It's All Fun and Games Until Somepony Calls the Police
Walk. Don’t run. Rarity closed the atelier door with a quiet click. Walk. Don’t prance. She had to take a deep breath halfway between the atelier and the kitchen. Walk. Don’t drop to your knees and thank the almighty Maker for DELIVERING TWILIGHT SPARKLE ON A SILVER PLATTER OH YES THANK THE STARS YES YES YES! She decided that fist-pumping didn’t count. Twilight probably wasn’t able to hear that. “Ahem.” Walk. Don’t collapse into a euphoric giggling fit, at least.
By the time she had closed the kitchen door behind her, the last shreds of her composure were gone. “HeeeeeeeeEEE-!” Half a block away, dogs started to bark as her glee got dangerously close to the ultrasonic spectrum. She coughed sheepishly, then pointed at her electric kettle. “Miss Sparkle, I believe we should get to know each first other before we discuss dating,” she intoned in a low, proper-lady-of-the-house tone before smacking her forehead. “Are you insane, Rarity? No, no, no, let’s not call the Supreme Queen of Rawr my date! It’s fine! She’s just an applicant! Maybe, if she proves herself worthy, I might deem her worthy of being my date!” She took a deep breath. “Relax, girl. It all worked out. And it was the right call to take things slowly. You don’t want just to engage in mindless... carnal... acts... with...” Her eyes briefly flicked to the door, and she knew she was blushing. “Ahem! You, Rarity, want a relationship! You want her to be compatible! And once you got the basics out of the way and made sure that this is not just utterly superficial, you can-...” She moved her hands in ways that seemed suggestive to her. Then again, in her current state, a ball of yarn would have seemed suggestive to her.
It took her a few minutes to regain her composure enough to remember why she had come here in the first place. “Okay, just play it cool,” she told the kettle while it performed its duty. “She’s hanging to your every word right now, but she might move on if you’re too distant. Then again, she knows how you feel, thanks to that stupid, open window.” Without even looking, she grabbed a tray, several cups, and her neatly sorted box of tea bags with her magic and brought them over. “Just... be yourself, okay?” As if to acknowledge her order, the kettle quietly clicked as it turned itself off. “Right. Good talk.”
“I didn’t know what kind of tea you prefer,” Rarity said as she opened the door to the atelier with her magic while holding the full tray with both hands, “so I brought-...” She gawked.
Four ponies in the atelier froze.
A female Earth pony she hadn’t been introduced to yet gave the four ponies a scolding look from her sitting position on the one utilitarian chair in the atelier. Going by her physique and rural-casual clothing choices, Rarity guessed that she was related to Big Macintosh. “Told ya.”
Big Macintosh simply nodded in agreement. For some reason, he had chosen to sit on the floor instead of on one of her fancy chairs, and Rarity wondered if he simply didn’t want to accidentally break it or if he just would have felt out of place on one.
Twilight Sparkle coughed sheepishly before realizing that she was still holding one of Rarity’s work-in-progress dresses against her bulky figure. “Um.” She quickly tried to hang it onto the next free spot on a rack nearby, then cursed quietly when her frantic action only resulted in two dresses falling down in apparent retaliation for her crime. Standing next to her, Trixie, Octavia, and a white-coated unicorn also tried to subtly hide the fact that they had been going through Rarity’s works.
“You... you...” Rarity was trembling, and she quickly placed the tray on a table so that she could point a finger in accusation. “You!” she practically shrieked.
“I’m sorry!” Twilight held her hands up in surrender. “I just, I mean, I was wondering...” She briefly closed her eyes and cursed quietly before taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I was mesmerized by all the wonderful-” She yelped when Rarity shoved her out of the way to pick up the fallen dresses.
“Of all the dresses in this atelier, you picked the turquoise party dress?” Rarity shot Twilight a look as if the latter had just proposed to set an orphanage on fire. “I could live with choosing something that’s not flattering for your particular figure, but turquoise?” She shuddered. “Let us never speak of this again.” Her horn lit up, and she sorted the various dresses back into their proper places. “At least one of you picked something nice.”
“Well, I do know my dresses,” Octavia purred, then did a double-take when Rarity subtly shook her head.
“Yeah, I’m not even going to pretend that she meant me,” Trixie muttered and chuckled ruefully. “How does it feel to be out-fashioned by your marefriend, Octavia?” Behind them, the remaining unicorn waved happily.
Twilight ignored the way her two bandmates were rapidly starting a silly slap fight and instead focused on Rarity. “You... you’re not mad?” When Rarity immediately opened her mouth, she held up a hand. “You’re not mad about us raiding your wardrobe?”
Rarity blinked slowly. “Why would I be mad about that, darling? This is my atelier, not my personal closet. The pieces here are design samples. They were made explicitly to be looked at.” She gave the taller pony a pitying look. “But can we talk about your colorblindness for a moment?”
In the background, Octavia and Trixie briefly interrupted their fight to giggle in Twilight’s general direction. The taller pony pretended not to notice. “I thought it looked fine, and I remember my good friends agreeing less than two minutes ago.” She shot said friends a pointed glare over her shoulder.
“What an outrageous claim!” Trixie gasped, but her shock was entirely fake. “Is Miss Belle supposed to believe somepony who lacks even the most basic of manners?”
“The most basic-...” Twilight turned around. “What are you even talking about? I have perfectly fine manners!”
“You didn’t even bother to formally introduce us when we arrived!”
There was a long pause. Finally, Twilight looked back over her shoulder and gave Rarity a sheepish smile. “...ah. Right.”
“Terrible manners,” Rarity commented with a sly grin. “See if I ever invite you over for tea again.”
Twilight huffed, but it was apparent that she was slipping back into her more confident stage persona. Rarity suspected that it was a habit that automatically triggered the moment the unicorn was thrust into the spotlight in front of an audience. “Then allow me to do so now.” She bowed theatrically before gesturing at the one unicorn with a fashion sense. She was one of the two new faces in this group, and Rarity briefly wondered if she had just been ambushed by some sort of roaming pack of Renaissance faire fashion designers or if she simply had a bold and somewhat retro taste. Either way, Rarity approved of the frilly shirt and the purple half glasses. “Starting with Vinyl Scratch, the former Vice Conductor-”
“Assistant Conductor,” Vinyl corrected her quietly.
“-of the Royal Canterlot Orchestra and Octavia’s better half.” Twilight paused. “Also, she can talk.”
