6. Returning Home
I’m going to shoot honestly here, when Carapace said that her drones could heal me, I didn’t expect to be covered head to toe in changeling spit. Yes, you heard me right. Slimy, gold, sappy spit. It felt like I was the toast that gets covered in honey for breakfast. Why do I have toast with honey, you ask? One of the many breakfast choices I like, I guess. Anyway, you get the point, right? All my scars, bruises, and blood-soaked fur were coated in the stuff. They’d asked me to remove my clothes (excluding my underwear) and lie down on a sponge-like mat as the ‘slav’ was placed over my wounds. It stung, like all healing agents do, but it also glowed with an eerie blue color. Like a constant ball of the northern lights, the energy pulsed and weaved throughout the wound, protecting and sealing it.
After about an hour of napping, the slav still on me, I was awoken by the knock on the room’s door. My eyes slowly blinked open, the light threatening to blind me. Once I felt that my eyes were adjusted enough, I gazed down at my body, still covered in the now hard dry spit. Noticing a red wool blanket to my left, rolled up on a chair, I grabbed it and draped it over my lower half. Once that was done, I answered the second knock with; “It’s ok, come in.”
A scarlet drone peeked its head in, followed by its slender body. It spoke in a female’s voice, “The Queen, as well as the Equestrian Princesses, would like to see you. I’ve brought you some clean clothes per the Queen’s instructions.”
She then turned and grasped said clothes from someone behind the door, turning back to me with two different sets of clothes. One was a green V-necked shirt with black tiger stripes, a pair of black jeans, and a new set of underwear. The second was a blue long-sleeved shirt with a white circuit board design and a hood stitched into the collar, and a set of tattered jeans.
I nodded in approval and smiled. “Thanks, you can leave them on the chair and I’ll come out when ready.”
The drone nodded in return and did as told, then exited without another word. After looking them over once more, I decided to mix them up. I took the blue shirt and rolled up the sleeves, the black jeans, and the fresh pair of underwear. However, as I stood, the slav that covered my body began cracking and slid off my body in mere moments. Not a trace of it was found after scouring through my fur. It was as if it’d all just disappeared. I then shrugged it off and got dressed.
Once I pulled my shirt down, I then saw a full body mirror in the corner. Deciding to get another look at myself, I walked over. What I saw both made me smile and sent a chill down my spine. All five wounds where Chrysalis’ nails had draped over me, were now long jagged scars. Starting at my left temple down to my right jawline. Granted, I’d had scars covering my whole body back home. Being prematurely born and all, the doctors having to cut me open. But these scars were out in the open, notable to be covered by clothes, exposed for the world to see. I cringed at first, seeing how ferocious I looked. However, upon looking again, I thought about how I’d always liked the idea of having facial scars. I often liked the thought of looking vicious back home, scarring anyone who would hurt me or my family.
I twisted my face into a snarl, and dang did I look AWESOME!! If I saw this face back home, it would’ve sent me screaming like a little girl all the way back under my bed. Yeah, that epic. I then looked down to my arms, numerous scars dancing over their surfaces, between the black fur. On my right hand was the scar from the sword, the one on my palm being smaller than on its back. I suddenly took a pose with my arms crossed into an X, claws extended to their full length. With a snarling face, I completed the pose; lips pealed back, eyes narrowed, and teeth glistening in the light. If I could, this would’ve been my new profile pic.
After messing around some more, consisting of me striking many poses, I decided to exit the room and addressed the changelings. The female drone smiled before bowing. “Are you ready?”
I nodded. “I am.”
She smiled again and motioned for me to follow. She then led me down several halls, each littered with lamps and doors leading off to who knew where. After even more turns in the maze of a ship, we finally arrived at a pair of double iron doors, edged wing massive insectoid wings for design. The drone nocked before they opened to reveal a huge study with Carapace, Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and Cadence, all sharing in a conversation before they saw me. All the royals, aside from Carapace, gasped at my new look. But I could swear that Luna hid behind her silver locks to hide a blush. Probably just my imagination though.
The study was a large room with bookshelves lining to the left and right walls, a set of two iron pillars barring the way to a desk at the other side. The desk was made from oak and silver, a combination that complimented the stability of the earth with power and wealth. Two scarlet banners hung from the ceiling, draped behind the throne of a chair, inscribed with the Rose Hive’s symbol. Carapace was seated at her desk with the Princesses gathered around, several glasses of various drinks for each royal on said desk.
