Chapter 4
I set Twilight’s mug on the counter before bending down to open one of the cabinets beside the stove. It took me but a moment to find the item of interest – a foldable pancake and waffle maker, which I carefully pulled out and set on the stove. I unfolded it horizontally across the stovetop, making sure the removable metal trays were both flipped to the ‘pancake making’ side. Though I did plug it in, I opted to wait to turn it on, seeing as I still had to mix the batter, fix Twilight’s cup o’ Jimmie, and other such things.
Thinking about my guest first, I opened up the cabinet above the sink and grabbed a couple more bags of hot chocolate mix, as well as an open box of pancake mix. Although…
“Hey Twilight,” I asked loud enough for her to hear. “What kinda’ pancakes you gonna want?”
“…Regular is fine,” she replied after a second or two of silence. I shrugged contently.
“Okie doke, just makin’ sure,” I said, closing the cabinets and setting the box of mix and the chocolate packs on the counter. I ripped open the two packs, pouring them into the mug before adding hot water and stirring them thoroughly. However, as I went to set the pot of hot water back in the sink, a sudden, shrill screech caused me to drop it.
“GAH- What?! What the h-” I was cut short as Twilight shuffled past me as fast as she could inn reverse before slamming into the back door. Even then, her legs were still desperately trying to push her back, as though they were trying to force her through the very fibers of the door.
“S- s- s- s-” she sputtered frightfully, her wide eyes and pinprick pupils focused on the living room.
“S- s- s- something the matter?” I mimicked, trying to calm her down more than make fun.
“S- s- SNAAAAAAKE!!”
“Oh, nice going Brain. Just go ahead and scare the skin off our guest,” Logic shouted irritably.
“Oh, oh! I’m thinking of a funny,” Impulse said giddily. Logic looked to him with a bemused look.
“Might as well hear what you got.” Impulse leaned over and whispered something in his ear. “…That’s actually kinda funny,” Logic said with a chuckle. “Sure, let’s do it. But we’re backing out at the first sign of trouble.”
“But of course.”
“Ok, ok, calm down. I’ll go see what you’re talking about.” Twilight’s eyes shifted up to me for a split second before returning to their previous focus.
I turned and casually headed back into the living room, rolling my eyes at the sight I was confronted with. There, draped across my arm chair, hung my 7-foot, brown and pale-grey corn snake. From the looks of it, I guessed that he had somehow gotten up to the top of the chair and slithered down over Twilights shoulder. He always liked to startle me like that as well. As I approached the large snake, currently beginning to curl up in the seat of the chair, I couldn’t help but cross my arms and shake my head.
“What am I going to do with you?” He stopped moving and looked up to me, flicking his tongue out a couple of times.
“No, I don’t want excuses. You know better than to sneak up and scare visitors like that.” His stare was unrelenting.
“Yes, I know I hardly ever have any guests anyways, but still-” Our eyes met.
“…Dangit, how can I stay mad at you with a face like that?” I bent over and picked him up gingerly, draping him across my shoulders. “You cheeky little rapscallion, you’re just so adowabul! But you gotta’ stop breaking out of your terrarium, ya’ dig? One of these days you’re gonna’ hurt yourself.” I turned to look back at the kitchen.
“…C’mon, I got a plan,” I whispered as I wrapped him around my neck once. Holding the loose loop around my neck with one hand, and the other holding him near his head, I turned and began walking in the most generically ‘scared’ way I could manage.
“Oh no,” I said blandly, “It has me. Aaaaaaah.” I was really beginning to laugh internally until I heard a high pitched yelp, followed by a splash of searing hot chocolate in my face. I scrunched my face up instinctively to try and be a man by toughing out the pain.
“…Ow.” I let go of Brain’s loop around my neck and tried to wipe the liquid from my face. “A bit excessive, don’t you think,” I asked Twilight irritably. When I managed to clear my eyes I saw she was still pushed up against the door, breathing heavily as she stared at me.
“Relax. Brain aint gonna hurt you, are ya’?” I turned his head to me and grinned happily. He simply stared back at me, tickling my nose with a flick of his tongue. “Nawww, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.”
“I- …Ph-phobia-” Twilight stammered.
“Eh? A phobia? …of snakes?” Twilight shook her head vigorously.
“Oh great plan there, ya freakin’ dumbbell.” Logic stated as he slapped the back of Impulse’s head.
“Well you thought it’d be funny too!” Impulse replied defensively. Logic simply stared at him for a second before slapping him across the back of his head again.
