• Member Since 30th Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

RoyalUnicornJohn1994


Common guy who likes to play games and write art. Born and bred in Mexico. Viva mexico!

Comments ( 163 )

Ambitious, and I hope it will also prove rewarding for you and your readers both.

8934048
You and me, both. It's the cost of trying to make sense out of something that originally didn't made sense.
Let's hope once i get started on Fall of Cadence it keeps like that.

Eh... you're gonna get alot of dislikes because of the genre you're using.

It could use some spell check, Im guessing thats where most of the downvotes come from.

Well, let's see how this re-write goes then on the side while reading something else.

Also noticed one or two typos, like "P4incess Celestia". Probably finger hit the 4-key instead of R-key? It happens.

8934164
or the fact people hate the Caribou Genre.

You're not necessarily a bad writer, but Fall Of Equestria is despised.

8934162
Already has. That's the why i ignore them UNLESS it's specified through the comments wyy the dislike. It helps to improve.

8934167
Most of this was written in a cellphone, not on my laptop like i used to.

8934233
To be honest, i don't know. Already started to work on it, but... i think you should see the author's notes.

8934271
Thanks for the compliment, and yes, FoE is despised generally. But hey, can you actually stop the water from flowing?

8934324
Yea, but how can you improve if those dislikers remain quiet?

8934336
Once again, ignored. Unless it's given a good reason or the dislike, i ussualy ignore them or care little for them. Mainly because, you know: haters, trolls or misters "i don't like it because reasons".

Comment posted by ScarletWeather deleted July 12th

8934418
I re-started it because I wanted to give it more connections with other things, like my story of Chrysalis and the Fall of Cadence. This was done with the objective of giving it some more sense of what little it had before and give it more story than what it already had.
Of course, i'm not perfect, and you have all the reasons in the world to question it, seeing as it also benefits on the improving of the writing as it makes ME question on the why's.
Thanks for your question by the way.

8934552
I mean, good luck. I'd be wary though. Using so much of another author's text feels borderline sleazy to me as a thing to do, even when you have permission. It's like, there's fanfiction, and then there's copying the text of novels, tacking on minor additions, and reselling them.

Comment posted by RoyalUnicornJohn1994 deleted July 12th

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"I only care if I am given a reason," you say, right before continuing on with, "People who downvote it 'because reasons' don't matter to me."

You're an idiot and that's why your story is being downvoted.

8934691
Your not being nice you bad human being you. JK, love you bro. I'll suck you off later.

But you's a bitch.

8934691
8934695
Okay, i think i might have expressed myself wrongly. People have every right to hit like or dislike on whatever they want, and that's perfectly fine. But in the sense that i ignore them is because a simple dislike doesn't help me improve. Critics are what help improve, and a simple dislike is not a critic. While i have in mind those dislikes, i value more the critics, like the ones you gave.

8934691
"Because reasons" is usually shorthand for people who claim to have rational, objective ones but don't want to explain what they are, often enough because they actually don't have any.

Have you never come across this saying?

Uhm, you are aware that you might get your story deleted right? The rules of the sight say you can't continue another persons story, even if you got their permission. So yeah, just wondering if your aware of these facts.

8935058
Yes, i'm aware. But rules stipulate that plagism and intentional copying for self-benefit are prohibited. I'm not stealing this, so it's not up for deleting.
Thanks for the warning, by the way.

8935065
well ok, if you say so.

8935079
Nontheless, thanks for the warning and the interest.

8935058
This isn't a continuation. This is very clearly a reboot. If it was against the rules, it likely wouldn't even have gotten through the approval process to begin with.

Ok, so I decided to give this a bit of a read to see if this redo of the Twilight Falls story is at all an improvement over the original. I have also noticed that the writer of this has stated that they will ignore any negative comments that aren't constructive, so I'm going to do my best to give only opinions and thoughts that would be helpful to this story, negative as they may be.

First tip: FIMFiction now has a text to speech function on the site, and if you use it after you've writing out your story it REALLY helps to find your spelling errors. That being said, I'll try to point out a few in this comment before I use a separate one for the story review.

On to the misspellings!

The spring planting festival’s afternoon was judst short of perfect.

"judst"

and the ponies velow knew there was still a lot of time before the festival ended

"velow"

One group of ponies on the street, one of the most famous through all of Equestria, was out in tje streets, also enjoying and partaking on the many entertainments.

"tje"

Twilight laughed as she watched Rainbow and Applejack almost drowning on the pile of water,

Water doesn't come in "piles"

Of course, their laughing increased as applejack’s fur changed to a tone similar to rainbow’s, while the later had started to turn a darker shade of blue.

Capitalize the names, remove the double spacing

“Girls! It’s almost time! P4incess Celestia is about to make her blessings in an hour!” Twilight shouted, which caught her friends’ attention.

If you don't see it, then there is a problem here....

“I don’t know! It’s the biggiest and strongiest I’ve ever felt. And I think it’s telling me it’s gonna be 4ight here in Canterlot, during the festival’s blessings!” As she said the last part, while confused, her friends also smiled.

"Biggiest" and "Strongiest", unless you were trying to have Pinkie use cutesy made up words. Also, the problem continues.