The doors closed behind me before I spoke. “Hello, your highnesses.”
Celestia cleared her throat, getting everyone’s attention. “There’s no need for that, you may call us as equals. I’ve never valued formalities.”
I nodded in understanding. “Yes, Celestia.” Twilight was next to speak.
“Can I ask you a few questions?” Her eyes glistening with glee and hunger.
Oh no.
Thankfully, before Twilight could utter a word, Cadence stepped in. “Um, Twilight. You’ve already showered him in questions yesterday, I think you’d better lay off for a bit. Being asleep and just waking up to a load of questioning isn’t healthy.”
The youngest princess grumbled her incoherent complaints, but soon agreed.
Cadence wore an alabaster dress that showed off her curves and a fair amount of cleavage, though I did my best to keep my eyes from that. That was something that only her husband should see. She soon noticed me averting my gaze from her… and adopted a pair of bedroom eyes… Oh shoot.
“See anything you like?” Her voice dripping with seductiveness as she inched closer to me. Her body started to press against mine, her warmth attempting to meld with me. I didn’t like it, not one bit. A sickness rose in my gut, a chill following, I snuffed out the urge to snarl. It looked like Celestia was about to scold her, but I spoke up. Continuing to avert my eyes and press down the overwhelming urge to roar at the pink princess.
“Your Highness, while I thank you for the save, I’d rather keep myself away from your future enraged husband. In all honesty, you reek of his scent. You are his and he is yours. So, whether you like it or not, you’re stuck with him till you die. I’d also like to not be the one to rip you two apart. So please, don’t shame yourself and your family for petty desires.” It may have been harsh, but she, as well as the others, saw my meaning.
Cadence stared at me with wide eyes, mouth agape. After a few moments of stunned silence, she gathered her thoughts and straightened herself. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I-I—”
I took a long breath, but smiled soon after, forgetting what was done. “You are forgiven.”
“T-thank you, Fang.” Shocked, she retreated behind Luna, now separating herself from a ticked Solar Princess.
Carapace cleared her throat. “While I’ve known you for only a day, you’ve more than proved to be a stal—wolf of valor, honesty, and kindness.” She then turned to Celestia who stood tall, retaining her usual regal stance. “And Princess Sun-butt has offered you knighthood.”
Celestia gave her a shocked, yet humored scowl, a smile dancing on her lips. “Putting name calling aside…” She quickly stuck her tongue out at the Changeling Queen before continuing. “Yes, you’re here by offered the roll of Knighthood. Should you choose to accept it, you’ll be given property of your liking. Assuming it’s not already owned. And I can have more than enough ponies build you a mansion. A title will be bestowed upon you, you may choose any you deem pleasing. And finally, you’ll be given staff and guard if you like for your mansion.”
As she finished, I mulled over the new info. I was basically being given noble-ship. Or knighthood on a silver platter. But before I could answer, a thought came to mind.
“Your highness, perhaps it’s best that I decide on this after we deal with the remaining enemy changelings. Best not to claim the riches before the battle is won.” I crossed my arms, trying to relay the message that I wasn’t willing to accept until the job was fully done.
The eldest Princess gave a nod. “How true.”
“U-um,” Came a soft voice from my right, I turned to see Luna inching closer, leaving a wilting Cadence to Celestia’s mercy. “C-could you show me how to draw my claws? I-I haven’t learned that yet.”
“Sure.” I answered with an evil grin. “Hey Carapace, could I have a stack of paper and a drawing utensil? If art isn’t her thing, this could take a while.”
The Queen did as asked but stopped with a double take, bursting into a fit of laughter soon after. The rest of the Princesses soon got it and joined in a chorus of giggles, but Luna just gave me a deadpan glare. Yet, her eyes suddenly widened in near shock and she reverted to her small, hesitant self. Very odd.
She was growing scared, her body slightly trembling in my shadow. Her arms were meekly crossed over her chest, making her act like she’d been dowsed with water. I relaxed and gave her a reassuring smile before unfolding my arms, extending my right arm toward her and unsheathing my claws. My fingers spread automatically was the sharp curved bones revealed themselves, their white surface glistening in the candlelight. Luna slowly unwrapped her arms before she copied my movements, grunting as she tried and failed to unsheathe her claws. I noticed by her movements that she was focusing on the hand and not the arm, where the tendons are, the claw’s source of action. Or at least, that’s what I thought. As when I usually did it, their motion sprung from that area.