“...I noticed, yes,” Rarity said, unsure why Twilight had felt the need to point out the obvious. Going by Vinyl’s bemused eye-roll, there was some sort of joke being referenced that Rarity was not yet privy to.
Twilight chose not to explain the joke just now and instead pointed at Trixie, who was wearing a cape over her more regular street clothes. It was not quite as garish as her stage outfit, but Rarity immediately decided that green and black were still too extreme for a casually worn cape, especially since the colors clashed with her blue coat and white mane. “My dear friend who handles the electric guitar, most of our legal matters and manages band logistics with me... Patricia Lulamoon.”
The guitarist did a double-take at that. “Pawhatia?”
“She goes by ‘Trixie’ most of the time, but-”
“Because that is my name!”
“Yes, short for Patricia,” Twilight sort-of-but-not-really agreed with a faint smile.
“No! Why would you make such an outrageous clai-...” She suddenly scowled.
“Well, Patricia, that is what those in the business refer to as ‘a narrative.’”
“I hate you,” Trixie hissed.
“PS: That’s going to be my new nickname for you.”
Trixie crossed her arms. “We will discuss this later.”
“No, we won’t.” Twilight flashed her a grin before her pointing hand moved over to Octavia. The Earth pony’s clothes were somewhere in the business-casual area, keeping things just as grey as her natural color scheme. Much like during the show, she was dressed decently, but it was nothing to write home about. “Octavia Melody, the band’s most junior member. She handles the cello and occasionally talks some sense into Trixie.”
The cellist rolled her eyes. “I joined two days after you recruited Miss Narrative and Sir Drumsalot. Two. Days.”
“Speaking of band members who have been in the band for much longer than Octavia-” Twilight ignored the way Octavia huffed. “-you have probably noticed Big Macintosh over there.”
“He’s hard to miss,” Rarity admitted, giving the massive Earth Pony a look. Even sitting on the floor, he still appeared taller than the other ponies in the room.
“Pleasure to meet you, Ma’am.”
Twilight sighed theatrically. “A true gentlecolt. I’d say it’s the good manners of the Apple family, buuut...”
“Keep talkin’, an’ y’all can walk home,” the Earth pony sitting on the chair next to Big Macintosh muttered, but Rarity could see a smile behind her annoyed mask. “The name’s Applejack.”
Rarity shook the lazily offered hand and immediately regretted it when the stronger mare nearly pulled her off her hooves without even appearing to try. “P-pleasure...” Then she blinked. “Wait. Applejack?” She thought back to the concert night. “Are you this ‘AJ’ that Rainbow Dash mentioned?”
Applejack grinned. “The one an’ only. Ah handle the merch table, band finances, an’ ah’m the only one who had the good sense to get a driver’s license.”
“I’m still baffled by the fact that Applejack-” Trixie yelped when Octavia jabbed an elbow into her side.
“Care to finish that sentence within grabbing range,” Big Macintosh asked, his gentle tone barely hiding the fact that he was deeply annoyed, “or should I come over?”
“Anyway!” Twilight looked back and forth between her bandmates, her grin frozen in place. “Applejack is also my personal trainer!”
“Oh, she helps you stay in shape?”
“Stay in shape?” Applejack laughed loudly. “Ya shoulda seen Twilight before her first workout! Actually, hold on, ah think ah got a picture on my phone...” She fished her phone out of her pocket, ignoring the way Twilight seemed to pale under her fur. “Scrawniest nerd ever,” Applejack muttered to herself as she tapped the screen. “Oh, Applejack!” she seemed to imitate a younger Twilight. “I finally found ponies for my band! I’m going to be a rock star!” She shook her head and smirked. “Sure, sugarcube. Ya can’t even topple a Jenga tower without a running start and would have to catch your breath afterward, but sure, ya can totally be a rock star.”
“Don’t do this to me, AJ...” Twilight weakly held up a hand. “You don’t have to drag out my dark past while Rarity is already on the fence about this entire dating thing...”
“Psh,” Applejack muttered without even looking up. “Like she’s gonna say no to you...” She seemed to be lost in thought now, probably distracted by the memories associated with old photos. “She prolly has a ton of old CDs from your teen idol days in some remote corner of her-...”
Rarity wasn’t sure what the real significance of Applejack’s apparently careless musings was, but she could see in the horrified expressions of Trixie, Big Macintosh, Octavia and Vinyl that something Very Bad had just happened.
“...aw, shoot,” Applejack whispered and looked up from her phone, frowning deeply. Twilight was seemingly calm, but her hostile glare belied that act. “Twilight, ah’m sorry!”
“It’s fine,” Twilight lied through gritted teeth.
“We can still-”
“It’s. Fine.”
Rarity felt the need to defuse the situation, but it was obvious that she was missing some context. CDs from her teen idol days? I’m sure I’d remember a pony with her charisma and build. She frowned as her brain tried to imagine a younger Twilight Sparkle. With a more girly mane. And a lot less muscle tone. Maybe with some glittery- “Princess Twilicorn?” she heard herself whispering after her memory had taken the express lane straight to her mouth without consulting with the rest of her brain.
“Oh, hell.” Applejack got to her hooves even as Twilight discarded her calm mask and gave the Earth pony a murderous glare. “Twilight, this-”
“You,” Twilight hissed and took a menacing step towards Applejack, slowly raising her hands, as if preparing to strangle her, “just HAD to tell her, didn’t you?”
“Ah think... this... would’ve come up any-”
“NOT LIKE THIS!” The roar made Rarity jump, and Applejack backed away instinctively. “NOT...” Twilight gestured from Rarity to herself, then back at Rarity... then at Applejack... then again at herself. “Just...” She covered her face behind her hands, then moved them up a bit to pull at her mane in frustration. “...not like this...”
Rarity swallowed hard. She still wasn’t sure what exactly had happened, but she did know that her unthinking words had tipped the situation from bad to catastrophic. She slowly raised a hand even as she was searching for the magical words to make things right again, but Trixie gave her a look and sharply shook her head. Then, she gave Big Macintosh a quick nod.
With a quiet sigh, the elder Apple sibling got to his hooves and gently tapped Twilight’s shoulder. “C’mon, let’s get you some fresh air.”
Twilight was trembling, but offered no direct resistance. “B-but...”
