zsewqthewolf
Joined 14th Sep, 2012 ·
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Surprised this has been viewed yet. Looks good.
8919503
Glad you like it so far.
8919503
glad you like it. also give it to an-twan star as well, am just the guy that dig for the uncut gem and he do the cutting part
That coleslaw colt has dedication and I respect him for that
8922163
The word "Manicial" does not exist. Maybe you meant "maniacal"?
The word "Squak" doesn't exist, but I'm pretty sure you meant "squeak".
Also the plural word "ways" is incorrect in this case. The indefinite article "A" may not be required with the plural "ways". I suggest making it a singular word, so it would look like:
9010971
thx for the input dude
9011024
There are a lot of mistakes left, maybe you could use an editor?
9011053
I do. you should see what it looked like before hand
9011057
I can copy the story and revise it if you'd like. I could then send you the edited part to you afterward.
9011063
mmm later there a new chp in the works right now, also go give my editor for this fic An-Twan Star he makes fics as well and just as well made
9011083
When are you going to release another chapter?
9016997
when the editor An-Twan Star is done its about 80% done but wait for it
This is quite interesting, and I cannot wait to see more of this. And it seems to be the first Anthro story with these characters, so I can't wait to see what you are coming up with.
NOOO!!!
Not the coleslaw pony again.....
9062100
tune in next to for the big update!
Really liking the story so far. It's somehow interesting to read about them just doing normal, everyday things and hanging out. Keep doing what you're doing man!
9095783
thx but like real life there just things you do can make a micro adventure.
plus a little from the show too, tune in maybe a few weeks as a new chp a big one will hit.
9095789
Looking forward to it!
9062076
today is that day!
Too bad for coleslaw colt he never had a chance.
Nope coleslaw colt noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9107941
don't worry his fine
Yona broke Gallus nice.
9111357
and there be lots more funny stuff like this in up coming chps
Ocellus' rig sounds dope.
9111793
keep reading and found out
Rip gem matrix you will be missed
9111845
Glad you like it Love-able
Basically.
Gilda? Did not expect to see her in a magazine.
9113975
yup its Gilda
I can see her doing that if they pay her well
I see the tags, and I read the chapters, and I have no idea where this trip will go.
But I'm curious to find out.
9128877
as the old saying gose on tv "tune in for the next ep for weekend fun and headaches!"
but tell me what you like about the story and also give it up to An-Twan Star as well!
9128886
The premise is interesting. You don't see Synninide-style anthros in the fandom all that often. Certainly not on Fimfiction; I think this might be the first one. The friendship students are engaging characters with unusual dynamics; reading about them is always fascinating, and they get far too little attention by writers. Though I suspect shipper may get some fuel very soon...
Then there's the tags. Mature, sex, and I can't tell how they will factor in. But in a good way, because it makes me want to read on and find out just what you intend to do with the story, what direction you want it to go into.
9128960
I always try my best and An-Twan Star as well.
With the tags, however, let me ask you this would it be better if i used them up on the 1st chp of the story with no context and build up or the other way around?
After all that how all good stories are made
And with the kids is easy i just play it out in my head how the will act around each other
9128980
Well considering I literally wrote it's the good kind of ambiguity so far... why would I?
Say that first option, I mean.
9129031
Ah ok.
but anyway i hope you find all the easter eggs i will hide in each cheap
9129031
also look up An-Twan Star his work is just as good as this story
zsewqthewolf
You kindly asked about some feedback to the story as it is at the moment.
Well, to be honest. I don't have much to criticize.
The overall pace of the story is very consistent and not plot drivin.
You keep all the little details which many wouldn't even recognize after a while. Just for example, smolder loving her movies.
The only thing which got a little bit lost are gallus's intentions towards using twilight's credit card to help replace ocellus computer.
You as the reader had a hard time connecting with the either the generosity of gallus nor the aggression of smolder.
All in all it is nicely written. And in my opinion, the sex, profanity and mature tag are WAY overrated on this one. Silencing the swears:
Instead of
Gallus: "I call bullshit"
Use:
Gallus stated his disagreement with quite a mouthfull of words.
(Just an example)
Removing the Griffon Magazine should do everything to make the rating go down to E or T.
Then, so far. I didn't see a single moment when the anthro warning came really through.
Update the short description a little. focus on selling the story, don't keep readers away. this one is worth it. You got something good there.
I think thats it. I hope I could help you a little.
Thanks for the story. Its a good one.
9209031
thx a lot for the comment, but also give my editor for this story a look he just has much help with the story and adding more to it to give it that kick it needs.
His stories as just as good as this one, go to his profile and look him up
9209031
also the mature tag is there for later down the line
Updates needed :P
9213564
We're working on it.
9213564
it would be worth the wait
9214021
Certainly a very good start! Hopefully they get the game going soon, they've certainly gone to a lot of trouble!
9217468
but as we all know life is not that sample!
am sorry everyone who saw there feed, i was going to hit the edit button but ended up the upload button am sorry everyone!
9529464
So this isn't cancelled, then?
9621382
nope the next up date is a huge one is all