I moved closer, studying her arms. She must have noticed as she soon stopped and looked up at me with a light blush. Ok then… I’m not imagining it, she was blushing… Odd… I dismissed the idea before continuing.
“Here.” I whispered. I then stepped behind her and gently grasped her wrist and used my other hand to press down on her tendons, motioning up toward her hand.
Luna soon focused back on the task and pushed, earning a sliver of white bone to pierce her fingertips. She grunted but continued to push. Another few millimeters of bone sprouted forth. Her hand started to shake, beads of sweat started to form on her forehead. Their salty smell mixed with her own scent.
“If it hurts, stop. You don’t need to get it right away.” I said into her ear. “It takes practice, have patience and it’ll come.”
She then stopped pushing and clutched her aching wrist, a few drops of blood flowing from her fingertips as the bone receded. I let go as she looked up at me, our eyes meeting. Her silver rings glowed in the light, adding an air of mystery to them. I could only imagine what they’d look like in the dark of the night.
“While that was very interesting and somewhat… u-unsettling, we should move on to more pressing matters.” Celestia chimed in, draping a wing over her sister.
“Yes, I think we should discuss our plan of attack; how to deal with the changeling impostors.” The crimson Queen pointed out, leaning against her wooden desk while rubbing her cheek in thought.
The Princesses exchanged ideas, Celestia, Twilight, and Cadence wanted to use a sneak attack while Luna and Carapace voted for a frontal assault. I gave the two plans some thought, but soon came up with an idea and stepped forward. “Hey, I might have something.”
Third POV:
Princess Celestia had gathered all the Solar Guard, saying that the strange wolf had foalnapped her nephew and was planning to attack Canterlot with a Changeling Hive. Glimmering Shield, new Captain of the Royal Guard, had taken this news sternly, determined to protect the Princesses with all that she had. Though she was a unicorn, not being very strong nor on Shining Armor’s level of magic prowess, she wouldn’t let that get in the way and cause herself grief over what she couldn’t accomplish. Instead, she decided to stick to her Majesty like glue. She went where Celestia went, ate where she ate, and slept where she slept. And no, she slept just outside her Highness’ royal chambers. On a wooden stool, in the dark… alone. It was a very daunting task. She even heard the Princess talk in her sleep a few times, but it sounded like she was in destress. But then again, her voice was muffled, so it could’ve been her just having a nightmare, nothing Princess Luna couldn’t handle.
Gleaming Shield was currently stationed with her Highness as she and two of her best guards, Narrow Path and Hard Case, made their way down one of the many hallways in the Palace. All was quiet, too quiet. Shield positioned herself in front of the Princess with her the two guards attending the rear. The group soon came upon the threshold, but it suddenly slammed in their faces, as did every other door in the hall. All slamming shut with a hard click.
“What’s this?!?!” Gleaming roared. She turned back to the door in front of her and smacked her fist on it, her thunderous knocks ringing throughout the hall. “OPEN UP!!!”
The slide peaking hole in the door, which had recently been installed, opened to reveal a completely pink face with blue eyes, a cheery smile plastered into her muzzle. “What’s the password?” The slot closed.
“What?!” Gleaming exclaimed in shock.
“Nnnope.” The slot opened and closed again, showing the pink mare only when she spoke.
“Open up!” The Captain yelled.
“Not even close.” The pink mare chimed.
Gleaming huffed. “You have three seconds…one!”
A large black claw reached down from the ceiling and lifted Narrow Path from his spot, the guard not even getting the chance to scream as he was knocked out by a clobbering fist.
“TWO!!” Gleaming demanded, yet no answer came.
The second guard, Hard Case, was so fixed on his vanished comrade that he missed the door behind him opening, a dozen colorful hands reached out and grabbed him. All dragging him into the room so quick, all that remained of him was his degraded helmet.
“Three…?” Gleaming turned to see the Princess with a stunned look on her face, looking around as dumbfounded as the Captain. Shield then looked down to see a single golden helmet rolling around on the marble floor, coming to a stop at her hooves.
Her breathing became shallow, eyes shrank to pinpricks, darting around the hall for some unseen ghost haunting the place. That is, until the door opened as a towering Changeling Queen stood over her, raising a bottle of wine above the Captain’s helmet before smashing it against her head.
“Darn,” The crimson Queen lamented as the mare fell to the floor. “Such a good year too.”
