The Argument
“Celestia!” A dark coated mare shouted, finally spotting her older sister, who was trotting briskly through the main hall of the castle. She had an escort of several guards and seemed to be rather busy. The younger princess panted a few times before her face formed the irritation she had been too tired to portray a moment before. “Where have you been? You said that we could speak last night, but we never found you!”
The lighter colored unicorn paused, dismissing her escorts. “Oh, Luna...” She responded, pausing to listen to a messenger whispering into her ear, she nodded, told him something, and dismissed him. She then looked back to Luna, “I'm sorry, I've just been so busy lately, we have preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration and all.”
“Of course.” Luna said, slowly approaching Celestia. “But if you're so busy, why won't you let us help out? Surely if we had been spending our time doing something useful rather than wasting it searching for you, you would have the time to hear us out?”
Celestia's face flashed with worry for a brief moment. “Well, I had managed to take care of things quite nicely in your absence, I don't see why you can't use your time here for leisure and let me continue to run the kingdom, maybe make some friends, you know?”
Luna was a bit curious, it almost seemed that her sister wanted to work this hard. “Well...we think our time would be better spent helping you, then you could have time for leisure yourself. If we were organized I would think we could both have plenty of time for ourselves.” She paused, remembering the pony that had, in a sense, freed her. “And if you don't want the time for yourself...then I think your pupil Twilight Sparkle would be glad if you were able to spend more time with her.”
“Oh, there's no need to worry about me, little sister, I really do enjoy the work that I must do.” Celestia was still well composed, but her voice now had a worried edge to it. “Perhaps you could help just a little, fill out some forms, something like that.”
Luna looked displeased, she was becoming a bit more aggressive. “Well, we would really rather be more involved in the kingdom...we would also like to make some changes to the way things are run.” The mare was becoming more confident, and she continued on. “We have just as much power as you do, and we believe that we should have just as much say in things as you do.”
A small crowd of guards had gathered, just around the bend from one of the entrances to the hall. They were nervous, and some whispered to one another. Some had noticed that recently Luna was becoming contemptuous of her sister, who for some reason did not seem to trust her enough to allow her to take her old position back. They had heard of the Nightmare Moon incident, and worried that such a thing might happen again.
“Well.” Celestia said, having difficulty finding a response to give. “Look Luna, I really don't need your help, I can handle everything on my own, I've done it for a thousand years, and I can keep doing it for as long as need be, really.” She looked at Luna, her face had a faintly pleading look on it. “There's really no need to worry about me.”
Luna glared back. “We are not saying this for your sake, we do not see why we can't go back to managing the night, as we did before.” She stomped a hoof, no longer caring about appearances. “We don't see why you should find this so unreasonable, we believe we could manage both day and night ourselves, if we had to.”
Celestia's reserved look turned into a fierce glare. “Oh really, you think you could manage that, do you? I'll have you know it's much more difficult than you might think!” She took a deep breath, trying to remain composed. “For now, your magic has simply not recovered enough to do even your own part.”
“Perhaps my magic has not completely returned,” Luna reasoned, “However, that has nothing to do with the majority of the responsibilities you-we, have.”
“But I don't feel you have enough experience yet, and I'm also worried that the dark magic that controlled you before still remains within you. Why can you not wait?” Celestia asked.
“That terrible magic is gone!” Luna shouted, “I have waited long enough, and I will not wait much longer!”
Celestia looked frustrated, “We shall speak more later, younger sister, for now there is much to do. Perhaps I shall see that you have learned from your past mistakes. Until then, however, things will continue as they have been.”
“Very well.” Luna said curtly, turning and leaving the hall. The guards who had been observing the argument sighed, relieved that a conflict hadn't yet occurred. They were still uneasy, knowing that eventually Luna would not be so submissive, but it seemed the tensions hadn't risen as much as they had thought. None of them noticed that Luna had not gone in the direction of her room.
