• Published 18th Nov 2018
  • 1,390 Views, 49 Comments

Aqua's New Lord - Davis Collus

Aqua Star is now pregnant after being raped two months ago by an intruder in her own home. Now the stallion has returned and insists that she join him for dinner, but what more could he want from her?

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Comments ( 18 )

"Weak; As I expected. After all that she's been through tonight and everything before it, she won't have the strength to go on anymore. This time tomorrow... she'll be out of our way for good."


I Don't think so.

that foreshadowing, i can imagine centric managing some kind of foal-molester society.

Just a quick comment on something awesome you did here, this is an absolutely perfect way to make a bad guy of high caliber. A character who is as loving and sweet to children as all can be, has invested and set himself up as the lynch pin in so many great public works which hold up the society he is a part of, has adopted a persona of benevolence and good faith, and has planned out multiple layers of plausible deniability and back up plans to ensure any who cross him suffer greatly not just themselves, but over the people they care for being undone by his machinations.

The only weakness they would have is someone who cares little about the world and themselves burning with the antagonist.

On another note, I wonder how centric will react if he finds out one of his minons is feeling up his daughter and trying to sexually abuse her.

How would the antagonist react if Aqua didn't name her foal?

Oh, I'm sure he'd name the child himself. Her input isn't necessary to him.

are you're still Working on this?

Also, if i may say, your Story gave me a Dark thought once.

And just Wondering, as Aqua has to live with him, who takes care of her Cat?

Plus, shouldn't have her Cat noticed the intruder, thus attacking him once Hearing her distress? Don't don't get me wrong, Cats can defend their owners as Dogs do.

I have a strong desire to return to this story, yes. However I hit that block as many of us do where I want to get from A to C but I can't figure out how to get through B. A part is written, C part is in my head but can go one of two way and I hate that I can't decide which is better. and that's why B is stopping me from progressing. I'm writing a few other stories atm since I am trying to just keep improving till my brain kicks into gear and I really hope it does.

A dark thought? Goodness, I hope you're doing okay. If you ever need someone to vent to that you feel would just listen, not judge and won't patronise you with "It'll be fine" comments. My DM's are always open.

Good spot on the cat, lol. Actually it's going to be addressed in the next chapter. There was a plan for the cat to show up at the mansion, but I thought considering the next chapter is called. "Aqua's Flight" the cat would just be in the way of what was planned :P

As for the cat attacking the intruder? I guess in my head I've always known cats to run away from dangerous situations. Plus, if the cat did attack, he'd have hurt it, and I don't think anyone wants that. :P

Ah, okay. I just wondered as I saw too many stores as incomplete but never got updated again.


Right. Still, you might explain in a chapter what her cat was doing when she was attacked. I mean, there was no mention she was outside or anything. And I had cats who were really desive of the family/property.

Really, the first cat in my family had a mother instict or me and almost slit my grandmother's throat as she entered in the middle of the nighht

Oh yikes, I'm sorry for your grandma there. Hope she was okay. I suppose I could add a little something about the cat. Doesn't have to be big, but this cat's personality I had marked down as just fussy for attention when it wants and not concerned for its owner. Don't think me mean or anything, I LOVE cats! But cats are very diverse like people and some just aren't the protective type and this one's more on self-survival.

I love them too. My grandma, nothing to worry. She was supposed to watch over me and entered when I was asleep, so she didn't wanted to disturb me and kept the light out. In the dark, the cat didn't recognize her, mistook her for an intruder, thus the attack but calmed down as she heard my grandma's voice.

Fun fact, said cat even scared a dog and hunted him back to his bed

haha....yea..dont think it would go well in this story anyway. I dont mind the premise or anything thats happening in the story. It is after all a story. But my rightouse indignation want let me be if i dont at least ask you to make this bastard pay or at least clean it up towards maybe a luke warmish happy ending :D

All plans are in motion for a satisfying ending for most (there's gonna be a few upset, always is) But my issue comes from Lord Centric himself... Tho I think I've figured it out, it's just getting it written down.


Currently suffering a writers block. RL stress among other things is really killing me :(

Those bastards! I only hope that the foal is going to be ok

Hello author, are you still working on the story?

it's one of those aggravating things. i want to, but writers block is horrible. :( I know what I want to do with the story, it's just writing it that I can't seem to do, and it's been years now. I know one day, i'll find that passion. till then, i won't say cancelled

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