“Oh… well dang. Sorry, I had no idea.” I said, my smile falling. “I’ll just put him back in his terrarium.” I walked over and unwrapped Brain from around my neck before gently lowering him into the terrarium and placing the lid back on.
“There, safe and sound. Happy now?” I looked around the corner to see Twilight shaking her head vigorously. “Ok,” I said, rolling my eyes slightly. I stepped into the guest bedroom and grabbed a roll of duct tape off the shelf to the left of the door. As I began to step out of the room, I couldn’t help but look at the long metal box at the foot of the bed, considering its contents. Logic muttered the lock’s combination to himself.
“No,” I thought, “…I shouldn’t jump to such conclusions.” I turned back to the hallway and closed the door behind me. With a loud ‘VWOP’, I pulled out and ripped off a couple of pieces, which I used to tape the lid to the terrarium.
“Ok, the lid is literally taped on. Now are you happy?” I saw that Twilight was still pressing herself against the door.
“You know…” Logic said, a bemused expression creeping onto his face, “I don’t really see this thing as some evil thing that’s ‘playing nice’.”
“Well, maybe… but how can we be sure?” Impulse replied skeptically.
“We can’t. But even so, if she really is evil, I think we could take her.”
“Say whaaaaaaaa-?”
“Look, she’s obviously afraid of snakes, she herself said her magical capabilities were at a minimum, and we’re not exactly some five-foot weakling that can’t defend himself. I’m pretty sure we at least stand a remote chance if things turn pear-shaped.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Impulse said quietly, considering what Logic had gone over.
“And,” Logic continued, “I think we need to tell her about how we hit her.”
“Wait, what?! Nonono-”
“Yes! Look man, it’s gonna get out sooner or later, and the longer we put it off the bigger hole we’re digging for ourselves. We have to tell her,” Logic continued. Impulse opened his mouth to speak, but closed it and looked away in thought.
“…Okay. Just don’t screw it up though.”
“Do I ever?” Logic concluded sternly.
“Yes,” Impulse said dryly. “[]More often than you’d like to admit.”
Logic simply smirked and rolled his eyes. Although that issue was settled for now, I still had the situation of Twilight’s phobia to deal with. Unable to think of anything, I walked over to where she was and looked down at her.
“Come on,” I said plainly, “You have nothing to fear.” She didn’t even look up to me as I sighed irritably.
“Ok, guess I’ll have to show you.” I reached down and wrapped my right arm under her midsection, which felt brain-numbingly soft, and lifted her up. Immediately she began pushing at me with her hooves, trying to get me to set her down.
“N- no! Let me down!” she cried out frantically.
“Not until you get over this snake thing, and since you’re obviously not going to on your own accord, it seems I’ll have to convince you that Brain is harmless.” I turned, Twilight under arm, and looked into the terrarium. Brain looked up to us from where he lay curled up in the corner.
Twilight stopped squirming and stared at it, her mouth slightly agape. I could feel her breathing increase as she began shaking and sweating as the silent stare-off continued. After what I’m sure felt like an eternity for Twilight, Brain flicked his tongue. And, like the straw that broke the camel’s back, the harmless action caused Twilight to lose it. She let out an ear-tearing scream, causing me to wince and desperately cover my ear with my left hand.
I suddenly began to notice a purple glow rapidly intensifying from Twilight’s horn. Before I could even begin to think about what it was, a bright light flashed in my eyes, similar to how a camera would, and Twilight vanished. At the exact moment I noticed a similar flash coming from the bathroom, and I hurriedly stepped to investigate.
There, curled up in the bathtub, lay Twilight. Her eyes were wide open and her fur was matted from the intense sweating, but the thing I found most troubling was that I saw a crimson spot growing on the bandage wrapped around her head. I knelt down beside the tub and reached toward Twilight’s bandages. To my dismay, she didn’t seem to comprehend my actions, and continued to stare off into space.
I placed a finger on the bandage’s red splotch, noting that it was soaked with exactly what I was afraid it would be. I didn’t know what Twilight had done, aside from the apparent teleportation, but whatever she did was making her wound worse.
“Oh, fantastic job. You broke her!” Logic said snidely.
“It…it’s not my fault!” Impulse pled desperately.
“What were you even trying to do by forcing her to stare at Brain like that, hmm?”
“I was trying to show her that he was harmless, a- and I was going to explain why she shouldn’t be afraid…”
“Well I’d say you were a wee-bit late on that last part; and while explaining is a good idea, might I suggest doing it somewhere where she doesn’t have to stare down her mortal fear?” Logic replied, a touch of sarcasm in his voice.