“Yeah, ah know, ya wanna punch Applejack.” He gently put an arm around her. “Ah can emphasize, an’ she really shoulda known better than bringin’ this up.” Applejack, who was looking absolutely miserable by now, simply nodded at that. “But at the end of the day, you’d probably break your hand on her thick skull, so why don’t we find you a softer target? Her van, maybe?” Twilight’s response was half laughter, half choked sob. “C’mon then.”
Poor thing, Rarity thought as she watched Twilight being led out. What happened to drive you this far?
“Ah should-”
“You should sit down,” Trixie cut off Applejack. When the latter sat down on the floor like a scolded dog, she sighed. “You know she’ll be fine. Just give her five minutes to vent and-” As if on cue, there was a loud THUNK coming from the other side of the street. Rarity looked through one of the atelier’s many windows just in time to see the band’s van rocking back and forth. Twilight was standing behind it, rubbing her right hand. “-and maybe call your mechanic.”
“That shoulda been mah face,” Applejack muttered with complete conviction.
Rarity frowned deeply. “Maybe I should-”
“Is literally everypony in this room trying to throw themselves in front of Twi-Hulk?” Trixie asked nopony in particular. “Goodness, you guys know she’ll calm down once she runs out of adrenaline... or if something shiny comes along and completely derails her train of thought. Whatever happens first.” She casually reached under her cape and pulled out a file folder. “In the meantime, I would ask you to read and sign this.” She handed it to Rarity.
“Ah, right,” Applejack muttered. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”
Rarity frowned and flipped open the folder to examine its contents. “...is that a non-disclosure agreement?”
“Says so right at the top, doesn’t it?”
Rarity searched Trixie’s face for a hint of a smile, for the slightest sign that this was an elaborate joke. “You’re serious, aren’t you? This little indie band actually makes ponies sign NDAs?”
“I joke and exaggerate about many things, but when it comes to this, I’m dead serious.” Trixie pointed at Applejack. “Feel free to ask her. I make all non-members sign one as soon as I can assume that they are in a position to learn about band internalia.”
“That’s not a word, I think, but I get where you’re coming from and why this makes sense,” Rarity conceded.
Trixie froze briefly, then frowned. “Of course it’s a word,” she finally claimed, although she sounded a little bit unsure. “Internal matters. Confidential information about the internal organization. Internalia.” She glanced over her shoulder, pointedly ignoring the way Applejack was already shaking her head.
Octavia just sighed. “Pretty sure she’s right, Trix.” She quickly held up a hand. “We’ll buy you a dictionary on the way back, but for now, I need you to focus. I can handle Twilight being stupid, I can handle you being stupid, but please not both of you at the same time.”
Trixie crossed her arms, but she did so while focusing on Rarity again at least. “Fine. I’ll prove you all wrong later, then.” She noticed that the NDA had not been signed yet. “Please sign it before Twilight comes back - she’s usually in the mood for exposition whenever she’s done cooling her jets, and I’d like to be on the safe side when that happens.”
“If it helps speedin’ things up,” Applejack chimed in, “the contract’s legit. Ah had some company lawyers lookin’ over it, and there’s nothin’ shady in it.” She paused. “Aside from the intended effect of Trixie suin’ ya for a pile o’ money if some tabloid suddenly runs a story based on internalia.”
“I will laugh at all of you once I get my hands on a dictionary,” Trixie muttered.
Rarity skimmed the contract. It wasn’t very long, thankfully, and looked very much like the one she had had to sign during an internship years ago. “Not that I intend to betray Twilight’s trust, but how much money are we talking about here?”
“How much do you have?” Trixie asked back without hesitating for even a second. When Rarity just raised an eyebrow at that, she shrugged. “I had been in a bad place when Twilight came to me. Emotionally, I mean. But when she told me, ’Oh Great and Powerful Trixie, you may be down on your luck right now, but even in your current state, I can see that you are more beautiful and talented than me, so please join my band!’ my life suddenly had a purpose again.” Everypony pretended not to notice the rude and dismissive gestures Applejack made behind Trixie’s back. “The band life dragged me out of my funk, and I honestly wouldn’t know where I’d be today without Twilight’s help. You know what this means? It means I owe her. Big time. And the only way I can repay her is by protecting this. All of this. This band is Twilight’s world. This band means more to Twilight than you can imagine right now. And if you stab her in the back and ruin her life’s work, I will make sure that she can at least cry her eyes out on a private yacht made of solid gold.”
For half a minute, the room was perfectly quiet except for Trixie’s heavy breathing and the soft thuds of Twilight apparently trying to punch a hole in Applejack’s van.
Finally, and without much flourish, Rarity picked up a nearby pen and signed the contract. “That was a tremendous speech, darling!”
“...thank you,” was all Trixie managed. She was blushing a little bit and giggled, as if only now realizing what a rant she had gone on.
“Although gold probably is a bad material for-”
“UGH!” Trixie snapped and grabbed the pen with more force than was strictly necessary.
“I’m just saying that-”
“Did you girls rehearse this?” The guitarist-slash-lawyer growled even as she signed on the second line at the bottom of the contract. Then she shot Applejack a dark look. The Earth pony’s mood improved considerably under the scrutiny. “Because I find it hard to believe that all three of you just happened to come up with the exact same objection. Or did they offer bulk discounts on naval engineering classes at Minuette?”
“Maybe we simply possess common sense?” Vinyl offered. “I mean, gold is pretty heavy and soft, both of which...”
Rarity briefly tuned out the bickering - if these ponies were anything like Rainbow Dash and herself, this could go on for hours. She looked through the window again and frowned; somehow, Twilight still hadn’t run out of energy, but at least she was less emotional and more systematic in her quest to maximize Applejack’s repair bill. Maybe now would be a good time to apologize? She might be more willing to talk now, and the van might actually make it out of this with a few square inches left untouched... Applejack might thank me, even if she’s pretending that this is all her fault. “Isn’t that right, darling?”
“Mh?” Applejack turned away from the whiteboard that hadn’t been there half a minute ago. It was covered with ship sketches, buoyancy calculations and a metric ton of question marks, and Trixie and Vinyl were adding more to each category at an alarming rate.
“Where did-... When-...” Rarity briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I take my eyes off of you for thirty seconds, and this is what happens? You are officially worse than my sister had ever been! Even my cat is less easily side-tracked than you! Let me guess - Twilight is usually the one who keeps you in check?”
Trixie and Applejack gave each other a short look before both burst out laughing. “TWILIGHT?” the former finally asked. “You think Twilight keeps us in check? Oh, wow, you are in for such a hilarious surprise...”
