• Member Since 9th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Pinky Music


I just want to make my friends smile, smile, smile!

Sequels1

T
Source

Bob has an unremarkable life. A job that wore on him more than anything, depression, and a sick mother, to say nothing of not doing what he really wanted because he is unable to see any colors. Could life get any worse? Well, apparently it can.

How will he handle being transported to Equestria?

Other art provided by Rainb0wDashie (https://rainb0wdashie.deviantart.com/)

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 110 )

what is that on his nose?

It's supposed to be a moustache. The stupid pony generator didn't do it justice.

I have other art that is better and will be posted as the story moves along. I plan on posting new chapters on Mondays/Tuesdays.

Holy cow. I love the pacing of this so far, and you opened extraordinarily well. I'm very sorry to hear about your mother, but I think this is a lovely tribute.

I'm not gonna lie, I was almost going to downvote this just for the age old premise, the same old spiel about depression, life sucking, etc...

But it's well-paced, the character isn't a cardboard cutout, and you've actually given some good backstory.

Bravo, man, I can't wait to read more.

Very nice. I'm excited to read more of this. There were a few extra line breaks in this chapter, but other than that it's been exceptionally well edited.

....That name can be very misleading to first time readers despite the story being good, I mean.. A human named bob?

8900117
Thanks for the upvote! I won’t take all the credit, Misternick helped with his guidance. I never realized how much help a simple nudge in a particular direction could be.

8900118
Thanks! I’ll take a look again and correct the extra breaks later today/tonight.

Yooo, glad to see this finally posted. I'll give it a read when I get a chance but here's a thumbs up in the meantime! :pinkiehappy:

Oh cool! It's finally coming out! :pinkiehappy: Looking forward to digging into this!

Hmm, came here because of CoffeeMinion's shout-out, and I've to say that this story seems interesting. The premise is, as other's said, something already seen, but the writing and pacing are well done, and there's a lot to say in favor of solid craft, which means it's promising.

I'm quite curious how things will develop. Keep up the good work.

Intriguing. The premise has been explored before, but I look forward to seeing how you mix up the standard formula.

8902763
Thanks! As it's my first, I'm open to constructive criticism. I plan on posting updates on either Monday or Tuesday nights.

I understand it's been done before, I think I threw in enough curveballs to make it interesting, and as I get my feet wet, expand into other areas as I develop.

Saw this under the Pinkie Pie tag, read the description, and it seems like it could be something good. If you need any spell-checking, I can help if you want. Also, it seems that FanOfMostEverything manages to find almost every single story I read on this site and comment somehow. Anyways, May the Fourth be with you. Looking forward to reading this.

your writing is steadily improving, keep it up.

But then I remembered it was all just a dream. My subconscious had locked me away. This could not stand. “Hey, Spikey-Wikey! I’ll tell Rarity you have a crush on her,” I shouted, then heard hoofsteps that move away from me.

Lol. That is extremely rude, even for a "dream". :P

also, it should be "hoofsteps moving away from me" not "hoofsteps that move away from me".

8909067
Thanks for the correction, and yes, it's rude. :derpytongue2:

8899729
Pony generator? Is it an app or a website? And could you tell me how to use/get it? I would love to be able to make a stormtrooper pony :P
Also, when is chapter 4 coming out? I can tell writing takes time, but still, I can't wait til it comes out. Anyways, have a good day, and keep writing this great story!

Edit: Just remembered/read your comment that you post updates Monday or Tuesday. Hoping for more tomorrow maybe (unless of course you update it later tonight). Have a good day!

8911294
Ask and ye shall receive!

I don't remember where I found it. I tried searching for it but it's not turning up. I do know that it didn't have anything for Star Wars stuff.

Not feeling any sympathy for this "OC". Too much of a sleeslaw.

8911313
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES CHAPTER FOUR!:yay:

Also, that's ok. I'll find one like the one you used possibly. For now I am gonna try to find a Darth Vader pegasus or some other to use. Have a good night!

8911352
What exactly do you mean by "sleeshaw"? Too fancy of a word for my tastes.:moustache:

Well, yeah, I’d be depressed too with a name like bob...

“Stop, get back here,” she shouted.

I 'd suggest adding an "!" in Twilight's line here.

My guess was correct and the world spilled out before me for the first time since Twilight teleported me to her castle. “Sweet freedom,” I cheered with gleeful abandon. It occurred to me as I ran down the road that I’d need a place to hide out until the heat died down. The first pony I saw I asked which direction was the Everfree which he pointed out but warned that it could be fairly dangerous to go into at dusk let alone at night. I thanked him and said, “As long as I don’t stumble through some Poison Joke I should be okay,” before running off.

"The first pony I saw I asked which direction was the Everfree which he pointed out but warned that it could be dangerous to go into at dusk let alone at night." Original sentence thing.

"I asked the first pony I saw which direction was the Everfree forest which he pointed out to me, but he also warned that it could be dangerous to go into at dusk, let alone at night." This is probably what it should be here in order to be grammatically perfected or corrected.

Any sense of satisfaction that I had was quickly dashed by the familiar ‘pompf’ sound of Twilight’s teleport spell. My legs and lungs burned with exertion as I entered Ponyville, the princess hot on my trail. I continued to dodge my way through the other ponies as Twilight did her best to keep up occasionally even getting ahead of me, looking utterly confused as to what I was up to.

Comma after "keep up".

“Don’t get who in trouble,” responded a familiar peppy voice.

Probably need a "?" in Pinkie's line.