Luna left the hall through the back exit that was mainly used to reach the living quarters; however, that wasn't where she was headed. She circled around and casually walked towards and edge of the castle, looking over the edge as though she were simply enjoying the view. She looked about, quickly seeing if anyone was watching, and dove off the edge. After dropping to a low enough point that she wouldn't be too obvious, she unfurled her wings and flew off.
Back in the hall, Celestia looked hesitant. She knew that her sister was becoming fed up with her situation, and she should have been more trusting, but she still felt betrayed; having been forced to seal her away and do everything alone for a thousand years. She was hesitant to let Luna aid her again, and risk her becoming corrupted yet again. Not only that, but she actually somewhat preferred to do everything on her own. She called her guards back and continued her preparation work. She would have plenty of time to think everything over during the next couple of days.
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Hmmm... good. There are no grammar mistakes, but I think Luna and Celestia were too quick to anger. Maybe Luna can be easily angered, but it doesn't fit Celestia. 3/5
57017
It actually could fit Celestia easily. Celestia has the stress built up of ruling an entire country, and taking it out on a family member is not such an uncommon thing. You really should have thought that through.
I'm liking this, just remember, they're alicorns, not unicorns. Good luck!
57018
That's correct. But we are talking about a millenia-old, all-powerful goddess. Getting angry? Ok, I can understand. Lashing out that way against your only sister, who is also the only other alicorn in existence, who you haven't seen for a thousand years? I don't think it's that reasonable.
Thanks for the feedback!
>>Azkhare
I can see where you're coming from, when I was originally writing this it felt sort of like I was just trying to shoehorn a conflict in, but I ignored it at first and then when I went back for editing I forgot about that and didn't notice it again, and the people pre-reading aren't big enough bronies to have noticed. Oopsies, in any case I believe that later on, that aspect gets more reasonable.
In a way I agree with both Azkhare and LunaUseCaps. Yes Celestia should not be quick to anger but a 1000 years of rule is bound to make anypony stressed. When she does get angry, if you are her enemy then run for the hills, if you are her friend then thank Epona that you are. Perhaps there is something more going on that would cause Celestia to lash out at Luna.
In the Name of Her Serene Majesty,
Celestia's Paladin: For Honor and Duty, For the Sun and Moon
57063
That's the feeling it got from this. It's good, as I said. But the argument could be better. Oh, and tracking. I want to see how this turns out.
Great story. Let's see... what else can I say... I belve Celestia was a tad bit quick to anger, but so would everyponyif yo had to control a whole kingdom for an eon with no help.
All in all, it's a trackable story, and so, I will track it.
“And then you locked us away for a thousand years instead of simply trying to make us see reason? Despicable!”
I'm pretty sure Celestia tried that. It's not easy to get someone who's lost it as Luna had to listen to reason.
And lost it she had. Badly.
The story has been a little partisan up to this point; So let's see in which direction it will continue.
I like where this is going. I do agree that Celestia is the incredibly patient type, but her being quick to judgement is not out of the question, especially concerning a certain fellow alicorn, so it don't matter to me. It's a nice setup, and it's always fascinating to see the 'current' Luna, but how the next chapter is will determine if it's nicely balanced with the emotions or if it becomes an overbearing pile of melodrama.
Does this fic take part before Luna's episode? If yes there's great potential for a scene where a worried Celestia rushing to Ponyville to see what damage her sister caused just to see Lunas new fanclub.
57118
At the time I wrote this I was thinking that Celestia had tried that, probably very much so, but Luna still blames her to a considerable extent, for not purifying her as the mane 6 did when she first went evil (Even though she probably couldn't).
57126
It won't be melodramatic, I can promise you that. It might not be dramatic enough though.
oh thank god. I misread the title as "Molestia's Thrust"
The others were right when they say the argument moves too quickly
overall a nice start
Not a bad start, though the argument between them ended a bit too abruptly. Stress or not, Celestia should know better than to lash out like that, one would think a thousand years is more than enough to make her carefully consider each and every word, if this is how it had happened the last time around as well. I kept thinking near the end that she was just trying to quickly sweep it under the rug.