Octavia coughed politely. “Twilight is the worst of the bunch, I’m afraid. Big Macintosh and I are the ones who try to keep them under control.”
“Do you, now?” Rarity slowly gestured in the whiteboard’s general direction. “That’s a lot of telling and not a lot of showing, darling.”
“Nothing’s on fire, so I’d say I'm doing a great job.” Octavia shrugged.
“I dare not consider what you doing a terrible job would look like, then...”
“I could tell you of some of their escapades, but I don’t own a van Twilight can punch, so let’s postpone this until she’s in a better mood.”
“Speaking of improving Twilight’s mood,” Rarity said and gestured at the window, “is there any way we could hasten her progress out there? I can accept that the van is a better target than anypony’s face, but I worry that at some point, my neighbors might decide to interfere...”
“Well, ah suppose we-”
Applejack was cut off by the sound of somepony rushing down the stairs in a most unsophisticated way. “Sis!” Sweetie barged into the atelier with enough force to make Rarity worry about the door flying off of its hinges.
Stay calm, be a good sister and an even better host, and don’t chew her out in front of the guests... Rarity forced herself to smile. “Sweetie, what did we agree-”
“Did Rainbow Dash try to break in again?”
The smile froze in place even as various gears were starting to move inside her head. “Pardon me?”
“Because-...” For the first time since she came in, Sweetie seemed to remember that her older sister had invited the others in. She licked her lips nervously, obviously realizing that she had already said too much. “It’s... ah... never mind...”
Deep down, Rarity had an excellent idea what Sweetie had been trying to say. Especially after her parents had literally locked them out of the house by accident after an all too brief return home between months-long vacation trips - At least Sweetie didn’t bring them up! - forcing Rainbow Dash to fly to one of the unlocked windows on the first floor. A part of her was making mental notes to remind Sweetie about proper etiquette - what if she had been in a meeting with a wealthy and elite customer? Another part of her noted that this was not the time to worry about manners. Because we both know what happened after Rainbow had flown up to that window...
The brief wail of a siren caused her four guests to turn their heads, but Rarity only sighed. Somepony actually called the police. “I’m awfully sorry this happened; my neighbors seem to be more high-strung than usual!” She turned to face the band members. “I’ll head out and try to defuse-...” She blinked when she realized that none of Twilight’s friends were listening to her.
“Yes! Avenge my van!” Applejack cheered from her new spot at the window and pumped her fist.
“Is that-...” Vinyl tried to find a good viewing angle - the others had secured the best seats at the window before her. “C’mon, lemme see!”
“Yes, it’s them,” Trixie replied cryptically before giving up her spot at the window and walking towards the door. “Not the best timing, but let’s see if Twilight cooled down enough to handle this properly.”
“I’ll bet y’all ten bits that she’s gonna start a fight an’ get herself arrested.” Applejack cracked her knuckles and started to follow Trixie.
“You’re on,” Trixie replied casually.
Rarity sighed. With friends like these, who needs enemies?
She could feel that this was a decisive moment. Her last reasonable chance to call it quits, throw out all these deranged ponies, let their extra-deranged leader get herself arrested, and then cry into a pillow for the rest of the week. She allowed herself a few moments to savor the mental image of her anguish before admitting that, crazy or not, she still had a massive crush on Twilight Sparkle. “I’ll just have to find a foalsitter for these guys,” she muttered even as she turned towards the door.
“What was that?” Applejack asked and turned to face her while Trixie went ahead and left the house.
“Nothing,” Rarity shouted. “Just let me handle this. I’ll talk to the police, and with any luck, we can get this done without escalating things.” Without even thinking about it, she opened the closet next to the front door. It’s not exactly cold, but if experience has taught me anything, it’s that you should dress professionally if you want ponies to take you seriously. And what could be more serious than saving a loved one from a terrible misunderstanding? She took out a dark green jacket and held it against blouse as she inspected the combination in the mirror. “Not quite...”
“Ah, hold up, sugarcube...” Applejack was looking equal parts amused and uncomfortable.
“Awfully sorry, darling, but I’m a bit pressed for time here.” She took out a denim vest. Ohh, daring combination. But does it invoke too much of a wild aesthetic? I only want to look a bit like I’m willing to, ah, fight the power, as they say, but not too much...
“Right. About that...”
“Please, we need to-” The slamming of two car doors outside made both of them freeze. Denim vest it is. “I’ll be right back.”
“No, wait, you-...” Applejack cursed when Rarity went through the door and put on her vest. “TRIXIE! AH NEED YA TO TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER!”
Talk some sense into me? Goodness, as if any of them could resolve this without mass arrests...
She walked along the narrow path leading to the sidewalk and used that time to take in the situation: two police officers were approaching Twilight, who was exchanging a few quick looks and gestures with Trixie, from the looks of it. Then the wild beauty stared the officers down, somehow looking even more rebellious than when she had been punching the van.
“Good evening, Ma’am,” the first officer said carefully. It was a male unicorn with a pristine white coat and a luxurious mane colored in two shades of blue... who for some reason had decided not to use his phenomenal looks to make millions in the modeling business.
Probably an idealist, Rarity decided. An idealist who makes a police uniform look like haute couture. Just imagine him in a designer suit... She briefly bit her lower lip before banishing the thought and giving the second police officer a quick look.
At first glance, the officer was a female Earth pony. In terms of appearance, she was less of a supermodel and more of a supervillain: her light rose mane had been styled into a neatly trimmed mohawk in what looked like a desperate compromise between the police dress code and her wild side. It does nicely frame her features, though, Rarity decided. And it also goes well with her purple coat, so she has that going for her at least. As the officer fell behind her partner to keep an eye on the larger picture, Rarity noticed that at least one part of her initial assessment had been incorrect: the pony was actually a unicorn, albeit one whose horn had been viciously broken off. A shiver ran down her spine as she tried to imagine what that must have felt like. Still, this was clearly not a pony looking for pity, and her physique left little doubt that she could even put up a good fight against bulkier ponies like Big Macintosh. Not that the latter was looking eager to put that theory to the test - the elder Apple sibling held up his hands to signal no hostile intent... which was more than could be said about Twilight.
After exchanging brief looks with the first officer, Twilight huffed. “WHADDYA WANT, COPPER?”
Rarity’s eyes widened, and she barely held back a curse. Please stop talking, darling! You’re making it awfully hard for me to defuse this! “Ah, excuse-...” She froze when Trixie grabbed her shoulder.
