• Member Since 21st Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

GravityDefyingCoffeeMug


A hot drink made from the roasted and ground bean-like seeds of a tropical shrub.

E
Source

A unicorn, Tempest Shadow (Fizzlepop Berrytwist), finds herself in the rain during her stay in the Crystal Empire. A crystal guard, Flash Sentry, stumbles upon her. Their little interaction reveals a lot about the hornless unicorn.


Note: No romance. Just classic friendship.

This story has been reviewed by Vertigo22. Click here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 39 )

Very, very nice! A good friendship story is a great way to start the day. Thank you!

8864081
Thank you for reading the story! I'll try my best to do better next time. 😁

8864111
Three ways are the answer to everything

8864124
All Twilight has to do is legalize polygamy!

8864111
Thank you! Glad you liked it. Nice pics by the way. 😁

I'm not a fan of Tempest, but I'm a huge fan of Flash. Not a bad one-shot, I'll give ya an upvote.

Hey Gravity I really like the fimfic but there is only 1 issue I have with it. And that's the curse words, don't you think you should change the rating of this fic from E to T? After all I can't imagine kids reading when there are words that aren't meant for them.

8864361
Hiya! Could you point out the curse words? I'd like to keep most of this story open to all ages. Thank you!

8864386
The curse words are, "Hell" and "Damn". You can change them both from " Hell" to " Heck" and "Damn" to "Darn".

8864391
Noted and edited. Thank you so much for pointing it out. 😊

8864433
Your welcome. Oh and before I forget you deserve a like, favorite and a follow from me for making a great fic, taking feedback and correcting your own mistakes. You definitely earned my support and respect.

A little sweet story this was. Well done.

A very sweet story.

Could have done without Grubber but otherwise I loved it. Nice to see some of Fizzle’s sensitive side.

This was a pleasant read, although one thing to point out.

The guard's ranting faded as he gazed at the dark coloured unicorn, staring at him with a stern, calculating, judgemental, yet friendly, kind, and grateful gaze.

Feels like you're trying for too many emotions here, like, realistically, getting all of those at one go is a bit much, especially with how "judgmental" and "grateful" are very opposite of one another.

I'll keep in mind not to make mistakes like that next time. Thank you! 😄

8864629
Thanks for reading! I just thought I'd put Grubber in at the end just because it seems like Fizzle and Grubber could potentially be a good comedic duo. Maybe I'll even attempt a comedic one-shot with those two.

I liked this. I think it was a little too short and that it lacked substance, though. Other than that, I enjoyed it and love seeing Tempest's softer, more vulnerable side.

Good, yet I feel it could have been much better if it wasn't so short (same amount of content, just spread out more).

~Crystalline Electrostatic~
21:46_4/14/2018

Note: No romance. Just classic friendship.

What? You mean, a friendly interaction doesn't mean instant love? What kind of alternate universe is this!

Edit: Finished the fic, liked it!

Before I even read, this ship name shall be FlashBerry, which sounds like some sort of explosive.

8865267
Thanks for reading! I'll try to write longer next time. 😆

Dan

Calling her "Lady." Now can't unhear Flash using Dante Sparda's voice.

8865840
I can't unhear Flash with Jake the Dog's voice.

She turned around and launched a spark of unstable magic at the guard's expressionless face. The guard dodged casually and yawned. "You're going to have to do better than that if you want to take me down." he said.

I hate whoever that is already. No matter what you believe, if you believe tempest shouldn't have been able to win against the princesses or not, I always hate it if the guards or other characters suddenly act like "I could have beaten you while sleeping!".

She watched as he entered the shop, snatched the lotus pin off the shelf and slammed it down in front of the shop assistant. A few minutes later he came out holding a tiny gift bag.

The guard threw the wrapping aside and stuffed the pin into her loose, wet hair. "Happy now? Won't go wandering out in the rain like a lost filly?"

That nice action won him some points again, as if he realized his mistake when he acted like a jerk and well...I guess Tempest wasn't even really trying to hurt him.

He took her hoof in his, "I'm Flash Sentry. Pleasure, to meet you." He replied as they shook hoofs.

She smiled. Her heart brimmed with happiness. She had a feeling the rain wouldn't bother her anymore.

I would say, that now I now the reason why I hated him:rainbowlaugh:, but to be honest I kind of start to like it even if I hope they don't rush their potential romance. This would probably feel nice if it isn't fast paced in the end.

I guess I want you to write a sequel, I prefer stories above twenty chapters, but I wouldn't want them to take the next steps after the first date already, that is if you would want to write a romance story about them. i guess it could actually work to let them start as friends like you did here.
I'm now curious if you would write Tempest being shy if she should decite to dress and act more girly.
I mean it could be a wish she has, but actually being seen like that and everything could suddenly make her feel all insecure and maybe angry. I could even image Tempest getting angry (defense mechanism) and lashing out at flash. (I mean her screaming at him but I can't remember how it's written right, the translatins is suggesting I got the wrong word for it.
I image her to run away at some point or just going away and being seen crying by him, that would be when he sees her how hurt she really is because of everything, how she acted and how her life went so far.

8866304
Sad to say that there is very little chance of a sequel or continuation. I'm not very good at writing romance, most of what i write is based off or inspired from personal experiences and things I see when I'm out and about. Do keep hoping, I might just actually do it. Thank you so much for reading!

Comment posted by Thatguywiththeface deleted April 15th

Another pretty good story! :twilightsmile: Imma watch you!

Always nice to see my art used over here, keep up the good work c:

Dan

She needs to stop by and ask Rarity for makeover tips and "feminine wiles" lessons.

This is one pairing of characters I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, but also not in a romantic sense.

I think it comes from Flash being one of the guards who failed to protect Equestria from the Storm King, and Tenpest also failing her personal quest of regaining her horn and her place among ponykind, sort of a shared bond between the defeated. Maybe Tempest will be a recovering cynic, while Flash is at risk of becoming one. They’re also military ponies with vastly different experiences and skill (though Flash here seems a little *too* green to be a princess’ personal guard), which would be an interesting dynamic if you subscribe to the notion that Tempest would join the Royal Guard. This might be her way in for that scenario, since she might have someone to vouch for her inside the Royal Guard.

And, I loved the dynamic between the two, with more playful roughhousing and banter, but maybe a little more coming from Flash’s end would help. Might make sense being trained to de-escalate situations. Overall, can’t understate how much i enjoyed reading this story, and I really hope I won’t have to write another story for this pair myself.

I really joyed this story GDCM, I can see why some think it's rushed but your tempo did not bother me at all. It is a fine one-shot about tempest. Look forward to looking at your 3 other stories.

I've reviewed this here.

Short . But very sweet I enjoyed that read nice job !

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