• Member Since 2nd Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen August 24th

BrilliantCreativity


Hola, I'm not Spanish, I am an insecure box child who likes chocolate, writing, My Little Pony and mangos.

T

Things have been hectic lately for Fluttershy. Feeling like she needs a trip, she remembers something Discord said something about a place with "sand like powdered sugar" and asks him about it.
Long story short, the two of them go on a trip and have...fun.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 24 )

Not bad. Please write more chapters, I'd like to see what happens next.

Can’t wait to see more 😁

I always like your stuff. I am curious though about another of your stories I'm following.

8952386
Thank you, I appreciate it. Which story are you curious about?

8953575
I'm Fine. Are you going to continue it?

8953632
Yes I am. I have started the next ending chapters but just haven't gotten around to finishing them completely. I'll do my best to get them out soon.

I can't wait to see more.

Nice to hear back from you, and I look forward to future hijinks!

Yes its great to see more!! cant wait to see what is next ^^

So Puerto Caballo is ahead technology wise while the rest of Equestria isn't? Either way, I love what I'm reading so far and I can't wait for more of what's going to happen to them on vacation, will they both realize their true feelings for each other?! That would be so amazing!:pinkiehappy:

9057013
You see, how I like to see it in this story is that Ponyville is a small town which hasn't grasped technology yet while other large cities like Manehattan would have elevators such as in Puerto Caballo. Canterlot seems like a much more regal and old fashioned city that it wouldn't use elevators and stuff. Thank you for your comment, I really appreciate it! :pinkiehappy:

I’m really enjoying it and I hope you update soon :3

I'm glad for the update, and I like the playfulness between Discord and Fluttershy. I can only imagine what sorts of Beach fun the two will have. I don't really know what Puerto Rico is like, but I'm sure you will do a good job with the next chapter.

It was pretty sweet. I'm not sure if there are any jungles or forests in Puerto RIco, but if there were, you could have Fluttershy and DIscord take a look at some of the local wildlife.

Man, I really hope that dream doesn't come true. But Flutters standing up for Discord was the sweetest thing ever!

This is super cute and I love the playfulness between the two of them. Looking forward to updates

Normally, I’m often extremely anti-Fluttercord, but this story has caught my interest.

I admire the concept of Discord and Fluttershy taking a vacation with one another, and the interactions and playfulness between them are really cute. And at least the essence of the two characters is also here, something which others often lack.

The only trouble really is that this story deeply requires an editor. It’s mainly because there are several grammatical, spelling, and sentence corrections needed, as well as some fine tuning of dialogue. In addition, I find that it requires some fleshing out of some certain moments. Each of the things I mentioned here are ones I find to be common in Fluttercord stories.

Like this part for instance:

When the train pulled in, Fluttershy smiled cheerfully and made her way easily through the door while Discord had to duck. The two of them sat next to each other and put their luggage overhead. They talked through most of the ride and would occasionally stop to snack, but when the hours dragged on Fluttershy felt herself grow tired as she eventually fell asleep on Discord's eagle arm. Discord laughed as he made her slowly increasing drool disappear, until he too fell asleep with his head on top of hers.
The both of them awoke, jolting upwards, to the train whistle blowing loudly. Fluttershy quickly flew up and grabbed her luggage while Discord just made his appear in his hand. The two of them had argued over why Discord had actually needed to bring a suitcase in the first place. He simply stated that it was for comedic affect and propaganda as well as style. Fluttershy had just laughed.

The two sentences should’ve been separated from one another, and, I find that the whole scenario with Discord having luggage should have displayed actual dialogue between Fluttershy and Discord rather than mere non-dialogue sentences displaying the whole thing.

Call me crazy, but, I also found the use of cussing that people on earth use to be extremely unnatural for Equestrians to use, and the use of it in your narration doesn’t seem to help any.

Take this for instance:

"Wait! You're Fluttershy? As in savour of all Equestria Fluttershy? As in reformer of the Lord of Chaos Fluttershy? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my go-"

Other than that, I’m interested in seeing where things will be going, just as long as they don’t fall into some of the typical things a Fluttercord story often has.

As far as critiques go, you start a new paragraph every time a new person speaks. It'll do wonders for clarity. As for the story itself, I'm loving the dynamic you've given these two, I can't wait to see more!

Coming back to reread some sorta-older shipfics, and YES. I hope you can come back to this someday, because I love your storytelling. :heart:

Me gusta mucho tu historia, se que ya pasó tiempo desde que actualizaste por última vez pero de verdad me gustaría saber que pasa con estos dos :3

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