Mind your hooves
“What do you mean ‘you can’t let off fireworks in a residential area’?”
“I’m sorry, but the regulations are clear-”
“But Twilight, how can the Great and Powerful Trixie possibly hope to wow the crowds without a grand pyrotechnical display?”
“I’m sorry, Trixie, but fireworks have been banned within Ponyville limits ever since that horrific fire," Twilight said, waving her hoof dismissively. "You’ll just have to do your show without them.”
As she turned and trotted off, Trixie fell onto her haunches, dejected.
“Hey, it’ll be okay,” said Starlight, trying to cheer her up. “I’m sure you’ll put on an amazing show without them.”
Trixie was silent for a moment, before looking up at her friend. “It isn’t that,” she said. “I'm more worried about what I'm going to do with the half a ton of fireworks I bought.”
It was only then that Starlight noticed the small arsenal of explosives next to Trixie’s wagon.
“You’re sure this is a good idea?”
“Of course it is!” said Starlight. “There’s always demand for illicit fireworks.”
“Even in Ponyville?”
“Especially in Ponyville. It’s hard being so peaceful and harmonious all the time. The quietest ponies are the ones who most want to blow something up every once in a while.”
“Well, if you’re sure...”
But Trixie wasn’t convinced. Starlight said she’d spread the word about their new business – illegal fireworks, Dark and Suspicious Alley, midnight – but whether anypony would really come remained to be seen. Actually, now that she’d come to think about it, why were they doing this in an alley, and not out the back of her wagon? And why did Ponyville even have a street named ‘Dark and Suspicious Alley’, anyway? Surely that was asking for trouble.
Trixie’s thoughts were interrupted by the soft sound of approaching hooves. She felt herself take a sharp breath, and looked at Starlight nervously. It seemed like they had a customer. But what sort of dangerous pony would be out buying illegal fireworks in a back alley, late at night?
It must be some kind of hard-as-nails criminal, she thought, probably out to buy fireworks for some nefarious purpose. It must be a pony with no regard for the law, or authority. It must be-
“Fluttershy?!”
“Eep!” squeaked Fluttershy, as she hid behind her mane.
A few seconds of uneasy silence passed. “So... err, what are you doing here?”
“Oh, n-nothing. What are you two doing here?”
Trixie looked awkwardly at the huge pile of boxes behind her, which had fireworks sticking out the top and the word ‘DANGER’ written down the side in red lettering. Then she looked back to Fluttershy.
“Well, you know, we’re just... hanging out.” She gave a nervous laugh.
“Oh, that’s nice,” said Fluttershy. “By the way, I don’t suppose you’ve seen somepony selling, erm, fireworks? They’re supposed to be around here somewhere.”
“Wait, you’re here for the fireworks?” asked Starlight.
“Well,” began Fluttershy, “it’s Harry’s birthday this weekend. And we have this little tradition – every year, us and some of the other animals will go into the forest, and we’ll set up a nice little picnic, with tea and sandwiches and cakes...”
“Right...” said Trixie, wondering how in Equestria this related to fireworks.
“And then, after the sun goes down, we all sit and look at the stars for a little bit,” she said, speaking so nonchalantly that she might as well have been reading her shopping list. “And then we always like to unleash several pounds of Neighjing hellfire over the edge of the Everfree Forest. It’s always very pretty.”
Trixie and Starlight just stared at her, open-mouthed.
“But the laws in Ponyville are so restrictive that it’s sometimes difficult to get what we need. That’s why, when Harry and I heard that somepony was selling them down here tonight, I just had to come. Do you girls know who it is?”
Neither of them answered for a few moments longer, until Trixie realised she was about to lose a sale. She shook her head and got back into showpony mode.
“If you’re looking for great and powerful fireworks, you’ve come to the right place. Come on and step right up to-” err, had they decided on a name yet? “-Trixie’s Back-Alley-at-Midnight Firework Shop!”
Nailed it.
“Oh. That’s... catchy,” said Fluttershy.
“Indeed it is! So, step right up, step right up. What would you like to buy?”
“Oh, not much.” She considered for a moment. “I’d like two boxes of Huizhoof Annihilators, three boxes of Marechurian Boomsticks, five boxes of Yakyakistan Tartarus-crackers...”
Trixie slowly counted the bits that Fluttershy had given her. There were a lot of them.
“Are you sure it was safe to let Fluttershy carry that lot all by herself?” asked Starlight.
“She’ll be fine,” said Trixie, dismissively. “Now look how much money we made!” Who would’ve thought that selling illegal fireworks would prove to be such a profitable venture?
“Trixie!” Starlight scolded. “I’m talking about ethical responsibility here, not just- ooh, that’s a lot of bits.”