“Good point.” Impulse replied as I looked back down to Twilight, who was now lying uncomfortably still. “Umm… is she breathing?”
I placed my pointer and index fingers on her neck to check for a pulse. Needless to say, it was a great relief to feel that it was still there. Presuming she had passed out, I pulled her eyelids shut gingerly and stood up. Of course, I couldn’t just leave her bandages in such a poor state; they were likely to get infected if they were kept that way. Getting the medical supplies from the shelves above the toilet, I repeated the process that I had done the night before, however this time Twilight didn’t wake up to help.
After a good ten minutes of doctoring the poor pony, I gently lifted her up and carried her into the living room. I set her on the small sofa in the corner opposite of the entrance since I was afraid that she might get bloodstains on my arm chair. I stood there and looked at her chest rise and fall harmoniously for a moment, and I couldn’t help but feel the relatively chipper mood I had been in earlier get replaced by a concerned knot that was growing in my chest and stomach.
“Oh yeah Edward, great job,” Logic berated, “What a fine way to introduce this magical creature into our world. ‘Let’s hit it with a car, and then nearly kill it again by showing it our pet snake!’ Yeah, a really fine job you’ve done so far, you freakin’ dunce.”
I continued to stand there, rubbing my forehead in concern and trying to think about what I should do, all while listening to Logic’s scorns. After a good five or six minutes of thought, and even a bit of pacing back and forth, I could only think of one thing I could do that might help the situation at this point. I could go make my pancakes, that way they’d be ready for her when she woke up.
Smiling nervously at what I thought could be my only hope of making up all the stuff that’d happened thus far, I went into the kitchen and began pouring the pancake batter ingredients into a big white bowl and mixing them together. After plugging up the foldable griddle and letting it preheat for a bit, I slapped a slab of butter on each side and poured the first two pancakes. The sizzle of the butter and the aroma of cooking batter tingled my senses, helping clear my mind so that I could begin working on a good apology.
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wow what a douche
Poor Twilight.
Not even twenty-four hours on earth and he broke her already two times.
Bad Edward!
Hm. I gotta say, I didn't like this chapter as much as the others, but it's still got some of the charm to it.
Though, I gotta question this guys choice of his snakes name; I mean, Brain? Who would name a snake after the pink thing the resides in your head? XP ...Unless you meant "Bryan", of course.
But yeah, this chapter was okay, but definitely pales in comparison to the other chapters; in that I think you're focusing a bit too much on Logic and Impulse, although the two are still rather funny.
All in all, keep up the good work, but I'd like you to try to focus a bit less on Logic and Impulse, and more on the interactions between Twilight and Edward.
"How to Break Your Pony"
Yeah, guy? Phobias aren't rational things. Leave it to a therapist to train them against their fear, don't expect someone to react well to being dragged into the same room as their dreaded, perceived tormentor. Key word being DRAGGED. People facing phobias need to know they're in command of the situation, that they can back away at any moment if they decide to, and nobody is forcing them to stay or press forward.
3661417
PIERCE HER WITH A LONG BROWN FLESHY MASS!!
eyegh,awdowable sneike
Careful while talking to your pet. Twilight might start to believe you have the same ability as Fluttershy.
3661481 Umm. A Dead Space Slasher claw?
Missing [ i] tags, huh?
Another enjoyable chapter. It feels like there's not much happening, but it has something that makes the quite slow pace not only appreciable, but also somewhat friendly and comfortable.
Here, have my up- aaaah I already gave you. Well, mustache
Umm, is this human crazy or something? No one should have two coherent and distinct voices with differing opinions inside their head at once, except for schizophrenic people like my uncle, who is now in jail for sending anthrax to the government. Trust me, I know crazy when I see it.
3661579 Sooo... that makes me schizophrenic? It's actually when you see things that aren't there. Logic and Impulse are really two different ideals in the mind that argue incessantly all the time. Just because the author is having them do so in the fic doesn't necessarily mean that Edward is insane, or schizophrenic, for that matter.
3661412 Got to agree. Something about this chapter just felt off.
3661579
He's just trying to be funny by making his impulse and logic argue in a comedic way. And I'll be honest, I have arguments with my self all the time, but not because I'm crazy or anything, I just have MPD.
3661579 Ever see those movies, where the angel and the devil pop up on a character's shoulders? Good example would be Emperor's New Groove. That's what he's getting at. Logic being the angel, Impulse being the devil. Similar to when you think about doing something and think about the pros and cons.