But thw lack of oxygen on her body was no excuse to stop herself from enjoying the heavenly bucking of her masters. It was just so good.

"thw" and another double space

She started to think of all her books in exotic species known through the world. And then, one species came to her: Caribous.

Not how you pluralize "caribou"

That's all I could find just reading, but there are probably more. Now that I have gotten through this, I'll post my opinions about this another comment. I must be channeling Pinkie Pie though, cause it's gonna be a doozy.

Comment posted by Schorl Tourmaline deleted July 12th

8936855
This was actually pretty helpful. Can't write very well with the stupid phone's mini keyboard, and it led to this.
Anyways, thanks once again for the help, seeing as i went ahead as a subnormal and left it like that.

Comment posted by RoyalUnicornJohn1994 deleted July 12th

It was nice to see that the fight for Equestria wasn't completely one sided. If Dainn didn't have that armor, he likely would be ash by now. Keep it up.

9298102
Thanks for the positive feedback. It was hard to describe the battle on a balanced perspective, but i'm glad how it turned out.

Thank you for new chapter and I hope that in future you gonna write also about falling other princesses and mane six characters. Because on fimfiction we have some stories but really there are about 90% of them are not finished. So keep it up and hope to see new chapters and new stories about fall of questria

I really wanted to read how Twilight and other princess and mane six become sluts and whores and become red collar mares.

9299406
9299279
New chapters? Heck yeah. New stories? Ehh... one thing at a time. Once i'm done with this, i have my eyes set on Fall of Cadence, but aside from that, well, my mind is far too occupied with some things right now.
But I also want to see the princesses as Red collars, or at least Celestia. I made an analysis with Schorl and Aristagtle, and we were sure to make the fall to last only a couple years at the most, due to... you know? Totalitarian regimes don't last long. A couple decades, at the most. So, as far as Cadence, Twilight and Celestia's breaking, it will be enough time. Luna? I don't know.

9299406
Me 2:trollestia: Love the story by the way:moustache:

9299534
You do? Wow, that's certainly weird news to me, but welcomed nonetheless. Last I checked, plenty of people seemed to dislike the story, the universe it was set in, and even my writing style. Thanks for the uplifting comment.

9299678
I have to be honest with you:ajsmug: I know some of people don't like Fall of Equestria stories, and I hope everybody on fimficion don't hate me for saying this, but to be honest I really do like them, especially the ones and other stories that have a bad end. Don't get me wrong, I like stories when they have a good ending as well. Love, adventure, romance, drama, comedy, all of that. I just wanted to let you know that. Sorry to bother you or it's just offend you in anyway, let me know if you want me to take this down if if you don't like this comment 😞 but I meant what I said, I really do love your story:moustache:

9300163
On the contrary. It's inspiring and uplifting, and i really thank you not only for being honest, but for liking my story as well.
Have a like, dude.👍

https://www.fimfiction.net/group/201787/fall-of-equestria/thread/382478/need-feedback#comment/6668330

If you want, in case you didn't see it on the forum, kinda made an updated battle with more action and still balanced in a way that makes somewhat sense with what's established. All you have to do is fill in the connecting parts of the beginning and end and fill in the thoughts and vision of others, what they might see and think really in their own way.

I just really focused on the action and how to make it at least a spectacle that if an anime or rather a hentai studio made it, it would literally kill their ep budget for all action scenes in that one ep...I may accidentally finally found an answer for all the DBZ eps and why things last that much and the fights are so drawn out just now.

So yeah, action should make sense and fit in, Celestia loses and all that, and either I may have gone far enough with her Daybreaker form or not, I'm not sure. But she does have the mental power to recognize the fact she needed to kill the armor first before getting him. Yeah...that's what I went off of with thinking of the fight in my head when I came up with this.

If you also want, you can give to others and see what they think and all that, maybe fix some parts of the battle. And another piece of advice, join these groups as they are more active unlike the old one.

Fall of Equestria - Redux

The Real Fall of Equestria Fan Group

Comment posted by RoyalUnicornJohn1994 deleted July 12th

9303846
I see...and the updated fight I made? Did that help with the lackluster bit that almost everyone is talking about?

Also...kinda the reason why I detract from many of the canon stuff of the show and canon stuff of the plots like FoE, is so I can enjoy writing my own thing in my own way. Not having to follow very strict rules. You want an example, look to my debauchery story and how I introduce the caribou on chapter 30 (Chapter 30) and then posted the modified info for the story here (Info on Caribou). I don't know if others that really follow the guidelines or gives advice for how far you can deviate from them will like them or not, but it's my thing, my take on it. An unofficial way to write my story that I am making on my and towan's own terms. And also Krrst. He helped make most of the species listings and what they are in this futuristic world.

9303906
Actually, i had already read it before, and while i didn't add that many details, like you did, it did serve as inspiration for this version. To deepen the battle and also to make it, as one of my readers said, not so one sided, to let others see just how powerful Celestia is on this universe, at least before her dehorning.

9303942
Yay. Glad you like. Because if you do place it, it might quiet some of the complaints down from the audience that reads these for…plot wise and not the sexual things.

Woot this is good!

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