- Member Since 5th Oct, 2016
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Israel Yabuki
Canon x OC, that's my specialty, both in art and in MLP stories
Israel Yabuki
Joined 5th Oct, 2016 ·
Offline
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Interesting
8858863
What's that?
So far, I think it's starting to get interesting.
8858949
Can you link me to the website
I'm getting some deep CerseixJaime vibes from this
8858986
Oh. In that case, I'd say more than likely
Okay, here's the result of what I'll do for this story tomorrow: if people like it, I'll give it another shot and write another chapter, but if it's not to your liking, I'll either delete it or cancel it, whichever's better.
8859115
I say continue it. If it still gets a lot of hate after a few chapters, then cancel it
I'm not entirely sure why there's so much dislike this early on. I've certainly seen worse get by. I've looked over it and there are a few possibilities I offer if you're willing to consider them.
1) It could be difficulty getting through the story due to grammar. I've noticed a habit of excessive comma splices, run on sentences, and a few typos. That should be solved easily by looking for a good proofreader and/or editor.
2) possibly writing style? No offence meant, but the beginning paragraphs and a few sections in between seem to ramble slightly and/or throw in information that doesn't contribute to the story. Could also be the choice of doing this in first person. While the perspective can be a fun, some people get annoyed if the narrator seems like to be constantly switching between characters in a story and trying to have a conversation directly with the audience.
3) Accidently alienate your fanbase? I notice you had quite a few stories before this one. I've seen stories get early hate because the author was experimenting with subjects that greatly deviated from what people have become accustomed to on that account. (Ex. author writes a fetish filled, grimdark story after writing several dozen light-hearted, E rated comedies)
I hope this gives a few ideas. If not, all I can suggest is to keep pushing forward until you finish it. You may just have to settle for writing it for its own sake or hoping the votes level out after enough of your target audience get a chance to read it. I wish you luck
.
8859316
I suppose that is true. I'll be sure to take up this advice and continue on with the next chapter. I shouldn't let the negative feedback get me down, I'm gonna keep my head held high and improve the next chapter
8859376
. Also, just thought of this looking to the side, but have you considered looking for groups that specialize in these subjects and submitting them? That might help getting it to more people that are likely to like/dislike and comment based solely on technical issues rather than the personal feelings on subject matter alone.
That's the spirit
A pacifists?
8860219
I didn't know that, thank you
Not a bad start.
Really
looks like Sunset was overeating.
Not bad. It's not the best and could really use some polish, but it certainly doesn't deserve the hate.
Is this on going? Cuz i'd love to read more. Good Job dude... 10/10 would read again
8863400
I'm continuing it.
8863793
Hell yeah! Looking forward to it
So far, so good!
I like this so far. Please continue it
I really like this story. Keep up the good work.
Wow. So he's not even gonna bring up the fact that his sister was screaming his name in pleasur? Can't wait for the next chapter.
Please continue!
This contains potential! Don't give up on it just yet!
8874129
I'm with you, dude!
8863400
Its been almost 3 weeks since you posted this story. I understand you probably are busy with other stories and other stuff, but when will the next chapter come out? Not rushing you, just wanting an ETA.
8896264
I'm hoping to post it today or within the week
8896769
Cool. Thanks for the info.
"
First time I saw the name Asriel I thought of the guy from Batman, and Gargamel's cat from "The Smurfs".
When is the next one coming out
8954146
Later. I still got 6 more unfinished stories I need to work on
Pretty good read so far looking forward to the later chapters.
Not that many wallflower bush x anon stories looking forward to how this turns out
9067584
thank you
All I can say for that clop scene, Damn, that’s hot!
Take Sunset to bed? *cough cough* Flash *cough cough*
Wow. Glad this finally updated.
Good clop.
But why are the characters just walking up to stores? Couldn't they use the net? Or go to college so they have a chance at better jobs?
Finally. I've been waiting for this for a long time. Good to see that it's not dead! Thanks, dude!
9125616
Right you are
9125729
In Canterlot City, there are still places where they can apply by walking into the door.
9125923
Anytime
Are you going to finish this? I'm just curious. This is a really great story.
9138910
Yes, I'm gonna finish this
9138919
Thanks! Nice to know.
This one of my favorite stories from you I always find my self coming back here and reading it again and again
Any news on an update?
9356096
Yeah, it's almost done
Eh