D.N.A: Damn Not Again

by Chemtest

Oh No

A group of ponies walk through the streets of Canterlot, donning the simple robes of monks from afar. Ponies turn to looks at the odd group as they sing some odd hymns.

“Ra-ra-Rasputin.
Lover of the Russian Queen.
There was a cat who really was gone.”

Chem and the others all sing the notes in hushed, deep tones, keeping their hoods up and heads down.

They eventually reach the castle, but two guard mares stop them at the gates, “Halt! State your business!”

Chem smiles underneath his robe, and puts on his best mysterious voice, “We come from far away, wishing to spread our wisdom to your fair Princess. Wishing to give her the vision we have seen.”

The guard smiles, “Oh, really? And what, prey tell, is your origin?”

Derpy speaks up from behind Chem, “We come from Sirely, and from the Church of the Calf-Licks.”

Chem nods, “We come with a vison sent by Jehllawhey. A vision that must be delivered to your Princess.”

The guards look at each other, and shrug. They part ways, “The Princess is open for private meetings today. You’d better hurry though.”

They nods, and move into the palace.

Time Tuner whispers into Derpy’s ear, “He said Cath-olic, not Calf-Lick.”

She shrugs, “Eh, it worked.”

Chem smiles, “She is right, it worked.”

They start up their songs again, as they move into Celestia’s private meeting room.

She looks up as they enter, “Oh, what’s this? Visitors?”

Chem nods, “We come, Celestia, to deliver a vision we have received. The Catholics send their well wishes along with a message from our god.”

Celestia puts down a book, and adopts a smile, “Well, let’s hear it then.”

Chem smiles, “Our vision shows your nation as it is right now, with stallions kept down in society. It is then that the vision changed, showing a disgruntled group of your citizens coming up to you and asking you to help them. The vision split into two different versions.”

Time Tuner takes his turn to speak, “If you accepted their request, and changed the laws against males, then the world went on to live in peace. A new golden age, without enemy, without war, and prosperous.”

Chem continues after him, “But, if you said no, then the group would try more drastic measures. It reaches the point that one reaches a level to face you, and the stallions manage to defeat you. Many are harmed, many families are torn apart, and other nations take advantage of your weakness. But, above all, is a male alicorn that rises to defeat you.”

Celestia’s eyes widen, “A male alicorn? Did the vison specify anything about him!?”

Chem shakes his head, “The only thing seen was that he almost glowed a white color.”

Celestia shakes her head, “No, that’s impossible, he wouldn’t awaken because of me not giving up the stallion population!”

Chem stamps his hoof down, “Celestia, focus! Now exists the time for you to make a choice. Will you chose equality? Or war?”

Celestia looks over at him, “Why would you want to know?”

Chem takes his hood off, not noticing Spike slowly sneaking behind Celestia with his ribe still tight.

The others all take their own off, and Celestia nods, “Blueblood, Fancy Pants, Fluer, Derpy? Even you, Time Turner? After how may jobs I gave you? You do know I will not take this lightly, and you will not get another contract from me, right?”

Turner takes the verbal strike without moving, “I don’t care, Celestia. This cause is beyond contacts, it’s beyond me!”

Celestia scoffs, “So, your vision was false, and I have no reason to actually care about all of you. I’ve said this many times, as soon as the stallion population reaches a stable point, they will be made equal to mares.”

Spike slowly moves behind Celestia, carrying a frying pan in his claws. He swings it, and knocks Celestia out with a blow to the back of her head.

Chem’s eyes widen as an alarm starts to go off in the palace, “Oh shit! Everyone, cheese it!” He picks Spike up, and takes off into a hallway.

He runs quickly with a group of guards chasing after him.

He seems fine until he runs into someone. He looks to see Time Turner looking dazed, “Oh, this hallway goes in a square. Oh no, this hallway goes in a square!” Guards close in around them, and his eyes widen, “We’re trapped!”

Chem looks around, looking for a way out.

He is blinded as the sun shines through a stained glass window next to him, and he puts a hoof on Turner’s shoulder, “Come on, out the window!”

Turner looks at him, “You serious?!”

But Chem has already burst open the window with his elbow, and he prepares to jump out.

Turner and him jump out at the same time, with Spike grasped firmly in his hooves.

They fall to the ground, only to find something in the way.

They land on a cart of a sofa salesman, all three safe on the padded cushions.

But they knock it lose from it’s holders, and the sofa starts to slip out of the cart.

It finally falls, and starts to slip down the street.

Comments

[Blaze the draconic mage]

Haha spike panned her good

[deadmemes]

But Chem has already burst open the window with his elbow, and he prepares to jump out.

YEET

[bob1234567]

He rolled a nat 1

[bob1234567]

Then a nat 20 for luck

[AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH]

“Ra-ra-Rasputin. Lover of the Russian Queen. There was a cat who really was gone.”

Fuckin love this. LMAO for 5 min