Forgery

by DarthMaul22

Chapter 3

Those books weren’t supposed to be there.

I didn’t put them there, so why were they there? Then it hit me.

Bon Bon.

I stomped out of my room, ready to unload on her for invading my privacy. I stopped once I got out the door, though. Would bringing this up compromise my ‘ignorance’ ploy?

After a moment, I decided it wouldn’t. Not if I chose my words right, at least. But I couldn’t just barge in there. I’d have to get her guard down first – have her pre-occupied with something else so she couldn’t come up with a cover-up very easily.

I glanced around randomly, trying to think of something. My eyes rested on the clock for a split second before moving to something else. I did a double take. ’11:00’.

I smiled. I had a plan.

---

About three-quarters of an hour later, I had two decent-sized salads made from the fresh vegetables, ripe for the eating.

“Hey, Bon Bon!” I shouted, “Want some lunch?”

She poked her head out of her bedroom door. “You made lunch? Seriously?”

“It’s not that big of a surprise, is it?” Frankly, I was a little insulted.

“Well, kind of. Usually, you just yell at me to make you something for lunch.”

“I do not!” I scoffed indignantly. How dare she! “I just ask really loudly!”

“Uh huh…” Her tone told me she didn’t believe a word.

Wait, she wanted me to catch that! I couldn’t let her win, though. I was the better mare. I wouldn’t lose to her mind games, and if I wanted my current plan to work at all, I had to get her to eat in the first place.

That meant I had to play nice…ugh. Well, for the sake of exposing Bon Bon, it was worth it. It didn’t mean I had to like it, though!

Wait, yes it did…GAH!

“Whatever.” I grumbled as I took a seat. I sure as hay wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of saying she was right if I didn’t have to.

I took a bite of my salad, inviting her to do the same. At first, after taking her own seat, she seemed a bit wary of the bowl of randomly assorted veggies in front of her. Whether she thought my cooking was poisonous, or was looking for booby traps, I couldn’t tell.

Or maybe she knew I was up to something.

I was going to have to go about this carefully.

I looked up at her as I finished my bit of lettuce. She still hadn’t touched hers, yet.

“Well?” I said, gesturing to her bowl, “Mangia!” Foreign words are fun.

She looked back down to her bowl of greens, and hesitantly took a piece out. She closed her eyes, bracing for some unknown impact as she took a bite. After she didn’t start gasping for breath or passing out, she took another bite, more relaxed this time.

I smiled. I had her.

---

‘Winners don’t use drugs.’

I’m not sure where I heard that phrase, but I still find myself agreeing with it. Take my current situation, for instance. If some crazy spy or other dishonest pony were in my position, they would’ve tried some sort of truth serum or potion. I admit it can help the situation, and in hindsight, I probably should’ve used some, myself.

Nonetheless, it’s unfair. It’s practically cheating. It takes true skill to interrogate the enemy without the help of such substances.

So what, you ask, was I doing, giving my prey a bowl of leafy greens with no traces of tainting?

Duh, winning!

Well, that, and the fact that I wouldn’t know the first place to look should I attempt to acquire such a thing.

“So, Bon Bon…” I tried, attempting to make a conversation. We were both about halfway done with our food, so it was now or never.

“Yeah?” she looked up from her bowl to me. She had her guard down enough to have a conversation with me. Good.

“What were those books doing on my bed?” I asked casually. No specifics. Just ‘books’ and ‘bed’. I couldn’t let her know that I had taken the time to read the covers, let alone that I knew what they were about.

Her eyes widened. Just barely, almost imperceptibly, but it was enough.

“I was…cleaning your room.” You should’ve heard how fake she sounded. She even had a sheepish smile to match. It was almost laughable. I didn’t, though. That would’ve blown my cover.

“Why the sudden interest in keeping my room clean?” Perfect poker face. Of course, it consisted of a confused stare because that’s what the situation called for, but it was a poker face nonetheless.

“Are you complaining?” Horseapples. My room was a mess, among other labels, and we both knew it. It was practically a rats’ nest in there (it actually was, at one point, but that’s a different story).

“Well, no,” I tried to dodge her counter-argument, “But you usually don’t come in there with so much as a broom, after that one time.” We never saw Mr. Dusty again after that fateful day.

“Is it a crime to want my house clean, now?” I was losing her.

“No, I just want a little privacy!”

“I’ve hardly even been in your room these past months! Besides, I’d imagine that you wouldn’t exactly mind me being in your bedroom.” Oh, she did not go there.

She rose her eyebrow at me.

Oh, she went there, all right. She underestimated me, though. I was not defenseless!

“You would imagine that. Though, next time, maybe you should consider the possibility that I don’t share your fantasies.” HA! Right back at-

…Uh-oh…

You know that look a pony gets when something gets them so mad that they just kinda stare at you? That mixture of shock and rage as their brain tries to process it? That’s what was on Bon Bon’s face right now.

In my defense, she ‘went there’ first.

I expected violence. I expected shouting and berating and possibly even the dreaded Spray Bottle.

What I did not expect was her calm tone.

She glanced at the clock. “As enjoyable as this has been, I must get going. I arranged to meet Twilight after lunch today.” Bon Bon got up and left without another word.

I just sat there. I was not expecting that reaction at all. If anything, I was prepared to have a bruise for a week.

In the end, I hadn’t gotten her to confess anything. In fact, I think I only made her mad. You don’t live with a mare for a year and simply not pick up on that kind of thing. That’s when another thought hit me out of left field.

What was she going to see Twilight for?

I thought about it. Maybe I could get some proof of her being a spy. After all, all I really had going for me at the moment was that she was in my room.

I shook my head to break out of my thoughts. If I wanted proof, I was gonna have to get it the hard way.

Stopping only to get the ninja mask out of my room, I trotted out the door to follow my roommate-slash-spy.

Comments

[DarthMaul22]

Sorry about the wait. I didn't have this part fleshed out as much as I thought I did.

I'll make the usual request of pointing out any errors, but this time I will also ask to point out any jokes that aren't quite cutting it. This is meant to be comedy, after all.

[wat]

EJdheirdiehirdd AUUUUFUFUFUFU

[Exuno]

God this is hilarious. First person plus insanity is always fun to read. Poor Bon Bon.

1015188
The only thing I could object to is the super effective joke. It feels kind of out of place. The tangent on winning and drugs was hilarious, though.

[DarthMaul22]

1017669
Thanks for the feedback. I replaced the super effective joke. Maybe I'll use it later.

[Lone Wolf]

Can't wait for the part when they actually try to make the homunculus.

[oberon]

"Mangia"?

Italian huh?