“Do you trust us?” Twilight’s friend asked, giving her a stern look.
Rarity opened her mouth, then slowly closed it again. “...maybe,” she finally conceded. “Why?”
“If you do, then don’t interfere. I know what this looks like, but believe me when I tell you that you’re missing quite a bit of context here.” She smirked. “Also, before you actually believe her anarchist act, let me tell you that Twilight once wrote a formal apology letter to the city council when Applejack got a parking ticket. It was hilarious and kinda sad - you should definitely ask her about it later.”
Rarity’s eyes flicked from Trixie to the increasingly hostile standoff, then back. “...I won’t bail her out,” she lied.
“Fine.” Trixie’s smile was a bit too wide for Rarity’s liking. “Enjoy the show.”
Show? Rarity raised an eyebrow at that. Well, I suppose everything is a show to these ponies...
“Ma’am,” the male officer said, clearly struggling not to raise his voice, “could we please just see some identification so that we at least know that you’re demolishing your own vehicle?” He hadn’t drawn a weapon yet, but while his left hand was raised in a calming manner, the other one was close to his belt, presumably ready to pull out his handcuffs or something more vicious.
“Is that ID enough, officer?” Twilight sneered.
Judging by the officer’s expression, a raised middle finger was not valid identification in Equestria.
“This isn’t happening,” Rarity whispered and covered her mouth even as Twilight raised her other hand to flip off the officer in stereo. “Please tell me I did not fall in love with some sort of hooligan...”
“Ehhh, she’ll be fine,” Applejack replied in a far too casual tone.
“Right,” the male officer muttered before turning towards his colleague and giving her a too-wide grin. “Rookie, why don’t you handle things from here?”
“...sir?” the second officer asked and tilted her head.
“I believe this is a fine opportunity to show me that the academy still teaches ponies how to handle a rebel with more piercings than IQ points.”
The rookie officer raised an eyebrow at that before giving Twilight a look. “Of course, sir. Since she already flipped you the bird... twice... would you like me to...” She gestured vaguely in a way that probably suggested violence.
He shrugged and gestured her to join him. “You’re the officer in charge now, so you tell me. But if I may make a suggestion...” He leaned closer to her ear and whispered something.
Her jaw dropped. “Sir, that is not physically possible. However, even if it were, it would be sexual assault and a guaranteed headline about police sexual miscon-...” She squinted, and his grin widened. “You meant ’D’ as in ‘de-escalation,’ didn’t you?”
“You tell me, Cakepop,” the senior officer replied and made shooing motions.
“Fizzlepop,” she corrected him automatically and sighed. “Ma’am, could we please resolve this quickly and peacefully so I can clock out, hit a bar and forget that the most juvenile troll in Canterlot signs my paychecks?”
“You’re no fun,” Twilight teased her and gave her a grin that matched the senior officer’s.
“And you’re well on your way to getting arrested for vandalism, yet here I am, still giving you every chance in the world to convince me otherwise.”
“C’mon, throw a punch,” Applejack whispered, apparently still focused on getting her friend arrested for ten bits and bragging rights.
“Twilight’s a performer, not a fighter,” Trixie muttered. “Besides, that cop looks like she knows eighteen martial art styles, and I don’t want to push Twilight onto the band battle stage in a wheelchair, so please don’t encourage her. Besides, I don’t have ten bits on hand.”
If she gets out of this in one piece, I will absolutely tell Twilight what terrible friends she has, Rarity decided and gave Trixie a dirty look. She can probably accept them putting the band’s fate above her own wellbeing, but ten bits? That’s just-... “What are you doing there?”
“Last-second prep work,” Trixie muttered and opened the wallet she was holding, revealing that it was empty except for what looked a lot like an extra-fancy concert ticket. Apparently satisfied, she closed it and hid it behind her back.
“Alright, fine,” Twilight finally gave in, having unsuccessfully tried to stare down the police officer while Rarity had been distracted by Twilight’s terrible friends. “Here’s my ID,” she said after pulling her wallet out of her rear pocket and taking a card out of it. “The van belongs to my friend over there. She’s got the papers to prove it.”
Well, finally we’re getting somewhere. Rarity sighed in relief. And here I was worried that-... She took a closer look at Twilight, who was pointing at them. Or rather, who was pointing at Trixie. Now what?
“Right,” the officer muttered. “So, you are... Jenny Rossity?” She paused once she had said the name out loud, her expression shifting from confusion to disbelief, and from there to annoyance. “Right,” she repeated and gave the ID a closer look. “Well, let’s see if those papers for the van look less fake at least. Then I might feel jennyross and let you off with a stern warning...”
Having waited for her cue, Trixie tossed the wallet she had prepared over to the duo. Curiously, Applejack didn’t even bother to reach for her own papers - whatever act was going on, everypony except for Rarity and the officers seemed to be in on it. The rookie officer expertly caught the wallet without even taking her eyes off Twilight and flipped it open. Finally, she looked at its contents... and froze.
“See, there are the papers for the van, officer,” Twilight lied and flashed her a daring smile.
“I... what...” The officer slowly took out the concert ticket and stared at it.
“Something wrong, rookie?” her superior asked. Either by coincidence or by clever maneuvering on Twilight’s side, he was looking at her back, unable to see the wallet.
“Ah-...” The female officer’s head snapped up guiltily. “Just...” She looked down at the ticket again. “Just... checking... something...”
“I presume the papers look fine, right?” Twilight practically purred and nodded slowly. The officer was subconsciously starting to nod as well. “I’m free to go, and you can enjoy a great evening...”
“I...”
Rarity could guess what the ticket was for - to the best of her knowledge, there was only one high-profile event coming up that Trixie would likely have tickets for - but she didn’t know whether the officer was tempted by watching Villian Court or Fluttershy. She was aware that this wasn’t the most pressing issue here, but she had decided to postpone her mental breakdown about her future marefriend bribing the police with what looked like practiced ease.
“I...”
The officer’s hand was trembling.
She took a deep breath.
And then she dropped the wallet and drew her taser.
“I must ask you to turn around and place your hands against the van, Ma’am. I’m putting you under arrest for vandalism, presenting a fake ID to and attempting to bribe a police officer.”
“Oh, come on!” Twilight moaned and threw up her hands. “You know that concert’s been sold out for months, right?”
“Yes,” the officer replied through gritted teeth, “I know. And if you dare to remind me again, I will-”
The rest of her threat was cut off by her superior chuckling and clapping his hands. “Well done, Officer Berrytwist.”