Meanwhile, in another part of the castle…
Three guards raced after a supposed changeling imposter Twilight, only to stop as a white gloved hand breached their vision. Said hand belonged to a pink mare in a mime outfit, who acted as if she was looking through a window, face pressed against the invisible glass. Only after a few seconds did she look off to her right with a hand over her eyes, searching for something far off. The guards looked at her, puzzled. That is, until they followed her gaze and saw what she was searching for.
With a thunderous roar, a massive wall of black fur, golden eyes, teeth, and claws charged the group of highly trained peace keepers. The guards instantly dropped their swords and spears, screaming like scared fillies on Nightmare Night, only to be bulldozed down the hall. All that remained of them were three helmets and a mockingly “scared” mime. Her hands covering her “shocked” face.
Fang’s POV:
That was a blast! I’m not going to lie, that was fun. Especially when I ran at those guards, OH DANG that was awesome!!... But sadly, there’s a time for fun and a time for work. And this work, was a mess.
I stood with the Princesses and the Main 6 in the dungeon, staring at the two changelings bound in chains. These two ‘infiltrators’, as Carapace called them, were tasked with replacing the royal sisters and running the kingdom with Chrysalis pulling the strings. Now with their Queen dead, they could do nothing as we took the castle back. While I, Pinkie, Carapace, and the Main 6 took care of fake Celestia and her ‘loyal’ guards, the rest took down ‘Luna’. And, Princess Luna fought and beat the imposter with ease, practically one hit and the drone was down. K.O.!!
Now the imposers were defeated and thrown into the dungeons, trembling at the sight of their royal judges. Both sisters, Carapace, Twilight, Cadence, Shining Armor, and Gleaming Shield stood by me while the main 6 watched the prisoners. Shining had filled Shield on current events, though she didn’t take them well. Insisting that I was an assassin hired by Chrysalis, sent to befriend the Royal Sisters and kill them when the time was right. That was when Carapace stepped in, looming over the white unicorn.
“Cease your accusations, Captain.” The Changeling spat. “You know nothing of Fang’s intent. According to Blueblood, he wished to rescue the Sisters for their kingdom’s sake. You dare to call him a liar when he fought by my side? Helped rescue my daughter? And attempted to assist Princess Luna with her knew form, just so he could kill us in our sleep?! You mock the very knights you claim to uphold. You stain them with your fork-tongued words. And you dowse Fang’s honor by saying such wretched things!!”
The mare looked shocked, eyes wide, and frozen as the Queen’s words hit home. Gleaming then cast her gaze down to her hooves, tears threatening to spill. Wait… by the way, where was Blueblood? Eh, probably doing some royal duties, helping with the Princess’ work load. Taking off some of the pressure and stress. Anyway, Gleaming had been ordered to take the night off, I watched as she sulked her way up the stairs and around the corner.
“Ugh, can you believe that mare?!” Rarity shouted with crossed arms after glaring holes into Shield’s skull. “The nerve of her, accusing our hero of such things? An assassin sent to kill us, what rubbish!”
“Mmhm!” Agreed the farm mare, setting her hands on her hips. “Ain’t nopony gonna talk abou’ him like that.”
“Yeah, big meanie. She doesn’t even know him very well… come to think of it, neither do we!!” Piped in Pinkie, letting out a sudden gasp. “WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM?!?!”
From out of nowhere, I was suddenly pushed into a chair with a lamp shining down on me, my eyes screwing shut under the infernal light. Pinkie was up in my face, eyes narrowed, and muzzle scrunched, probing my face for any tell tales. My face when from surprised to annoyed, and from annoyed to neutral.
“Ask away.” I said simply, but as Pinkie inched her face closer to mine, I grew hesitant. LORD, SAVE ME!! SEND YOUR ANGELS AND KEEP HER BACK PLEASE!
As if hearing my internal plea, the pink mare slowly stepped back, confused. Her face had gone from suspicious to a raised brow and a sideward frown. Then, without warning, “Okay.” She chippered with a happy skip.
“O-okay, then?” Said Twilight as she walked toward me. I still sat in the chair, figuring it was best otherwise I’d be towering over them. Making them feel small and weak against me, I didn’t want that.
Twilight took a breath before speaking. “When we were on the ship, Bedear—I-I mean, Blueblood, said something about you believing in some deity? Care to explain on that?”
I smiled. “I’ll do better; I’ll sing you an answer.”
