmth, quickly turned into a blaze that was now burning her from inside out. With her mouth agape, hooves clenching her neck, and tongue hanging out, she gasped for air like a fish taken out of water.
Finally, her airways opened a little, and a wheezing sound filled the air, quickly followed by a hiss. When she thought it was over, a new sensation hit her by surprise. There was a liquid fire in her lungs, burning everything in its path and twisting her face into a grimace of pain. When it finally died down, it left her with burning cheeks, watery, and eyes as big as apples.
“Not bad, Dash,” James said, pouring her another glass. “Not bad at all.”
“H-how can you drink this stuff?” Her voice was no louder than a whisper. “This thing is disgusting...”
“Of course, it’s disgusting! Otherwise, people would enjoy it too much,” he said and gulped entire shot without any twists or turns. “Speaking of people, where the hell is John?”
Celestia glanced at the figure in the distance. “I think he is admiring the stars. I will go get him.”
“First, you have some of this,” her glass was full before she could protest. “I think we all want to see that delicate alicorn face twisting in agony.”
“Princess, watch it, that stuff is—”
But Rainbow’s warning came too late. Celestia already gulped the drink down and exhaled gently. Then they all waited for the result, and waited, and waited, but the gentle smiled on her face was not going anywhere.
“Not bad, I drank worse,” she said, pouring herself another glass, not discouraged one bit by the stunned expression on the faces around her. “What?”
“No way...” James was the only one with a stone face. “You’re cheating.”
“Cheating? How?”
“Jesus turned water into wine, I bet you did the opposite with your magic. Here,” he pushed her his glass, “drink that using your hooves only.”
Annoyed, she rolled her eyes, but a second later the content of the glass went down her throat faster than a speeding train. And again, there was nothing but a smile on her face. A display of mockery aimed at one person.
“Holy hell, Princess,” Dash said, shaking her head. “How?”
“I was drinking hard alcohol before any of you were even born. Plus, being an alicorn helps,” seeing that her response struck James’ nerve widened her smile.
“I think, I will go get John,” Applejack said.
“Yeah, go, get him and Big Mac,” James said. “I’m not letting anyone off the hook today. In the meantime, have another one, Dashie...”
***
John sat on the ground some distance away, gaping at the night sky and listening to the chirping of crickets. A soothing melody after a hard day’s work. It made him feel like home.
“Hey, John—”
“Listen, Applejack,” they both paused and concentrated on the peaceful sounds of the night. “Isn’t it beautiful? I always found the chirping relaxing...”
“So do I. That’s why you’re here?”
“Yup, I’m just enjoying the sounds and the view, and saying final goodbyes.”
“Goodbyes? To whom?” The epiphany struck her a bit too late. “I’m sorry, I didn’t—”
“It’s OK, Applejack. I’m sure neither Mary nor Lilian would mind,” he let out a chuckle. “Hell, if I would have succeeded with that rope back then, Mary would have punched me so hard that I would wake up back here. See, we both agreed to move with our lives in case of something bad happening… " John let out a long sigh. “I just… I just never realized it would be so hard.”
“When my folks died in the fire I also couldn’t let it go for weeks. If it weren’t for Apple Bloom, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“Apple Bloom? What did she do? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“I don’t mind,” Applejack’s lips arched into a gentle smile. “One day, I was in my bed, observing a huge storm outside when the door to my room opened. I thought nothing of it, just staring indifferently into the void of the night. Until I felt something crawling next to me.”
“Let me guess, lightning strike?”
“Yeah, that plus the howling wind scared her, and she came to me for protection. I remember that at first I just shot her this cold glare, I wanted to be alone. But as soon as I looked into those pleading orange eyes, something began to break inside of me. She looked so scared that it made me realized that I’m not the only one going through this nightmare,” Applejack wiped a tear off her eye and sniffled. “I put my hooves around her neck and told her that everything will be fine. That I’ll always be there for her.”
“You found someone to protect and live for, and suddenly life didn’t seem so bad?” She nodded in silence. " That’s why you were so protective of her…”
“Yes, but now I know there was no reason for it. I’m sorry.”
“I know, but like I said before, I need time. I need to get away from this place and clear my head.”
“So, you’re still leaving?” This time he was the one nodding. “I heard Cheerilee’s leaving too. You know, if you ever decide to get back, I hope we can start over.”
John smiled and winked. “Me too.”
“Thank you, John... For everything—”
“Excuse me,” Celestia said, landing next to them. “I do not mean to interject, but we are all waiting for both of you. And Rainbow Dash is already drunk.”
John cocked his head. “After ten minutes? She’s one of those that can’t hold her liquor, huh? We better get back there, and, Applejack you’re welcome, but this time, James’ the one that you should be thanking, not me.”
“Don’t remind me...”
“What is it between the two of you, anyway, Applejack?” Celestia said. “Why do you hate him so much? Did he do something I am not aware of?”