“Thank... you... I think?” The rookie was looking completely confused by this sudden turn of events. She moved a few steps to the side to look at him without losing sight of Twilight.
“You did the right thing, even though I couldn’t have seen you accepting that bribe.”
“You-... yeah, you couldn’t-... but how’d you-”
“Oh, but Captain Shining Armor, sir,” the senior officer imitated her confused tone, adding a healthy dose of mocking deference, “if you hadn’t seen this, how did you know I turned down my one chance to see my idol Fluttershy live?”
Fluttershy? Heh, and here I would’ve pegged her as a punk/rock fan. Rarity allowed herself a smile. Well, appearances can always be deceiving. After all, few people would assume that I’d genuinely enjoy Twilight’s music.
“...I don’t sound like that, sir,” Officer Berrytwist complained after a second of hesitation, ignoring what Rarity felt was a valid point.
Applejack suddenly nudged her. “C’mon, fireworks are over, so let’s join them.”
Rarity was still trying to make sense of what had happened while she followed the others’ lead, but going by the confusion on the rookie’s face, she was at least in good company.
The officer looked from her superior to Twilight, and from there to the group that was heading towards them. Then she holstered her weapon again. “Was this some kind of test?” she finally asked, sounding equal parts relieved and annoyed.
Captain Shining Armor considered the question for a moment. “Hmmm, no, it wasn’t a test.”
“He would’ve given you hell if you had failed it, though,” Twilight helpfully added and levitated the wallet and ticket into her hand.
“What-... but-...”
“However,” the captain continued, “you correctly deduced that this encounter was staged. Mostly.” He gave Twilight a look before gesturing at the van in a questioning way.
Twilight in turn started to gesture in the general direction of her friends, but then froze when she spotted Rarity. “It’s... uh... it’s a long story,” she finally muttered and looked down in shame.
He glanced at the rest of the band before sighing. “You gotta work on that temper, Twily.”
“LOOK-...” Twilight snapped, then seemingly tried to strangle the air in front of her, but then deflated slightly and just groaned.
Shining Armor moved next to her and patted her back before giving his coworker a smile. “Fizzlepop, I would like you to meet my younger sister, Twilight Sparkle. I asked her to play along and pull this stunt on you, should we run into her during our patrol.”
That supermodel police captain is Twilight’s brother? Rarity’s sideways glance at Trixie was met with a quick nod.
“Everypony, this is Fizzlepop Berrytwist. Valedictorian of her class at the academy, and former horror of the very ponies she now works with.”
“I thought she looks like a hooligan,” Twilight teased her, obviously thankful for not being in the spotlight for a change.
“Look who’s talking,” Fizzlepop sneered before realizing that she was picking a fight with her boss’s sister. “I mean, er, she does, right?”
“Yes, but she set significantly fewer police vehicles on fire,” Shining Armor agreed in a way that made Twilight immediately take a step back. “Oh, don’t worry, Twily, Fizzle here is reformed. In fact, before she signed up at the academy, her help was crucial in taking down the Storm Kings.”
“...ah,” Twilight said and smiled weakly. Somehow, namedropping the most infamous gang that had terrorized the outskirts of Canterlot for a year did wonders to improve her attitude.
“Yeah. She was baaad.” Shining Armor pulled his coworker close and put an arm around her shoulder. Fizzlepop was looking extremely annoyed by now. “She even had a badass gang name. What was it again...? Typhoon Gloom?”
“Tempest Shadow, sir.” Fizzlepop hissed. “And you’re lucky that they didn’t tell me in advance that my new boss would be an even bigger jerk than my old one.”
“Mh, I get that a lot.” Shining Armor grinned, seemingly unaware that he was patting the shoulder of a pony who was looking ready to murder him on the spot. “But now your old boss is rightfully rotting in prison, and you’re stuck with me.”
“Until you have a tragic accident where you trip and fall onto a traffic cone eighteen times.”
Shining Armor blinked, but didn’t let go of her. “I sense a certain... animosity in our partnership...” He considered his words. “More so than usual when I bring up your dark and troubled past.”
She paused, then huffed. “Well, I did think that delivering the Storm Kings on a silver platter and then graduating with top scores from the academy would put me past the need for testing my trustworthiness, sir.”
He gave her a faint smile. “Fizzlepop-”
“Don’t ’Fizzlepop’ me, Captain, this is-...” She froze when his grip on her shoulder tightened visibly.
“Fizzlepop,” he repeated, his tone belying his seemingly friendly demeanor. “Do you honestly think I would let you anywhere near my kid sister, much less pull a weapon on her, if I didn’t trust you?”
She swallowed. Hard. “...no, sir.”
“Good.” He relaxed again. “And like I said, this hadn’t been a test.”
“Then what was the point of all of this, if I may ask? This seems like a lot of effort for a practical joke, even by your standards.”
Instead of answering, he pulled the wallet from Twilight’s hand with his magic and made the concert ticket float out. Fizzlepop’s gaze was immediately glued to it. “The point is that you, three days after starting in this precinct, literally asked for a tank. A tank we don’t even have. And not even to bust up some drug dealers or whatever, but to drive through the front door of the guy who sold you a fake concert ticket for three hundred bits.”
“...it was a valid request,” Fizzlepop answered after long seconds of silence, still mesmerized by the floating ticket.
“He probably didn’t even give you his real name or address.”
“...still worth a shot...”
Shining Armor smiled at this and let the ticket float a bit closer to her. Without even thinking about it, she raised her hand. “What concert was it again? I vaguely recall some talk about your idol, the goddess with the violin...?”
Fizzlepop only nodded, completely missing her cue to answer the question.
Finally, Twilight sighed. “Oh, just give her the ticket already before she asks for another tank.” She shook her head when Fizzlepop grabbed the ticket with a barely-suppressed squeal. “And here I thought she’d be more of a fan of our band. Then again, Fluttershy is the more famous act, so-”
“THIS IS A FRIGGING VIP TICKET?”
Twilight paused. “Yes, you’re wel-”
“FRONT ROW SEAT? WITH BACKSTAGE ACCESS?” Fizzlepop stared at Twilight as if the latter had just grown eight heads.
“As I was saying, y-”
“HOW?” She waved pointed frantically at the ticket. “HOW DID YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON THIS? AND-...” She stopped and swallowed hard. “...and why would you give it away?”
