• Published 5th Apr 2018
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The Philosophical Substitute: Discord - CrackedInkWell



After the events of "Discord Teaches Philosophy," the Spirt of Chaos takes up the role of a Substitute. However, after spying on the main teacher, he decides to step in.

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Lesson 4: Into the Cave

Discord was feeling impatient. He couldn’t wait to start teaching first hour at nine that he paced around the door of his classroom for five minutes that felt like days-

“Really?” the ex-Chaos spirit looked up at the ceiling. “Of course it has been days! Your readers have been waiting for well past a week or so for something to come out and you’re not gonna-”

(Oi! Don’t start breaking the fourth wall on me this early in the chapter! I’ve already gotten a complaint that I apparently abused it.)

“Don’t give me that! I have been itching to get to this lesson but what kept you putting it off? I thought you were known to put out this sort of material every couple of days or so.”

(Hey, I do have a life outside of this ya know. I’m in college and had to write up a paper in Mythology. It’s not exactly my fault that I have priorities. But can we cut this already? I’m gonna try to focus on finishing this short story while I can.)

Discord smirked. “Oh yeah, sort.” He sarcastically rolled his eyes. “Says the guy that decided to write nearly a dozen lessons, probably more thanks to the readers that suggest doing-”

“Uh, who are you talking to?” A new but familiar voice cut him off. He turned to look downward to find the students who were giving him weird looks. The one who spoke he quickly identified as Sandbar.

“It’s complicated.” Their teacher waved a paw. “Anyway, before we start this, Ocellus, step forward.” The blue Changeling gulped as she obeyed. Discord knelt down to where he was at eye level with her. “Considering what happened the other day and what you’ve done, I just wanted to say,” he put a claw on her shoulder, “I’m so proud of you!”

She blinked. “What?”

“You know, I’m actually relieved that you decided to tattle on me.”

This took all six of his students off guard, “Teacher glad?” Yona asked in disbelief.

“I am.” He nodded enthusiastically, “If anything, the very act of telling Twilight and Starlight shows that there are some of you that don’t blindly agree with everything that I say. Which on the one tentacle is actually a really good thing as the point of philosophy is to get you to think things for yourself, and the first step to do so is to have doubt. On the other, I would much prefer it to have you directly tell it to me. If there are disagreements with what I teach, please, by all means, speak up why you doubt it and try to convince me.

“In fact,” he turned his attention toward Ocellus, “since you ratted out on me yesterday, I’m going to have you take part in a very special role that is essential for today’s lesson.”

Although the young Changeling wasn’t sure if she should be honored or extremely worried that her teacher has something… sinister in mind, she responded: “And uh… what exactly would that be? M-Mr. Discord?”

Stretching a rubber paw at the door handle, he replied. “Today class, I’m going to tell you all a story.” With a turn, the classroom door opened to show walls of stone that lead downwards into an abyss.

All six of his students peeked their heads in. “Okay,” Gallus began, “who wants to go inside the creepy tunnel inside our tomb first?”

“I’ll take the lead.” Their teacher said, as he suddenly had on clothing that made him look like something out of a Daring Do novel, complete with a brown fedora, an open brown leather jacket with a sandy button-up shirt, a pouch, sandy pants with a whip at his side. And in his claw was a lit torch. “You all better stay close, the path to enlightenment tends to start at the darkest and most confusing places. This is no different.”

After the group looked at one another with hesitation, they caught up with their teacher as he already started the journey downward. “So, Mr. Discord,” Silverstream asked, “what is this story about?”

“Well,” after brushing a cobweb, their teacher began, “Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there was a prison that lay underground. What exactly the prisoners for said prison has done is not important, for they and their children have grown up inside the darkness of a cave for all of their lives. The prison, or rather, this secret cave, goes down so deep into the earth that not even sunlight could reach past the entrance. But in this cave, with these prisoners, they have been subjected to a rather interesting punishment, if you could call it that.”

Now with the light behind them has dimmed out completely, their teacher paused as they all saw a light up ahead. So Discord put out the flames of his torch but insisted that his students followed him in darkness.

“I’m afraid that I have to take back something – ‘darkness’ isn’t the correct word for this place. If anything, these prisoners weren’t kept in the dark as there at the bottom of the cave was a bonfire that was ordered to be lit at all times. The guardians of this prison carry objects back and forth from the light of the flames to cast shadows onto a wall, which is the only thing that their prisoners could see.”