Grammar's okay and it's mostly free of errors, but here's one rather important thing. I'm not sure why you insist on keeping the 'Royal We', especially if you consider that she specifically said in Luna Eclipsed that it's for addressing their subjects. That aside, if she DOES keep the Royal We, that it just doesn't fit well if she's not using her archaic expressions as well. Also, I've noticed at least one instance where she actually forgot about the Royal We and refered to herself as 'I'. I think you should give this a think-through and either put back her archaic structures as well, or have her gradually phase it from her speech.
That's much rather just nit-picking though, it was decent and I wonder where you'll take this.
Celestia really stepped in it now.
57049
Yeah for normal ponies, but to each other they're still just sisters.
"She felt hesitant to let Luna aid her again, and risk her becoming corrupted yet again. Not only that, but she actually somewhat preferred to do everything on her own."
In other words, she has tasted the power of controlling both the day and night... and does not want to give it up.
So she shuts Luna out of everything, denying her any power or anything resembling power.
But it's not Luna who is corrupted now, It's Celestia... because now Celestia has all power and you know how the saying about that goes and what it could mean here.
Sooo... poor little Luna is not going to be given any power... and how long until Celestia starts having a flaming appearance and calling herself Daymare Sun and causing that trouble?
57238
If Celestia couldn't purify her the first time, then 1) she CHOSE not to, to gain all power for herself, because in fanfiction there is always the possibility of ulterior motives, or 2) Celestia was not pure enough, or not worthy, or maybe not the one chosen to wield elements, or simply picked the fastest and first solution that came to her mind, so, too hasty.
58037
There may or may not be ulterior motives behind not giving Luna back her rightful position, but then it could be, as said, Celestia is not trusting her enough. And I don't think even if Celestia became corrupted, which itself is unlikely, that she would call herself Daymare Sun. I love thinking up opposites of everything, but that sounds wrong. So maybe as I've heard, Corona Blaze might be a more appropriate title. The risk of Luna becoming corrupted again, from Celestia's point of view, is understandable. But why not more trust in family, I say! Don't leave Luna hanging, Sun Princess!
Woah, this is getting noticed so much I can hardly believe it
I hope I don't disappoint people with future chapters...
57355
Definitely a good thing to point out, my intention was that Luna would still speak in a fairly archaic way, but there are two problems with that being the case. The first problem would be that I don't know enough of that sort of vocabulary to make it actually work; the second would be that I went and forgot the actual reason for the royal we in the first place
Since this is supposed to take place a year or two after Luna was originally freed, I suppose it's pretty fair to imagine she's mostly gotten caught up with modern speech, so I'll edit this and keep a closer eye on the way she speaks in the future.
While everypony has valid points about the anger reaction thing, I think just a few 'exposition' paragraphs could fix it. Just a few explaining how the tensions have been steadily increasing between the two. Mabe at the bit with the guards? Just a suggestion...oh and when you have such an engaging premise, I hopped that I would see more than just the argument...just saying...now where was I ? Oh yes!
MOOOOOOAAAAARRRREEEE!!!!!!
Whelp, since the conflict certainly was a bit forced, major changes have been made, I feel that it makes more sense now on its own, plus it fits in more with the rest of the story.
Thinking about it, when I wrote the first chapter I actually had plans for this to escalate into a full blown war, but then I realized my writing skills are not
good enough for something so serious. So this doesn't actually need to end with Luna being too pissed off at Celestia! Hopefully everypony agrees the changes are for the better, if a bit late.
At first i was like
but then i
lol'd
Good story.
This is a good start to a story! I appreciate the inter-sibling rivalry and the not-yet-trust that Celestia has for Luna.
They both seem well-rounded, and neither side at this point appears to be purely 'good' or 'bad'. My favorite kind of story!