• Member Since 25th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Oct 7th, 2016

PvtFlutters


Why hello there!

T

It's a fantastic day in Ponyville. The sky is blue, the clouds are few and far between, and everypony is having fun. Everyone except Rarity that is. She has bit off more than she can chew with an order. Regardless of falling horribly behind her dead line, she is determined to make these outfits "take Equestria by storm". To do this she will need material never seen by pony eyes. Materials that can't be found in Equestria. Materials that can only be found in the human world.

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 60 )

Interesting start, cant wait to see where you take this :yay:

975993 Thank you. This is my first fan-fic and I've received nothing but positive stuff about it! I will defiantly put a lot of hard work into this.

Dangit! Fricken cliffhanger! :twilightangry2:

980466 I try to end every chapter with a cliffhanger. It makes you want to read more! :pinkiehappy:

I wonder if it ends up with all of them going in without twilight.

ya it does, but still it makes me want to wait till the next chapter. Mehr! Mehr sag ich euch!

MOAR!!!! :flutterrage:
This story has much promise. Do not disappoint!

981167 Rarity wouldnt be able to, too tired from casting the spell.
But it would certainly be more interesting if AJ, Rainbow, and Pinkie ALL went in to look for Shy.
(though it depends on how good Flutters makes the human characters)

I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story! The next chapter (6) is the shortest but I hope you'll love it nevertheless. I will also try to get Chapter 7 completed and out ASAP. Anyway, I hope this little update thing was beneficial. Love you all.

I read all the chapters again, because I got bored of waiting for the update :derpyderp2:
I couldn't help noticing a few little hitches, just grammatical mistakes or things that don't quite make sense and whatnot. While not really detracting from the enjoyment of reading the story, they do make it seem less... professional.
As (probably) this story's biggest fan, I'd be happy to go through and nit-pick the story with each chapter update, so you can edit things if you want, depending on whether you'd find this helpful or annoying? :twilightsheepish:

986602 I have a proof reader who does a really good job. But I'm sure even he's not perfect. If you see mistakes, just point them out and I'll fix them. :ajsmug:

A piece of speech should always end with punctuation, before the closing speech marks.
For example:
"... Anything for you Rarity" Spike said with a smile.
There should be a , . or ! after Rarity.
(Being a massive Grammar Nazi, I notice these things :pinkiecrazy:)

Also, most of the other fanfics have AJ say "sugarcube" as one word. Though, spellcheck tells me that sugarcube isn't a word, so maybe I'm just being an idiot :derpytongue2: . Meh, I think it looks better as one word, but do what you like on that one :moustache:

I feel really awkward pointing this stuff out, seeing as your writing talent outweighs my own, but I hope this is helpful :pinkiesad2:

"I could do it" voice said.
Should that be:
"I could do it," a voice said.
?

make the chapters longer, please? :pinkiesad2:

987112 Really, My proof reader actually suggested I do that, but I didn't know if it was right so I decided against it. Looking at your comment and glaceing through my copy of the hunger games I know that your're right. Thanks, I'll try to remember to do that In chapter 7.

Glad I could help :pinkiehappy:
Personally, I like the James Patterson-esque short chapters, and the fast rate at which you update this story makes up for their size.
I eagerly await chapter 7 :pinkiecrazy:

987199 I'm working on Chapter 7 but am running into a little troubles. That and I'm try to make it to at least 1000 words. That's my goal anyway. Please don't be mad if this one takes a little longer than normal :fluttercry:

I'd rather wait a while than have you rush it :trollestia:
Updates tend to come at weird times for me anyway, because of the US-UK time gap.

987328 I see. Like I said my goal is 1000 words for this chapter but as of right now i'm about half of that. :twilightblush:

987150 Chapter 7 clocks in at 1229 words. I hope you enjoy! :twilightsmile:

987519 I've finished Chapter 7, now I just need to have my proof reader check it over and it'll be up for your view pleasure! :pinkiehappy: It took me much longer then my other chapters but I think you'll find it's worth the wait. It's total word count is 1229 words.

I must say, as the "original" proofer, "previous" number one fan, and president of the PvtFlutters fan club, this comment section has been as much of a learning experience as it has a slap in the face. :fluttershbad:

Seems like fluttershy is getting less shy.

