Comments ( 28 )

very well written, I'd very much recommend continuing it :)

To every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.

This story is exceptionally thoughtful, and it opens several doors. I hope you find at least one of them worth trying.

I can't help but think it irresponsible for her to exempt the bearers of the Elements from all laws. The purpose of setting up a government is defeated if a few select citizens are given free reign, and I got the impression that Celestia didn't like that same fact about her own reign--about her being absolutely above the law. It's like she's trying to put a new version of herself in power after she disappears, if not cause another war to occur.


Hm, I guess she really is pronouncing a successor. Shoot. Something like a traveling oligarchy that balances against the bureacracy and keeps the government in hand, giving out reforms like candy and tuning the system to what's necessary. Maybe Luna could be their handler, but she does become extremely bitter once Celestia vanishes and she regains her memories. EDIT: fixed.

In any case, they're given special dispensation dependent on their status as an Equestrian Agent. They pretty much were before, almost owned by the Princess, and their special treatment doled out due to her best judgement. I imagine the group balances each other out and acts as a whole according to their best judgement. They must make do. Certainly better than the US government.

(They aren't really citizens anymore, more like government operatives or high military)

She is really counting on their ability to act according to their best judgement. However, like history has demonstrated, benevolent autocracies (or oligarchies, in this case) would be the best form of government if not for their mortality.

If it truly is irresponsible, well, she is headstrong, and rather distraught at the moment, so who can blame her? :trollestia: It might even become the major conflict.


Perhaps. It depends if I can work out a continuation that I actually like. The governmental system and laws as they are laid out and changed by the mane six may be interesting to a political theorist, but not very riveting for a story.

If you do a continuation, you could skim over how all their families grow/prosper/die out :v maybe throw in some tragic romances in there, going into how some of the mane 6/Luna deal with the change and loss v:

Now this is what I call a interesting read.

Please continue this.


Nope, sorry.

It was getting kind of dark n edgy; this will stay a oneshot. I can't write for this setting anymore. :>


I was really looking forward to seeing more of this.

It's too bad that you don't want to continue this. It's a nice setup.


I'm reconsidering this, however...

If I just replan what was going to happen, it might be appealing enough to continue, and I've been thinking about this fic for a while now.

I'm just going to note that I really liked this, so am hoping you write more in this verse sometime.. of course, i haven't looked at your other stories yet, so if you already have I'm going to feel very silly.

This was a highly moving piece of work though, so thank you for sharing it.

Beautiful story. Can't wait for your next one.

Interesting premise. I like how you placed Luna and Celestia as bystanders, even diplomats-for-hire. I liked it! Have a fave and like!

It's been said above, but this story needs continuation. Perhaps a "Great Experiment" sort of thing. Snippets of where this goes, from the initial chaos at the very beginning to the various changes the Mane 6 might make, to Slice of Life stuff for the immortal Mane 6 might go through.

If a more conventional arc presents itself to you, all the better, but I want to see the consequences of Celestia's actions, as well as her eventual return....:trollestia:

Comment posted by blank check deleted Sep 6th, 2014


True, but I think this is more of a vignette than a narrative.

That was so cool! Such an awesome and epic story!


Glad you liked it!


What kind of cancer? Please be more specific.

5382324 The best kind of cancer, breast!

Well this was interesting. Any chance of a sequel?


No, I'm fairly uninterested in writing pony right now, though I still read it fairly often. I am trying to write one or two things, though, which you might see in future if you frequent /r/rational.

Thank you for reading.

On the one hand, commenting now, I find this story really edgy. Like, edgy to the point that a serious reply would come in the form of some kind of Legend of Zelda postscript where Link decides that destined heroes are just that evil and sets out trying to exterminate all his, Zelda's, and Ganondorf's relatives. Well, I guess that's called The Wind Waker in a way, but not quite.

On the other hand, you wrote it back in 2012, possibly even before Chrysalis was a thing. Nowadays the writers regularly invoke threats that just can't be Rainbow Lasered into oblivion and have made Equestria a more proper Land of Adventure by having it contain any number of "random encounters", "boss battles", and even historical-level threats. I mean, nowadays Trixie plus an amulet is actually considered enough to take over Ponyville, and the conflict with Starlight Glimmer could only be resolved by actually talking to her like a person.

Back then, the argument stood to be made that MLP went too deep into grimbright territory.

So it's kinda weird to read a story deconstructing bad MLP worldbuilding long after they've retconned it.

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