• Member Since 30th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

TheZero759


I'm just a novice writer trying to improve his craft. If you like what I do, I appreciate it. Constructive criticism is always welcome here, as I can always make room from improvment.

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Source

WARNING: This story is self edited/proof read. And it's my first attempt at a story like this. Mistakes are bound to be inside, and it might be super duper bad. Just a fair warning.
Also, will be updated every Saturday or Sunday.


A regular day in Ponyville for dear Princess Twilight Sparkle is suddenly turned upside-down when Fluttershy finds a mysterious and hurt creature in the Everfree Forest. Said creature is something completely foreign to everypony who sees it.

Things only get stranger when they find out that this creature is able to talk. And it only gets worse when the creature asks one simple question: "Who am I?"

Twilight Sparkle and her gang of friends decide to try and help this mystery creature find its memories and possibly a way for it to get home, all while helping it adapt to life in Equestria in the meantime. However, not all things are what they seemed to be at first, and maybe some blanks are better left unfilled...


Hi, the author here. Just here to talk a little bit of what this story will be. That's because the original intent was to go in a COMPLETELY different direction then any Human in Equestria fic I had read...but then I realized that the ideas I had were VERY stupid, so I've decided to shelf those for future materiel...well, except for the amnesia thing. That was kind of the whole driving force for the whole thing, so that kind of has to stay. I also wanted to practice writing for a slice of life/character driven story. I've only ever written adventure/action/fighting stories before, so this is something I'm new to.

This will be the first in a series of three stories. The first is what you're looking at now, and is mostly just an over bloated prologue to the third story. The second will be a collection of journal entries written by one of the characters. The third will be where the actual "romantic" elements will come into play. Tag is in this story due to some not so stubble hints to a possible romantic interest at some points.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 23 )

i got to say man i like this so far. its been a while since i have even seen an HiE /w amnesia story let alone one that promises to actually have the amnesia in it (instead of the MC only pretending to have amnesia), so i am excited for this. i got to say that the transactions between slice of life to action for this chapter felt great, and best of all your pacing didn't drag or felt rushed.
good for you man
*insert achievement music of choice here*
+1 fave and like :pinkiehappy:

i am interested to see where you go with this story, see you next chapter:twilightsmile:

Comment posted by TheZero759 deleted Last Tuesday

8869181
Awesome! I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far! Hope you end up liking the rest! Next chapter will be up on Saturday!

Im likeing this i feel inspired for some reason, am i a sim now? Idk but keep up the good work i didnt see any mistakes i cant wait for saterday now

8869783
Glad you're enjoying it!
I'm fairly certain I didn't make any major grammar or spelling mistakes. But I've always been a little self conscious about how I write, so I figured it'd be safe to leave a warning.

If Twilight had to guess, she'd likely be on eye level with its chest if the creature were to stand up, more or less anyway

I forgot that she is an alicorn for a moment, but sometimes I think that for her that is still to big, I mean that Twilight would be to big.
Since I saw one of those drawn giant ponies, with ther giant baloon heads and being roughly as big as you described it, I didn't exactly liked it and thought it was a bit ugly in some of the chases, but I try to just make it more....beautifull in my head here.

Also, why did I specifically mention the creature's height, using Twilight as a point of reference? Basically just to give you, the audience, a feel for how everything scales in this story. I've read a few of these stories that made it a bit unclear just how tall/short the human was compared to the ponies. And I just wanted to establish that.

Well thank you for that, but I explained why that maybe still appears slightly odd for me. I didn't wanted to think about it like that, but i got that ugly picture from a few years before in my head now, but to be honest that was just a picture that was made with a certain computer program I believe.

8869877
Oh my. I don't exactly know how to react to this, but...sorry? I don't know how to react to this comment. But I appreciate you voicing your concerns.

8869888
oh sorry no, that aren't exactly concerns, just a random fact you could say and that I got an weird picture in my head from the characters now. So far I can't say anything bad or good about it, mostly because it is the first chapter and I can't tell where this is going.

I just hope either he has a secret suprising talent that even suprise the ponies, or they don't go on adventures (at least not to many), where the only thing he can do is to go hiding. If you have to do it, then maybe let him take fighting lessions and him being a fast learner or something like that.
I just don't like it if the humans are only hiding and have hardly anything else to offer. That and I hope he isn't one of those characters that are like "oh totally f***** ***** fag*****", I need a break from the swearing drug addict or whatever character type that is. Something always botheres me about seeing them in a romance story, maybe it always looks like they try to hard or that they are to casual about some stuff, taking nothing seriously?