“At least she didn’t pounce me.” Twilight exchanged a knowing smirk with her bandmates. “As I was saying, Fluttershy may be the more famous act, but both she and our band got contingents of VIP tickets, and my brother reasoned that you would like to have one. That, and he loves practical jokes.”
Fizzlepop nodded slowly, but it was clear that her mind was barely parsing the words.
After long seconds of silence, Twilight smiled. “This is the part where you say thanks, Fizzlepop.”
“Thanks, Fizzlepop,” Fizzlepop said, still nodding slowly. She only snapped out of it when her superior snickered. “Funny,” she muttered, but then smiled. “What I meant is... yeah, thank you! Holy cow, I can barely wrap my mind around this!” She gently caressed the ticket and laughed quietly. Then she blinked. “Wait, you are Villain Court?”
“Villian Court,” Twilight corrected her wearily. “But yes, that’s us.”
Fizzlepop smirked at that. “Ha, and here I thought they misspelled the band name on the posters!”
A pink blur- “WeeeeeeeeeDIDTHATJOKEalreadyyyyyyyyy!” -ran past them, pushing what looked like a shopping cart filled with milk cartons and baking ingredients down the street.
“What was that?” Fizzlepop asked, carefully holstering the taser she had instinctively pulled again.
“Oh, that crazy mare,” Shining Armor commented. “Yeah, we can drop by her place tomorrow or so. Cake pop?”
“Fizzlepop,” Fizzlepop corrected him for the second time within minutes.
“Cake pop, Fizzlepop?” Shining Armor clarified his question a little bit and held up an actual cake pop he hadn’t been holding seconds ago. He grinned when he saw his coworker’s baffled expression. “C’mon, let’s head back to the station. I’ll play some of my sister’s music on the way, so you at least know the other half of what to expect at the concert.” He waved at the group before turning to leave. “Take care, ladies! You, too, Twily!”
“I-” Fizzlepop looked at her boss, then at Twilight’s group, before also waving them goodbye and following him.
“Right.” Twilight took a deep breath and made an effort to look everywhere except in Rarity’s direction. “We should probably also get going. You know. Band practice.”
“My tea is still steeping,” Vinyl said, ignoring Twilight’s less-than-subtle attempt to leave.
“I don’t give a-”
“An’ Trixie’s whiteboard is still in there,” Applejack added in an apparent effort to split Twilight’s imminent rage between multiple targets.
“Nobody cares about-”
“And you still owe your lady-in-waiting some backstory.”
“WOULD YOU SHUT YOUR-...” Twilight froze, then squinted at her friend. “...my lady-in-waiting? What?”
“Well, she’s a lady, and she’s waiting for your story...”
“That term doesn’t mean-... It’s actually about being a servant for-...” Twilight gestured vaguely from Rarity to herself, then quickly stopped again and gave Octavia a look. “Remind me to buy her a dictionary on the way back.”
“It’s already on the list,” Octavia replied calmly.
“‘Internalia’ is a word!” Trixie protested.
“Uhuh,” Octavia muttered without even taking her eyes off of Twilight.
Twilight mouthed the word and squinted as she tried to work backward and guess what kind of conversation she had missed. “...are there buoyancy calculations on the whiteboard you mentioned?” she finally asked.
I’m not sure if I should be impressed by how well she knows her friends or exasperated about how her friends are apparently this crazy on a regular basis. “I’m afraid that I’m legally forbidden from disclosing this information,” Rarity said and smiled coyly. “You’ll have to come back in and see for yourself.”
“Legally-...” Twilight’s eyes flicked from Rarity to Trixie, then back to Rarity. “You signed the NDA?” She blindly gestured at the van. “You just witnessed me punching a van like a complete lunatic, and you did not only sign an agreement that would let you learn more about me, but you’re actually inviting me back into your house?”
“I invited you in because I wanted to learn more about you, and that hasn’t changed.” Rarity motioned at the van. “All of this here simply means that the list of things I want to learn about you just got longer.” Also, you’re an amazing kisser, and I can accept a certain degree of crazy as a price for more of that, but there’s no need to spell that out...
Twilight sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Do I at least have the option to upgrade to something stronger than tea? I have a feeling I’ll need it.”
“Oh please, that story is barely worth a double espresso,” Trixie said and rolled her eyes. “We might as well just stick with tea and-...” She stopped talking and merely grinned when Twilight shot her a withering look. “Okay, fine, let’s make it a triple.”
“Oh, I’ll show you a triple, you-”
“I keep a few bottles of wine in my office upstairs,” Rarity chimed in even as Applejack was starting to move between the two bickering unicorns. “Why don’t we resume this conversation there,” she said and gave the others a pointed look, “after I ask Sweetie and Opalescence to play foalsitters for your friends.”
“I should’ve asked Officer Berrytwist for two spare tasers to give to your sisters,” Twilight muttered.
Octavia was grinning ruefully. “Twilight, I saw a food bowl in the main hall, and, uh... Opalescence is not a pony - our dear host just decided that her cat is more mature than us.”
“Pah, the Great and Powerful Trixie can easily wrestle any feline!”
“Bet ya ten bits ya can’t,” Applejack offered playfully.
“Oh, you’re on.”
“And lo and behold, her assessment was right,” Octavia added and rolled her eyes. “Miss Belle, if you like, we can leave you and Twilight be.”
“And deny Applejack the chance to earn back her ten bits?” Rarity placed a hand on Trixie’s shoulder. “WHAT? THEY RAN OUT OF DELUXE TUNA BITZ, SO YOU WENT WITH THRIFTY BITZ INSTEAD BECAUSE IT SOUNDED SIMILARLY?”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” Trixie said and raised an eyebrow at the gesture, “but they do sound-”
Ten pounds of muscle and white fur shot out of the front door at half the speed of sound, cutting off Trixie’s blasphemy in mid-sentence.
Rarity smiled as she watched Opalescence pinning Trixie to the ground, hissing madly. “Come on in, darlings, I’ll show-”
“DO NOT LEAVE THE GREAT AND DISTRESSED TRIXIE BEHIND!”
“-you where the first-aid kit is.” And with that, she strolled towards the house. Walk. Don’t run. Walk. Don’t look back at the pony you just sacrificed to your cat. Walk. Don’t try to think of the way Twilight’s canines showed when she grinned at the sight. Her tail twitched a little bit as a shiver ran down her spine. Walk. Don’t fantasize too hard about the goddess you just invited in for a private-...
She giggled quietly. No, actually... do.
