• Published 28th Mar 2018
  • 824 Views, 7 Comments

What If...? Screwball Had A Harley Quinn Complex - No1MporXant



When Ponyville's resident Psychotherapist Dr. Scarabew Ballentine has an encounter with Discord, will she be able to convince him to stop spreading Eternal Chaos, or will he drive her completely insane, or will something totally unexpected happen?

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Just call me Screwball

After Twilight and the Mane 6 explain to Celestia what has been going on, Screwball then uses visual aids & explains to them all her Psychological Diagnosis of Discord from the day she had spent with him, explaining that he did what he did to the Mane 6 because he saw them as a threat, and how ruining their friendship was only for defensive purposes, until she gets to the part involving the Magic Rainbow and says "And so you see, because Discord had a different mind set & a change of heart, the Elements sensed that he was no longer the threat that he used to be taken for, so instead of sealing him in stone like last time, the Rainbow purged everyone & everything of all of the Chaos Magic that Discord had spread throughout Ponyville & beyond, and returned it all back to where it all came from, Discord himself".

Then Discord butts in and adds "But because you were in such close physical contact with me when the Rainbow hit me, all of That Chaos Magic ended up getting transferred into You, there by changing you into what you are now".

Screwball then pulls her head into her torso, pops a ringing round signaling bell out of her neck, then the bell gets pulled back into her torso, and her head pops back out and she over-excitedly says "That's Correct, That's Absolutely Correct!", all while she sticks a carrot in Discord's mouth, then uses the curls in her tail like a hand to light a match, then lights the carrot's top on fire, then it makes the sound of a burning fuse, then like a bomb the carrot explodes in Discord's face, then when the smoke clears, Discord's head looks like a pile of ashes in the shape of his head, then Screwball gently blows at Discord's head, blowing the ashes away revealing that his head is gone, then he just pops a fresh new head right out of his neck.

He then bursts out laughing and says "The Explosive Carrot Gag, hahaha Classic!".

The Mane 6 & Celestia just stand there speechless, still needing a few seconds to take all of this in at one time, finally Celestia breaks the silence by stupefyingly saying "Wow, that is just, just...".

Then Pinkie interrupts and says "It's so great that there is no single word to describe it!".

Screwball then pops her head out of Pinkie's mane and says "I can think of one", she then floats out of Pinkie's mane, lands on the ground and say's "Try, 'Supercatifrogilicoricextrapickledonuts".

Pinkie then says "Oooh, That's a Good One!".

Screwball tells Pinkie "Feel free to use it anytime".

Twilight then walks over, places her hoof on Screwball's shoulder and says "Dr. Ballentine, I swear, we'll do everything we can to change you back to your old self again".

Screwball then sticks her face up to Twilight's and says "Are You Kidding Me?!" (she then flies around right above everyone and says)This is WAY Better than how I used to be, (then floats right next to Discord & says)plus this gives me & Discie much more in common, why ever would I even Want to go back to how I was before?".

Twilight replies "But you're the most successful Psychotherapist in all of Equestria! You don't seriously want to throw all of That away just to be like This do you?".

Rarity then adds "Yes Darling, Why ever would you want to be more like Discord?".

Screwball then stretches her neck so that her head can speak to them at a closer range while the rest of her is still far away and says "Well first of all for your information, despite all of my so called (using her ears to do Air Quotes)'Success', my life has been a swirling cauldron of Misery & (she then morphs her mouth to look like a megaphone and says)BOOORDOOOOOM!", and Twilight & Rarity's manes get messed up from Screwball's amplified voice, then Screwball retracts her neck back to her body which is still floating next to Discord and she says "But more importantly, (she then holds Discord's Lion-Arm and says)Because I LOVE Him!".

This makes everyone shout "WHAAAAT!!!!!!!".

Then Rainbow Dash flies right in front of Screwball and says "What do you mean You LOVE Him!".

Twilight then runs up to them and asks Screwball "Why would an Intelligent/Logical Pony like You possibly ever fall for a being of Chaos like HIM!".

Screwball then floats around them and explains "Because he's the first being to actually make me Laugh in I-Don't-Even-Know-How-Long, and he reminded me of what I was like before I became the stoic little sad-sack I was known for, (she then zips up a zipper that appeared out of nowhere & she's then dressed in a Clown Costume and says)I always wanted to be a Clown who could spread Fun & Joy everywhere I went, (then she says more to herself)Though now that I think about it That would be much more accomplishable now that I have Chaos Powers & all, (then she unzips the Clown costume off making it disappear & returning to her usual pony nudity and says)anyways, Discord has brought Merriment & Excitement back into my life, and I can't imagine a day without him, (she then places on a 1920's Gangster-like fedora, while holding an asparagus stalk in her teeth, she then speaks in a male voice with an accent similar to that of actor Edward G. Robinson saying)So I couldn't let you turn him back into an oversized garden decoration, see?".

