14 - Induction
Contary to her name, Sunset could wake up quite early, even before sunrise, if she got to sleep early enough. This was one of these days, particularly since she had gotten to sleep the moment she got back. This, however, left her with a problem: she was awake, and no one else was. Now, with nothing else to do, Sunset flicked through her journal, in the small hope Princess Twilight would write to her.
"Woke up early too, huh?" Twilight Sparkle, of the human world, stood at the doorway, looking no less frustrated than Sunset was. "Might I ask: what actually is that book?"
"I wasn't lying when I said this was journal, though I don't keep track of my day in it." The girl patted a bandaged hand on the bed next to her, prompting Twilight to sit down on the bed. "I can communicate with Princess Twilight with this. There's another book in Equestria, which is basically just a duplicate of this one. If I write something in this, it appears in the other book, and vice versa. How it works? Magic."
"Why do I suspect that's going to be the answer to a lot of things these days?"
"Because you're right. I imagine magic does have some really complicated science behind it that explains how it actually works, but I don't think anypony knows." Sunset couldn't help but giggle at Twilight's frustration. "Hey, by the way, where's the scientist in you lately? I haven't known you for that long, but still..."
"Frankly, I'm just trying to take one thing at a time. Let's see all of the things I could be worrying about and/or researching right now. Why a girl I recently met has magic, where the girl is from, a literal sun goddess visiting us, meeting a exact duplicate of yourself, magic, magic, magic, that armour over there, and my own situation at Crystal Prep. Which one of those sounds most appealing?"
Sunset sniggered at Twilight's mini rant, before nodding her head in acknowledgement. "Alright, I get it. Aren't you panicking over this though?"
The purple girl dramatically put hand up the her head in exhaustion. "Trust me, I am on the inside. Ever since Shiny talked to me the other day, he kinda helped to convince me to take things slowly. Anyway, could I ask you something?"
"Of cour-" The book in Sunset's lap started to vibrate, glowing with a faint purple. Opening it to the most recent page, new writing swirled and glowed, taking shape on the paper.
Sunset,
We did some digging around on the prediction, and we were able to draw a number of conclusions. We believe the phoenix-master that the prediction came from was also very able in curses. You aren't cursed, but rather under a sort of reverse curse. We're not quite sure to make of it.
As far as abilities go, we were able to draw up a list, but I'd rather tell you that in pony/person, because then we'll be able to test them. Regardless, we know your magic potential had increased to just below an immortal alicorn's magic, so you're probably more powerful than me, since I'm still mortal. You're also significantly stronger physically to, probably akin to a stallion earth pony. One of the ones we are completely unsure of, is that you might have to ability to be reborn, like most phoenixes.
Anyway, I hope you get past your problems in the human world, please remember that you can ask others for help, whether it be me or someone over there.
Your friend,
Twilight Sparkle
"Well, you wanted to know what it was. I'll write back later. Actually..." Sunset, still not able to write properly with her hands, took a pen in her mouth, and brought the book up to her face, allowing her to write on it.
Great! Now get to sleep!
Fine, fine. You let me have no fun!
"So it's basically a magic text message."
"Yeah, I guess. Never thought of it that way. I've been thinking too much like a pony recently. Anyway, you wanted to ask a question, yes?"
Shaking off her fascination of the book, Twilight quickly turned to Sunset. "Oh! Yes, right. I'm not sure if I want to stay at Crystal Prep. It gives you great exam results, but other than that..."
"It's really bad, got it."
"Yes, but the only other school in the area is CHS, and from what you've told me..."
"To be fair, the whole school's been really paranoid ever since a literal demon showed up at the school. Plus, with their history with the other Twilight, they should treat you just fine, if a little bit weird. When we can, we could speak to Principal Celestia, try and sort something out. Not now, obviously, it is the holidays."
Twilight let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. "That's great! I really don't want to have to go back to Crystal Prep. And it would be nice to have someone there I know."
"Awww. You're too kind to me sis!" Sunset wrapped an arm around Twilight, gently stroking her shoulder, jerking it away when she heard a small hum of approval from the door. Night Light stood there, with a soft smile on his face, nodding slowly.
"So, you've decided?"
"Y-yeah. I want this. Something that I've never had before."
"You sure this isn't from pressure? We don't want to force anything upon you."
"No, no, this is entirely my own decision." Night Light leaned in closer, a mischievious smirk growing on his face.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Are you su-"
"Just go do the paperwork, or call the lawyers, or whatever you need to do." Sunset was attempting to contain her laughter at her own teasing, only succeeding when she slapped a hand over her mouth.
"Are you-"
A pillow was flung in the man's direction, causing him to duck into the corridor, swiftly going down the stairs, fearful for any more soft projectiles. Sunset gave out a victorious laugh, while Twilight rolled her eyes at her father's antics. "Don't need magic to deal with that!"