“Not to me, no, but... It’s just... He doesn’t respect anyone! Especially you, your Highness!”
Celestia cocked her head. “I beg your pardon?”
“Those sex jokes, interrupting, shouting, name-calling... You’re a princess, he should show you more respect!”
“Let me get this straight, you hate James because you think he doesn’t respect Celestia?”
When she nodded, John’s lips curled, and a moment later, he burst out into a laughter that lasted for a good few seconds, forcing a grimace of confusion one Applejack face. Celestia, on the other hand was less amused, facehoofing and shaking her head instead.
“Applejack, I appreciate your efforts to protect me, but with all due respect, stick your nose out of my business and drop it!”
“No, no, no! She’s absolutely right!” John snickered. “I’m gonna tell him to be a hundred percent formal from now on. What do you think, your Highness?”
“I think that for a person who just got out of the hospital, you sound like someone who really wants to get back in there!” Her glare only made his smirk wider. “As for you, Applejack, if James’ behavior towards me is the only reason for your hatred, then drop it!”
“But Gastovski... He... I don’t understand.”
“Try being me for a few weeks, then you will. Trust me, if James crosses the line he will be the first to know it. And I must add that I am surprised. I would think that after reading my book you would have at least some understanding of why I may find his behavior acceptable.”
“Um, what book?” Applejack cocked her head.
“About my past. You did not read it?” Applejack answered by shaking her head. “Good heavens! You must be the only pony in Equestria who did not read it yet. I shall send you a copy first thing in the morning, then we can talk. That is if you will still want to.”
“You sure?” John said, still smiling. “After what happened to Twilight...”
“Do not remind me, John. This will go down in the history books…”
“W-what happened? Is Twilight OK?”
“She is fine, Applejack. She just thought that I am a twelve hundred years old virgin, so after reading my book, she had a little panic attack.”
“W-wait! Y-you mean, you’re not?”
Celestia chuckled again until their eyes locked. It was then she realized that Applejack was not making a joke, her empty eyes and fearful face were a dead giveaway that she was asking for real.
“Applejack, I...” She wanted to say something meaningful, something thoughtful, but instead shook her head and let out a sigh of defeat. “I need a drink...”
This was supposed to be the last chapter (aside from the possible bonus one, I mentioned earlier), but it grew too much on the way 
.
The next one shall be the last. I have a rather weird/crazy idea how to end this thing, but maybe you'll like it 
Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this one 
.
EDIT 2019-10-22:
- Added part where Cheerilee mentions suspended sentences
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Am I the only one who feels like too much atomic-level bad shit got wrapped up too nicely, too fast?
9846223
Well the author did say they have something crazy cooked up for the last chapter.
~8chill
Interesting.
I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed that we didn't get to read exactly how Dumb-Bell, Hoop and Score got arrested (I was hoping for them to resist and get clobbered for it), but that's just me. This was a good chapter and I'm pleased James took care of AJ's problem in his own inimitable fashion.
You know what? I’ll take it. Much as I think there should have been worse repercussions, I think this works better in the long run.
Do you plan on another in this series? I feel like this leaves many stories left to tell!
so whatever happened to the third guy, when is he going to get his time to shine in a story where he's a main character?
Welp, that wrapped up the way I assumed it would... justice was served. Sarcasm intensifies
Applejack you poor sensitive soul. You and Twilight deserve each other in your innocence. Bet Fluttershy and Rarity took it to be a trashy romance novel though.
James: “I feel... a disturbance.”
Again with the elements, don't the ponies have a bucking army?
They seem to be surprised about Twilight "Twilighting". Her panic attack is just the natural reaction for her.
9846598
they've got the Royal guard if that counts for anything
9846635
In all 9 seasons, 'Twilighting' is not really very common occurrence. Yes, in season 1; some of it in season 4: a little bit in seasons 7 and 8; Popularized in season 9.
It’s all too convenient honestly, it comes off like most of the HIE fics where no matter how badly ponies screw up everything is all wrapped up with a nice little bow at the end. I understand what you were trying to go for, but your long suffering characters came of as far too forgiving after all he’s been through 99 percent of people wouldn’t want to be anywhere near those ponies., nevermind that after all this, theres no long term effects to make the lesson stick. Applejack gets to prance around her farm with no jail time, her family will likely forgive her in a few months. Rainbow got some “bad feels” after nearly crippling someone, but it’s totally ok cause she’s cleaning toilets at Wonderbolt academy to make up for it, even Celestia after coming clean doesn’t have anything to worry about long term.
9846223
Too nicely as in, without significant consequences? Or as in 'this chapter has too many things, it should have been split into two separate chapters and expanded'
?
9846229
Maybe 'crazy' was a bit of a stretch, but it may be a way to kind of eat cake and have it, and it will be completely different from the original draft from a year ago (honestly, this chapter already has some significant changes from the original plan).
I think people may like it, but we shall see.