“Why is that?” Smolder inquired. “Couldn’t they just turn their heads to look behind them?”

“How about you take a look at the reason yourself?” Before the Dragoness could ask what he meant by that, Discord leads them to the bottom of the stairs and into a vast room. The students stood on what looks like a platform that was above the lowest level of the cave. In front of them was a blazing fire pit that crackled and burn brightly. However, what interested the students were the copies of their teacher that walked back and forth near the edge of the platform. Some of them held random objects from accordions to a kitchen sink. At times it was just themselves that chatted, or even random animals that dart about.

Yona looked up at her teacher. “This cave?” He nodded. “Where prisoners?”

He gestured them to follow him to the edge of the platform in which they not only saw the shadows being projected onto a dark gray, stone wall but below them was a row of the prisoners in shadow. They were chained to be sat down, and each had a brace that forced each one to look at the wall. Not one of them could move. However, as the students quickly noticed, these prisoners weren’t gaged.

“Dreamcatcher!” One said as Discord’s copy carried a candlestick.

“Starbucks!” Another cried as a copy played the tuba.

“Pudding!” As a copy walked across the platform with a copy of Play Shy Magazine.

“Are they playing a guessing game?” Silverstream the Hippogryph asked.

Their teacher hummed in thought. “Kinda. As these prisoners have never seen anything other than the shadows on the wall, they all give names to them. If anything, in this cave, the one who could correctly name all these shadows is considered wise in this think tank.”

“Don’t they ever get bored?” Smolder raised a claw. “I mean, is there anything else for them to do in this place?”

“What is there to do?” Discord pointed out. “When they’re never allowed to move from their space nor look where the shadows are coming from, they can’t exactly play Mareopoly.”

Ocellus, with a sympathetic look, cranes her neck over. “But this isn’t fair. If they were born into the cave, they’ve done nothing wrong to deserve such a punishment.”

“Since you're so inclined.” Her teacher reached into his leather jacket and pulled out a key. “I need for you to do one important thing. Take this key and choose only one to free.”

“One!” the Changeling exclaimed. “B-But what about all of them?”

“I know this is a hard choice, but this is essential for today’s lesson. So, go ahead. Pick one.” He handed the key over to her.

After taking it into her hooves, she looked about at the row of stiff prisoners before she flew down to the lowest level of the cave. In the darkness, she couldn’t make out who exactly they were. So she picked one at random.

“Excuse me.” She said quietly as she approached one of the prisoners.

“W-Who’s there?” a female voice asked.

“It’s okay.” She cooed as she stuck the key in the lock of the brace “I’m here to free you.”

“Why? I’m not dead.”

“Who are you talking to?” A prisoner next to them asked as there was a click from the lock. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” Ocellus went around to undo all the chains. “But something is happening to me.”

“You’re free now.” The young Changeling said. “Come on, get up.”

There was a hesitant pause. “Get… up?”

“Stand up, you’re free to move now.”

“Strange goddess, I don’t understand what you mean.”

“Here, I’ll help you.” With a flash of green fire, she transformed herself into a gryphon in which she picked up someone that, to her talons, was very frail. However, as she picked this mysterious filly and set her on the lit ledge, she was stunned to find… herself. But much weaker as she used her forehooves to cover her eyes.

“Ow! My eyes!” she cried out as Ocellus dropped her disguise, much to her and the other student’s astonishment. “What is that?!”

They looked at the source of her affliction. “You mean the fire?” Sandbar asked.

“It hurts my eyes.” The Ocellus clone whined as she turned her head away from the flames and to the wall, in which she found it easier to see.

Yona walked up to her, “Can Changeling stand?”

When she didn’t respond, the Yak used her horns to carefully lift the weak copy of her friend on her hooves. At first, the clone collapsed, but when she was able to stand, she couldn’t walk. So to speed things up, Discord had to make her swallow a pill of “Instant-learn-to-walk,” in order for things to pick up the pace.

“Do you have a name?” Gallus asked, but her face was still towards the wall. Ocellus’s clone confessed that she didn’t know. “Since you look like our friend over here,” he said in thought, “how about we call you… OC?” His teacher snickered. “What?”

