• Member Since 21st Mar, 2018
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

GravityDefyingCoffeeMug


A hot drink made from the roasted and ground bean-like seeds of a tropical shrub.

T
Source

Pharynx is forced by his brother to take Ocellus to a carnival. He discovers that the experience is unbearable. Will he make it through the day?


Rated T for Pharynx mild swearing.
Cover belongs to someone on DeviantArt called FanaticPanda.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 24 )

Great idea, but... unnecessarily juvenile?

8861394
Honestly, I don't really think through with what I write. I just let the words flow from my brain onto the keyboard. Thanks for reading anyway. 😊

Ok, Pharynx really needs to get himself a marefriend...... :twilightsheepish:

it was cute , the straw carnival ponies were a little to cardboard but a good story

Both of these brothers don't act like brothers to me, whether it be the show, or this, they just don't act like they're siblings XD I know they're changelings, but this doesn't make sense to me lol 😅

A cute idea for a story. :pinkiesmile: Pharynx's bad attitude is a little exaggerated, but it doesn't take away too much. I hope we get to see more of Pharynx this season, interacting with Ocellus or other nymphs in ways similar to this. Cute, innocent nymphs with the resident bad-ass, grumpy war veteran is too great a plot to not use. :pinkiehappy:

I also have a grammar recommendation for you. :twilightsmile:

"You did good today, Pharynx." he said, smiling proudly at his older brother.

"Shut up." he replied.

When you're putting non-dialouge after dialogue like this, usually you're gonna way use a comma, not a period. It'll end up like this:

"You did good today, Pharynx," he said, smiling proudly at his older brother.

"Shut up," he replied.

It helps your story flow better, because commas are for combining sentences, including dialogue and non-dialouge description. Periods on the other hand are the equivalent of stop lights or stop signs in English - the idea is to only use them at the end of entire sentences, and that's it.

8861465
Thank you so much for reading! :pinkiehappy:

I'll keep in mind not to exaggerate Pharynx in later stories, it's just that we barely see him much so I never grasped how mean or how kind he is.

Thank you so much for the grammar lesson though, English isn't my first language and for my IELTS exam my lowest grade goes to Writing. I hope you can point out more future stories. 😊

8861419
I'll keep that in mind. Thank you!

"Physical embodiment of cuteness"

Yeah that's Occelus

8862045
Fun Fact: I learned the word 'embodiment' recently and have been waiting for a chance to use it.

8861400

8861403
Alright, yes this is Juvenile. But, so what? It was an enjoyable story and I enjoyed the Hyperbolic nature of the two main characters. This whole story works because it’s unnecessaryil juvenile. It is consistent through out.

As for gettiing a marefriend, Phayranx just got marefriends. Dude is a serious boss.

This was so cute I don’t even have any words wow

But I’ll try.

I usually write Pharynx to be a little less mean, but his whole attitude for joining Ocellus and his conversations with her were all very much in-character for me. I honestly think that those mares had a very valid reason for crushing on that hunk of a Changeling XD I would definetely be one of them.

I squealed in delight when Pharynx defended them against the sexist stallion. Even tough, uncaring Pharynx can’t stand creatures like that.

But yeah, as a huge Changeling fan (mostly just Thorax, Pharynx, and Ocellus, but I love all of them), I really enjoyed this and I can’t wait to read more from you. You deserve a follow.

8862295
Thank you so much for reading! I'm really glad you liked it. You are far too kind! I'm a terrible writer, I don't proofread my stuff. All I do is write whatever is on my mind, zero consideration on if it is humorous, sad, cute, or offensive.

8862314
That’s actually surprising to me because you write so well.

Ri2
Ri2 #15 · April 13th · · ·

8861403
The two mares who rode with him at the haunted house don't count?

8861907
You're welcome! The trick that I use when writing Pharynx is to use constant sarcasm and blunt comments, instead of insults and vulgarity. That way he still seems grumpy and irritable, but he's not off putting. That's what works for me. :twilightsmile:

D'awwww... Pharnyx is best chaperone.

Pharnyx is best changeling.

"Let me put this in a way you'll understand; I'd rather take a dump and step on it."

Well that’s an image that didn’t need to be put in my head. But it’s there now.

8861465
You do realize that’s something that no one does right?

8863477
Then that's a lot of people not punctuating right. :moustache: What I've explained here is sound advice based on basic grammar mechanics that you can look up on any given website. Whether you personally choose to see it as significant or not is up to you.

Comment posted by RobertHayden deleted April 15th

8861907
Two things. First off, I belive that Parynx would in actuality act more like this, he is a war vetran of a conflict that if lost would have meant the Xenocide for his entre species. So, For him to even be this calm, he is showing restraint. Ot only that but he is a war vet, and one of his people was struck hard enough to push her back i to him. At that point, if Pharynx had killed the pony brutally it would not have been an over exaggeration. Because in the type of conflict he fought, that is the only response to someone attacking a child. Besides, Ocellus is the equivaent of a foriegn dignatary in training and a foreign national to boot. What that stallion did was basically a decleration of war against another country. The fact that Pharynx, only disabled the pony, after being struck himself, is a sign of relative restraint on his part. My only real complaint is your use of the word genocide. Genocide is the act of seeking to erradicate a subgroup within one’s own sapient species. If it is against another sapient species all together it is called Xenocide. However what is unclear is whether or not the frogger’s are sapient or not. If they are not, it is just hunting them to extinction, I don’t think there is a specific word in the english language. If they are sapient then it would be Xenocide. But ethier way, trying to eat kids, Pharynx was in his rights to act as he did to eliminate an obvious clear and present danger. Cadence and Shining where taking advantage of Thorax here. As for the grammer thing? I would advise investing in or finding at a library a decent book on grammer, most have tabs to make referenceing them easier, and the rest usually have excellent indexes that can be used for the same purpose. There are also alot of free apps that can assisst you as well. But in the end, your writing is already impressive and the above is mostly a matter of expierience and practice. Oh as for you getting low scores on that writting test? Fuck that test, you’re already doing better then most of us, so yeah fuck that test.

"For the love of... Stab my heart, hope to die, stick a cupcake up my a-."

Best Pinkie Promise ever. Stick a cupcake up my a-...so perfect. We all know where that's going...and where the cupcake'll be going. No one's gonna wanna eat it after that. Except the scat lovers. :pinkiecrazy:

8894854
Maybe some of them, but I've found that not everybody finds their fetishes very appealing when applied to real life. :pinkiesick:

Login or register to comment