• Member Since 27th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Jay David


Just a guy from Britain who loves MLP.

T

A pony, a Dragon, a Changeling, a Griffon, a Yak and a Hippogriff. In times gone by, it would have been unthinkable for such a collection to be considered close. But now, thanks to the opening of Princess Twilight’s School of Friendship, these six children have come to know one another, and see each other as friends. These are the stories of their time together.


All previous stories can be found here.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 115 )

Poor Sandbar. :pinkiesad2: I feel bad for Ocellus too, but still... Ouch.

Though it is quite heartening to see just how fast all the other members of the Student Six leapt to Ocellus' defense. It really does show how close they've grown as friends.

I curse Comet and his descendants and so forth.

cant say i didnt see this outcome coming to be honest, people r people, and that will never change...

Racist unicorn. Go back to Canterlot and lose all your snob money. You don't deserve friendship Comet.

It's like Griffon the Brush Off in a nutshell, but updated for a newer season. Still works, too.

"Er...what do you mean no? "

What else is he going to mean?

It’s a good idea, but it really suffers in its execution, primarily from the fact that it’s a too short a story. It’s over and done with in just over 2,000 words. 8947713
I see the similarities between the two, but while ‘Griffin the Brush Off’ gave us 22 minutes to get us invested in Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and Gilda’s friendship/dynamic, Gilda herself as a character and the fallout between her and Dash, I feel that’s somewhat lacking in this story (not to mention I’d say Gilda and Comet’s reasons are rather different).

I don’t really care about Sandbar and Comet’s friendship and feel sad that it’s ended, because I’m not given any real time to get emotionally invested it. I only even believe they’re friends because I’m told that they are (you’d actually think, wouldn’t you, that as a friend Sandbar would be aware Comet was there and traumatised by the Invasion and take this into account before introducing them). And for the same reasons, Comet himself ends up feeling like just a walking plot device. He shows up, racially abuses Ocellus and Sandbars other friends, and then storms off in a huff, like a many racist pony antagonist in fan fiction. We’re given a reason why, but it feels like a handwave, it’s not really explored in any meaningful way. His whole character can be summed up as ‘Sandbar’s fried, racist’ and that’s it. His bigotry doesn’t even carry the kind of weight it should coming from someone Sandbar loves, it could’ve easily just been some random ignorant dolt off the street.

It’s unfortunate there is so much potential for this kind of story, exploring how the students’ family members react to their new friendship and how they all have to come to terms with the fact they may have their own prejudices. And I can’t help but feel many of the issues I mentioned above could be resolved if it was multi chapter or at least a much longer one shot.

Gilda can relate.
Maybe they can reconcile one day (after an apology).

This reminds me of Griffen on the brush from season 1. This was really good.

Your description has five separate uses of italics across two sentences. Is that really necessary?

8947952
Agreed. This is waaayyy too short, and feels like a rehash of Griffon The Brush Off, down to the "Come on, Rainbow Dash!" part. It's probably meant to be an homage, but it needs more time to get us invested in the characters to be one. Gilda had a character outside of hating Pinkie Pie, and you could see the actual chemistry between Rainbow and her. Comet has nothing outside being racist towards Ocellus, than suddenly everyone else too. It makes no sense he would believe Sandbar would go with him after he'd just insulted his girlfriend, unlike Gilda, who had just spent the whole day hanging out and bonding with Rainbow.

Don't get me wrong, there is great potential here! Comet's point about the Canterlot Invasion isn't totally wrong. Sandbar, by his own admission, wasn't there. He didn't see it. Unfortunately, it didn't have that much of an effect other than flipping Comet's racist switch on. It's dismissed almost as soon as it was brought up.

In fact, if you get down to it, what happened? Comet teleports in, saw Ocellus, insulted Ocellus, friendship between him and Sandbar is broken, he walks away again. That's, what, ten minutes in-universe?

This story, I find, is like fire: It warms the spirit, and charges the appetite.

I hate to be the guy, but is it just me who sees Comet here as the reasonable one?

Seriously, changelings were trying to get Canterlot, it's difficult to call what the consequences would be. If it were slavery or death... we don't know that. But with those two being among the options, I understand Comet doesn't forgive that too easily. Because this was a thread not only for him, but likely for his family too. And Chrysalis' hypnosis spell on Shining Armor is the evidence that changelings indeed are capable of mind-control, so he wasn't wrong with that statement either.

And without any lenght to develop the trust, and getting to the decision immediately after his arrival, it sounds just reasonable for him to leave than to agree upon something that might be a trap. Comet went by the "rather safe than sorry" approach. If he trusted him with all of this in mind immediately, he'd really be naive.

Without longer development, Comet really did nothing wrong. He just acted naturally.

Poor Sandy...to have to hear is girlfriend be called those names...by one o f his closest friends no less...that's gotta be a real buck in the gut:ajsleepy:.

This makes me nervous about the idea of meeting an old friend of mine, as well.

Worst-case scenario: It ends up being like when BoJack Horseman met up with his old friend Herb Kazzaz.