All present gave me a mix of confused looks, just before I took a breath and began.
“I stand upon the solid rock of faith in Christ
This steadfast hope shall not break apart within the trial
I am assured His promises will never fail
As long as life remains, He is faithful
God is patient
God is kind
He does not envy
He does not boast
His ways are higher than my own
His thoughts consume the great unknown
Of this alone I am sure
My God is love
I draw my breath under His created windswept sky
I know my hope shall last, long after my flesh retires
From dusk until the dawn, He calls His children home
His righteous love outlasts generations
God is patient
God is kind
He does not envy
He does not boast
His ways are higher than my own
His thoughts consume the great unknown
Of this alone I am sure
My God is love”
I stood from my seat, bowing my head as a warmth enveloped my heart, a love greater than I could ever fathom. I smiled at feeling His touch, gentle and tender as a perfect Father. My voice picked up in might and volume, seeking to praise him with everything I had till my pipes became sore.
“He's Almighty God, Elohim
Maker of the earth
He is the Lord of Hosts, Heaven's King
God of endless worth
His kingdom stands above, every power
Every living soul
His love is like the sun, ever true
Shining over all.”
I raised my arms as they reached for the sky, a tear fell from my eye. I was overwhelmed with His passion, wishing to give all I could to match his, but I couldn’t. I was okay with that, however. Content to give the all praise that I could.
“He's Almighty God, Elohim!
Maker of the earth!
He is the Lord of Hosts, Heaven's King!
God of endless worth!
His kingdom stands above, every power!
Every living soul!
His love is like the sun, ever true!”
Another voice rose with mine, one whom shared my desire to praise God. His voice was like mine, deep and strong, but his was deeper and aggressive. Filled with power and passion.
“Shining over all!! (He is the Lord of Hosts, Heaven's King
God of endless worth)
Shining over all!! (His kingdom stands above, every power
Every living soul
His love is like the sun, ever true
Shining over all!)
God is patient
God is kind
He does not envy
He does not boast
His ways are higher than my own
His thoughts consume the great unknown
Of this alone I am sure
My God is love”
I opened my eyes to see everyone in the room staring at me with wide eyes, some threatening to spill tears. Rarity was the first to speak up from the stunned silence.
“D-darling, that was beautiful.” She wiped away a tear. “Simply lovely.”
Applejack nodded in agreement, “Ah have ta say, ya’ll should take that on the road, ya’d have every mare beggin’ fer ya ta sing.”
I chuckled at that, casually folding my arms and leaning against a wall, “Thanks for the suggestion, but I’d rather not. I see songs like that as a way of praise to my Creator. And like everything on this earth, I worship my Maker to the end of my days.”
Celestia tilted her head, ready with the next question. “What do you mean by ‘like everything on this earth’? I’ve known the Gryphons, the Minotaur, Hippogryphs, Mermanes, and many others, and they’ve never worshiped one like you described. The closest I can think of would be the Great Father that the Buffalos worshiped thousands of years ago. And they never spoke of everything worshiping their deity.”
I nodded, understanding her point of view. “I see what you mean, but in the Bible, Jesus says to the priests, ‘If the men of the earth cease worshiping the Lord, then the very stones will call out His name and sing.’ I know it sounds crazy, but I believe everything; beast, sentient being, plant, and rock praises God in their own way.” I looked toward Luna, smiling slightly. “I’ve even heard the stars sing to him. Playing like thousands of violins and the beating of drums.”
This caught the Princess’ attention further, her eyes sparking with wonder. A smile tugged at her lips, as did mine. That is, until a scoff was heard.
“Yeah right, do ya have any proof?” Snarled Dash as she pressed her face into mine. “I’ve never heard a bush talk, or a stinking rock mumble. So, if you don’t have any hand-held proof, keep your mumbo jumbo to yourself!”
Applejack and Celestia were about to scold her, but I raised a hand and spoke, “Let he who has ears to hear, let him hear. He who has eyes to see, let him see. He who has a mouth to speak, let him speak.”
Rainbow scoffed again, rolling her eyes. “Freak.”
My brows creased. Not wanting to deal with this, I pushed off the wall and walked out the door. But just before I crossed into the hall, I paused as I spoke up, not bothering to look back. “If anyone needs me, I’ll be cleaning up and getting some new clothes.” I gestured to my dirt and mud-covered shirt and pants, filthy from the scuffles I had with a few guards when entering the castle. I then exited the room, hearing the faint shouts and accusations at the daredevil from everypony as I moved along.
