• Member Since 27th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 28th, 2023

TimeRarity64


I prefer writing and reading original stuff, with a sinful taste to abnormality, darling. :raritywink:

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Source

Through all her adventures.
Through all her teachings.
At the Gala, where all dreams can come true, a teacher and student wish to enjoy their time together, reminiscing all that they've learned together through a slow dance.

Inspired off from the song by Boz Scaggs-Slow Dancer
And the default picture drawn by Bri-sti

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 7 )

I'm not going to rate this story, though it's not because of a lack of desire to do so. After reading the story, I can honestly say that I'm not sure what a good bit of it actually meant with some of the diction and the phrasing.

Sure, for Princess Celestia, this was practically normal witnessing being she was a princess and created such a thing.

The above is a good example. I had to re-read this quite a few times before I understood that you just meant that the Gala was nothing special for Celestia, if that's what you meant. Again, a little bit of guesswork.

The premise is interesting and the plot was well executed, but the phrasing's awkward, and that's the biggest thing that detracts from the story. Still, cheers to you for making a good idea a reality!

8954116
I very much appreciated your analysis! I've been working effortlessly to adjust my phrasing when writing stories on multiple occasions. Some in which I go back on, fix, re-fix, and often just start over from scratch with the same premise but different style that will make sense and direct a message I want my reader to get.
For this short work, I do plan on going over it and readjusting certain sentences that seem off and fixing a few common errors that can be found in a fresh story! Once more, thank you!

I always enjoy seeing Celestia pleasantly surprised by Twilight. Cute scene, feels like the start of something lovely.

8954116
I think perhaps English is not the author's first language? At least that's how it reads. Still enjoyable.

8954594
No problem! We authors have to stick together before the ink monsters come and start taking people away, right?

8954601
English is my first and only language, good sir! XD I am glad though that you found it pleasant!

8956096
Interesting! It's a very florid, exotic-sounding writing style, one I only usually see in translation. Looking forward to see what comes after.

"Two God's, two dieties, dancing in an endless loop, taking comfort in the one thing that will always last. Not lovers. Not mentor and teacher. But good friends." It was a beautiful read and I hope to capture the essence of two friends dancing myself. Thank you.

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