8948302
That might be reasonable, if Comet was COMPLETELY out of the loop on NUMEROUS recent events. Did he not hear about Thorax being welcomed into the Crystal Empire? Or the overthrow of Chrysalis and associated evolution of nearly the entire Changeling hive? There's reasonable suspicion, and then there's whatever this is. To use a real-world example, I am well aware of the role Islamic extremists played in the 9/11 attacks and other events in the Middle East, but I am perfectly willing to interact with Muslims in general, because I have reason to believe that the actions of one subgroup do not necessarily reflect the actions of another. Same with Westboro Baptist Church vs. other Christian communities, or one hostile tribe or community vs. another of similar ethnicity. True, first impressions are hard to overcome, but that's still no excuse for Comet's harsh words.

aside from being vapid and stupid, what you are doing is also against site rules
write multi-chapter fics like everyone else does and stop fucking flooding the site with "one shots" that are basically a single story you split into 47 for views

Yikes. That's gotta be painful, but he made the right choice.

8948527

That's a good insight.

Or the overthrow of Chrysalis and associated evolution of nearly the entire Changeling hive?

Still, gaining trust takes time. The fact that they're officially the good guys now, doesn't mean he has to immediately trust them. (and we don't canonically know what amount of time pasted since the reformation)

Also, some trauma from the past might kick in. Imagine someone's been giving you death threads. Then you see them reformed, it's told they do the good stuff and they seem fine. But if the person approaches you, you will still have some level of uncertainty. It varies on the character - how much a person/pony is careful vs forgiving. Comet is more of the "careful" type of guy.

Unfortunately, we don't have a wider context because this story's too short for that.

I have reason to believe that the actions of one subgroup do not necessarily reflect the actions of another.

We can agree on that.

True, first impressions are hard to overcome, but that's still no excuse for Comet's harsh words.

Comet sees a threat in Ocellot. People/ponies tend to overreact (and panic a little bit) when threatened. (although it was irrational in this case) Yes, he lost it, but you can't really blame him for that. The fact this happens in the first minute after his arrival doesn't help either.

Wow... that was unexpected. Though, I just want to ask, how come they didn't try to reference the other Changeling-related events that have happened I recent seasons?

Alright... hmm. How do I put this politely. The story was... meh? Sandbar's old friend comes back and then freaks out about Ocellus because she's a Changeling. I get the reasoning why Comet would do such a thing, considering that they did invade Canterlot. But it feels so... forced. Like this is a forced drama in which doesn't seem to mind that it's copying "Griffon the Brushoff" and tries to replicate that episode's success. Granted it is good that Sandbar and co react the way they do... but that's about all the praise I can give. The story itself is... meh.

And before people begin to dogpile me for not liking the story. Remember that this is my opinion. I did not insult Jay's story nor did I say anything negative about him. I simply said my piece about what doesn't work in the story and at least one thing I thought worked.

8948530

Dude, seriously, STOP. This is beginning to border on harassment. Also, insults are a surefire way to get people to not listen to you.

You've even started attacking him on his profile.

If you hate his stories so much, how about you just stop reading them instead of continually bitching about him and making attacks on Jay's character?

8948703's comment is how you criticize a story you dislike without resorting to insults or attacking the person who made the story. Learn from that.

8949026
There is a bit of a point though. Everything being oneshots makes it really confusing to follow all the storylines and alt universes going on in Jay's stories, especially when you're stumbling in. Having everything in a single organized story or few would do wonders. Especially since the EG Continuity alone from what I'm counting is like 140-150 individual oneshots.

get to see an old fiend

Ah, the good old friend/fiend typo. I almost feel like spelling checkers -- including built into the browser -- should have a lesser alert status for things that might be right, but probably aren't. Not change them automatically, but draw your attention so if it's a mistake, you can change it, instead of not noticing just because it's a real word and grammatically correct.

8948602

Ocellot

Six students... More than enough to learn anything that's taught.

Comment posted by Twilight Sparkle Seed deleted July 5th

8949622
It is posssible to give advice without being condescending.

8949085
Pfft, I LOVE how it's clearly the same three people, or one person with three accounts that down voted my comment, along with the comment by Jarkes.

8949622
You haven't even TRIED to publish anything, so don't give him that.

Comment posted by Twilight Sparkle Seed deleted July 5th

8949705
...Wow. Dick. What's wrong with being Autistic?

8949085
nah

8949026
or jay david could stop flooding the feature box with rule breaking, trite, garbage stories
that's also a possibility
and me "harassing" jay to not be a vapid attention whore while pissing you off is no skin off my back :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Regidar deleted May 27th

"Just be happy you get to see an old fiend again!

Typo: "fiend" -> "friend"

8949305

Doesn't change the fact that Regidar is a huge asshole and has been doing this shit for weeks now.

8950065
And? I can plainly see that. It's just that there are some legit problems with having every single story as its own "one-shot" when they're all linked and the format making it a pain to track where you exactly are. There's already over 350 seperate stories to sort through for a newbie. As a comparison, Kudzu has many in the same universe, but one shots actually feel like one shot spinoffs from the parent stories that are multi chapter things. Heck just for now the whole Student stories could easily be made into a collection that's much easier to keep track of and keep track of how far you're into reading it since the Ocellus/Sandbar ship already is a very common thread. Having all these seperate story links just muddles things.