Notes, inspiration, credits:
- Fleshing out this AU a bit, I decided to toss Shining Armor into the mix (especially since I mentioned Cadance in the previous chapter). And since there is no Royal Guard he can be Captain of, I settled for the next best thing.
- Fizzlepop's role in this chapter (and thus, the scene itself) went through a lot of rewriting, leading to roughly 700 words ending up on the pile of discarded drafts. Whoops.
- In my eyes, Shining is the guy most people will critically underestimate because of his fun and relaxed attitude, only to realize that he can and will switch gears at a moment's notice. He can absolutely kick your butt, he'd just prefer to sort things out over coffee.
- Internalia is not an English (or German) word... even though I was 100% convinced that it was until I decided to look it up, just in case I got the spelling wrong.
My exasperated research ended up amusing me a lot in hindsight, so I decided to leave it in and let my characters (and you) laugh at my mistake. - I needed an obviously fake name for Twilight, and when I found "Jenny Rossity" on a long list of prank names, it was the obvious choice since "Ross" means "horse" in German. (It's not widely in use anymore, but still sticks around regionally and in more poetic/lyrical usages.) Aaalso, there's something to be said about Twilight using (canon) Rarity's Element of Harmony as an alias.
- If you want to overthink it, and just in case this won't be covered in passing in the next chapter: the fake ID was supplied by Trixie for this performance.
- Pinkie Pie is not a character I find easy to write, but I love having her around to deliver some drive-by commentary and spotlight stealing. Also, free cake pops. Mhhh...
- I needed cat food names. I recently started playing Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector. I didn't need cat food names anymore.
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Oh my god, I have missed this...
I have no idea what I just read, but I found myself completely and utterly amused by all of it. So, everyone in this world is crazy to some degree? Good to know. Good to know.
Psst, Rarity, I'd start stocking something stronger than wine. Maybe absinthe or mescal. I have a feeling you're going to need it.
Ah, this story is absolutely wonderful. I've missed this.
I'll take some more please.
I see what you did there, Trix
I connect to Trixie on a spiritual level.
its good to see this story back!
…. I did not know just h0ow much I needed this new chapter.
I was dying of laughter by the end of this, well done, and great writing!
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Same.. poor trix.
God I love this story... It's one of the funniest things I've ever read and I need more of it in my life.
...So why isn't there a way to upvote it multiple times?!?
This is one of the very, very, very few (very) AU anthro MLP stories that I read. I just checked out the latest chapter today and I was reminded exactly why immediately—your story brings a huge grin and desire for more every time I read a new chapter. Keep up the great work!
Yay more of this general insanity
hehehe i though the officer was going to be shiny armor, but i figure he say something like "oh remember mom want you at dinner next Sunday" as they let her go
please relase more chapters
Fluttershy is going to be interesting in this AU. Especially since she is going to be mobbed by fans backstage at this rate.
An unexpected but welcome update.
Keep up the cute work!
It's nice to see I'm not the only one who calls her Patricia, in jest or otherwise.
"Internalia" may not be a word, but it should be.
Hey, if she didn't say something, I was going to.
Brilliant use of Templepop Berryshade,and a fantastic portrayal of Shining. Eagerly looking forward to more insanity from everyone involved.
And yes, Sweetie is absolutely more mature than the Court.
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Though it's usually spelt "intern alia".
"Internalia" is a word actually
9818825
You sure? That sounds more like spell check struggling to make sense of it.
9818849
inter alia: [ Latin, Among other things. ] A phrase used in Pleading to designate that a particular statute set out therein is only a part of the statute that is relevant to the facts of the lawsuit and not the entire statute.
9819000
That's what I get for not checking first. Sorry about that. (Though it did lose an "n" in there at some point.)
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Ha, yeah, Google was quite insistent in suggesting "inter alia" (or was it "intern alia"?) quite a few times, and "...it does mean something in Latin, does that help you?" was the best result when I kept ignoring its spellcheck suggestions. I mostly ignored that because it didn't seem like the meaning I was convinced it had in the languages I know (German, English, and barely enough French to order a baguette in a Parisian bakery).
(Though it would fit that Trixie, in her position as the band's armchair lawyer, might have seen that term and simply got confused?)
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Continuing the train of thought from above, I think Trixie is a much better and smarter pony than anybody (including herself) gives her credit for - she just manages to hide it really well behind layers of snark and lunacy.
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Continuing the train of thought from above again, she's apparently even better and smarter than me, because she smuggled that pun in without me realizing it.
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...no, wait. 
"
The "golden yacht" thing actually came straight from the brainstorming phase. I got the idea for Trixie's backstory/motivation, wrote down that rant, and then went "I'm a genius.
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Yeah, it only occurred to me after posting the chapter that Fluttershy has the weirdest mix of fans in this AU.
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I know, that's why I connected to her on a spiritual level..
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It's fine
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Why is it always so long in between updates?
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I have a full-time job, hobbies aside from writing, and multiple writing projects.
9852455
Ok that’s understandable. Do you have an approx time for the next update?
More, damnit! MORE!
This is awesome!
This was such a fun ride from start to finish!!!! The dialogue and exchanges are easily what makes this for me, and I really like how the conversations between the band members especially are full of snark without ever going out of the bounds of being a comfortable(?) bout of ribbing between friends. It achieves a really nice balance! I'm excited to read more!!
Just read the story again and I really can't wait for an update.
This is GLORIOUS! Nice world-building, great character development, and I can't stop lauhing! Well done!!! More please?
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I'm glad that you took part in Sunset's isekai.
Otherwise I would've missed this gem of a story.
this chapter in a nutshell, gonna be honest well i enjoy this story this chapter was a low point, there is a degree where friends can rib and take shots at each other but honestly at this point? you've proven twilight's essentially surrounded by toxic friendships.
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https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/internalia
Neuter plural of internālis.
https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/internalis#Latin
It’s Medieval Latin, but it does mean roughly what Trixie thinks it does.
My queen Tempest is a cop?
Celestia give me the strength not to commit a serious crime...
"Patricia" reminds me of the NSFW (and imo, vulgar and terrible for the way it treats its subject matter) Chris De Burgh song 'Patricia the Stripper'
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Could you commit a non serious crime? A comedic crime? What a Joker!
Why fly so high? If it was unlocked it should be easy to open from the ground...
11514240
Ah, got my British and American English mixed up there. It's one floor above the ground floor, not the ground floor. Thanks for pointing this out, I'll see if I'll rephrase it later on.