“Oh, nothing.” He said, “I’m sorry to shatter your reality little one. But those shadows over there, aren’t what you think they are.”

She looked up at him. “W-What do you mean?”

“I’ll let you get used to the light for a moment.” It did take a while for Ocellus’s copy to be able to let her eyes adjust to the bonfire, and Discord’s copies as they carried random items back and forth. “So, can you name me a few of the things they’re carrying?”

The students watched how puzzled she was as she looked between the random stuff being carried, and the shadows that the light was casting. “Why are they like that?”

“Like what?” Smolder inquired.

“Like that, they’re not… flat. Or dark. They can’t be real but…” She glanced between them and the shadows. “How are they more… real?”

“I think it’s best if we get her out of this cave.”

His students agreed. The six of them took OC up the dark tunnel and into the light of the hallway of the school. However, as soon as Ocellus’s copy saw the light of the sun, she collapsed to the ground and covered her eyes.

“I can’t see!” she exclaimed. “It’s too… too…”

“Shiny?” Silverstream asked.

“Yeah, that. It’s too shiny. I can’t see anything out here.”

Ocellus laid on her belly as she reached out to her clone. “Maybe you’re not used to the light yet. Here,” she gently pushed her other self out of the sunlight and into the shady parts of the hall. “OC, if this is going to work, I need for you to open your eyes slowly.”

“What good would that do?”

“I think it would help you get adjusted to being out here. Just slowly open your eyes a little.”

She obeyed. Wincing at first, she gently cracked open an eye as she began to see this new world. Then with another eye, she looked around like a newborn foal. Not only looking but touching too as she spied her hooves and felt her face for the very first time. Getting up, she saw the objects in the hallway, but at the students, she studied the most. Taking notice of their physical appearances and comparing them to her own. Eventually, OC asked if she was in the realm of the gods.

“Not really,” Discord answered casually, “this is a place of learning boring things. Still, why all the surprise and curiosity? Aren’t you glad you’re out of the cave?”

“It’s… It’s hard to put into words.” She admitted as she looked out of the window but trying to avoid the sunlight. “Everything around me is more… well…”

“Solid?” Gallus asked.

OC shook her head. “More than that. I can see shadows but, it all looks so… clear. So much more real (if that’s a word) then the shadows from the cave. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Discord suggested of going outside for a little bit. The students took OC with them out of the grounds of the school. At first, Ocellus’s copy still wouldn’t look up, but as the students saw, she was fascinated by the shadows and the objects and ponies that made those shadows. The students didn’t go too far as they reached a nearby pond. At this point, OC’s eyes were adjusted enough to look into pools of water to see her reflection.

“What’s this?” she asked.

Ocellus went up next to her. “This is water.” She said as she dipped her hoof and drew it out again, letting droplets fall back into the pond. “But the image being reflected back is called a reflection. See. This is you and this is me.”

“We look so much alike.” Her clone said. “This to me is more real than anything I ever knew. There’s so much more now than in the cave.”

“Yona has question.” She asked, “Why OC’s kind shot words at wall?”

It took her a moment to process what was being asked but she responded. “We were having a contest. That we would place honor on whoever could name the things that were being presented in the right pattern. But up here, I don’t care for any of that now. Being outside is more beautiful and full than life could ever be within the cave. Only…” She turned to Ocellus, “Why was only I released? What about all of those still in the cave? Maybe they should be able to see this too.”

OC went over to a bush of flowers in which she plucked one of them, admiring its color and its smell. “After all, there is a life beyond being honored for what shadow comes next. I must go back!” Unexpectedly, before any one of the students could do anything about it, she suddenly darted back to the school.

“Hey! Wait!” Sandbar called out as he and his friends gave chase as they followed her back through the hallways, through Discord’s classroom door, and down the dark descent. As they entered into the abyss quickly, none of them had the chance to adjust their eyes and as a result, Yona, the last student behind them, tripped and tumbled down the steps, taking her friends with her.

Fortunately, their teacher, thinking quickly, let the stone stairs give way to a mattress slide with a pile of Fluttershy plushies to aid their fall. While none of them were hurt, Silverstream picked up one of the soft dolls in her claws.

“Is this Professor Fluttershy?” she asked before it and the pile of plushies went away. Their teacher had an embarrassment painted on his face.