Leaving Sunset to relish in her father's defeat, Twilight got up and walked out of the room, joining her parents down stairs. Her mother was stretching her amrs out, as if they hadn't been used in days. "Ahh, it's nice to sleep in a bed again. You sure Sunset isn't just doing this out of peer pressure?"
"Well, I did ask her several times until she attacked me, soooo..."
"Right, right, your annoyingly successful test of being a complete pain." Velvet was tempted to smack her husband over the back of the head, but she resisted the instinct. Twilight chose this moment to make her entrance, about to add her own comment when the doorbell rang. Velvet went to answer it, and was greeted by the sight of a pale woman in a light brown suit, a sun symbol pinned to her lapel.
"Good morning, Velvet. I hope I haven't interrupted anything this early in the morning." The visitor frowned when Velvet dipped her head slightly. "Why're you-"
"That's Principal Celestia, not Princess Celestia. Besides, both Celestias would hate someone bowing to them in such a way." Sunset sat at the bottom of the stairs, slightly amused by the display, before nodding to the pale woman. "Hello, Celestia. What brings you here?"
"Thanks for calling me 'Principal' when not at school, for one. Luna's out of town visiting friends, so I thought I might as well do the same. Might as well get some work out of the way while I'm here anyway."
"Work?" Velvet enquired, having believed the issue with Sunset was resolved.
"I heard from my niece that Twilight here might want to transfer." The purple girl brightened up at the possibility, smiling in confirmation.
"Wait, if you already knew about human Twilight, why'd you allow the other Twilight into the school?"
"I realized something was going on, given how she was acting. Let her in, mainly because the cameras caught you sneaking around. I figured the two events were related." Celestia shrugged off the question as if she had already been asked it several times. The conversation moved to more pleasant matters, generally updating each other on how their lives were going, followed by a long winded apology from Celestia, that could basically be summed up as 'I'm sorry I thought you were Anon-a-miss', which was swiftly accepted. Soon enough, the topic shifted to what Twilight wanted to do.
"So you're thinking you should go to CHS?"
"It depends. I don't know what's happening to Cinch, what's happening with CHS, and even how my own transfer is going to work out."
"I can answer two of those. From what I gather, Cadance may become the principal, but all the issues at the school will take a while to sort out, more than a few years, perhaps. Your transfer is should be absolutely fine - nothing out of the ordinary, particularly since the other Twilight was never officially enrolled. As for Canterlot High..." Celestia took a deep breath, before shaking her head. "I can't exactly do much about it over the holidays. The deletion of the blog will either be good or bad. I wonder why it was deleted?"
"I ca-" Sunset quickly cut herself off, not wanting to get Scootaloo in trouble. "I know who created the blog. But... only two of the creators are really to blame, and the other... I owe them, a lot. Can we try and sort this out when school's back? Not only will it be much eaier, it'll give me time to figure out what I actually want to do."
Celestia sighed at the unsurity of her pupil. "While I would normally tell you to give me their names, it is your choice. You've already been through so much, I don't want to force you through more."
"I appreciate that. How are you going to attempt to deal with this?"
"That's the question of the day, isn't it? I honestly want you to decide that, and I'll do as much as I can to help. But you know this will take a while."
"Yeah, I do." Sunset grimaced when she started to think of next monday, when she would go back to school. "I can't exactly plan ahead, so I'm just going to deal with it when it comes around. Not much else I can really do."
Celestia nodded and looked at her watch, suprise showing on her face when she saw it was eleven o'clock. "Well, I must be going. I do hope we can resolve this entire mess soon. Oh, and I'll be at school on the second of January, if you want to see me. Usual times." The woman quickly departed, excusing herself over meeting her sister.
It was a normal day for Paper Gavel, and he was working on the day after Boxing Day, when few other business were open. He sat at his desk at the offices of Gavel & co. Lawyers, awaiting a client, one Twilight Velvet, who had consulted him on multiple occasions before. It was a couple of minutes before the scheduled appointment, and the receptionist buzzed him, informing the lawyer that Mrs. Velvet had arrived, which he responded to by sending her in. When the woman did enter his office, a younger girl followed her, with bland clothing that had sleeves that were far too long for the girl. "Mrs. Velvet! Take a seat. And this is...?"
"Sunset Shimmer." The girl gave a simple nod as her name was said.
"Right, right. 'Tia told me to expect someone to come in with a young girl, but didn't have time for specifics. Anyway, what can I do for you?"
"Funny. Celestia said I should come here."
Gavel shook his head at his friend's cleverness. "That woman..." He turned his head back upwards to look at Velvet. "I owe Celestia a big favour, and she hinted this might be it. So I'm going to assume this is going to be harder than getting a young lady into her school. You're welcome for that, by the way, Sunset."