However, at the moment, I failed to notice a certain guard in golden armor glaring at me from his pose. His red eyes boring holes into my skull, his hold on his spear tightening. Through gritted teeth, he seethed. “I’ve come too far to let His influence take hold. I need to be rid of that retch… but how?”
Saw this song last night, thought I'd use it.
...I may have shed a few tears
Please let me know what you guys thing about this chapter.
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Hmm...I don’t want to call that Guard out, but he seems to be a Demon. Although I could be wrong.
Either Satan, Lucifer, or one of their underlings...
That song is quite beautiful to tell you the truth. Even though Christians and Catholics are a bit different from each other. I still love the way the main character sang the song with pride.
8939943
Wait, I thought Lucifer is Satan.
8940414
It depends on who you ask, what culture/religion, or this: https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil_Is_a_Part-Timer!&ved=2ahUKEwi1xITAt5nbAhUN8mMKHRf1A2gQFjAVegQIABAB&usg=AOvVaw14JsctmrjqO6Y0cRJETwQ7
I caught the reference you used with the reclamation.
I had that movie on for my nieces when they visited last.
On the topic of movies, I do hope you'll eventually use the songs, 'Deliver Us' and 'Thus Sayeth the Lord' from the Prince of Egypt.
8940414
Lucifer and Satan are the same guy, just that Lucifer is what the Greeks called him, I think. Satan was his original name though, according to my faith at least.
8940030
I thought the same
8940790
Hehe word of god is our vultur of hope. At times it’s our saving point of hope.
Boy,
This. Story. Is. Awsome
Hope you continue it
I was a bit lazy to log in but had to comment
I like the way this story is going
Anyway good luck writing this :)
I may not like overly religious people, but if I were to meet this guy, I might be able to get along with him. And this story is awesome, so keep up the good work!
8951582
Thanks
*glass breaking can be heard in the background*
.............................. *eyes glow with white fire* YOU FUCKING DARE MOCK THE LORD AND SPIT ON HIS GREAT NAME YOU FUCKING HERETIC I'LL SHOULD FUCKING END YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH!!
sorry I seem to lost my temper
and before anyone asks yes i am a Christian but a Christian that had multiple serious mental breakdowns in his life which eventually broke me and made me start swearing but i still believe in the Lord since I'm indebted to him
8974169
I don't mean to push my faith on others. I've read several stories where one's faith was stated, but not expressed. I'd like to explain my faith in at least some detail. Again, I don't want to push my beliefs on anyone, just show the full picture and answer any questions you guys might have.
THE FUCK YOU JUST SAY TO ME!
i.imgur.com/IjkZWKB.gif
9225494
The Pope has Called For A Crusade Deus Vult Slay The Heathens
Pffft, that Tangled reference!
9317704
Like it?
Cadence what the Hell
8976527
No problem, this is a good story with an interesting character
Hmmmmm, first I find someone of similar beliefs to mine to talk with on this site, then I find a comedic webcomic portraying a parody of Gods ventures, and lastly I find this fic.........
I think he is trying to tell me something..............
Hey brother. Keep the faith! Amen! Great story! Your grammar does need some work. I can help Beta you if needed.
Dash is a jerk,eh? And Cadenza? Yeah. Didn't see that coming. Honestly I'd respond the same way as Fang did. Gentle but firm. Amen.
Fanfiction.net - DavidRanger. Look up my stories bro.
9336049
Luv ya bro. Keep praying.
...... There is one thing you do not do and that is mock a person's belief and resolve itself........ If that was me, I'd knock her out, for even though I am not a man of the bible, if one disrespects a holy tome then I act accordingly. As my father used to say
ट्रेअत् अनोथेर्'स् बेलिएf अस् योउ ओउल्द् योउर् ओwन्
Treat another's belief as you would your own.
9436329
Just out of curiosity, is that writing you have there Hebrew?
9436804
it's Nepali but written to sound like English if you sound it out. If you want to see Hebrew, HERE is Genesis 22, the binding of Isaac with English and Hebrew side by side. It also has the cantillation marks, as during service the Torah is intended to be sung. I had to learn that entire chapter for my Bar Mitzvah almost a decade ago, and an actual Torah scroll has neither the cantillation marks nor the vowels.