3661579
Ha ha... Thinks he knows crazy... I have 6 distinct voices in my head that never quiet down, and yet I can still function in society. Everyone has voices in their heads, it is just the 'crazy' ones that act on what they tell them.
3661523 Or the spines of a lurker
3661938 Maybe even a Drag Tentacle! A Hunter, though.... That would be frightening.
Really good
3661579
They're not distinct voices in his head, they're metaphors for the mental back-and-forth.
3661436 Especially when the fear is arachnophobia, and there's stuff like this that exists:
bbc.co.uk/portuguese/especial/images/2135_amazonia/3213457_anim1.jpg
My reaction to Twilight being forced like she was:
Not cool Impulse.....Not. Cool.
Anywho, good chapter and a good story so far. Looking forward to the next one. Hopefully Twilight won't react too badly to Edward's confession.
3662293 WAT THE F
!!! KINDA SPIDER IS THAT!?!
3662293
This was a good chapter even if the voices going back and fourth got kind of annoying. I really liked how you abused Twilight's phobia here and seem to be planning on beating her up in every way you can through a combination of ignorance, poor decision making, and plain old bad luck.
3662293 That's cool. What kind of spider is it?
Internal monologue is making the story hard to read. I just skip those without reading them at all.
Otherwise, enjoyable story, keep it up!
I'm not really into anthropomorphized thoughts in the first place, and (I'm sorry for saying this) this chapter takes it too far for me. I mean, I realize it's supposed to be a metaphor, but while reading this it almost feels as if the author has added two annoying physical/living characters to the story.
In my opinion, of course.
You know I half-expected Twilight to use a spell upon the snake
3663812 I half expected Twilight to use a spell on him.
Another nice chapter.
3661680
No, it's the voices.
Aaand Faves just updated, with... umm... several new chapters ranging from November?
Fim, plz review update sys...
Ooooh, things getting interesting/funny, dis gun be gud.
3661412
This is just a guess but ...
"What are we going to do today Brain?"
"The same thing we do every day Pinkie. Try to take over the world!"
get it? he is Pinkie and the snake is The Brain!
3661947 Hunters are too terrifying. Leapers, though
Another great chapter.
"SNAKES?!?"
"HA!"
3664823 That... That is...
ABSOLUTE GENIUS!
You, sir/madame, shall be rewarded 4 mustaches for your efforts; may you live a mustache-ful life.
Peach pancake, of course.
(WTF is wrong with narrator. Overpowering an injured and defenceless pony and forcing her to confront something she has a phobia against... that takes some psychopath-level cruelty.)
Good chapter!
3666322
and bats ... and skunks ...
maby birds nests too?
3664837 Oh, gawd, I hate them! Almost as much as the Guardians. Blech!
3664480 Hmm... I though that it was the other way around. Ah! I see now, the seeing things are actually hallucinations. Oh well, I hear the voices and they won't stop arguing over whether or not cake is better than pie, when everyone knows that the cake is a lie!!
3661511
Twilight is slowly registering that not only does this guy have a pet snake, but he can talk to it in a language that other people could know, and that he leads her into its lair where he could potentially feed her to it.
He's not Fluttershy-level with animal communications, he's a Parselmouth.
It's been a while since I read this story, but with the quality of the updates, I'm glad I found it again.
I was cut short as Twilight shuffled past me as fast as she could inn reverse before slamming into the back door.
“[]More often than you’d like to admit.”
Just a few errors. I like to help when I can. (errors in red)
~Unseen
3668104 Leapers are quite the pests.
3670990 That they are. Nearly as bad as Swarms, Components, and Pregnants. *tries to shoot head, hits belly instead* "NOOO!!" *gets killed by little gross blob-things*
3668114 The cake is a lie
, so obviously pie. 
not sure where that came from, a friend of mine told me it a long time ago, but seeing your comment remind it me of it
XD Dang i just read the rest of your comment, ignore this comment, ignore!
3673183 *ignores the comment you just posted in favor of blasting Princess Luna in Halo: Reach*
Me: HAHA!!! How do like my SRS, beeyetch! Wait... what are you doing?! NOOOO-!(boom)
Luna: Huzzah! We hath found this most wondrous missile launcher!
3673183 Cake is a lie came from the first Portal game.
3674852 huh good to know thanks
3662293 KILL IT WITH FIRE! THEN DESTROY WHATEVER REMAINS!