Chapter 4: A Glug of Laudanum
Alas, I regained consciousness.
“More laudanum please,” I wheezed. Wheezing hurt. Most things did. Little tweety birds tweeted somewhere outside my room’s window, and I would have wished they’d tweet off and die if wishing hadn’t hurt as well.
“You’ve had enough to kill a regiment,” said Carrot Top firmly. She’d seated herself at the foot of my bed, keeping an eye on me. The whole room itself was somewhere high up in the Crystal Palace, all pale colours and soft furnishings and cabinets full of supplies to help mewling convalescents like myself. “Surely you’re numb by now.”
“Not totally.” I slumped and groggily wished ill on the world and all things within it. Even my brain hurt, which I’d thought medical science had told us was impossible. “There’s such a thing as being too good at your job, you know.”
“I’m sorry.” Her voice was curiously soft. “I just … I didn’t know any other way to get him out of you. And if I’d run away to get help, I didn’t know how much of you would have been left to save by the time I returned. I made a choice. And I’ll see you kept supplied with laudanum. In moderation, of course. It’s the least I can do. And if it’s any consolation, my hooves are a bit bruised as well.”
“Well, when you put it like that.” The pillows under me seemed to have been made from down and woven-together dreams, but I couldn’t help but wish they were softer. “I … ach, thank you for getting me out of that. For finding me and freeing me and … er, dislodging unwelcome guests afterwards.”
“Just doing my job.” She regarded me, and then gave me a critical frown. “How much of you is there? List some things you’d like at this moment.”
“A pretty mare to coo over me, a stiff drink filling a bucket, and to sleep for a thousand years.”
“One of three isn’t bad. Count your blessings.” She reached over to tuck me in a little, would you believe. “You’ve had visitors besides me. Do you remember them?”
I didn’t. “I don’t.”
“When ponies discovered the scene, there was rather a lot of excitement,” she said dryly. “A bonafide hero of Equestria, bruised and unconscious amidst a heap of foes down in the darkest cellars, next to some grim altar from Sombra’s day, and a terrified maid who’d beheld the whole thing and was the only witness. If you’re going to insist on seeing me being kidnapped, losing no time in springing to my rescue, and valiantly spending all your strength to save me from whatever dark ritual they had planned, of course you’re going to attract some attention.”
I opened and closed my mouth a few times. “Ah,” I said. I brightened. That was another story to pin on my already shining reputation, and no mistake. The crystal ponies would likely approve. Any dignitaries who’d attended the summit, which I trusted I’d been unconscious for the entirety of, would hear the story and spread it. The name Flash Sentry would be good for a good few drinks and dalliances yet. “You’re … just letting me take the credit for setting about them all?”
“I’m a special agent, Flash,” Carrot Top replied, arching one brow. “What would I do with a limelight if one shone on me? No, you were on hoof, and you made for a good alibi. Ponies who need to know the truth know the truth, and are acting accordingly. The cultists are being questioned, or will be once they recover, and my fellow agents are rooting out anything else that may so much as vaguely look like a Sombric artefact. With any luck we’ll get them all. With any luck.“ She paused briefly. “Besides ... I felt I owed you a thank-you gift as well.”
“A thank-you gift?”
“Did my eyes deceive me, or did you gallantly jump in front of a spell meant for me?”
I paused. That didn’t sound like me, but the dim memory floated back, and I boggled at it momentarily. “I … I had selfish reasons. I must have done.”
“Must you?”
“Yes!”
She looked unconvinced. Confound the mare, not taking me at my word. It’d make you suspect she knew me. Surely she was mistaken in this case, though. Surely.
“I should leave,” she said, rising. “I’ll let the doctor know how much laudanum you’ve had, so don’t go begging for more than you ought to. And I’ll let ponies know that you’re something approaching compos-mentis. You’ll get more visitors. Some repeat visitors as well, I shouldn’t wonder.”
There was something in the way she said it, something that begged clarification. “What do you mean.”
Her expression looked playful, though there was an appraising element to it as well. “The Princesses have checked in on you. The newest one, Twilight Sparkle, she seemed especially concerned for your well-being. Any stories to share there?”
I was flummoxed, up until the wheels of memory started painfully turning. She’d concussed herself off me, I’d smiled disarmingly. Well, maybe that all made it make sense. I’d be susceptible to my smile too if I’d had a recent knock to the head, and I told Carrot Top as such.