9846257
The bonus chapter/connected one-shot I was talking about earlier, will cover that
.
And AJ really hates (or at least hated) him and his methods. Talk about irony...
9846302
You may like the final chapter then
As for more stories... Before I started this one, I had plans for an (action-based, darker) sequel, but whether it will or will not happen, I do not know. First, I want to completely rewrite 'Lonely Among Us,' but I need to find the time for real-life, work-related projects, too...
Honestly, I just don't know at the moment.
9846398
You mean Kleiner? In this story, he won't. He was supposed to be a recurring character in the sequel I mentioned above, but this may change too. He was inspired mostly by those two:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Q_(James_Bond)
https://half-life.fandom.com/wiki/Isaac_Kleiner
To be a supporting character, just not in this one.
9846452
Oh, why do I have the feeling sarcasm will intensify even further with the ending
But, to be honest, ever since the chapter with RD, I expected that a lot of people won't like the way I planned to wrap things up.
Oh, well...
9846473
Yup, Twi and AJ thought Celestia was virgin Mary... literally. Honestly, with AJ this may be a little stretchy, but I can see Twilight thinking that for real, and after reading Celestia's book, be like:
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/5/15/2039249.gif
As for Fluttershy, remember what they say... It's always the quiet ones:
derpicdn.net/img/2016/8/9/1220881/large.png
9846573
9846598
9846802
The way I see it:
1. Yes, they have an army (there would be no Equestria today, otherwise) but at the time Equestria was a small country, not the power it's today. I doubt their army would be capable of defending them from anything more then some random skirmishes back then if.
2. The Elements were not a weapon of the first choice, but of last resort. That said, they were/are a nice deterrent. Think about nukes - after Hiroshima and Nagasaki, no one ever used them, but when your enemies know you have them in your arsenal, that makes any land disputes a lot easier. During her drunk/wench rule, nobles persuaded Celestia to take advantage of that fact. So when the 'nukes' later disappeared, all those disgruntled Equestria neighbors that compromised out of fear were ready to fight back.
It took years to undo the damage.
9846635
9846804
In this case, it was not about Twilight 'Twilighting' per se, but rather that she thought Celestia was literally virgin Mary
9847388
Well, ever since the comments from few chapters back, I knew some people will not like the way I wrapped things up, but I honestly don't buy the 'theres no long term effects to make the lesson stick' argument. And this has nothing to do with the story, but rather with the real-world approach to justice.
I know where historically this notion of 'to learn something, a person must be thoroughly punished' comes from, but I hope that with time, more and more people and countries will push towards the approach where rehabilitation is paramount, and prison should be the last resort.
Back to the story, let's take a look at two hypothetical scenarios, for the leader of the mob, Bold Hoof:
1. Send him to jail for a year or two.
2. Force him into community service for 5 years.
How does AD1 serves justice better then AD2
? Because the way I see it:
AD1. Guy goes to prison, his son gets taken away, he loses his job, and Equestria citizens will have to pay for his well being for the next two years.
OK, he messed up, so the hell with him, but his son did nothing wrong, and he would also suffer (I don't know how it is in your country, but over here, being a single parent can be a HUGE attenuating circumstance in certain crimes).
AD2. Guy will keep his job, his son won't be affected (at least not as much), and streets of Ponyville will be shining for the next five years. Every time he will want to go on a vacation, he'll have to ask permission from his attendant. Everyone in Ponyville will know who the guy in the funny outfit is and why he's sweeping streets, or whatever.
You really think that in this case Bold Hoof won't think twice the next time, before doing something stupid
?
Welp, it finally happened. After this chapter, I no longer care about the vast majority of the characters or what happens to them. It's all...just fine. However it ends, whatever outcome is brought about, it's fine.
People doing horrible things and then...nothing happens because they're sorry for it? It's fine. John being treated like dirt while insisting on cleaning up other people's messes? It's fine. James being treated like dirt for being the asshole who's still more compassionate and ethical than half the rest of the cast? It's fine. Celestia competently ruling Equestria for 1000 years after proving herself to be a psychotic party animal because...why again? It's fine. Prison time being classified as "revenge" because the criminal in question won't ever commit a crime again, and certainly won't commit it while doing his "community service"? It's fine. People with legitimate grievances being group-shamed into doing the "right thing" without consideration for themselves? It's fine. Cheerilie being held up as the adult in the room when she treats everyone else like her students who just need a time out when they burn her house down? It's fine. Really, it's fine.
As the saying goes: This is fine. I'm OK with this.
9847895
Honestly? Both.
9853622
He sure does and it sure as hell didn't backfire horribly on him. For more info read JLA: Tower of Babel or watch JL: Doom.
9853503
I'm not even sure what that would entail
Welp, this was a disappointment.
I thought that something good could happen (like, consequences) but nope.
They only need some Snickers bars, and all is going to be okay.
9846223
Comedy -> Grimdark -> Happy Ending :) But I still like it.