“I dunno. She just said that I’d know who it was because I wouldn’t know them. Wait, I don’t know you do I?”

:trollestia:
You know what is about to happen when you see that Trollestia face.
Wait a minute? Who ARE you?
YOU ON KAZOO!

“If you’re a famous dress maker why are you hiding in a bush asking for a dress?”

Ummm... Hmmm.... I agree with SB about that. Why WOULD a famous dress maker ask for a dress? Oh well.

I skidded around another corner into the marketplace and managed to find a shop selling party supplies. The store clerk stared at me, mouth agape as I grabbed some glasses, a false nose, and a local tabloid. “Charge this to Pinkie,” I shouted to the clerk who seemed to immediately recover from the absurdity of my attire with the mere mention of her name.

And i thought identity fraud was bad on EARTH, now it exists in EQUESTRIA! Although would it be considered identity fraud if you are asking for it to be charged to someone else? Ah, too much thinking.

After about ten minutes of slow walking a murmur started to form in the distance behind me. Slowly I turned to see what the noise was about only to witness a large segment of Ponyville’s population with flashlights headed in my general direction. “Oh, for crying out loud,” I muttered and began to run again.

Flashlights? Wouldn't they use, like, unicorn magic light? Or maybe some torches? Well, for all matters and purposes, I am gonna assume the "flashlights" are sticks enchanted by a unicorn to give off light at one end (if such is possible; most likely is as far as I am concerned).

“You monster,” shouted a fashionable voice from the crowd.

Obviously that's Rarity:raritywink:

I smiled weakly and slowly began to walk back toward Twilight when I heard a low rumble in the distance. It sounded like a jet coming in at just around mach one low and fast. Quickly I looked about, unsure as to which direction it was coming from. “The heck is,” I began but never finished. Time slowed down as the rainbow blur collided with me. For the second time that day I was airborne and not in the way I’d hoped. Yet, as I came crashing down I thought about how this was the weirdest day I’d ever seen in my entire life. Then as soon as I hit the ground blackness overtook me and the world faded from earshot again. Just as well.

Oof. Really Rainbow Dash? I really don't understand what she was trying to do here.

Comment posted by Zaten the Changeling deleted May 8th, 2018

8911385
An incredibly disrespectful term for a weak male.

8911487
Ok then. Just realized that when i tried to Google it, i spelled it sleeshaw not sleeslaw. Same with the comment i posted asking you that. Oh well.

8911487
Well, yeah, he may be at this point, but that's the thing, right? He wasn't really in a good place before...only time will tell.

The story certainly taking a interesting turn, compared to the first chapter which...had many spelling flaws along with, but you managed to improving your writing in such a short time. I much prefer comedic HiE who is clueless about his situation, even better if the ponies think he is crazy.

8912402
Your grammar shows it. Can anyone explain this to me? I don't want to go with the easy explanation.

Why do they always run? This is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about. If anypony's going to listen to a reasonable explanation, it's her.

Of course, realizing that you're actually in Equestria and just mouthed off to Purplesmart with no thought to the consequences can inspire a certain blind panic in most people... :twilightsheepish:

Good chapter! :yay: I like how you've kept refining the humor. Rarity's outburst, and the setup for it, got a big laugh from me.

8914861
Thanks! That means a lot to me!

Cannot wait til Monday or Tuesday night. All i want to do is read more of this (and catch up to Sol 22-something on The Maretian).
:moustache:

Interesting so far, you really seem to be getting into writing this story now, keep it up.

Thanks! As I was writing it, I was feeling it, along with the suggestions from my editor. I'm really happy with how it shaped up.

I like the story I just wish that the mustache didn't look like a horn

YAY! NEW CHAPTER! I am just surprised i am NINE HOURS LATE to read it. :twilightoops:

You know how i am... :moustache:
or do you

8925934
I think the MOUSTACHE is very pronounced. :moustache:

My eyes grew to the size of dinner plates when I saw her. Twilight Sparkle had chased me from her castle all through Ponyville to the edge of the Everfree Forest and now she had me. I immediately recoiled and slid back toward the wall that my bed rested against, not caring how fast the world spun.

And I thought their eyes were ALREADY dinner plate sized. Unless a "dinner plate" is larger than your average plate, in which case that makes perfect sense. :derpytongue2:

She nodded and it was enough. Slowly, I sank back onto the bed. “I have to apologize for Rainbow Dash,” she said calmly, “She didn’t know that we were working things out.”

I KNEW it was RD. Quite obvious, really.

Twilight’s eyes widened, “Ar-are they watching right now?”

Uh oh. Unintended consequences, beware! She knows about the fourth wall!

RED ALERT RED ALERT

“Who,” I asked, “Rainbow Dash?” “No,” replied Twilight, “But I can assure you that she’s very good at getting novice fliers off the ground.”

Fluttershy! :yay:
I can't wait to see this chapter!

8926661
it looks like a horn thats used to shovel snow out of the way during winter

8926688
I thought that you used shovels for that? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

8926693
well hes a pegasus not a unicorn so how could he hold the shovel

Fortunately, you seem to have as hard a head as she and suffered a concussion from the impact along with some bruises and a mild separation of your shoulder.

Unless Twilight is more sadistic than I gave her credit for, this sentence is missing an "only." Even then, "fortunately" and "suffered a concussion" aren't usually found in the same sentence.

In any case, this chapter was rather talking-headsy, though Twilight's slow-burn existential crisis should lead in some interesting directions.

8926709
Well how do pegasi/earth ponies open doors? THAT HAVE HANDLES?!?!

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