Well yep otherwise I'm happy to have found this and I hope you can write a cute Twilight. I like it if she can be a insecure and maybe even clumsy little bookworm in her relationships without needing to be tsundere. I liked a certain stories where "long story short" everything that looked more like Celestia counted as sexy and everything that looked more like Twilight or Luna counted as more .....unappealing, because of Nightmare Moon.
In a chapter Rarity told the human how much it would mean for Twilight to actually hear that someone thinks of her as cute because she would probably be one of the persons that think they need to do everything their partner wants because they would not like them otherwise since the "have nothing else to offer".

8869920
Ah, you don't have to worry about the human going/hiding on to many adventures...not to give to much away, but he's gonna be a little jumpy when he wakes up, but it won't be his whole character.

I think I did a decent job with Twilight. I know I got the paranoid part right. Cute? Maybe more in the sequel. That's where the actual romantic part starts. This story is mostly just buildup to that, as it addresses a few things I don't see a lot of HiE fics cover. Like how the human gets there. Or why they can't go back.

But I've already. I gotta leave you all SOMETHING to read, otherwise what's the point of all this?

8869967
That sounds really promising so far.

Ooh, this is new! Don't think I've seen one like this yet. Usually it starts out with, 'Oh, hey, I'm in Equestria, that's weird, oh hi Twilight, would you mind helping me get back home?' And going from the human's point of view, but instead you went with, 'Wow, what kind of creature is this, where did it come from, what can it do?' And went from the pony point of view. Nice change of pace.

So... Will there be some Lyra action around this? She's bound to do SOMETHING in this story. Especially considering it has 'Slice of Life' in the tags.

8871210
You know, I didn't plan anything out when I was writing it, but I am still working on the epilogue chapters. So maybe we'll see her then.

8871321
Working on the end already? I assume there's gonna be a lot inbetween now and then, right?

8871631
I've already written the whole story, been working on it for a couple of months. I wanted to wait until I had the chapters written out before I started uploading so I could have a consistent schedule. There are 20 Chapters total.

Don't worry if that seems short. There's going to be a sequel. And a spin off or two. Working on one of those as I type this!

8871655
...Okay, you have an amazing amount of patience. How did you manage to hold yourself back from putting the chapters out when you wrote them down? Also, any tips for writing while your at it? (Passive question, doesn't need a deep philosophical answer)

Hard to see wonder what the sequel and spinoffs might be when it's the first chapter... I'll wait to draw conclusions till chapter 3 at least.

8871821
Tips for writing? Well, I've always been the kind of author who starts off with a few general events that I want to happen. When I first start coming up with the story, I tell myself that X, Y, and Z are going to happen in that order. From there, I start to ask myself things like "what events led up to X?" or "what happened between X and Y?"

Stuff like that basically. Just play around with your ideas, over think them. Your first ideas are very rarely your best ideas. Trust me, the first draft of this story went in a WAY different direction then the final draft (mostly towards the end). Don't be afraid to go back and change things if need be.

8871842
I... Haven't thought of that before. Mostly I just plunge right in to writing action happening, and not caring about the 'Who what where when how' and 'why'. First fic I tried is still under development(Due to me posting the first three chapters without actually thinking the whole story through... Idiot me, I know), and I have an idea for another one. Maybe your 'XYZ' method could be of some use...

*Raised eyebrow* What was the first draft of this story like, anyway? Or is that leaning to far into 'SPOILERS!!!' territory?

8872689
And that's the biggest problem. Always ask "Who, What, Where, When, Why?" when writing for anything. They are the most fundamental questions you should be asking yourself. I also recommend playing out scenarios in your head for awhile before writing them down.

I can explain briefly without diving to deeply into spoilers:
--The Original was several chapters shorter.
--The Original got needlessly dark towards the end (I can explain why when this story ends).
--The Original had less characterization for the Human.
--The Original had less of a mystery to it.
--The Original sucked.

8873279
I can't ever seem to nail down the scenarios in my head... All I have are loose ideas floating in my coconut, none of them piecing together solidly. I try to visualize it sometimes, but it just doesn't work. Any tips on that front?

Oh, those are all good reasons to throw out the original model. Now we've got one that actually does the job well. Hope the rest of the chapter are up to your satisfaction. Wait, of course they are, you already wrote them. Silly me.

8873315
Well I hope it's good. As soon as the author publishes something, it's up to each individual reader to decide if it's good or not.

8873344
So far, I'd say I'm leaning more towards 'good'. 😀

The castle once again echoes with the sounds of the unknown creature screaming its head off.

nice chapter and i know he just woke up, but it is alway strange that they scream at spike or well...everything the way they do.

8878265
My reasoning was that he'd never seen anything like them before, and he'd be a little jumpy after being almost killed by wolves.
Probably not my best idea in hindsight, but it doesn't last long. The whole screaming thing doesn't happen again, at least.

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