• Member Since 9th Apr, 2018
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Nightly Q


After a month of no news of her missing sister and the seven other foals that went missing, Applejack and her brother are trying to cope with the loss. That all changes when the answer to their prayers literally appears right in front of them. Now they must go on a harrowing journey to set right what should never have happened.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

Interesting story, though I feel the paseing was a little quick. Things kept moveing on with no time to process what was happening. I feel like this could have been 2 chapters with the first being a prologue with Apple Jack remembering in detail the event, then ending with "Muddy" showing up. The next chapter being a teary reunion followed by "Muddy" picking up the rest of the crusaders. Then again I don't know what you have planned. I guess what I'm saying is slow down to smell the flowers but run when the beast is chasing you.

You've got a good hook now reel me in.


Thanks for the feedback!
I'll admit, I do tend to have trouble starting stories, pacing-wise. I'll keep your suggestion in mind for future stories; but you're right: all will be explained soon.
I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter!

How do I know this story won't die after only one chapter?

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