She just smiled a faint and subtle smile, and showed exactly none of the cards close to her chest. Confound the mare. But I couldn’t let that be the parting thought as she made to leave.
“Carrot Top?” I said, and she stopped. “Again, thank you for getting me out of that.” I paused. “And giving me the credit.”
“Any time.”
“Please, no more times.” I sighed and settled back in my pillows as she smirked knowingly and left. “I just want a debauched and peaceful life. Is that so much to ask?”
And as said life happened, let me tell you, one out of two isn’t bad.
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Wonderful to see the rest of this. Your Sombra oozes condescension in the best way. It's always a joy to see a villain who exults in his role and can back it up.
Usually.
It's not his fault; he just got this body and the mind keeps humming drinking songs in his third ear!
In any case, a fantastic read, especially Carrot applying the traditional earth pony exorcism. Thank you for a most worthy entry in the Flash Sentry Papers.
A great ending, here.
It really isn't.
Well, you have 1 of the 3.
Ah. That'd about do it.
Must you?
Yes.
9405329
Glad you like it, Fan! Writing Carrot dispensing an old-fashioned exorcism was more fun than it really ought to be, as was writing a properly smug, malevolent, give-no-damns Sombra. Unambiguous and cheerful villains like him are a joy to scribe for.
9405387
Thank you! Glad you liked Carrot's approach to banishing evil spirits as well. It's a blunt approach, but it certainly convinces a spirit to vacate the premises.
9405393
Seeing what bits of the text stuck out for a reader is always good fun. Much obliged.
Jeremy Irons is a good casting choice for Sombra. I approve.
And a nice conclusion. :)
9405756
Thank you!
I just want to say that Flash jumping in front of Carrot Top was delightfully, paradoxically Flash. With everything that entails.
9405809
Glad you approve! That note of ambiguous heroism blended well with self-depreciation's what makes Flash great fun to write for in that sort of pivotal moment - he'll pull through, but how'll he ever justify such appalling heroism to himself?
The possession was good fun to write as well. Went for a different angle on it than other stuff I've read or written. Softens the edge of it when the first-person narrator undergoing it doesn't give a damn, but still leaves it eminently awful when thought about.
9405902
Oh jings. Equestria might not have survived that merging of minds.
Well, this is a fitting (and properly chaotic) end to the story. And, of course, it even ends with Flash convalescing under Carrot Top's watchful eye.
(Which I may probably overuse in terms of endings, but Flash just keeps on getting himself knocked senseless).
Well done!
9405758
You're welcome; thanks for writing!
9405959
Glad you approve! Having it pass muster with Flash's progenitor (and being deemed to have proper levels of chaos, no less) is high praise indeed.
Hey, if it works...
I wonder what Flash and Carrots kids look like
9406943
The father's dashing good looks mixed with the mother's compact lethality? Be scared. Be very, very scared.
There's no part of Flash's body that he's not willing to sacrifice for the greater good. Well, not so much 'sacrifice' as 'inadvertently get beaten to a pulp', but they're pretty much the same thing, right?
9428304
When it counts, he puts himself right into the thick of it, body and soul, inasmuch as he's got a soul to speak of.
Ah, it's been too long since I last read a story of yours, Carabas!
This was a really great addition to the Flash Sentry Papers. Funny and clever as usual, and though custard he may be, it was nice to see Flash do the heroic thing. And of course, seeing Carrot Top with her demon-slaying martial prowess.
Nice story!
9439277
Glad you've read another thing of mine, and gladder you liked it! Getting to muck around in the Flash Sentry Papers playbox was great fun, especially writing those bits of it that involved Flash being a reluctant hero and Carrot Top using him as a thorough demonstration in percussive exorcism.
Me every time I wake up.
10523301
Thank you! Flash's voice lends itself nicely to comedy, and Tumbleweed set a high bar to live up to.
10523306
We all keep telling you that those bottles of millennia-old liquor shouldn't be used in a nightcap, but do you listen.
10523372
Hopefully, there's room for more spin-offs.
Maybe. Possibly.
Will we see another stories about Flash from You? Thanks a lot.
11246213
No plans for another Flash Sentry story from myself, I'm afraid - this was a one-off for a contest, Flash can be best trusted to Tumbelweed's capable hands.