“Just think about all the peanut butter and crackers we could buy!”
The pair were so engrossed by the pile of gold, that they didn’t hear their next customer approaching. Well, customers.
The sound of somepony clearing their throat got Trixie’s attention. She turned around, but there was nopony there.
“Down here.”
Trixie looked down towards the floor, where the three Cutie Mark Crusaders were standing.
What were they doing here? “Are you lost?” she asked.
The three fillies whispered among themselves, and then Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle pushed Applebloom forward. Apparently she was the designated speaker. She rubbed her foreleg nervously before beginning. “We were – ah – wonderin’ if it was true what we heard – that y’all are sellin’ somethin’ you’re not supposed to-”
Starlight stepped out from behind Trixie. “Girls, I’ve told you before. I won’t buy alcohol for you. I’m sorry, but it just wouldn't be right.”
“No, no!” protested Sweetie Belle. “We’re here about fireworks.”
“Fireworks? Oh, yeah, of course,” she said. “What would you like?”
Now that the CMC had gone, the bit pile was even larger, and the firework pile even smaller.
“Should we have asked where three fillies got so many bits from?” said Starlight.
“Nah.”
“Or what they were planning to do with all those fireworks?”
“Nah.”
Starlight looked around, and yawned. “We’ll probably have to pack up soon," she said. "It’s getting really late; I don’t think anypony’s still around.”
Right as she spoke, however, a black figure suddenly descended from the sky, landing just in front of them. It was a pony, cloaked and hooded, and almost darker than the night around them.
“Greetings, citizens,” she said. “We - I mean, I – wish to make purchase of many fireworks.”
Starlight shook off her shock to respond. “Well, you’ve certainly come to the right place... wait, do I know you?”
The figure froze. “That is unlikely!” she almost yelled. “I am not from around here, and so I do not know thee, Starlight Glimmer.”
Starlight raised one of her eyebrows. “Really, are you sure? Because I could have sworn you’re-” She shook her head. “No, that would be crazy. I must just be imagining it.”
“Yes, it would be craziness to suggest that We might be a princess of the realm, clandestinely buying fireworks to throw a secret party without Celly’s knowledge. Utter craziness.”
“You’re right,” Starlight agreed. “It would be. I can’t believe I even considered it.”
“Indeed,” said the figure, nervously. “Now, about those fireworks...”
“I can’t believe we sold everything in a single night,” said Trixie. She and Starlight were back in her wagon, with a pile of gold coins spread out before them.
“What did I tell you? There are few ponies more repressed than in Ponyville. They're always looking to unwind.”
“I guess you were right. We made almost a thousand bits from that.”
“Hey, perhaps we should do this again,” Starlight suggested.
“Maybe. It certainly pays better than the stage shows.”
“We would need a good name for our business, though. It’s the most important part of building a brand.”
“A name?” Trixie tapped her chin with a hoof.
“What did you tell Fluttershy it was called? 'Trixie’s Back-Alley-at-Midnight Firework Shop'? That could work.”
“No, that was just something thought up on the fly. Our name needs to be big and bold, to really capture ponies’ attention.”
“And what were you considering?”
“’Trixie’s Clandestine and Secret Firework Stand’!” she stood up and shouted.
Starlight wasn’t impressed. “I’m not sure something automatically becomes secret just because it has ‘secret’ in the name. And anyway, we need ponies to know about us if we want to drum up business.”
“Alright, fine. What about... ‘Trixie’s Illicit and Illegal Firework Stand’?”
“I think we’d lose some element of plausible deniability when the Royal Guard come knocking, if we call our shop ‘illicit and illegal’.”
Trixie sighed. “Fine, 'Trixie’s Back-Alley-at-Midnight Firework Shop' is alright. Although I still think it lacks flair.”
Starlight smiled. “It’ll do for now,” she said.
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If they need more Flair, could always ask Rarity for some Bellbottoms. Her reaction would be hilarious.
What if Twilight banned interspecies dating?! It will be a disaster.
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Sequel idea: Trixie and Starlight begin selling illicit trousers
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My YonaCord ship!
You managed to write this the same day the episode aired?
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Well, it's only short, and it's Saturday, so I didn't have anything else I particularly needed to do.
Also, the team of starving authors I keep chained up to work for me helped.8892847
It's not really that hard to do if you're quite inspired.
Now a ten thousand word story the same day an episode aired... that would be something amazing.
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Mister Alex... M-May I have some p-p-porridge, please? I promise I'll write more next time. I'm s-so very hungry.
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You'll get more porridge when this reaches the Feature box!
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media3.giphy.com/media/70Sj1peQ6bEIM/giphy.gif
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I guess someone is going to bed hungry tonight.