Oh, and it is not of the religious opinion of Jews that God is only for the Jews, as you stated in a previous chapter. More specifically, the only special thing about Jews is that from the perspective of the new testament, we're still bound by the covenant Abraham made with God. That's about it. There have definitely been commentaries stating that gentiles (non Jews) were put on earth to serve Jews, but all but the most religious sects of Judaism reject this (like, these sects are so religious they claim that they're the ONLY real Jews left).
I see you like your Tangled references
I can’t believe I would say this to a fellow Christian but you overexposure of Christianity kind of ruin the story for me, because it always felt out of place and force, I wish you good luck with your fics but here is where I drop out
Correction: distress
9436804
Hindi, more specific, Sanskrit.
That is a beautiful song, but I prefer this one:
https://youtu.be/OIahc83Kvp4
This one is strong, too:
https://youtu.be/C8dMv2H3HzU
I just realized this is from a scene on tangled
So coming back to this chapter, you did the "in your face" bit again by having the main character break out in song when asked about religion. Even in an MLP fic, that's not exactly something normal. Not even the most devout, bible thumping southern baptists I know would THINK of doing that. Even those who don't know the academic background of the origin of christianity would do their best to explain their beliefs because pushing it on someone who had no idea WHAT you believe is rude. In fact, the entire interaction the main character has here seemingly comes from a position of excessive pride, a major sin. He's full of himself and ABSOLUTELY sure that he's 100% right, hence alienating Rainbow Dash. When asked of proof of God he just says something extremely confusing to them rather than actually backing up his belief with proper apologetics. Hell, he could even present any of the existing proofs of god, but it seems he's so blind in his faith that he doesn't even know how to back up his beliefs. As I mentioned in previous comments on earlier chapters, this comes across as REALLY fucky and it is a big turn off for a large number of readers. You're going too hammy with the characterization of the main character in relation to his faith and that just makes the character look much lower quality.
8971686
So you attack others for their lack of shared belief when they ask for proof? You know, getting angry when someone asks for proof is a sign of getting extremely defensive about something and makes you look wrong. There's plenty of existing apologetics that you can use, and so many resources that a christian can arm themselves with to answer such questions. As a person of faith it is your job to defend your beliefs, but you shouldn't become aggressive when asked a simple question. If you can't answer a demand for proof, then you need to reexamine your faith because you haven't gone to proper lengths to learn about it in order to defend it from those who would attack you for your faith.
We need to add a religious tag to this site. Ery funny chapter thou
OK, Its hard to do religion well in books and here is why. You have to write a character who is Christian realistically. You want to show the values as well and give bread crumbs of biblical truth, while not beating your readers over the head with your religion.
This author almost does it well, but like a lot of Christian Authors, he couldn't resist throwing a massive long winded and inappropriate sermon into the stories. Like this song. To do this right, the Author should have shortened the song. This keeps with the characters personality and beliefs, while not going overboard. I encourage all Authors, to boot up their chapters in text to speech and listen to how long songs, as well as heated conversations last. The way that this chapter is set up, you have a solid nine minutes of song along with twelve minutes of religious discussion and education. Thats twenty minutes of sermon in one chapter. That hurts the story.
I mean honestly, you're talking to friends on a bus ride who are jewish or muslim, would you really stand up and start loudly singing a nine minute long church hymn? I mean realistically no-one would do that. At least no one who I would want to call a friend. Thats extremely rude. Now giving someone a a stanza or two is ok and more than reasonable.
The hardest thing for a christian author to do is not beat their readers over the head with their beliefs.
And Again, this story is mostly done extremely well. The Author has a good blend of character belief, behavior, and mixed in education without going overboard. We're already six chapters into it, and this is really the first big oopsie.
Again, to the authors out there, a good text to speech is a valuable tool to help you double check your chapters. It catches pacing issues, misspellings, and flags anything that sounded right when you typed it, but sounds wrong when someone else reads it.
A little positive criticism.
Monk
"Yes, I will eat the Fear Turkey." -Illua In memory of Ilua, a good Author that will be missed.
I'll be honest this story started interesting then all of a sudden in five chapters we have changelings replacing rulers of a nation love struck princess that became that way in 5 seconds after first meeting possibly something about fated partners a large scale battle not exactly in that order. I only know that mc is a Christian boi a zealous one at that and he clearly likes Luna and practiced with a sword at some point in his life oh and he watched mlp fim.
Rapunzel type huh? Nice.