"You're the one who-" Sunset sighed in disbelief, before wisely deciding to let the lawyer just do his thing.
"Yes I am. Once this is over, maybe you can help me fill in the blanks on your profile? The only thing I've got other than visual stuff is your name, and potentially age."
"We'll probably be able to answer most of that in the process of this...'favour'." Velvet cleared her throat in preparation. "I for one don't know how far Sunset's legal statistics go in terms of what she can actually do, but we intend to adopt her."
"Right. Okay. That will be... difficult. But not impossible. First off can you fill in as many blanks in this form? Just as a start, I'll fudge as many of the details I can, might even be able to do this in a day." Velvet started to add to the piece of paper, inputting such things as the scars on Sunset's forelimbs and back, and correcting Sunset's age, among other facts.
Not much else appeared to be required of them, with Gavel constantly claiming that he would 'handle it'. However, once all the official documents had been signed, he promptly stood, walked around the table, and shook Velvet by the hand. "Congratulations, Mrs. Velvet, you are now the legal guardian of one Sunset Shimmer, and-" He moved to pat Sunset on the shoulder, tactfully avoiding her arms. "- well done to you, Ms. Shimmer, since you are now the adopted daughter to one Twilight Velvet. I wish you both luck in the years to come, no matter where they take you. Now I suggest you go celebrate, I opened just for you, and I'm not being paid at all for this."
"Wait, that's it? Really?"
"Yep! Now go have some tea. Or coffee. Or water. Or milk. Or whatever the hell you drink. Just have a good time! Merry late Christmas!" Gavel shooed off the two stunned clients out of his office, then took out his phone, dialing a number labelled as 'Sunny'.
"Paper?"
"'Tia, you're gonna have to get me a job at your school. I can't keep up with this."
"Aww, is the self-proclaimed 'King of Chaos' sick of spreading order?"
"I was thinking drama teacher. Need a new name too. I think...I'll get back to you on that."
"Are you going to tell me the real reason for calling or..."
"I am glad to inform you that Sunset Shimmer is now legally part of Twilight Velvet's family. Now, about that job..."
"I... can't believe it was that simple!" Sunset sat in the car, still processing the breakneck speed at which the adoption had taken place. Her adoptive mother nodded her head in silent agreement. "So... where do we go from here, dearest mother?"
"Oh for- you do not get to call me stuff like that. It's 'mum' or 'mom' or however else you want to pronounce it! I had a hard enough time with Cadance calling me stuff like that." While Sunset was suprised by the outburst, she could help but chuckle at Velvet's reaction.
"Heh, alright Mum. Home?"
"Home. And thanks for not wearing that jacket."
"No promises for the future, though." Velvet allowed herself to mumble to herself about awful clothes, concentrating on the drive home, letting Sunset think about her own future.
It was a short drive back, the office only being twenty minutes away from home, only slightly slowed by the lingering snow, which was quickly melting away.Sunset pasted the time by practicing her hand writing, something that had become a sort of hobby since she lost her ability to write with her hands. Writing with her mouth was very good and all, but looked quite weird to anyone who witnessed it. Plus levitating anything used to write would cause Sunset to sprout magical wings and a horn, something she wouldn't mind to avoid from now on.
For what felt like the thousandth time since Sunset had been taken into foster care, she was standing next to the door, patiently waiting for Velvet to unlock it. The door swung open, revealing Night Light, with a hopeful look on his face.
"Hi dad."
"Does that mean...?" His hope increased, and when he was met with a confirming nod, the man's emotions increased a hundredfold, and it took all he had not to squeal like a toddler recieving candy. Less than a moment later, Sunset found herself wrapped in a loving hug, a giddy smile on both faces. Velvet warmly smiled at the scene, closing the door behind her, then taking the papers and moving to another room top organize them. The father and adopted daughter broke apart, and walked into the living room together, greeting Twilight Sparkle on entry.
"Well?"
"Congrats on getting a new sister, Twi."
Twilight gasped in amazement, then giggled merrily. "What a Christmas gift, eh? Now about th-"
The girl was interrupted by Sunset's phone going off, leaving Twilight with an annoyed frown. "Sorry Twi. No experiments today."
"How'd you kn- nevermind. What's it say?"
"Hmm. I guess I know what I'm doing for the rest of the day. My current friends what to try and help me, and it doesn't say it here, but I know they want to know what's been going on." Sunset looked up at Velvet with a glimmer of hope in her eye. "Can I go? You don't ned to follow me around any more, right?"
"Yes, you can go. Can you take Twilight with you, though? It would be nice to get her a head start in terms of friends."
"Great! Come along, Sparkles!" Sunset grabbed Twilight by the arm and practically dragged her upstairs to get changed.
"But- but- but-"
"Have fun, sweetie!"