God, if this hits the box, this comment is gonna be laughed out more than it already is.
This was a fun little story.
8892938
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it
Really could've been a deleted scene or subplot of the show. Heard every line in the characters' voices, that's how good it was.
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Thanks, man! It's good to be back in the saddle, on the road again. Except for all the saddlesores.
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Thank you
It is an outrageous injustice that the Great and Powerful Trixie is forbidden to use firework.
What goes around comes around, Twily.
Still waters run deep.
Giving fireworks to the Crusaders is a very bad and potentially deadly idea.
Et tu, Luna?
It´s a working title.
And so Pinkie got her fireworks.
Good story.
8893544
I answered the question nobody asked about today's episode. How exactly did Twixie get into the firework business, anyway?
It's clearly named after two famous detectives, After Dark and Very Suspicious.
8893907
I didn't even know it was possible to have a headcanon for your own story until now.
[Stefon] "If you're looking for a real 'blast' this holiday, Ponyville's hottest illegal fireworks stand is 'Aaahh, I'm on fire!!!'. Located in the unironically-named Dark and Suspicious Alley in that part of town your parents told you to stay away from after midnight, this place has everything: wooden boxes, dry straw roofs, no fire hydrants, a tall hooded figure that asks you why you think you know them, and if you're lucky, you might see a Screaming Rapidash."
[Seth] "Screaming Rapidash?"
[Stefon] "It's this thing where a former customer who's a unicorn doesn't know fire safety rules…"
Next up: Trixie sells fireworks that run on Fiendfire...
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Its featured, feed him already!
8894876
He'll get a bowl of the finest gruel for his good work.
8895027
Well that's a bit unfair... I'm only getting a three course meal for up voting.
Make it a thimble of the finest gruel and throw in a single apple chunk to even things out!
Shouldn't Pinkie have shown up at one point?
8895444
Maybe if they didn't run out of fireworks.
8895247
Cabits 4 life
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You people are crueler than me
8895444
I like to think of this as just the first of many occasions where Trixie sold her illegal fireworks to make a bit on the side. Pinkie probably became a repeat customer later.
I love this hilarious story.
Why don't they just acronymize the name and it Trixie's B.A.M. Fireworks Stand? Y'know cause, explosives go BAM? ...no?
This may have been 'short', but it was not 'stupid'! Funny as all-hell! And glad it ended well and profitable for the two of them.
Because they don't want anyone to get lost whenever they are looking for a place for dubious business.
8895247
Twilight! After all your talk of forming friendship with other species you frown on interspecies relationships? For shame!
And this is why Equestrian insurance adjusters reach for the milk of magnesia whenever they see the word "Ponyville" on a form. ANY form.
Pressure from the cliche lobby. Same reason why there's a road that goes straight off a cliff.
In any case, delightful stuff. Thank you for a hilarious little burst of a story.
Quick, cute, well-written. I liked it.
8896126
There's a very good reason why they didn't do that, and it isn't just because I didn't think of it, honest!
8896456
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/24/192444__safe_screencap_apple+fritter_applejack_big+macintosh_meadow+song_apple+family+reunion_lesson+zero_swarm+of+the+century_too+many+pinkie+pies_ani.gif
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Thank you all!
8893812
Maud.
8896795
It all makes sense now!
Fluttershy as Bill Killgore?
*KA-BOOM!*
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Zoning ordinances of course! This allows extra-legal ponies to legally make a living. If you are going to have crime, might as well make it organised!
id knda like to know what everyone else who bought fireworks did with em XD It would have also been Ironic had Twilight bought some
Because Batman already owns the name Crime Alley.
This was a brilliant bit of insanity written on the fly.
The fact that the initials are 'BAMF' helps, I'm sure.
Boom
8895247 And that's how Ryo-Ohki was born
8900721
XD
Fun read.
Would totaly read more of this.
Hay names Ace and I'm looking for a a vary brilliant and dazzlings firecracker named Trixie.
Lol sorry had to make the joke
"And yet you still allow your pet lizard to roam free," Trixie grumbled.
The Dragon Lord had Garble eat her that night and leave her head on Twilight's pillow as a warning not to disrespect the new Dragon Mafia.
tse3.mm.bing.net/th?id=OIP.tpMN28rzCmk3ylrQU6Qr2QHaIR&pid=Api
It's like New Jersey. For a while they were trying to even get sparkler's banned.
Yep, you could play with a blow torch... but sparklers?! FAR too dangerous!
Feh, we learned to make our OWN alcohol as kids! And we mostly didn't even go blind!
Some take it a bit too far... like that group that has a fascination with hydras and the things they can do with 4 mouths...
Clever