8950107
the IS a guide, several of them in fact, one for each 'verse...all it takes is five seconds of searching

8949775
how about we all just report ur toxic attitude to the Mods and Devs? that would fix ur problem real quick...

8950149
I mean an actual multi chapter collection. Not a blog post with over 100 links to shift through. Night and Day alone would benefit hugely from something like that.

8947952
Ah Magic Man; ever the analytical fanfic reviewer.

Although joking aside I do agree with your points. I'd have liked to have maybe seen Comet and Sandbar be involved with each of his friends individually or something to that extent, to see Comet's reactions to each of them separately before the conclusion where Sandbar really sees his friend's true colors. Or, you know, something to that extent.

The fanfic isn't terrible, it's just a good story told very quickly.

Still, could have been worse - it could have been another bloody clopfic.

8949925
Well the way Comet was acting, he was kind of a fiend, so...XD

8950065
8949085
8950150

Let's take a step back and... take a good look at each person's perspective here. No insults. No biases. No harsh judgement. So why does Regidar not like Jay David? In his defense, Jay David does submit multiple one-shot stories at a rate that is rather... worrisome. There's so many that at this point even a person like me, who has just encountered him for the first time, is not willing to sort through that whole mess to read all of his works just so I can get the better picture. Do I blame Jay for that? No. But it doesn't help others who want to see one continuous story without having to resort to a search like they're in some detective novel.

Secondly, you have to you remember that Regidar's opinion is different. You have your opinion that you like Jay's stuff. That's fine. I don't like Jay's writing but I'm not one to insult another person. Does that give Regi a right to voice his opinion? Yes. Regi himself also never explicitly called Jay out or even told Jay some lines that other more aggressive people might like to say, "kill yourself" or "you suck as a person". Just throwing examples out there. So has Regi said anything like that? No. He hasn't. Granted I haven't been here for Jay's other stories. So I don't know the full picture.

So what is all this fighting doing for anybody? Nothing. Let's step up and act like responsible adults. Not fill this comment section with rude remarks and or aggressive words that then turn this into a YouTube comment section. Besides, what's this anger going to do for you? Only make you feel worse. Anger isn't good for anybody. So let's put down the torch and pitchforks and just chill. Seriously, no more fighting. I don't know what Jay would say, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't like watching people get rough with one another in the comments. So let's be genteel and make up, huh?

8949705
However, I was being nice to the other three I commented on. I don't like Jay's story but... man. You clearly seem to hold no responsibility in the words you weave, my friend. I will not engage in this conversation with you for longer than I can but... even if you don't like Jay, that does not give you the right to insult someone. Or even verbally attack them. Nor is it okay for you to use a word that is associated with people more unfortunate than you. That's all I have to say to you.

8947952
Same problem Fallout 4 had in the start. There's so little time with this freshly introduced wife and kid that the player just doesn't really feel anything when the former gets killed and latter taken. They're just this "who?" to observers.

8950368
i do not begrudge anyone their own opinion, that being said, when others do start leaving insults in comments and generally being a troll, i do take exception to such things. i can remember there was an indecent, in the newverse story 'A New World, a New Stage', one particularly nasty commenter seemed to take offense at a single character in the story, that of Phantom Thief Fox, and then hanging around the comments section of any Newverse story she appeared in and badmouthing the character. the person had nothing resembling constructive criticism in their comments, just complaints, insults and foul language. this seems to be a similar happening here, though i too have not been privy to everything.

calling someone a lazy and stupid writer simply for posting a series of lightly connected one shots, and apparently doing so for every new one shot posted? that is, in my opinion, trollish behavior. and they r being called out on that behavior just as that Fox commenter i mentioned was.

8950155
that is ur opinion, and it is not wrong, but it is also not what the author of these stories is doing. perhaps in time, they will all be gathered into a collected work, who is to say? but it is not on ur shoulders to tell any writer what to do with their own works, that is their decision, not urs...

I know the feeling of losing a friend due to time. It's NEVER easy :fluttershysad:

Decent one off at least. Keep it up.

In case anyones interested, I just put out a new story called The Hearth's Warming Surprise I'd appreciate you guys coming cause I'm happy how it's turning out. Thank You :twilightsmile:

8950525
I get that. But Regidar also has a right to his own opinion. Sure he said some things... but most of the time he doesn't seem to come off as insulting the author. Sure, maybe Jay is doing something bad. That's not for me to decide that he should be judged. Regi has his own opinion. And yes it's a bit more verbal, but even then he has a right to say it. Granted he doesn't have a right to insult someone, but even so, that doesn't then translate to the idea that his opinion is obsolete and therefore, he shouldn't be allowed to speak ever.

8950549
i never said it was, i do not begrudge any their own opinion, but when they go out of their way to express a negative opinon everyting someone so much as moves? that is going too far...

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