Twilight whimpered, resigned to her ghastly fate of a social life...
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so when is Anon A Miss going tog et exposed and we get to see the rest of the Rainbooms grovel and plead for forgiveness and kiss her feet?
Ahgggg! Social Contact! It Burns!
8926377
No! New friends! I'm meeellllttting!
8925912
For anon-a-miss: somewhen during the first week back to school, potentially subject to change.
As for the rainbooms? I haven't quite decided yet, but it's gonna be a while. There's pleeeenty of people who need to apologise first, among other things.
8926157
I'm glad you gave me that idea, though. I had about 15000 ideas of what the voice could be. I think at one point it was King Sombra. Then you come along and, voila! The voice has a good name! One taken from MLP fandom, too!
Seriously though, thanks. It was a pain in my arse to add more personality to what is now Screwball. And if I'm honest, she might make a return. Might.
8951922
I mean, the odd thing is, up until the massive info dump, the story was actually going pretty good, minus some typos, it felt like it was the original story reborn. But then the info dump just brought it to a grinding hault, and the fight scene, introducing the Dazzlings outta nowhere, Sunset suddenly having fire wings again... I think this just lost focus at that point. And ya, while its good to not copy the original, I think this just took it in a direction that it wasnt meant to...
8952245
Yeah, I suspected people would lose interest at that point. I wanted to take it in a different direction than what anon a miss fics usually do, and it went badly. I'm not going to abandon the story just because of that - this is more a learning experience for me. Not my first story, but it is my first long one, and my first mlp fic too.
It might've pointed out things I already knew, but thanks for actually bothering to comment none the less.
And just for everyone else, I intend for the sirens to make another appearence that means more. That was just a way of introducing their situation, which, granted, was over complicated.
8952261
Yeah,to be completely honest I like the story but there are somethings I would have done differently. Admittedly I'm saying these as a reader in hindsight, so I have every advantage over you back during the writing process. So don't take any of these personally or feel bad about them.
I'll start with the Siren's since you bring them up. They add nothing to the story for the amount they are focused on. If you wanted to use them later I feel like there would have been better ways to show they were still around in the background doing stuff. The concept of chekhov's gun has two uses in story telling there's the overt hinting at how everything will be resolved. (I.e. having the story draw attention to a character's fondness for drinking only half the water in a glass and then later it being the key to killing the aliens like in Signs) but there's also a subtler use in that calling attention to anything is pulling out a thread and leaving it hanging for later. The use the story has for the Siren's is forcing Sunset into Equestria, being comedic relief, and as you state in the comment being a plot later on. I feel like using them as all three makes their purpose feel unfocused.
There's a similar problem with Celestia, you spend so much time using her as a comedic relief that her emotional bits feel less impactful. In a story about Sunset attempting suicide and finding herself a home you do not want to compromise Celestia's emotional impact, she's a good third of the potential drama between Sunset, her new family, and Celestia, the family that never was.
You also cut some scenes from the old story between Sunset coming into the care of the Sparkle family and their decision to adopt her. Cutting them makes sense to distance yourself from the other story but the story needed the emotional bonding between Sunset and the new family so those beats needed to be replaced. The mother gets near nothing to connect her to Sunset emotionally, the father gets the revelation that she's intelligent but the whole bit about him wanting to see her potential reached (like a father) got left out, and Twilight's confiding in Sunset about Cinch or general bonding got left out too. The other story got me to cry when they finally said they wanted to adopt her, this one made me unsure if there was enough emotional groundwork to justify an adoption at that point.
There's more about the CMC getting little to no coverage, and Scootaloo throwing the other girls under the bus (or needing to do that), about Flash's weird unexplained inclusion (at least as of this chapter), the lack of AJ, Rarity, and Pinkie. (In these anon-a-miss stories it rarely feels like a character is left out for a reason beyond the author not liking them or the author liking the ones included more. It's important to establish reasoning in some way which might be coming later still only on chapter 14.)
All in all it was a fun read. If this really was your first you should take a little pride in it, cause nearly all my criticisms involve changes made to distance yourself from the original, pacing/focus problems, and in general not writing enough support for story points later on, what I call groundwork.
The first is a problem of picking up a dead story which just requires you to get better at recognizing tropes and the reasoning behind the inclusion of parts you want to change so you can still cover them in your changes.
The later two are problems nearly every first time writer has when going from someone with so many ideas they just have to start writing, to someone actually trying to articulate their thoughts on paper concisely in writing. Putting ideas to paper is a far more clunky process than thinking up those ideas as a first time writer.
This first sentence,skew no sense.
easier*
Hopefully she'll get a new one in the future.
Seems like things are starting to look better for sunset(congrats btw), also in the last sentence it's supposed to be need not ned.
You'll get used to it with time twilight.