“Just forget about that.” He quickly said as he pointed to the edge of the platform. “Go and see what OC is doing, and then I’ll give you all the point of my lecture.”

The six students got back up and looked over the edge in which they heard laughter coming from the lowest point of the cave. There they saw OC trying to tell them about the outside world but is noticeably blind as she kept bumping into the braces or tripping over the chains.

“For a filly that seen a whole new world,” one mocked, “she really can’t see very much in this one!”

“Her eyes must have been spoiled.” Another said.

“And crazy too!” Added another, “How can she sincerely say that this is an illusion? We can see them clearly, so how can anyone take what she says seriously? She’s practically blind!”

“Yes! How dare she question the gods?” Agreed the prisoner next to them. “Perhaps we should put her to death.”

A sharp snap from Discord’s talons was heard, and the cave was frozen in time. Even the students, who looked this way and that saw that even the fire held still.

“What you’ve just witnessed,” their teacher began, “is my version of the same parable that Plato had described in his book, ‘The Republic.’ This here is his most well-known as it has become to be known as ‘The Allegory of the Cave.’ Before I could explain any further, a little background of the author of this tale.

“You see, Plato was once a student of our buddy Socrates that, unlike his teacher, bothered to write his and his teacher’s ideas down in a series of self-inserted fanfictions in which he and his friends party, get drunk and talk about philosophical ideas.”

“Wait… really?” Gallus asked in disbelief. “Just hold on a sec… Are you telling me that what just happened is basically part of some old guy’s fanfictions?”

His teacher nodded. “Uh-huh. And while he admittingly had mastered the art of putting words in other ponies’ mouths, it is said that all of Philosophy from Freud’s theory of the mind to how government works is merely a hoofnote on Plato’s work. But unlike those that came after him that put their ideas down that would put you to sleep, Plato wrote it like a story. Well… more like a sort of drama that has a lot of dialogue.

“In fact, he wrote about this parable as a way to illustrate what it is like to be a philosopher that has been enlightened. Take our OC down here. She had spent her life in this cave, in the dark no less, so she had to be taken out from her familiar spot to get her to see things from a different point of view.”

“But it wasn’t pleasant for her.” Ocellus pointed out. “Since her eyes were hurting when we got her out into the open.”

“Now that’s true. But neither is enlightenment. Yet, when she returned to the cave, notice how none of her fellow prisoners reacted. They called her a fool. That the experience didn’t do any good for her but make her stumble. Regardless of her goody-goody intentions. If anything, it ties in perfectly with the discussion of evil we had yesterday.”

“Really?” Yona questioned. “How?”

“Remember when I said that, according to Carrotketgaard that, from an individual’s perspective, their version of what is true, right and noble is correct from their past experience. Why take these prisoners here. Of course, they wouldn’t understand what OC is talking about. They’ve never seen the sun or saw their reflections in a pond, for all they know are the shadows on the wall. So what she says to them at first is a little hard to swallow in one go without something to wash it down. After all, even OC, while free, is not free from the one thing that all of us have.”

“What’s that?” all six voices asked at once.

“Freedom from consequence.” He replied. “No one, not mortal or god is free from the consequence in what they say and do. Cause and effect are inescapable regardless what anyone does or doesn’t do. OC tried to tell them of the outside world and what is the result? They laugh at her, brush her off and even claim her blasphemy as evil.”

Smolder looked down at the prisoners who have been frozen in that second. “So… is there really nothing that anyone could do about changing their minds? I mean, if what you said about yesterday is true, then doing that is impossible.”

Discord smirked. “Not quite. Yes, it is very hard to change someone’s viewpoint on life. But from personal experience, it’s difficult, but far from impossible.”

“But how?” Sandbar asked.

“Remember the first two lessons I had with all of you? Of Haycartes and Socrates, what did those two have in common?”

For a moment, six students didn’t know the answer until a Hippogryph claw was raised. “Was it on doubt?”

Confetti and flags that said “Smartest Student of the Day” popped out from the floor on both sides of her. “And give the lady a giant cookie!” Her teacher declared before conjuring up a cookie that was twice the size of her. “Yes! Doubt is the key! Haycartes had set up the idea that doubting was the best way to find the truth. But it is Socrates that set up a way of how to do it! Remember his method? The best way to make your audience see what you are talking about is to point out flaws and exceptions in everyday misconceptions. And if you think about it, this is why Plato is considered a great teacher as this was his way too of educating others.