Fluttershy then flies up to Discord and asks "And, Do You feel the same way about her that she feels about you?".

Discord replies "Of Course I Do, Screwball here was able to see past my monstrous appearance, my intimidating powers, and my unusual demeanor, and see me for who I'm really like at heart, she gave me a chance when no pony else would even give me the time of day, no pony has ever done so much for me before, and I admit, she has stolen my heart, Figuratively of course, I didn't mean That one in any literal way, and now she can even keep up with me on a Chaotic Level".

Then Celestia says "Well there's still the matter of what we're going to do with you Discord, Despite the fact that no one was really hurt from all of this, the Ponies of Equestria are going to demand retribution for all of the trouble & inconveniences you caused them all".

Screwball then says to Celestia "Actually Princess, (she then pulls out a wallet with an extensive accordion style photo album-like card holder set filled with her doctoral licenses and says)despite my chaotic transfiguration, I am still a fully licensed Psychotherapist, (she then mentions her affiliactions with & a bunch of other stuff found within the Equestrian Legal System then tells Celestia)I insist that you turn Discord over into My Custody for Rehabilitation".

Then Rainbow Dash flies in front of Screwball saying "Rehabilitation?! Are you Kidding Me?! You're just as Crazy as He is, Maybe even More!".

Screwball than makes her head huge and shouts at Rainbow Rash "YOU AIN'T JUST WHISTLIN' DIXIE!", then her head reverts back to normal size and she kisses Rainbow on the lips, then Screwball starts bouncing around like a superball while mimicking Daffy Duck's classic "Woo-Hoo Woo-Hoo" sounds, then on one of her bounces she hits the 4th Wall Screen, stretches it out towards the viewers, then she's sling-shotted miles away & over the horizon, then she magically appears out of nowhere from behind Rainbow Dash and says "But Seriously, (she then grabs Rainbow Dash by the cheeks and starts playing with them while saying)with all of my Training, Experience & Expertise in the many fields of Mental Health, Do you really think that there's anypony else better qualified for this than little old me?".

With her cheeks all smushed together by Screwball's hooves Rainbow Dash says in a humorous way "Now that you mention it, No".

After giving it a little thought, Celestia then says "Very well Dr.-uh-Screwball, I here by place Discord into your custody to be rehabilitated, provided that he guarantees that he will never ever do anything like This ever again".

Discord then says "Oh no need to worry your pretty little crown off Princess, I no longer have any intentions of Ruling Equestria in Eternal Chaos, thanks to the good doctor here, I've realized a better use for my Powers, I plan to create, the first ever, Chaos Themed Amusement Park!".

The surprised Mane 6 & Celestia say "Amusement Park?!".

An excited Pinkie Pie then says "Ooh I Love Amusement Parks! They're Always Super Duper Fun!".

Discord then tells her "Well just wait until you get a load of what I have planned, it's going to be Bigger, Better and More Funtastical than Anything you've Ever seen Before!".

Pinkie replies "Oh I'm so excited I could just Burst!".

Then Screwball says "Here, let me help you with that", Screwball then grabs Pinkie by the lips, takes a deep breath, then blows into Pinkie's lips & inflates her head like a really big balloon, then Screwball uses the curls on her tail like a hand to hold a large needle, and pricks Pinkie's balloon head, and pops it leaving Pinkie without a head, then Screwball reaches into Pinkie's Torso & pulls out another Pinkie Pie head good as new.

Pinkie then tells Screwball "Oooh, Do That Again!".

Discord then says "Some other time maybe, This Amusement Park Project is going to take quite a while to build, especially if I had to do this All by Myself...".

Screwball then cuddles Discord and in a lovey-dovey way says "Well then, shall we get started together my Big, Strong Turducken?".

Discord replies in the same manner "Yes, let's get going my Sweet, Little Cherpumple", then Discord snaps his fingers & they both disappear.

Rainbow Dash then gags and says "Give me a Break!".

Twilight then asks Celestia "Princess Celestia, not to question your decision but, are you sure that This is a good idea?".

Celestia replies "I'll admit that I still have my doubts, but if the Elements of Harmony truly no longer see Discord as a Threat, then there has to be a reason for it, you knows, if even Discord can learn to fall in love & be loved in return, then maybe having him be reformed & becoming an ally, is all worth having Equestria's greatest Psychotherapist lose her own sanity, all we can do now is hold on to hope".

Twilight then says to her mentor "If you say so Princess, I just prey that you're right".

Author's Note:

In case you didn't already guess, "Supercatifrogilicoricextrapickledonuts" is a play on the phrase Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, famously known from the 1964 Classic Disney film Mary Poppins.