It's a microscopic one-shot! This was written for StarmanTheta's weekly writing prompt, this week's prompt being "never enough pie."
It's too tiny to be described without giving up the ending.
Chapters (1)
theworstwriter
Joined 13th Sep, 2011 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- zaptiftun · 4.7k words · 1,411 14 · 32k views
- naturalbornderpy · 4.3k words · 946 9 · 12k views
- PonyThunder · 4k words · 525 5 · 7.2k views
- AbsoluteAnonymous · 6k words · 844 12 · 15k views
- Kodeake · 8.6k words · 353 4 · 6.6k views
- Chengar Qordath · 27k words · 2,935 91 · 36k views
- Cloudy Skies · 10k words · 665 14 · 15k views
- AuroraDawn · 10k words · 872 21 · 20k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.091 seconds
Total duration
711 users online
1,115,637 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
At first I was like
But then
AND THEN
But in the end, it all turned out
56963
What he/she said.
56971
I'm a guy, mind you
Nice! A few little gramar errors I spotted in the first part, but I liked it. Nice work
The ending feels abrupt, unnaturally abrupt.
Also I frown upon the obvious Cupcakes reference... The story builds suspense by referencing another story, and a stupid story at that...
Kudos for writing to the weekly prompt. The problem with prompt-writing is sometimes it's good and sometimes it's very bad. This one falls in the middle.
The Cupcakes reference underdelivers. The build-up in the original promises that Pinkie is going to do things to Rainbow Dash, things either unspeakably horrible or wonderful. (And we know where that fic goes, sadly.) To put it bluntly: Cupcakes-spinoff => gore, clop, or GITFO.
Otherwise, it's decent. Decently in character, decent execution -- flaws in both, but not show-stoppers. I'm willing to write them up, but I I recommend trying again with the next prompt, rather than revising this one. You have to get lucky, and I think you're better off going with something else.
57117
The ending is pretty abrupt. The only thing I knew for sure I was going to do with this was go for the cloning machine to justify that last line, and as soon as I got there I had nothing left. 'Prompt successfully met, now what?'
As for referencing cupcakes, I disagree that it's fundamentally a bad idea. It's a known quantity that quite a lot of readers are aware of, so it's an easy way to build their expectations. However...
58679
This.
This particular story does fail to deliver an adequate cupcakes load. I ALSO disagree with the thought that a cupcakes payoff must be gore or clop. I think it's entirely possible to subvert it with humor. That said, I didn't do that very well here since the story just sort of... stopped.
All in all, this was a pretty dismal failure of a story. I wasn't going to upload it here, but I was urged to by some folks in a chat and figured it couldn't hurt. If nothing else, it was a learning experience about writing for a prompt.
58843 So is 2 girls 1 cup, but if I base a video on that it'll only be to attract cheap shock value. My expectations when I see Cupcakes spin offs: "This story will be even worse (quality wise) than Cupcakes. The effect you were looking for could have easily been acquired without the need of Cupcakes. We should all stop living in the past, and get on with the future. Cupcakes was good for a few cheap laughs and minor shock value, but it's time to do something original now and put that mediocre excuse of a story behind us all. The only ones moved by Cupcakes anymore are those without any kind of creative or complex thinking.
I put you as one of my followed writers as I saw a story of yours that showed a lot of promise and creativity, but now it seems like every story you produce disappoints me more and more. Not to say I could do much better, but my expectations are really shot down further and further it seems whenever you post your opinion about a review as well. You're too good and creative to be relying on pathetic shock value like Cupcakes. I've seen the ability to create an in depth concept that can really hook an intelligent reader and make them think and thirst for more. I know that you can go beyond just attracting the casual, not looking for anything award winning, not really an analyzer kind of reader. You have the ability and talent to progress, but you lack the motivation. You're very talented and I don't want to say that I have accepted that this is the writing you're destined to produce because I know you have the ability to do so much more. A writer must ask themselves: What's more important? Getting noticed, or making something truly worth being proud of? Twilight has sold millions of copies and is regarded as one of the most hated books in the world, and takes advantage of the lowest of intelligence audience for quick sales. How do YOU want to be remembered as writer? The one who always took the path of popularity? Or the one who tried something new and bold?
58930
I was going to put a REALLY long comment here, but I can't seem to get it to come out right, so I'll just do three short things.
1) I'm flattered that you think I have talent, but I don't. My work speaks for itself, and clearly illustrates this.
2) I am not grabbing for popularity, and it hurts me when people accuse me of this. My most successful story took no effort, and although it's likely I could easily replicate its success with more stories that borrow their plots from the standard sitcom format, I'm not doing that right now because that's not what I want to write. Equestria Daily rejected one of my works and gave two types of feedback. They pointed out execution changes that would make it more powerful, and they pointed out conceptual changes they think would work better for most readers. I refused to make the second set of changes, and have given up attempting to get that story published because of this. I chose to present the story in the way I did because I feel it gives the ending a bigger impact, and I stood my ground. I chose not to change it for the sake of more readers. I may not have much, but I'd like to think I have integrity.
3) I care about the opinions of people who can construct intelligent feedback, like you. I think I understand where your disappointment with my stories is coming from (especially after this one) but can't see what I've done outside of my stories to lower myself. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to get more specific information from you regarding what I have said in my opinions of reviews that you feel makes me less deserving of respect. That's not to say that I am NOT less deserving of respect, but if that is the case I'd like to know why.
59075 Out of respect I'd prefer not to do so in the comments of your stories, as I feel this should be kept strictly for this story. I do think you are a decent person and I hold no malice towards you for your written works. I am however an incredibly hard to please critic, and this I know.
I think it'd be beneficial for the both of us to speak about this in private rather than for everyone to see.
Never read Cupcakes and now I think this is the closest I'll ever get to it...
This has gained a whole new level of relevance after Too Many Pinkie Pies. Way to kind of sort of call it.
56963 what he said XD
I love that Pinkie Pie can make the word "BORING" sound exciting. Well done there.
I read too much Creepypasta, I though Pinkie was gonna knock her unconscious and then kill her