991165 I'm sorry! I'm honestly not trying to replace you, I'm just trying to be helpful :fluttercry:
(I did say "probably." I'm cool with being No.2 fan, i just really love this story :rainbowlaugh:. I didnt want to see it tainted with grammatical errors.)

Another brilliant installment! :trollestia:
Cant wait for next one :ajsmug:

This may piss off your proofer, but i can't hold my tongue,
"Why did... How..." he began.
Fluttershy is a she :twilightblush:
"Survival, I've been on this mission for a two weeks...."
and 'a two weeks' doesn't make sense
:scootangel::scootangel::scootangel:
Well done on sorting out the speech mark thing though :pinkiehappy:

992847 Our system is based upon the "notes" feature of DeviantArt. The original, un-proofed version actually did say "she" in that spot (I still have the note saved), but when I send the corrected version back, it deleted the "s" for some reason. (the other mistake, well, you got me there.) This chapter was not the first one in which this glitch happened; in almost every other one, when I sent the corrections, some random word got deleted that was there in the original version.

Therefore, please DO point these things out, because what I don't miss was probably a dA glitch.

995799 Fair enough.
My OCD is at the ready :pinkiecrazy:

UPDATE: Chapter 8 is currently in the making. I'm aiming for it to be done tomorrow. I hope you guys can wait that long :ajsmug:.

UPDATE (#2): A friend will be staying at my house for a few days. I don't think I'll be working on The Tale of Two Pegasi while he is here. I hope all of you understand and I hope Chapter 8 can hold you over till Friday. Thank you all for being so awesome and supportive! You rock!images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120114224245/mlp/images/thumb/0/0d/Pinkie_Pie_S2_E13_About_to_cry2.png/778px-Pinkie_Pie_S2_E13_About_to_cry2.png

When I saw this chapter I was like YAY! When it ended I was like NOOOO! More! More I tell you! More! :flutterrage:

Really on the edge of my seat now! :pinkiegasp:
Good job on the tension- building.

Only found the one mistake in this:
Applejack smiled to the white unicorn. Applejack smiled to the white unicorn, and Rainbow followed suit.
You wrote "Applejack smiled to the white unicorn" twice.

1003566 That was 100% my fault. I was applying these changes at 4:00 in the morning.

1004811 So I was right, I'm about 6 hours ahead of you. I thought it was odd that it came up at 11am (my local time).
I shouldn't be surprised, you wouldn't be the first author to do their writing at night :rainbowlaugh:

UPDATE: I'm nearly finished with Chapter 9. As usual, I'll have it up late tonight. :pinkiehappy:

1029743 Late tonight?
That means I'll have to wait till tomorrow morning! :applecry:

I hope it's a good one :ajsmug:

1030867 LOOK! Now you are letting me distract you, :facehoof: get on with the story!
It's 11pm here, and I'm gonna be up early for your story, so Im'ma leave you now.

Excellent chapter :pinkiehappy:
It's too early in the morning for any sort of intelligent review- all I can say is;
Please sir, may I have some MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

Oh look, someone has marked it down.
*searching for CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM, or even ANY SORT OF CRITICISM AT ALL*
Aaaaaaaand I have found none.
AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGHH I HATE PEOPLE WHO JUST TELL YOU THAT WHAT YOU'VE DONE IS BAD BUT DON'T TELL YOU WHY!!!! :flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:

ok, moment of insanity over.
If I ever mark something down, I tell the author why, and how to improve it. If I can't tell them how to improve it, I don't mark it down. Why can't everyone be nice like me? :raritydespair:

I'm trying to write a story of my own, and i must say... I have new-found respect for you. It's sooo much harder than i remember from the last story I wrote, about two years ago.
This update was awesome, as per-usual.

I found one mistake:
Fluttershy was shivering. She was to afraid to move.
It should be "TOO afraid to move."

Looking forward to the next one :pinkiehappy:

Thanks, I made the correction. I should have the next one out... sometime. I slept in a bit late today :twilightblush:. But I'll have it done.

ERMUGURD!!!
This story is 'bout to get exciting. :rainbowdetermined2:

She would make it far; there were too many guards.
Do you mean, She wouldn't?

Rainbow ignored the questions and asked one of her own.
"The room at the end of the hall. You're going to help me get in there," Rainbow ordered.
^^^That isn't a question.

She opened the door and found a staircase. She opened the door and found a staircase,

Keep up the awesome work! :pinkiehappy:

Also, like the new picture

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