“It even spawns another student of his, Air Saddle to not only doubt his teacher’s teachings about the world but allowed him to become, what we may call, the worlds earliest scientist. Yet, he still learned from his teacher that the best way to educate and teach what is important in the world is to teach others to doubt.”

Ocellus looked over to where her copy was. “So… for OC, what happens to her now?”

Humming in thought, her teacher replied. “Admittingly, the original story ended right here. But with what I’ve already said, I suppose that this time I’d like to give this parable an ending.”

Another snap and time had resumed. OC was struggling with what to do next until she remembered the flower that she had carried with her. Then towards the wall of the cave where shadows moved about, she got an idea. Flying back to the platform, she went over to the bonfire and took from it a branch that was still lit as she carried the flame back to the lowest part of the cave. Now the students saw that she stood between them and the wall, a bright light that illuminated the space and the prisoners groaned as they tried to shut their eyes.

“If what I had said isn’t true, then explain how all of you can see me now?” She then used her flower as she went to them, one by one to see the petals in her hoof. “Or if I never went into the realm of the gods, then tell me what is this that I am holding in your faces?”

“In my ending,” Discord explained. “OC here has given the prisoners the greatest gift of all: doubt itself.” As he turned to head back up towards the entrance, he twisted his head around to ask them if they had any questions.

“I have one.” Smolder raised her claw as she, and her friends followed. “What did you mean back there when you said at one point that you were talking from personal experience?”

Discord paused. “Well, for those of you who don’t know it yet, like Starlight Glimmer, I too was a villain and done some… regrettable things. Before the whole reformation thing, I did what I did, not because it was the right thing to do or I was just evil for the sake of it. Rather, I did it because, even now, I am chaos itself. Something that all of you should remember, chaos is not the same as being evil. Just the opposite of order. It’s only when I was presented with a doubt that it might be possible to be happier with friends that I saw a new point of view that, admittingly, I’m still learning about. Any other questions?”

“Why can’t you teach full time?” Sandbar inquired. “After all, you’re really good at this teaching thing.”

He shrugged, “I’m a spirit of random, not of education. I believe that’s Twilight’s position.” His students giggled as they neared the door. With no other questions for them to ask, he decides to let them go early. “Except for you Sandbar, I want to ask you something.”

After telling his friends that he’ll be with them, the Earth Pony remains behind with his teacher in the hallway. “What do you want to ask me, Mr. Discord?”

“If it’s not too much to ask, do you have anything that you always wanted to know something that might… oh, I don’t know… help you in some way?”

He blinked. “Like what?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. Like is there some question you have about life that no one has an answer for. Or have some personal issues that you want to know how to solve. Something like that.”

“Mr. Discord, why are you asking me this?”

Within a flash, his teacher had tape measures that hang from his arms, a pin cushion with plenty of pens floating by his side and tacky glasses over his eyes. “Simply because I figured that the best way to teach philosophy is to have my lessons be tailored to my student’s concerns about what they really want to learn about.”

“Oh, I guess that makes sense.” After thinking for a moment, Sandbar said, “Now that you’ve mentioned it, there is one thing that I do want to know.”

“And that being?”

“What’s the point of being perfect when so much goes wrong?” Discord asked him to expand on what he meant. “Like, you know how with us students that we’re expected to get good grades and do well with school?”

“I never been a student, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Or maybe just have ponies just want you to do well in life. But even I know that something is bound to go wrong sooner or later. To have all your dreams come crashing down into a million pieces. So… I guess the real question for you is after something like that happens, what now?”

“Hold still.” Discord let one of the measuring tapes dropped from Sandbar’s hoof to his head. With intense scrutiny, the teacher found a word upon that strip. 金継ぎ. “Well,” he smiled with a toothy grin, “it looks like I know what I’m going to teach tomorrow.”

“You mean on Monday?”

“Huh?”

“It’s Friday. We don’t have classes until Monday since we’re given Saturday and Sundays off.”

“Oh… Well no matter,” his teacher gathered up the measuring tape. “That only means that I have time to prepare. And don’t worry, I think I know a good custom fit for you.”

With the bell ringing, Discord dismissed him as he waits for the next batch of students.